Chapter 3
chapter three
Busy
“Good morning!” I call out, a bell ringing as I shove the front door open, my eyes scanning the nearly empty shop.
There are cans of paint stacked in the corner along with a few folded-up tarps lying in a heap and other supplies sitting on a pop-up table, but not much else. It’s the first time I’m seeing what will eventually be Happily Ever After, the bookstore that will open next month on Main Street. There used to be a boutique clothing store here, but it closed years ago and the space has sat empty for that entire time, so it’s great that a new business is going to open downtown. Especially because this bookstore is the life’s dream of one of my favorite people.
Briar emerges from the back, a small smile on her face.
“Hi, Little Bee,” she says, using the childhood nickname that always makes me roll my eyes even though I love it.
Someone who doesn’t know my sister might assume she’s not actually that happy to see me based on how reserved she’s being. But Briar and I have grown very close recently, and I can see in the slight upturn of her mouth and the way she’s wringing her hands together just how excited she is.
Almost as excited as I am to see her.
I bounce across the room and fling myself at her, laughing at the way her eyes widen in shock and an awkward chuckle tumbles out of her mouth as I throw my arms around her shoulders. Briar embraces me as well, her rigid frame softening as she lets herself sink into my hug.
“I’ve missed you so much!” I tell her, pulling back, my hands on her biceps. “Junie will be so excited to see you.”
At the mention of her niece, a genuine smile stretches across Briar’s face. “I can’t wait to see her, though I’m sure she’s already forgotten who I am.”
I scoff. “Her Auntie Briar!? She could never.”
My sister shakes her head as if to dismiss what I’ve said. It’s not just lip service, though. Junie loves Briar. My kid has been a bit on the slower side when it comes to speaking, but she definitely knows the word ‘auntie’ and shrieks excitedly whenever my phone rings because she thinks it’s my sister.
We’re doing a family dinner at mom and dad’s this weekend, and I know everyone is excited to see both of us—but nobody is as excited to see anyone as Junie is to see Briar.
“So, what do you think?” she asks, turning to look at the empty room, possibly trying to see it the way I do. “It feels a lot bigger than I remember it when I did the first tour a few months ago.”
The nerves are rolling off of her in waves, and I step up to her side and loop my arm in hers.
She looks at me, and I give her an encouraging smile. “It looks fantastic. I can’t wait to see what you’re envisioning.”
Briar takes a deep breath, almost like she’s bolstering herself, then nods.
“Alright, boss. Put me to work!” I clap my hands and rub them together. “What will you have me start with? Cleaning? Painting? I have my coveralls in the car just in case.”
“Andy and I did the cleaning over the past few days,” she replies, referring to her husband. “Today is absolutely going to be a painting day.”
“Yes!” I bounce on my feet and clap my hands together. “I know I ended up going the photography route, but you know I love any chance to pick up a paint brush. Just tell me what to do!”
My sister chuckles and shakes her head then goes into detail about what she wants done with the paint cannisters in the corner: dark green on the ceiling and the top half of the east and west walls, sage green on the entire back wall. Eventually, the plan is to hang lots of plants and flowers and greenery to make it feel like a magical realm, but that will come after we’ve installed the bookshelves and hung some specialty plant holders around the room. I’m hoping she’ll let me get creative with the painting on the ceiling, but I’ll hold off and ask that on a day that isn’t my very first.
“I’m in the process of negotiating buying up the stock from a used bookstore that’s closing in Elk Grove, so I’ll just be in the office,” she says, hitching her thumb in the direction of the doorway she emerged through just a few minutes ago. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
I beam at her. “Got it. Good luck!”
Once Briar has disappeared into her office, I head back out to my car parked on the street and snag my coveralls. I don’t normally wear these when I paint, opting to just allow my clothing to get speckled and sprayed as a sign of my dedication to the arts. But during my victory lap—the extra year I spent finishing up my degree after I had Junie—I did some large-scale installation work as part of my senior thesis. I printed out these massive photographs then spent weeks adding paint and oil, and the process was really messy, so I opted for some more coverage. Plus, by that point, I was also doing tons of laundry because apparently babies spit up and poop on everything, and I just didn’t have the time or money to do an extra load just because.
After I’ve set up the tarps across the base of the western wall and taped off a line about halfway up, I pop in some headphones and get started. As the sounds of one of my favorite rock bands echo through my ears, I open the cannisters, pour the paint into the trays, clean the rollers, and dip in.
I’ll give my sister this: she picked two gorgeous colors of green. I feel like they perfectly encapsulate her personality. One is muted, the other is very deep, and both are eye-catching. It doesn’t surprise me that she wants her bookstore to be filled with plants and flowers. Briar spent years working as a florist, and it’s so like her to figure out how to bring two things she loves together in a way I never would have pictured.
Like I do any time I’m working, I zone out as I roll the forest green color onto the walls, and before I know it, three hours have passed.
“Wow!”
I glance at Briar as she walks out from her office, her eyes scanning the work I’ve done so far.
