Chapter 21 Bella
BELLA
Bella had dinner ready to serve, fried rice and kung pao chicken with a side of garlic broccoli, all homemade and some of Luke’s favorites, when the text came.
He wasn’t coming home for dinner. Bella tried to ignore the way her heart clenched.
Luke often had to work through dinner, though it had happened less and less recently, and usually she had some warning.
It was fine. It didn’t matter.
She couldn’t forget how Luke’s eyes had widened with fear at the OB appointment, though.
He’d said it was fine, but she was sure something was wrong.
Not with the baby or her — he would have said if that was it.
But something was wrong with him. Maybe he missed Jenna.
Maybe this all felt like too much, too fast. Maybe he didn’t feel prepared to be a father.
But whatever it was, Bella hoped he could come home so they could talk things through together.
But Luke didn’t come home. Bella ate dinner alone, spent a little while catching up on emails and chatting with Stacy, then went to bed.
As she read and tried to fall asleep, she listened for the sound of Luke opening the front door and coming upstairs to say goodnight, but it never happened.
Eventually, she fell asleep. It was the first time in weeks, months maybe, that she’d fallen asleep without Luke coming to check on her first.
The next morning, Bella woke at her usual time and went through her slow morning routine — slow because she was very, very pregnant. As she brushed her teeth, the baby kicked against her stomach and stretched, and Bella smiled.
“It’s getting tight in there, huh?” she asked. The baby kicked in response, and she smoothed her hand over her stomach. Their son was getting ready to come out. She was ready, too. She just hoped Luke would come around.
On the way downstairs, she saw that Luke’s door was open, and his bed was still empty and made.
He’d not come home. Heart heavy, she went to the kitchen — and there Luke was.
He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and he looked tired.
He already had a coffee in his hands, and he was leaning against the counter with a faraway look in his eyes.
Bella crossed to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“You’re home.”
He turned to her, his expression unreadable. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah. Did you?” Bella bit her lip. “You never came home. Was your shift that busy?”
“It was. How’s the baby? You aren’t having any pain, are you?”
Bella’s brow furrowed now. “No, I’m fine. Do you know something I don’t? Was there a problem on the scan?” Her heart began to race, but Luke shook his head.
“No, nothing like that. The baby’s fine.”
“Good.” She smiled as she went to make her tea. “You’ll be home today, right?”
“No, I have to go back in.” He drained his coffee mug and went to the sink to wash it. “I just wanted to come home and check on you.”
“I’m confused.” Bella poured hot water into her own mug, not looking back at Luke. “I thought that if you stay overnight, you get the next day off.”
“Work is busy!” Luke snapped. Bella flinched. She turned to him, her eyes narrowing and her hands going to her hips.
“Listen, you’ve been acting weird. Really weird. Disappearing to work, freaking out at the OB appointment, now not talking to me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Luke’s tone was abrupt. He started for the door, but Bella caught his arm.
“Hey. Talk to me. I know you might be scared or overwhelmed or something, but it’s okay. Whatever this is, we can figure it out together.”
“Do you want to know?” Luke turned back to her, his eyes flashing. “Do you really want to know?”
“I do,” Bella said softly, hoping her quiet and calm tone would help him feel calmer, too.
“It’s you,” Luke said. “It’s us. We’ve been blurring the lines a lot, and it needs to stop.
I’m ready to be a co-parent, but that’s it.
No more dinners out at fancy restaurants, or exploring the city, or sharing our thoughts and feelings.
I don’t want to be anything more than co-parents. Do you get that?”
Bella recoiled at the force in his tone and at his hurtful words, but she did her best to keep her face neutral.
“I never said I wanted to be anything more than co-parents,” she said quickly, ignoring the ache in her heart.
Even though she hadn’t said it, she’d daydreamed of being a real family.
She’d daydreamed of kissing Luke. Maybe she’d been too obvious about it and made him uncomfortable — but it had seemed like he wanted the same things, too.
When he’d invited her out to lunch the day before, she’d even thought he was going to talk about their future together.
But maybe he’d just wanted to say that they needed to keep more distance.
“Well, good.” Luke pulled his arm away from her hand. “Because that’s all we are. We’ll live together. We’ll raise our son together. But there can’t be anything more between us.”
“You said that.” Bella took a step backwards. “You’ve made yourself clear.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Something flickered behind Luke’s eyes before his expression grew steely again. “But this is the best thing for both of us. We need to focus on our son.”
“I…” Bella let out a breath. “I’m…”
“I have to go.” And with that, Luke brushed past her.
This time, Bella didn’t try to stop him.
A few moments later, she heard the front door slam closed and the sound of his car starting outside.
She stayed standing in the kitchen until she was sure he was gone, then she sank onto one of the stools.
Tears burned at her eyes, her chest was very tight, and her stomach ached.
Luke didn’t want a romantic relationship with her.
He’d been clear. Very clear. What she didn’t understand was everything that had come before this — all the moments that he’d held her arm while they’d walked, and joked with her about baby names, and hugged her close after she’d hung the pictures, and asked personal questions, and kissed her goodnight on the forehead, and talked about a future together.
None of those had been the actions of a platonic co-parent… had they?
Maybe Bella had completely misread the situation. Maybe Luke really didn’t think of her as a romantic partner. Maybe he’d just been being friendly. It had just been pregnancy hormones making her think there was more to this, to them.
Bella had been silly to think that there was something between them.
There never had been. She’d been on her own for years, and the moment someone was the slightest bit kind to her, she’d fallen head over heels.
She’d started to count on Luke, not just to help her with the baby, but to be there for her, to care about her.
