24. Rajesh
RAJESH
Rajesh’s head hit the back of his couch once again, a glass of whiskey in hand. Tanmay continued to stand at the table, bent over and rubbing his head. They had been at the maps for hours, assessing safer routes and ways to get around Kithium.
Rajesh didn’t know Kithium. He knew Nihikia and what the kingdom would do. Kithium, however, scared him—no more than the monsters, and not enough to make him second-guess his course.
“What if we head further west?” Tanmay suggested. “Around the Whispering Mountains and hit them from behind?”
“Can’t do,” Rajesh said, twisting the glass. “There aren’t any sands to sail there, and it borders Jhuna Rin.”
“Oh, right,” Tanmay said. “What about the eastern route?”
“Too wet,” Rajesh said. “The twisted peaks are only through the city. I doubt the Kithium kingdom would let us stroll right through without a permit.”
“Then how do we get there?” Tanmay asked, voice sharp. “How do we get to the peaks and the tree without our ship? You can’t possibly think about going on foot?”
“I can. I do.” Rajesh glanced over his shoulder as Tanmay stilled. He could sense his second mate’s tension from the table as he stared, wide-eyed, back at him.
“Tell me you had a plan before you agreed to help her,” Tanmay murmured. “I can’t be standing by your side trying to calm the crew if you barely know what is happening.”
Rajesh frowned. “I never pictured you as someone to calm another down, May.”
Tanmay straightened, tugging at the white shirt that was too loose for his tall, skinny frame.
Yet, he wore it, anyway, because it had the band of the second mate embroidered on the sleeve in two intricate golden circles.
“I may not have the guts to stand up to you, but I have defended you, Captain. To the edge of my breath.”
Rajesh sighed. He was lashing out at the younger man for no reason other than his own selfish reasons. Hurt people hurt people. His mother had spoken that expression to him all his childhood, and right now, he couldn’t agree more with it.
“Sit down,” Rajesh said, patting the cushion beside him.
Tanmay hesitated.
“Sit,” Rajesh urged. “That’s an order.”
Tanmay grumbled but slumped into the seat next to him. He stared at the empty fireplace, a tiny dent between his brows.
“Do you know why I picked you?” Rajesh asked, trying to defuse the tension.
Tanmay finally set his calm brown eyes on Rajesh. “Yes. You tell me all the time.”
“Then remind me.”
“Because I was the one you saw potential in. I’m the calm one. The one who can talk to the crew even though it scares the living shit out of me.”
Rajesh chuckled. “And because I knew you had my back. You believe in me, May. You may be young, but age doesn’t stop anyone from accomplishing great things. The oldest people I know have made the silliest decisions, and sometimes the youngest are the wisest.”
Tanmay sighed. “Your point, Captain?”
“Stop doubting yourself,” Rajesh said. “Stop doubting me.”
Tanmay sat upright. “Are you not concerned, Captain? Of when she could attack and kill you? How do you think it makes the crew feel, knowing she is below and could strike at any moment?”
Rajesh sipped his whiskey, grateful for the burn. “She hasn’t. She won’t.”
“How can you be so sure? Look what happened yesterday.”
Rajesh held Tanmay’s gaze when he spoke next, “Because she hasn’t. Not yet. Because even Flames can learn to forgive and forget, and sometimes, love does conquer all.”
Tanmay shook his head. “No, Captain. I… I hate to be dismissive, but it is foolish to believe that. She will strike. It is written in the stars. Of the Flames and their tormented tales.”
“Tales can be rewritten, and some tales aren’t even written.”
“I would be remiss not to argue the point,” Tanmay said. “You have a dedicated crew willing to rid the world of the monsters. Monsters she brought into this world.”
Rajesh flinched.
“She is the reason we have to put our lives on the line,” Tanmay argued. “And you will end up being her next kill.”
Rajesh heaved a sigh. “What do you suggest I do?”
“Kill her,” Tanmay said. Desperation swirled in his brown depths. “Kill her and rid the world of this nonsense. Kill her and the Scorpion gets his revenge, and the Viperess returns to the Netherworld, never to be seen again.”
“Killing her doesn’t stop the monsters from spawning, May.”
“Killing her unleashes the Scorpion from this terrible ordeal and endless worry,” Tanmay argued. “It means we don’t have to sit here, waiting and watching her. Always on our toes. Always worried she will attack and kill you.”
Rajesh’s lip twitched. “Worried she’ll kill me?”
“She will,” Tanmay protested. “And when she does, she wins.”
Rajesh’s blood froze. He caused the monsters, and the Viperess had been painted the villain.
Everyone believed her to be the one responsible when the Scorpion really was.
His Flame was the reason for the monsters.
The Viperess merely wanted to kill the Scorpion for casting her out into the Netherworld, out of jealousy or spite, whatever the fuck it was.
It wasn’t to cast the monsters into the world. Or was it?
Or, what if there was another reason altogether? Something the two of them hadn’t resolved. What if she wasn’t thrown into the Netherworld for the simple reason of being caught cheating? What if the Scorpion was hiding something too?
Stop questioning.
Why? Worried I’ve crossed the line?
No. Because I know you. Your conscience will win out. You will tell him you’re the reason for the monsters, and then suddenly, you’ll be an outcast.
What if I did…?
I would have to kill someone you hold very dear.
Rajesh gripped the cup. You wouldn’t touch him.