“I considered going with a lighter color for the ceiling because I worried it would make the space too dark, but I really like how it looks.”
I nod. “Too many people just lean into millennial gray,” I tell her, tilting my head back and staring at the ceiling. “This has personality.”
Briar snorts. “Millennial gray?”
“Ah, you know. It’s supposed to be calming, but really it’s just bland.”
“I happen to like gray.”
I smirk, somehow completely unsurprised.
“Well, regardless of your judgments about other colors, I’m glad you like this one,” she adds, continuing to examine my work.
I roll my shoulders, trying to ease the way my muscles have tightened over the past few hours. Painting a ceiling is no joke.
“You ready for lunch? I was thinking about swinging by One Stop to grab sandwiches from the deli.”
“And I’m sure the fact that Andy is there has no impact on that choice?” I tease.
Briar rolls her eyes but doesn’t dispute my observation. She and my brother-in-law got married last year, but the honeymoon period certainly hasn’t faded in the slightest. Any time she talks about the guy, her cheeks turn all rosy and she gets this…look on her face. Briar isn’t the bashful type, so it always makes me want to laugh. I don’t though, because I don’t want to mock the fact that she’s so in love with him. It’s something I am so glad she’s found, especially because he looks at her with the same twinkle in his eyes.
“I actually brought my lunch,” I answer, crossing to where I chucked my bag in the corner. Tugging out my water bottle, I take a long sip. “But you don’t have to worry about me. Go. I know you want to eat lunch with Andy.”
Briar rolls her eyes. “I want to eat lunch with you , weirdo. You just got to town and I want to hear how the move has been. Grab your lunch and let’s walk over there together. I can get a quick sandwich and then we can sit outside and chat.”
Smiling, I acquiesce, reveling in the idea that she wants to spend time with me. “Sounds good.”
There was a time when the concept of sitting down to ‘chat’ with my oldest sister would have felt daunting, like I was in trouble. I mean…what would we even have had to talk about?
Growing up, Briar was closest with our older brother Boyd, while I was closer with our other two siblings, Bellamy and Bishop, who are only two years older than me. But ever since I got pregnant with Junie, my relationship with Briar has changed in ways I never even imagined were possible. And honestly, probably in ways I wouldn’t have been interested in when I was younger.
Back then, I was a lot more complicated.
“Feeling settled at all?” Briar asks, dropping down onto a bench and plopping her purse next to her hip. We’ve grabbed her lunch from the deli at the grocery store and settled in at the beach park that overlooks the lake and the marina, and Briar stretches out her long, lean frame before she tilts her face back, her eyes closed as she soaks in the sun.
“Not really.” My reply is maybe too honest, because my sister brings her hand up to shade her eyes from the sun, looking at me with concern. “I mean, I’ve unpacked what I can. But I still need to buy a few pieces of furniture, so I’ll be digging things out of suitcases for the foreseeable future.”
Even with the sun, I can feel Briar’s eyes burning into me as I take a bite of my PB&J, and I know what she’s going to say before she even begins speaking.
“I wish you would just let us help you a bit, you know?”
Giving her a tight smile, I shake my head. “You are . Mom’s watching Junie… full time . You’ve given me a job, and don’t pretend you’re not paying me way more than what you’d pay a normal assistant. And I know dad talked with Lois about me renting from her.”
“But that’s not help, that’s just family,” she says, shrugging her shoulder and bumping it against mine. “You were away at college when I moved home, but I had to accept a lot of help I didn’t want.” She makes a face. “I mean, I moved back in with mom and dad.”
“That was different.”
“Why? Because I was escaping an emotionally abusive relationship?”
I don’t answer, surprised by how candid she’s being. I remember Boyd talking about Briar’s ex like he was scum who treated her badly, but I’ve never heard her talk about it that way.
“Here’s the thing to remember, Busy. I wanted a new start. The same can be said for you. You’ve been through plenty , and it’s only normal for the people who love you to want to rally around you to help in whatever way makes sense for them. For mom, it’s offering childcare, because she has free time and wants to hang with Junie. For dad, it’s helping get your housing sorted, because he has connections in town. Let me help, too.”
I scoff. “You gave me a job .”
At that, Briar grins. “Honey, you took a job I needed to have filled. Trust me when I say you’re going to be earning that paycheck . ”
Chuckling, I bite into my sandwich, thinking over what she’s said. Each of my siblings have their own thing. Boyd is Mr. Independent and Bellamy is the people pleaser and Bishop is the charmer. I guess if I had to label myself, I’d be…I don’t know. The problem child, maybe.
But Briar? She’s the best listener. It’s probably because she’s never been super talkative, always kind of keeping to herself and doing her own thing. She’s a quiet observer. So when she shares her opinion about me moving back to town and accepting help from the family, I can’t just write her off. She’s saying it because it’s something she really believes and because it’s something she wants me to hear.
