Chapter Ten #3
My chest aches so badly I can hardly breathe. I can’t help myself and I hug him, holding him tight. “You’re wrong, Marcello. I can see how much your mother adores you. That’s just the guilt talking. I promise you. I know all about guilt. I know all about survivor’s guilt.”
He wrinkles his brow. “Do you?”
Face warm, I say, “I… I was supposed to go with my father the day my parents died. But I was tired and so I stayed home. My mother went instead so he wouldn’t be alone.”
His eyes flicker. “Oh.”
I nod. “So you see, I know what it feels like to be someone who feels expendable. But those are just lies the guilt tells us. Neither you nor I are expendable. We’re worthy of our lives.
And I know this too, my mother and your brother would have rather died than have us take their place.
You know that right? If they’d been given the choice, they’d have gladly died to save us.
So doesn’t that mean our lives are worth something? ”
His eyes are shiny and his cheeks flushed as he watches me.
I lean in and I kiss him. It’s a tender kiss, designed purely to comfort him. But his mouth opens and his hands move to pull me closer. I climb on top of him, holding his face. I kiss him again, slipping my tongue into his mouth. He groans and kisses me back, sliding his hands up my back.
“I’m glad you’re alive,” I whisper against his mouth. “I’m glad you’re here, Marcello. I’m glad you’re my alpha.”
“Are you?” He sounds almost like a scared kid and my heart breaks.
“Yes.” I take his mouth again, and our bodies begin to move together. Within moments he’s sliding back inside my body and I’m riding him. Our movements are frantic, mouths joined, bodies undulating as we seek comfort from each other.
This thing between us is confusing and messy. Sometimes we’re adversaries and sometimes we seem almost close. In this moment, all I know is I want him to be comforted. I want him to feel how much I want him. How glad I am he’s still on this earth.
He thrusts up into me, our mouths only inches apart. We share warm, desperate breaths as we stare into each other’s eyes. In that moment, I’ve never felt closer to a lover as I do Marcello. His eyes are searching. His emotions raw. He needs me to want him and I do. So much it scares me.
I groan as I feel him come inside me, the hot flush of his cum filling me. I follow a second later, crying out as I spill my seed all over his stomach. We kiss and moan and rut against each other until slowly our erotic high begins to fade.
What surprises me is that the intimacy seems to linger.
Even though we’ve climaxed, when he pulls out of me, he holds me.
Kissing my hair and stroking my back. The bond feels even stronger now, but it’s not just because of the bite.
It’s also because we shared something painful with each other. Something achingly intimate.
For the first time since I met Marcello, I feel as if maybe I’m beginning to understand him a little better.
****
I wake alone.
It doesn’t surprise me. Marcello isn’t a lounge around in bed kind of guy. But his side of the bed is still faintly warm and the pillow holds his scent. I sigh and bury my face in his pillow, breathing in my alpha’s scent.
My body feels warm and relaxed after our night together. The first time we slept together, it was all about the bite. The claiming. It was hot and sexy, but it was different. Last night was intimate. Powerful. It felt meaningful in a way sex has never been for me before.
Much of that is because we bonded emotionally last night.
I’m touched Marcello shared what happened with his brother.
Because he was open, I was able to be open too.
I’ve never before confessed my guilt about my mother’s death.
I’ve never admitted to Fabio that I was supposed to be in the car the day our parents died.
I’ve always felt too ashamed. I never wanted Fabio to see that shame.
But it felt right to share my pain with Marcello because he was struggling with the same type of guilt.
I shiver remembering how good it felt when we fucked after our confessions.
I touch my stomach, wondering if I’m pregnant.
I’d be surprised if I’m not. I feel his seed inside me still.
When he came inside me the first time last night, something happened.
Something deep in my womb seemed to open to receive his seed.
My face warms when I think about how intensely Marcello looked into my eyes as he bred me.
I give an embarrassed laugh and I sit up.
Yesterday was the best day I’ve had here yet.
From our time at the country club to the hot sex and emotional bonding later, I feel happy.
I decide I’ll keep the good vibes going by visiting Fabio since that always brings me joy. But first, a shower and then breakfast.
I shower in my own bathroom, dress, and go downstairs.
I don’t usually see Marcello before he goes to do whatever it is he does all day, but I’m secretly hoping I might this morning.
I hope he feels how I do about last night.
But for all I know he regrets telling me about Adriano and his guilt.
I hope not. It’d be nice to continue growing closer.
That would make the three years together much more pleasant.