And she’d been wrong. Luke didn’t care about her.
Bella forced herself to take a deep breath and wipe her tears away. She’d wanted to stay here because she’d thought it was best for the baby to have two parents, but she wasn’t so sure now. Was it really best for the baby to grow up living with two parents who didn’t feel anything for each other?
I have to get out of here.
That might help. For months, she’d been living in Luke’s home, eating his food, and growing closer to him. Standing on her own two feet again, at least for a little while, might help her see things more clearly.
Bella got up and went upstairs, slowly but surely.
There were boxes under her bed, the boxes she’d used when she’d moved in, but she didn’t reach for those.
She just grabbed her backpack and started loading it with clothes and toiletries.
Her stomach twinged a little as she bent and reached, but she ignored it. She needed to get out of here.
I’ll stay with Stacy. Bella dismissed the thought as soon as it came.
Stacy had been a great friend to her, but Bella needed to rely on herself right now.
Only herself. She’d seen what could happen if she tried to count on someone else.
No, she would go to a hotel, just for a night or two, until she could figure out where to go from here.
She packed her laptop and her book, then set the backpack on the bed. As she did, pain gripped her abdomen, reminding her of the time she’d ended up in Luke’s ER with Braxton-Hicks contractions. She’d had a few more practice contractions since then, but this was more intense.
Bella took a deep breath and sat on the edge of her bed. She got out her phone and started looking for hotels, wanting to have a place to go. There was one nearby for a reasonable price, so she started filling out her personal information to book.
Another wave of pain gripped her, and Bella put her phone down, her eyes scrunching closed at the pain.
Could this be labor? Olivia had said she could go into labor anytime, but this seemed to be happening fast. When she’d looked up what to expect, she’d seen that contractions usually started slowly and weren’t quite so painful at the beginning.
“It’s just Braxton-Hicks contractions again,” Bella said aloud. “Stay in there a little longer, baby. I just need to figure some stuff out before I meet you.” She didn’t want her son to come into a world where she was uncertain and scared.
The baby didn’t seem to be listening, though, because another contraction hit her, this one stronger than the last. Bella bent over, rubbing her stomach, trying to breathe like Luke had shown her.
Luke. Tears filled Bella’s eyes again. She’d imagined going into labor with him by her side, holding her hand, but maybe that was silly.
Maybe he wouldn’t even want to be there — he didn’t want to be more than a co-parent, right?
It wasn’t like he was going to feed her ice chips and stroke her back like a regular husband and father-to-be.
Bella stood. As she did, a rush of water cascaded between her legs, soaking the carpet. Bella’s first thought was that it was going to be annoying to clean, like the time she’d dropped a plate of spaghetti with red sauce on a white carpet as a child.
Her second thought was that this was her waters breaking. It was a clear sign that she was actually in labor, and that these were no longer Braxton-Hicks contractions. Panic gripped her, making her heart race and her hands tremble. She was having her baby today. Now.
It was time to put aside her fight with Luke. Whatever he wanted, or didn’t want, from her, he was a doctor, and he would know what to do. She sank back onto the bed, reached for her phone, and dialed his number. The phone rang before going to voicemail.
“Luke,” Bella managed, “I know we just fought, but I need you. The baby needs you. I’m in labor, I think. Can you come home?”
Then she set the phone down and took deep breaths.
Olivia had told her that she had hours from the first contraction, even days for some women, so there was time.
This felt big and scary, but it was natural, and it was going to be okay.
Luke would get her message and come home, and they would go to the hospital together.
Another contraction hit, bringing tears to Bella’s eyes.
Maybe if she could go downstairs, she could get her comb and her scented candles from her birth bag by the door.
That might help with the pain. She forced herself to her feet, but another contraction hit, and she bent over.
Picking up her phone, she tried to call Luke again, but there was no answer.
“Luke, please come home,” she repeated. “I think I need to go to the hospital. My waters broke.” Then she hung up.
“Okay. It’s okay. I can do this.” Bella took a deep breath and stood again.
Her phone in one hand, the other hand bracing herself against the wall, she waddled down the hallway, stopping once in the middle for a contraction.
When she reached the top of the stairs, she grabbed the railing and tried to lower one foot down, but a contraction hit.
She cried out in pain and dropped her phone, which fell, bouncing, down the stairs.
Bella sank to the floor at the top of the stairs. There was no way she could get down there and get her phone back.
Which meant there was no way she could call for help, either from Luke or from an ambulance.
Tears formed in her eyes as she rubbed her stomach.
“Come on, baby. It’s okay. We have time.”
But Bella wasn’t so sure about that anymore. Labor was very intense, more than she’d expected, and she felt incredibly alone. What if Luke didn’t get her message? What if he didn’t come?
What if she really had to do this all alone?
Taking slow breaths, she rocked back and forth, singing to herself quietly. All she needed to do was stay calm.
At that moment, she remembered Luke’s speech at the conference, about trusting others and working quickly on the most urgent things.
She would trust Luke. She had to. Even though he didn’t care about her as more than a co-parent, he would come and make sure she and the baby were safe.
And in the meantime, she would work quickly on the most urgent things.
So, carefully and steadily, Bella hauled herself to her feet and went into the bathroom to fill the bathtub with water and get some towels.
Then she lay down on her side on the hallway carpet by the bathroom, where there was space, and practiced her breathing exercises.
The bed might have been more comfortable, but she was in too much pain to get there.
Whatever came next, she would stay calm. She would try to be ready. And she would trust that Luke, no matter how upset he was, would come to her and help.