Maybe that’s why I have loved her checking in on me so often. She’s careful with her words, so I know the ones she shares with me are important.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally tell her, though I roll my eyes when I see the hint of satisfaction that comes across her face.
We chat a bit more about the cabin and Junie before moving on to things that have changed around town over the past few years since I’ve been gone. Eventually we chuck our trash and head back to the bookstore. It’s a casual lunch with my sister, and I can’t help the ember of happiness that settles in my chest at the knowledge that we’ll get to do this kind of thing on a regular basis. Maybe with Bellamy, too.
There’s something about spending time with your siblings as adults that’s just…different than what it was like when you were a kid. It’s like you get to know them in an entirely new way, and I’m looking forward to seeing how my relationships with my sisters will change now that I’m home.
“There she is!”
Junie is plucked from my arms the second I cross the threshold into my childhood home, my mother barely even looking at me, too absorbed with seeing her granddaughter as if they didn’t just see each other yesterday.
I share a look with my dad, who opens his arms and pulls me into a big hug. “Hey, Little Bee.”
“Think she noticed I’m here?”
He gives me a squeeze then pulls back, holding each of my biceps. “Probably not.”
I roll my eyes as he closes the door behind me, but I can’t help the tiny bit of sting at his comment. Sure, he wasn’t serious. But I was.
I’ve seen my mom only a handful of times since Junie was born, and she’s always so focused on my daughter she seems to forget she has her own daughter who wants some attention, too. Then again, I’ve always dealt with feeling a bit forgotten, so I guess it isn’t anything new.
“How’s the cabin working out?”
My movements are slow as we make our way through the entry toward the living room. I can hear everyone in there, commenting on how much Junie has grown, and I can’t help wanting just another minute or two before I join them.
“It’s great,” I tell him, not wanting to give him the same honesty I gave Briar earlier this week over lunch.
If I tell him I’m living out of suitcases, he’ll show up with a trailer full of furniture tomorrow and I’ll be forced to accept it all. I might be able to rebuff my mom when she makes demands, but I’ve always been a daddy’s girl.
What I can do is tell him how wonderful the cabin is, especially because I know he took the time to find somewhere great for Junie and me to live.
“The spot is so perfect and it’s quiet, which is a nice change from the apartment we used to have near campus.” I shrug a shoulder. “My neighbor seems really nice.”
“Good.”
I nod, unsure why I brought Reid up at all. I’ve seen him a few times this week, usually hanging out on his patio with his dog. He always gives me a friendly wave and chats with Junie for a few minutes. It’s really sweet, actually. And Junie loves Sydney.
“It’s Reid Cohen,” I continue. “My neighbor.”
Dad smiles. “Oh, that’s great. He’s a nice kid.”
We stop at the threshold to the living room, watching as everyone coos over Junie.
“Shame about him and Sarah.”
I nod at that too, though about a million questions sprout up. I heard about Reid and Sarah’s divorce through the grapevine when it happened a few years ago. There was a time when I knew everything that was going on in this town even though I lived over 400 miles away. Then I found out I was pregnant and promptly checked out of Cedar Point gossip.
Before I can ask my dad anything about it, he speaks again.
“Have you gone over to say hi to Don and Margie yet?” he asks, bringing up their best friends, Sherriff Perry and his wife. “I know they’re excited to have you back in town.”
“Not yet. Still just trying to get settled, you know?”
He nods, and then I follow my dad into the living room, my eyes tracking over where everyone is scattered on the couch, chatting animatedly and fawning over Junie. It’s been over a week since I moved home, but it’s the first night everyone has been free for a family dinner. Briar is here with her husband, Andy, and Bellamy with her boyfriend, Rusty. Plus mom and dad, and now me and Junie Bee.
Having a big family feels chaotic more than it doesn’t, but it’s also familiar, and my nerves and slightly standoffish attitude fall by the wayside as I’m enveloped in hug after hug and answer questions about the move and being back in town. Being back here feels like putting on a comfortable pair of shoes that had been forgotten in the closet, and I sink right in, chatting away with Bellamy and laughing at dad’s stupid jokes.
But there’s something in the back of my mind that lingers, a feeling I’ve long tried to get rid of but continue to struggle with, no matter how much I try to ignore it. I glance around the table, at my siblings and their partners, at my parents, and I’m reminded of the fact that I’ve always, always felt on the outside of my family. Sure, I know they love me. That has never been in question. But I’ve never really felt…connected the way I think the rest of them do.
I was a bit closer with Bellamy and Bishop, but they’re twins. They had a special relationship no one else could touch. It always felt like everyone in my family had a partner in crime, and I was left to fend for myself. Mom had dad. Boyd had Briar. Bishop had Bellamy.
And then there was me.
Living at college and filling my life with people who had nothing to do with my family usually allowed me to hide that in the back of my mind, like something I didn’t want to remember. But now, being back home, I know there’s no way I’ll be able to avoid feeling that way again.
It’s a reminder that sometimes, those comfortable shoes were chucked in the back of the closet for a reason.