Chapter One #2
‘Yes, it is,’ Jane whispered back. She remembered all too well when he’d cornered and kissed her, when he’d insisted he would be back for her one day.
It was years ago, but looking at him now brought it all back.
It was sharp and unsettling, cutting off her breath.
Her body reacted before her mind knew it with a jolt of freezing anxiety; her stomach tightened.
She remembered the moment in that corridor—not just what had happened, but how powerless and shocked she’d felt.
‘I hadn’t heard he was back in New York,’ she managed to say.
‘Wasn’t he rather sweet on you when you were a girl? I thought I’d heard something like that.’
‘Certainly not. We were far too young.’ She felt that tightening again, that frozen feeling that had once held her in place, kept her from running.
‘Well, he sounds like a fine catch these days.’
Jane took a long sip of champagne. ‘Everyone seems to want to match me up today,’ she snapped.
‘I was just mentioning… I didn’t mean…’ Amy stammered, blushing.
‘I know you didn’t, Amy.’ Luckily, Amy was called away by another friend, and Jane wandered away, trying to lose herself in the crowd and hide by a window.
She wished she’d had a warning she would see Paul again; she wasn’t prepared for the past to come again into the present.
Seeing him made her feel as if she were hoisting up an invisible shield, always alert, always scanning the room, even when she wished she didn’t have to be.
The tension sat just under her skin, and she knew she had to disappear before he saw her.
Why, oh why, couldn’t it have been Benedict instead who’d appeared from the past?
‘Jane? Are you all right?’
Jane turned to see May standing there with little Eddie in her arms in all his lacy glory. A worried expression settled gently but unmistakably across May’s lovely face and her brows drew together in a soft, uneven furrow.
‘Oh, yes, perfectly,’ Jane said with forced cheer. She wouldn’t mar this day for anything. ‘I just needed a moment of quiet.’
‘I do understand. His little lordship here was getting fractious.’ She bounced him in her arms as she came to stand by the window with Jane.
‘Speaking of lordships—Amy was telling me that a duke was coming to Newport.’
‘Oh, yes, I’ve heard that too,’ May said.
She was sweet and always kind, but also always socially aware and fully informed.
And she would do anything for her husband and his family, a social Valkyrie storming the Mrs Astor’s gates.
‘The Duke of Trent. They talked of little else at the Opera Guild meeting last week.’
‘What did they say?’
May’s brows rose as she studied Jane. ‘Why, Jane—are you interested in the duke? If you are, we’ll get him for you.’
Jane felt her face turn hot and she turned away with a shaky laugh.
‘Of course not! I know very well that real-life dukes can’t possibly be like dukes in poems. Remember that earl who visited New York last year?
’ The earl had been talked about for weeks before he appeared, but then in life he was short and very rotund and very hairy, and refused to change his coat even for a ball. A grave disappointment.
‘Ugh, yes.’ May sighed. ‘Lord Merton was quite ridiculous! And the Livingstons are so proud to have him for a kinsman. But surely dukes are like all men: some hideous, some acceptable and one or two perfect? But if you’d like a duke, we can always go to Europe; you’d have your pick. Maybe even royalty—a prince!’
Jane laughed at how avidly May’s blue eyes shone at the thought of princes. ‘You sound like the one who wants a title, May.’
May laughed too, making Eddie chortle. ‘Well, who wouldn’t? You are certainly lovely enough to be an exemplary duchess, Jane; so kind and intelligent.’
‘And I’ve heard a title wouldn’t do Connor’s business any harm, either,’ Jane teased.
‘Probably not. People can be such snobs. But you know that your brother only wants to see you happy, with a good man who loves you as much as you deserve.’
‘I would only want to be as happy as you, but I’m not sure that’s possible.
’ Jane thought of the day last week she’d rushed into the music room to find Connor and May kissing.
It had been like catching a tender, secret blessing, a quiet spark of joy that had lit up an otherwise ordinary day.
A glimpse of a moment of pure connection, soft and genuine, shared between two people who cared so deeply.
Jane was sure she could never find such a thing for herself, so it would be better to stay a spinster.
‘I was very lucky to find Connor,’ May said with a secret little smile.