Don’t make me, the Scorpion warned and flicked the tip of his tail.
I have protected this line for as long as I can.
Only your family is aware of the curse, and it has been a hard secret to keep.
But one I will keep until the day I die.
If you tell anyone, they will come for you. Cage you. Torture you.
What if it’s what I deserve? I have already killed so many people because of you.
You know the danger. You’re not just letting yourself fall, but your family too.
Rajesh’s hand tightened around the cup. Shut up. Leave me alone.
How can I…? I am you, the Scorpion hissed.
You know, I’ve never said it, but I hope you end up in the Netherworld someday.
Maybe one day you will get your wish.
“What does he say?” Tanmay said, pulling Rajesh back to the present. “Does he want her dead too?”
“Of course he does,” Rajesh said.
“Why hasn’t he given us all the pleasure and killed her yet?”
“Trust me, I’ve been asking him that too.”
“You can’t do it. I admit, for a moment, I thought you could,” Tanmay said, tone low. He averted his gaze, fingers twiddling in his lap. “But sir, you wouldn’t be able to kill Leela.”
Rajesh’s gaze lifted slowly to his face. “How do you know?”
Tanmay tore his gaze back to Rajesh’s. “Because you love her. She is the thing you think about all the time when your eyes are distant. I always thought it was when the Scorpion was talking, but I see you. I watch you when you are with her.”
The muscles in Rajesh’s cheeks clenched. “I’ve known her my entire life. Just because she has the Viperess in her, I’m expected to kill her?”
He lowered his voice. “Yes. If it means she doesn’t kill you first.”
“What if there were another way? A way where we all win?” Rajesh gritted out.
“At what cost? Going to the Whispering Mountains? Hoping to find the wish-fulfilling tree? Are you not worried about what you will lose along the way?” Tanmay asked, arms flailing.
“Why worry when I’ve already lost so much?” Rajesh said, exasperated. “Why can’t I at least give this a try…?”
Tanmay bit his lip. “Don’t get me wrong, Captain. I fully wish this were cast upon someone else. But we’re heading into Kithium territory, into more monsters, and into unknown territories. All for you to save someone your Flame wants dead. Would it not be easier to give in?”
Rajesh stood, fists at his side. He glared at Tanmay. He had watched the young man grow into a fine young gentleman with a backbone. Tanmay had been by his side through thick and thin, and now here he was, sitting and doubting Rajesh.
No. Rajesh couldn’t stand it.
Even if he was, possibly, right.
Rajesh took a steady breath. “When you have loved someone and had to lose them, then come to me and say that to my face. But not until then. Not until you have lost your village to this Flame. Not until you have had to give up the one thing you want to this Flame. Not when the monsters aren’t just around you, but in your head too. Screaming at you to obey.”
Tanmay gulped.
Rajesh didn’t care if he made him nervous. “When you have to do that, then come to me. But for now, I am the captain of this ship. I say we sail north. We sail north. I say we take on the monsters until we find this fucking tree. We do it. End of discussion.”
“I… I… I am sorry, Captain, I didn’t mean to offend you,” Tanmay stammered. “I was merely stating.”
“And now you’re done.” Rajesh pointed to the door. “Go and tell the crew we will stop at the next town and stock up on supplies. No matter where we go, I am the captain, and I say we go north.”
Tanmay quickly scurried out of the room, shutting the door with a bang.
Fury writhed like hungry flames through Rajesh.
Before he could control it, the sandstorm had sucked him in.
Howling winds flew around him like fingers tearing his soul apart, molding the pieces into the tiny, spindly furybeasts.
He screamed as several of the monsters burst from him, spinning into the small creatures and, without another thought, scurried off somewhere into the world.
Rajesh slammed back into his body.
When he woke, he was on the ground, staring up at the ceiling.
A tear slid down his cheek as he realized what he had done. All the anger had been too much to handle and finally broke through. All the emotions he had bottled down. All the anger he had suppressed had torn at him without warning.
Like it often did.
Rajesh screamed into his hands once more.
It wasn’t fair. Any of it. His curse was borne of the vengeful hands of a Flame. And because of that, he couldn’t ever have the one person he wanted in this world. He had to suppress his emotions so the monsters didn’t come out of the sandstorm.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fucking fair.
None of it.
Yet, he had to keep going. Had to keep putting on a smile so his crew didn’t doubt him. So he could finally get to the wish-fulfilling tree and be rid of this curse.
What if it doesn’t work…? What if the splendid days are gone and this is it…?
You beg for relief and yet wallow in self-pity.
I’m tired… I’m sick of it. All of it. No one ever tells you how you can get sick of yourself. No one knows about my issue, and how can they? How can they know about this curse? You said it yourself. I live in the shadow of my doubts, and you are all I have.
I am you, after all.
I hate you. I hate myself more.
No. You hate the circumstances.
Rajesh shut the Scorpion out as though he were slamming a door in the Flame’s face. He was tired of the Scorpion playing the waiting game. He was tired of the Scorpion not giving him definitive answers.
Rushing to his feet, he grabbed a katar on the way out of his quarters and stormed across the deck, down into the hallways below, until he found Leela’s room.
When he was about to knock, he finally came to his senses. What did he wish to hear on the other side of that door…? More twisted answers? More reasons for the curse to push them further apart?
Careful.
No. No, I’m done being careful.
Rajesh stormed into the room without knocking and slammed the door shut behind him.