Chapter 17
chapter seventeen
Busy
She’s fucking swimming.
Swimming!
My Junie.
Okay, maybe not swimming like with backstrokes or anything, but she’s learned to float on her back unassisted and knows how to doggy paddle over to the dock on her own from a few yards away.
Watching Reid with her went from one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever seen during that first session in the lake a few weeks ago to something that fills me with pride and joy every time I see her in the water. Obviously, being vigilant about Junie’s safety is of the utmost importance, but I didn’t realize how much anxiety I was holding on to by living near the water until I felt more sure that if Junie were to fall in for some tragic reason, she wouldn’t sink like a stone.
And it’s all because of Reid.
Junie launches herself off the dock and into the water. Unlike that first time we all got together, Reid is floating a foot or two away from where she lands, waiting for Junie to emerge with her goggles and begin paddling. Which she does, like the budding Olympian she is.
“Mommy, you see?” she calls out once she’s in Reid’s arms and he’s hoisting her up so she’s standing on his shoulders.
“I did see, baby!” I call out from where I’m seated on the dock, my legs crossed.
“I’n a big girl!”
“You are!”
She shrieks then jumps off his shoulders and into the water, emerging again, her tiny body bouncing rapidly as she treads water and makes her way back to Reid.
“I might have done something bad,” Reid tells me, grinning sheepishly as Junie clings to his shoulders, trying to climb back up to her perch with little care about where she puts her feet.
I chuckle, watching the circus. “And what did you do?”
“I bought a window unit and installed it in my bedroom.”
My mouth opens, my eyes wide. “Shut up.”
Junie jumps again, making a big splash, some of which lands on me, but I hardly notice.
“Lois is going to chew me out, but I don’t care,” he says. “We’re supposed to get another heat wave in the next week or two and I’m not going to lie in a pool of my own sweat again. I’m just not.”
I give him an imaginary fist bump. “I’m so happy for you and not at all jealous.”
Reid laughs. “You’re welcome to come over any time.”
I nod, though I doubt I’ll take him up on his offer. As great as things have been over the past few weeks, I have to be careful about how closely I skirt that line that exists between us, the one that separates things that friends do and things that lovers do.
People who are dating hang out at their boyfriend’s house. Friends sit on his porch.
People who are in love go out on dates in town. Friends go swimming then eat neon mac and cheese.
It’s becoming a thing I ask myself any time we’re together: Is this something I would do if I wasn’t half in love with him?
Because, try as I might, I’ve realized I’ve been falling for Reid Cohen. If anything, it’s only gotten worse over the past few weeks. I say worse because there is nothing more hellish than unrequited love, a new truth I’ve had to learn.
And the thing I keep going around and around in circles about is the fact that it doesn’t feel unrequited in the slightest. It feels very much requited. In the way he talks to me, the way he looks at me, the way he smiles in my direction and how his eyes flick over me as I walk his way. It’s been an infuriating reality I’ve had to come to accept even though I don’t understand it, and that is my least favorite thing in the world. The last thing I am going to do is ask him about it. What am I going to say?
Are you sure we can’t be together? Because you look at me like you want me.
Gag. Talk about desperate.
So I’m just trying to focus on how grateful I am for his friendship and how he treats Junie, even though each day is an exercise in ignoring how much I want to climb him like a tree. It doesn’t help that I can’t handle things on my own, either. And I have tried . Continuously. With practically no success. It makes me think I need to revisit the idea of going out and finding a one-night stand, someone who can just…handle things for me.
But then I see Reid with Junie and I realize some of what makes me want him so badly is just… him . I want him , not someone to handle things . And then starts the vicious circle all over again, and I shove my face into my pillow and scream because it’s so infuriating.
God help me.
“Hey listen, my aunt and uncle are doing a barbeque at the beach park tomorrow to celebrate their anniversary, and Marie wanted me to invite you.” Reid swims closer to the dock, Junie’s arms wrapped around his neck as he drags her behind him. “Junie could play with Leo and Nina.”
I lick my lips, thinking it over. Is this something people who are dating would do? Or something friends do?
What if it’s both?
“Will it be weird for Lois since I’m her tenant?” I ask.
Reid scoffs. “Not at all. I’m her tenant, too.”
“But you’re family.”
He shrugs as he helps Junie climb up the ladder. “So? Everyone in town is family. That’s just what small towns are.”
I purse my lips and give him a look. “You know what I mean. I don’t want it to be weird.” I pause. “Or for anyone to get the wrong idea.”
I say the last part slowly, dipping my toe into the topic we don’t address.
“I know, and it won’t be weird.” He shoves back from the dock, drifting a few feet away. “At least say you’ll think about it.”
