Chapter Six #4
‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘That is exactly right. You see it too.’
She stopped and faced him. His expression was open, steady. There was no judgement, just knowing. ‘Dukes aren’t the only ones expected to marry well and quickly,’ she said. ‘Ladies are too, especially when they are into their twenties, as I am.’
‘When we met at the bookshop, you said you had too much to do to spend time being married,’ he said.
‘You remember that?’
‘Of course. It’s an unusual attitude.’
‘Perhaps it is. Most ladies must marry, if they want their own homes, want to be respectable and accepted. Thanks to Connor, I don’t have to wed to be secure in material ways.
I can spend my time doing useful work, work I care about.
But I know my family wants to see me settled with my own proper household.
They think that will make me happy, as they are, and they only want me to be happy. They don’t see…’
Not being understood by the people she loved was hard. It was like shouting through glass: somehow it didn’t reach them.
But Benedict looked at her as if he knew exactly what she meant. ‘Do you think a marriage won’t make you happy?’
‘I am sure it could. But only with the right person. Like Connor and May. They always seem to know exactly what the other is thinking. I could never settle for anything less. And the work I do is truly important to me. Helping others can remind people of their worth when they’re at a low point, especially when they’ve forgotten it.
It can give hope. One moment of care can shift the course of someone’s life, if we’re lucky. ’
‘My grandmother started a school for the daughters of tenants and servants at Rollston,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘She is still spoken of with such reverence on the estate. A duchess can turn a symbolic role into one of real substance. I would love to open the school again, in her honour.’
‘She sounds very wise, your grandmother,’ Jane said.
‘So she was. I’m not sure how my father came to be her son. You are right to wait for just the right situation. To want happiness.’
He sounded so very wistful, it made her want to hold him close, as he had Kate. She tucked her hands into her lacy sleeves so she wouldn’t reach for him. ‘But you can’t do that.’
He shook his head. ‘I can wish it, certainly. But I can’t seek it above all else. I owe too much to so many people.’
‘And your aunt thinks an American wife is a solution?’ Jane thought of ladies like Regina Van Joort and her friends, girls who would crawl over broken glass to be a duchess, who had money, beauty and family connections. Ladies who were nothing like her and would innately know how to do duchess-ing.
He laughed ruefully and ran a hand through his hair, leaving it rumpled, touched with gold by the sun. ‘She thinks it could be. But I confess, American ladies leave me quite baffled.’
‘Do they?’ Jane couldn’t imagine any lady could baffle him. ‘How so?’
‘Well, young English ladies are taught to uphold stability and tradition above all, to maintain the ancient codes of their families. American ladies seem to have more room to push boundaries, take some risks. I could never speak so easily to an English lady as I do now, with you. It feels—nice. Free.’
Jane laughed. ‘Well. I am not really a typical American lady.’
‘No. I doubt you could be the typical anything, Jane. You are unique.’
They stared at each other, a moment filled with unspoken tension that lingered between them, heavy with awareness. Everything else faded. They leaned a little towards each other unconsciously, mirroring each other without realising. She ached with hope, fear, longing.
Then Kate let out a bark, reminding Jane of where she was and who she was. Who he was. She stumbled back a step, and they walked on, everything tumbled and confused.
‘Maybe you could be my…?’ he said and paused.
‘Your…what?’ she whispered.
‘My adviser. I obviously need a guide to American ways if I’m to look for an American wife.
My aunt does mean well, and is eager for me to succeed, but she thinks a title is all it takes.
I need someone to speak to me honestly, Jane.
To tell me how I should behave here in America, what I should know about the ladies here in Newport. To be my friend.’
But Jane found she longed to be more than his friend.
She couldn’t be; their positions, their needs, were all so different.
But she couldn’t stop the storm of feelings in her when he was near.
It carried a secret that lived just beneath her skin.
Surely a little more time with him would be safe enough?
Something to hold onto in the future? ‘I suppose it wouldn’t do my reputation in Newport any harm to be seen talking to a duke sometimes,’ she said lightly.
‘And you did gift me a dog. I’ll be happy to help you, if I can. ’
He gave her a playful smile, a secret shared without words. Just one corner of his mouth lifted, teasing, inviting her to lean closer—the kind of smile that promised a little trouble. And she couldn’t resist.