CHAPTER THIRTEEN | Penn
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Penn
“Where the hell are you going?” Cat chases me out of the restaurant where she just made one hell of a scene and because I have the worst luck in the world, of course London was there to witness the whole thing.
As if this day hasn’t kicked me enough, might as well land another blow straight to my chest.
“Leaving.” I continue up the sidewalk, not able to get away from this situation fast enough.
“You’re going to leave? Just like that?” She grabs my arm and while I could easily keep walking, I come to an abrupt stop, turning to face her. “What about what you said?” Unshed tears fill her eyes and guilt slams into my gut.
Cat may be a terror, but even I can admit she doesn’t deserve this. Which is exactly why this has to end. I can’t keep pretending.
“I was drunk.” Apology dances through my words.
“So you didn’t mean it.” She swipes at a tear that sneaks past her lashes.
“You have been here for me in a time when I really needed it and, for that, I will forever be grateful to you. But my heart simply isn’t in this, and I can’t keep letting you believe that it is.”
“It’s because of her, isn’t it?”
“Her?”
“Oh, don’t play stupid with me, Penn. We both know who I’m talking about. You’ve been different ever since she came back to town.”
“This has nothing to do with London. She made her choice seven years ago. This has to do with me and you. I’m not in love with you, Cat. Most days, I’m not even sure I like you. And in truth, I’m not sure you like me either. Physically, we’re great together, but everything else...” I trail off.
“You still love her?”
“I already told you this isn’t about London.”
“You can try and make yourself believe that lie, but I’m not so easily fooled. I see the way you look at her. Like your world begins and ends with her. Like you can’t breathe when she walks into a room. You still love her.”
“What London and I had has been over for a very long time.”
“Then why end this now? I can forget about last night. I can pretend like you never said it if that’s what you want.”
“This isn’t just about last night.”
“I don’t want this to be over.” Her chin quivers and for the first time in all the years I’ve known Cat, I think her emotion might actually be genuine.
“This isn’t fair to you.”
“You didn’t care about what was fair for me a week ago or a month ago. Why does it matter so much now?”
“Because you said you love me, and the difference between us is that I think you actually meant it.”
“I didn’t.” She shakes her head, her long hair swaying as she does. “I only said it because you did.”
“We both know that’s not true.”
“So what if I meant it? I never asked you to love me. I don’t need you to love me. I just need you.”
“And that right there is the very reason this can’t go on. You deserve better than what I can give you.”
“Please, Penn.”
“I’m sorry, Cat. I wish you all the best, truly. But this is over.” I turn and start back up the sidewalk.
“You’ll regret this,” she calls after me. “When you realize you mean nothing to her, you’ll regret letting me go. She’ll never love you the way I love you.”
I don’t turn around. I don’t respond. I just keep walking.
I know Cat. If I let her, she’ll keep me here all night trying to reason with me, trying to sway me to her side. But if one thing became clear this morning, it’s that our relationship—for lack of a better word—had run its course.
I was never going to be able to give her what she wanted. Hell, the only reason I even started sleeping with her was because of London, because I wanted to hurt her even all these years later. If that doesn’t say I’m still not over her, I don’t know what does.
The only question now is what the hell do I plan to do about it.
One thing I know for sure is that seeing Travis kiss her was like taking a sledgehammer to the chest. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to pull him off of her and beat his face unrecognizable, but somehow, by the grace of God, I refrained.
Seeing them together didn’t just hurt; it also made one thing painfully obvious. I am most definitely not over London Voss, and in truth, I’m not sure I ever will be...
“RUMOR HAS IT THINGS got rather interesting at Paulie’s last night.” Alec flops down in the chair opposite my desk, stretching his long legs out in front of himself.
“That didn’t take long.” I blow out a hard breath, closing the ledger in front of me, and I slouch back in my seat.
“So you ended things with Cat?”
“I did.”
“And you decided to do so in a public place why?” An amused smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.
“Seemed like a good idea at the time. Clearly, I miscalculated how little she would care that we had an audience.”
“I take it, it didn’t go well.”
“If you’ve already heard about it, I think that question is unnecessary.”
“I tried to warn you about that one, brother.”
“I knew what I was getting myself into. I just underestimated—”
“How obsessed with you she is? Hate to tell you, Penn, but that much was pretty obvious well before you stuck your—”
“Enough.” I cut him off before he can finish that sentence.
“Seriously, though, Cat Stewart has been pining after you since junior high. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. It was bound to end badly unless you stuck a ring on her finger.”
The thought has me choking back a laugh, not of humor, per se, only that me and Cat Stewart getting married is about as laughable a scenario as I could possibly imagine.
“Did you need something? I mean, other than to rub my nose in my own shit,” I say, ready to be done with this conversation.