“I’ll think about it,” I agree, just as Junie flies past me.
God, the girl has a never-ending energy source stowed in that tiny body.
“But if it gets weird I’m diffusing things by telling everyone you smuggled in an illegal air conditioner.”
Reid gasps, his hands out as he waits for Junie to swim to him. “You wouldn’t.”
I cackle, unable to help myself. “I so would.”
“Traitor,” he grumbles, though there’s no heat behind it. “Come on, Junie. Let’s splash your mom.”
My eyes widen, and before I can do anything about it, Reid is shoving a wall of water in my direction, the splash hitting me and drenching my clothes.
“We got her!” Junie calls out, raising her little fist in the air.
“Yeah, we did,” Reid says, and then the two of them give each other a high five, laughing maniacally.
And just like every small moment that has come before, I fall a little bit more in love with him.
Shit.
When I pull my SUV into the parking lot at the beach park on Sunday afternoon, I expect there to be a pretty large group. If everyone in town is family, then everyone in town should be invited, right?
Clearly I’m mistaken, because even though there are plenty of people scattered along the shore, the only people hanging out around the pop-up tent are Lois and Paul’s actual family. Marie, Craig, Nina, and Leo. Reid, of course, and Reid’s mom, who I’m surprised to see since he speaks about her so rarely. The last time he mentioned her in passing, he said she was out in Hawaii with her ‘new boyfriend’, and by the way he said it, I assume he’s not a fan of whoever the guy is. Though I don’t see anyone else, so I’m also assuming the new boyfriend didn’t come today.
Which makes me feel even more conscious of the fact that I’m here and definitely not part of the family. Before I can change my mind and hightail it home with a ‘Sorry, not feeling great’ text to Reid, he spots me and waves then begins to head in my direction, Sydney galloping ahead of him, her mouth wide and tongue flopping.
“I’m so glad you came,” he says, holding my door as I step out onto the hot asphalt.
“Are you sure it’s okay that we’re here?”
“Of course.”
He says it so matter-of-factly, like I should know how obviously normal it is for me and my daughter to come to a family beach day with the Cohens.
Reid flicks the wide-brimmed hat I have on, smirking. “Like the hat.”
I roll my eyes. “I look like a Canadian Mountie, but I’ve had a few too many sunburns in my day to risk it.”
I head to the back to grab my beach bag as Reid rounds to the other side of the car and tugs the door open.
“Hi Junie Bee!”
“Misery!”
I can’t help but smile at the two of them, and I hoist my bag over my shoulder as Reid unbuckles Junie and helps her climb out of the car, where Sydney promptly licks her in the face. The three of us—four, if you include Syd—walk together over to the tent, and I get a round of hellos from everyone and several hugs. Then I set up my chair and drop down, tugging out some sunscreen and calling Junie over. She pouts and heads my way, standing between my legs with a sour expression as I slather every inch of her exposed skin.
“Trust me, baby girl, I know how you feel. But you will thank me when you’re older.”
I remember my mother saying similar things to me and my siblings as she covered us in thick white sun protectant. It means almost nothing when you’re a child. The second I’m done, Junie sprints off to where Leo and Nina are building castles down by the water.
“Beer?”
I glance up at Reid as he sets up his beach chair next to mine, and I nod, accepting the cold can he passes my way. Cracking it open, I take a long sip before tucking it in the cup holder in my chair.
“I can’t wait for summer to be over.”
“Same,” I reply, leaning my head back and closing my eyes as I slip on a pair of sunglasses. “I wasn’t built for the heat or the humidity or the sun. Give me scarves and hot chocolate and rainy days.”
Reid hums. “Fireplaces and cider and a crossword puzzle.”
“Bookstores and pumpkin patches.”
We look at each other then lift our beer cans to cheers.
“But I will say, I am looking forward to Summerpalooza.”
I scoff. “It’s the best event in town.” Then I gasp and grab Reid’s arm. “I’ll be old enough to drink this time.”
His jaw drops and then he bursts into laughter.
I narrow my eyes. “What?”
Reid just shakes his head, still chuckling. “I just…keep forgetting how young you are.”
“I told you, I’ll be 23 in October…”
“23 in October, I know, you mentioned that,” he says at the same time. “But in my head, you’re closer to my age. Not…still excited to drink at a town event.”
I roll my eyes. “I didn’t come home at all last summer, and that would have been my first summer when I was old enough.”
“And you didn’t do what every other kid did and just…sneak into the beer garden?”
“Mitchells can’t sneak anywhere,” I reply, smirking. “Everyone knows what we’re doing all the time. I bet people are already talking about the fact that I’m here with you.”