‘I fear there might be no man worthy of you in New York, Jane. American men of our class can often be so—so useless! Their wives are left in the shadows, and you need useful work, a purpose. I can see it; I was the same way. Maybe a European man with an estate to run, who needs help, needs a wife to be seen at a royal court…’
Jane laughed. She wasn’t sure she could ever leave her own work for England, not for a man. ‘I see where you are headed, May, but I’m not sure how it would work. And I am not completely naive about romance. I once had an—an indiscretion. Just a tiny one, when I was young.’
May’s eyes widened. ‘An indiscretion? Oh, my word. I am most intrigued.’
‘Oh, I was indeed very young! I met him in a bookstore.’ She thought again of that day with Benedict.
The memory of his handsome face was a bit worn at the edges, faded by time, but still full of colour and light if she looked closely enough.
She remembered the way he’d smiled, the warmth of his hand in hers.
It was so bittersweet. She carried it inside, a treasure and a loss.
‘Small as it was, I’ve never quite been able to forget him.
He was English too, but nothing like a duke. ’
She suddenly realised she didn’t know who Benedict was, or even his last name. He’d only been someone who’d understood, who’d really seen her.
‘He must have been very special to have caught your attention, then.’
‘May,’ Jane whispered, ‘how did you know that Connor was the one, the only one, for you? Was it as soon as you met him?’
May’s smile widened and she bounced the baby in her arms. ‘No, not at all. Well, maybe the very first time, when I saw him in a garden in Newport. But then, when we met again, he seemed so cold and distant. Until he let me see the real him. And that takes bravery, especially for a man like Connor.’ She leaned closer to Jane and whispered, ‘Why? Did you think this young man was the one?’
Jane shook her head. ‘We only knew each other for an afternoon, so how could I? He just… He was easy to talk to.’ Easy to kiss.
May studied the scene out of the window for a long moment.
‘You were so young, Jane dear, and I’m sure it was a difficult time then.
I’m so glad this young man was a bright spot for you.
But you must forget the past, look to the future!
It is so full of possibility, now that we are finding our way into society.
It was surely a youthful infatuation, like we all have. ’
‘Forget it?’ Jane murmured. She feared she couldn’t quite do that.
Benedict, that kiss… She’d held onto the memory for so long.
But she knew May was right. She was no longer that girl.
So much had changed since then. She’d seen things, heard things, dreamed things—dreamed she could make a difference in the world.
She’d still never met anyone else who’d made her feel that bright, happy tingle as he had.
But maybe it was now larger in her mind than it possibly could have been. He was more.
She studied May and the baby as Eddie reached for the ribbons on his mother’s dress and she cooed and laughed down at him. It made her smile tenderly, wistfully. She did love her family so much; maybe she owed them a good marriage, no matter her own fears. ‘Maybe we should meet the duke, then.’
May chortled. ‘I am so glad you say that! Because I have invited him to our housewarming ball in Newport, him and his aunt.’
‘You haven’t!’ Jane gasped. Those invitations had been carefully planned and written ages ago…and rewritten and re-planned until they were perfect! To change them for a new guest would have been a large matter. But a duke at the party meant everyone would come! They would clamour to be invited.
‘I must get ahead of the other hostesses. A duke will make everyone leap over themselves to accept my invitation.’
‘Has he accepted, then?’
‘Not yet.’ A shrewd expression flickered over May’s delicate face.
She was as ruthless a hostess as Connor was in business.
Together they were unstoppable. ‘But, once he hears of my beautiful sister-in-law, he certainly will. Not that you must marry a duke, not at all. You have lots of suitors if you’ll just look at them.
Thomas Schuykill has just returned from Italy, and he’s far less useless than his brothers!
And Mr Brosnahan over there, with a great new fortune to his name…
didn’t you and Connor know him years ago? ’
So she was going to run into Paul again, and would have to deflect, pretend that she was not scared. ‘Maybe. I should talk to them, you’re right, and the duke deserves a chance. Is Mr Brosnahan going to be at your party?’
‘He can be, I’m sure. I haven’t sent all the invitations yet.’ She bounced Eddie high, making the baby shriek in delight. ‘Dukes first!’