“I was a little surprised to see Trav here this morning.” He does a complete one-eighty.
“Why?”
“Sometimes I think you forget how small this town is and just how much the people who inhabit it like to gossip. Rumor has it that the two were seen having coffee together last week. And then let’s not forget that he was also seen swallowing her face yesterday.”
“Who told you that?”
“Charlie saw them. Said you saw them too. Which brings me back to my original statement. I’m surprised to see Travis here today. Hell, I’m surprised to see him alive if you saw him kiss London.”
“Not my place. Though I did reiterate our no fraternization policy. He won’t be kissing her again anytime soon. That is, if he values his job.”
“Since when do we have a no fraternization policy?” He arches a brow.
“Since yesterday.”
Alec’s laughter fills the room seconds later.
“And what happens when Janet comes back and London is no longer an employee?”
“That’s a problem for another day.”
“You know, you could just tell her that you’re still in love with her.”
“Don’t you have work to do?” I say instead of letting him bait me.
“For what it’s worth, I think she still loves you too,” he says as he stands. “Maybe if you stopped treating her like public enemy number one, you’d see that too.”
“Alec,” I warn, not willing to get into this with him right now.
“All right. All right.” He holds his hands up. “I won’t say any more. Just do me a favor and try to get out of your own way, yeah?”
Without another word, he quickly exits the office.
I flip open my laptop and pull up my email, needing to finish sorting through the quotes for the parts to fix the two remaining ships that are still in need of repairs from the storm a few weeks ago.
When I hear the door creak open a second time, I let out a low groan.
“Alec, I swear if you say one more word...” My words die on my tongue when I look up and see London enter the office.
It’s the first time I’ve seen her today, despite the fact that she’s been here since six this morning. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was avoiding me. Then again, who could blame her if she were?
Even I can admit that I’ve been awful to her since she came back.
I don’t know why. I don’t know why I look at her and feel this uncontrollable rage build up inside of me.
An anger that if I don’t release, I’m fairly certain will consume me.
Only when I look at her today, I don’t feel anger. I feel sadness.
That this is what we’ve been reduced to. Strangers. Enemies. Barely able to exist in the same room as each other. I know that’s more my doing than hers, but it still doesn’t make it any easier of a pill to swallow.
“Sorry, I thought you were my brother,” I say, watching her make her way to her desk.
Today, she’s dressed in faded jeans and a navy tank, her long hair tied up into a messy bun, little pieces falling around her face, which is flushed from the afternoon heat.
I’m not sure she’s ever looked more beautiful.
Then again, I’m pretty sure I think that every single time I see her.
“Everything good down there?” I gesture toward the window that overlooks the docks.
“All good.” She nods, being understandably short with me. Anytime she tries to extend an olive branch, I snap the damn thing in half.
“About yesterday.” I start, stopping to clear my throat.
“If you’re going to start being nice to me now that you know the truth about why I came back, don’t. I don’t need another person feeling sorry for me.”
“Good. Because I don’t feel sorry for you.” I huff. “I am, however, sorry.” I try to keep the edge from my voice. “I know how much dance meant to you.”
More than I meant to you, I think but don’t say.
But no matter how bitter I feel about her leaving, I can’t imagine what losing dance has done to her. I don’t know who London is if she’s not twirling around on a stage. I doubt she has any idea who she is now either. And I certainly have not made the transition home on her any easier...
She scribbles something into the ledger in front of her, not bothering to look over at me.
“Thanks,” she finally says after a few long seconds.
“Can we start over?” I blurt, not even sure where the damn words came from.
This has her head lifting and her eyes finding mine. She’s surprised, that much is obvious, but she’s also suspicious, which again, is fair.
“Start over?” Her expression turns to confusion.
“We were friends once, were we not? Maybe we could try that again?”
“You want to be my friend?” Her brow furrows.
“I don’t want to be your enemy.”
“You never were,” she says almost too quietly for me to catch it.
“Look, you’re here. And I’m here. And what happened in the past happened and there’s no changing it. But that doesn’t mean we have to make each other’s lives miserable. Surely, we can find a way to be cordial to one another.”
She thinks on that for a long moment.
“I’d like that.” I can literally see her shoulders sag in relief, almost as if she’s spent the last few weeks holding her breath.
Guilt slams into me like a freight train.
“Good.” I close my laptop and stand. “Now, if you’ve got a second, I need you to come with me.”
“Where are we going?” She doesn’t move from her seat.
“To see your dad. He’s doing some work on a couple of the boats and I need to nail down the exact estimates. Since you’re doing the books right now, I think it would be beneficial for you to tag along.”
“Okay.” She hesitates before standing, then grabs two ledgers off her desk and clutches them to her chest. “Lead the way.”