His brow furrows, like he hadn’t ever considered that thought before. Before he can say anything else, Junie is racing over and grabbing his hand, begging him to go swimming with her.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he says as Junie drags him off toward the water.
I watch for a few minutes, sipping my beer, then Tabitha drops down in the chair Reid just vacated.
“Good to see you today, Busy,” she says, a bright smile on her face.
“Hey, Mrs. Cohen.”
“Oh, honey, call me Tabitha, please.”
I chuckle. “Okay, Tabitha.”
She’s already asked before, but my good manners will dictate that I refer to her as Mrs. Cohen the next time I see her. My mother drilled that into my head early.
We sit quietly, side by side, watching Reid and Junie in the water. She’s doing their routine—climbing up on his shoulders, jumping off, then swimming back—and they both look like they’re having a blast.
“He’s good with her, your daughter.” Tabitha glances at me. “You said her name is Junie?”
I nod. “Yeah. And he’s great with her, actually. But the real star of the show is Sydney. Those two are besties.”
She hums. “So…are you two…together?”
Internally, I sigh. I assumed there might be some confusion about our friendship the more we spent time together, especially in public spaces. Reid seems to think it’s not a big deal, and I’m trying to follow suit, but it’s hard to get asked if you’re in a relationship with someone you have feelings for who just wants to be your friend.
“No. We’re just friends.”
“Yeah, that’s what Reid says, too.”
I shrug. “Life’s complicated, you know?”
At that, Tabitha chuckles. “Oh trust me, I am aware.” Then she sighs. “But part of me hoped he would get over this…silliness of what happened with Sarah and find someone who loves him the way you’re supposed to in a marriage.”
Her words flutter around in my mind, and I try to plug them into the holes in what Reid has said to me over the past few months. I’ve never pressed him on why he kissed me then pulled away, why he’s not interested in a relationship. That’s his business. But I have always assumed it had something to do with Sarah and why the two of them got divorced. Now Tabitha’s confirmed it for me.
I want to ask her about it. Something tells me she’s one of the few people who truly knows what happened between them, a rarity in a small town where everyone knows everything. For whatever reason, both Sarah and Reid have been completely mum about why they split. The few tidbits I have picked up are all barely blips on the radar and mostly result in one thing: they just decided it was better to be friends.
That fucking word. My new least favorite in the English language.
“Marie said he wants to be single forever,” I say to her, hoping she’ll provide some further clarification without me appearing too…desperate. “That was surprising to me.”
Tabitha nods. “It was surprising to me, too. In some ways.” She sighs. “In others, maybe I get it. But I know my son. Once he’s set his mind to something, there’s no changing it.” She chuckles. “If there was a way I could convince him to change his mind about anything, it would be this. And that’s coming from a woman who is desperate for her son to like the new man in her life, too.”
She sighs again and returns her eyes to Reid and Junie in the water.
“Motherhood is the hardest thing you’ll ever do with your life,” she tells me, a truth I become more aware of with each passing day. “Especially when you have to let your children make their mistakes.”
Junie’s still too young for that to be true just yet, but the sentiment isn’t lost on me. Especially when considering my relationship with my own mother, the trouble she’s watched me get myself into over the years. She’s always been there to dry my tears and then spin me right back around to meet the consequences of my actions, face first.
I think about our conversation last week. Maybe I need to give her a bit more grace. We’re all human, after all.
Tabitha and I move on to less emotionally laden conversation topics after that, thank god—the bookstore, her recent trip to Hawaii, the renovations at Dock 7. It’s a really nice chat, and I have to say, I really like Reid’s mom.
A while later, Reid and Junie plod up to us from the water, and I tug out a towel just in time to wrap Junie in it before she collapses in my arms.
Tabitha pats me on the arm as she prepares to stand. “Enjoy these days, sweetie,” she says, a kind smile in her eyes. “They don’t last nearly long enough.”
She pushes up out of the chair and nods at Reid before heading over to sit next to Lois at the picnic table a few yards away.
Reid finishes drying off then drops into his newly empty chair.
“Have a good chat with my mom?”
He says it casually, but I can tell there’s curiosity there.
“I did.”
He pulls out a fresh beer from the cooler next to his seat. “Talk about anything fun?”
My mind flits over the beginning of our conversation—Reid’s decision to be single forever, briefly touching on his marriage, watching your children make mistakes—and I shrug.
“Just mom stuff.”
Reid hums, and part of me thinks he doesn’t believe me. That he knows Tabitha and I got into some much deeper topics than I’m being completely honest about.
But then he smiles and tilts his head back against his seat, closing his eyes.
“I might want summer to be over, but right now? This feels really nice.”
I nod, tilting my head back as well, my heart feeling full with Junie snuggled against me and Reid at my side.
“Yeah. It really does.”