Chapter 17
Chapter 1 7
Elpis
I regretted my big talk regarding the cold weather, shivering like a fool while Keyon worked to build me a blazing campfire. I held up my blue-tinted fingers and sighed in relief as the flames worked their magic. The only problem was that this fire kept popping out little excited embers, and I had to kick a couple off my feet. Fortunately, I didn’t get burned, but it was close.
Keyon eventually convinced me to sleep next to him since the night had gotten dreadfully frigid on the mountain. I fidgeted nervously as he laid my blanket down and raised a wing so I could join him. He piled several cloaks on top of me, snaked an arm around my waist, and pulled me against his warm chest. He felt warmer than usual, but I couldn’t tell if he could control how much he radiated or if he just seemed hotter compared to the night air.
When he cocooned us with his wing, I asked, “Can you tell Toast I’m sorry for getting handsy the other night?” I couldn’t recall if I’d apologized directly to him .
“He knows, Elpis. He actually stayed for most of that session. You definitely gave him a challenge,” Keyon said with a chuckle. “I’m rather proud of him.”
“I think something is wrong with me, but I can’t remember the word Zosime used. It’s like how I felt when I was younger. My mind seems to think the word is horn gnomes, but that can’t be right,” I muttered and bit my lip. Keyon buried his face in the back of my neck and burst into laughter. His entire body rocked with his mirth, and I was starting to feel aroused again. Aroused and embarrassed. Red-faced, I protested, “K-Keyon, stop!”
“I-I’m sorry,” he said, breaking into another fit. “That’s just… the funniest shit I’ve ever heard in my life!” He turned, coughed, and resumed laughing. “Horny gnomes,” he wheezed in a high-pitched voice and removed his hand from me to—I assume—wipe some tears from his face.
His laughter was slowly breaking my frown, but I stood my ground. “S-so what’s the right word?”
“Hormones,” he gasped out and returned his arm to my waist, pulling me closer, which almost pulled a moan out of me. “They’re called hormones.”
“Whore moans? I suppose that sounds more familiar. Ugh…” I grimaced. “Must have been named by slavers…”
“What? Wh—OH!” He burst into raucous laughter again, and I withered, wondering what I’d gotten wrong this time. After all this, he could barely breathe and explain himself, so I just flattened my lips and stared into the fire. At least the fire wasn’t smart enough to think I was stupid.
After a concerning bout of wheezing, Keyon managed to breathe enough to spell the word out with me. He chuckled one last time, saying, “Remind me to teach you about homophone phrases later. Trust me, it has nothing to do with prostitutes. Gods, you’re precious.” He nuzzled into the back of my head, and I tensed from the affectionate gesture.
I was so confused. What were we? I closed my eyes and tried to focus on falling asleep. It was simultaneously easy and difficult. In his arms and under his wings was the safest I’d ever felt in my life… but knowing I couldn’t be a proper mate hurt, and it made me want to run away from him. My thoughts became a mess, but every pull and nuzzle from Keyon relaxed me. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle this. My heart was starting to ache as much as my sex. How much of this was hormones, though?
Despite last night’s bout of conflicting emotions, I was reluctant to leave Keyon’s embrace. We ate, packed up, and kept walking north. At least we were past that town. That town… even thinking about it made me shudder. The town’s air almost tasted like poison, and I was certain that there were slaves hidden underground. I wasn’t sure exactly how I knew… but I just did, and I was willing to bet my life on it.
“Will you someday tell me how the raid on that town went… if you ever get to it? I don’t know where I’ll end up living, but I’m curious about the outcome,” I asked Keyon as we traversed a narrow path. Several plants tried to hook onto my dress, and I had to pause to rip them out, wincing at the stings my fingers received. I shook my hand, and they healed almost immediately. Huh. That was faster than normal.
“I’ll let you know, Elpis,” Keyon answered as he led us through a winding pass. “I don’t plan on losing touch with you unless you want me to.”
What does that mean? I screamed in my head. My brain understood three variations so far: no relationship, intimate only, and relationship. Keyon fit in none of these categories. It just felt like it was cycling through all three at different points in time.
I let out another withering sigh and continued to trudge along behind him. The sooner we got to the coven, the sooner…
“I just had a thought, Keyon,” I began rather reluctantly. He looked over his shoulder at me with a raised eyebrow. “You could just leave me at the coven. You said I’d be safe there from the king. Maybe they’ll let me rehabilitate with them.”
I balked at his scowl. “No, Elpis. I’m not leaving you with witches.”
“Why?” I all but shouted. “I won’t slow you down anymore! The sooner you sort out what’s happening at the castle, the sooner you can go back to freeing slaves! I’m not worth so many lives!”
His muscles tautened as he prowled ahead, and he looked like he wanted to shift. Keyon was silent for a while as we travelled but finally said, “We’ll discuss this later at the coven. Let’s get all the facts first. We don’t even know if they’ll want an outsider there.”
Someone like me. An outsider.
After a quiet lunch, we picked up the pace, and Keyon led me west for the rest of the day. I wondered if we’d make it to the coven by nightfall; it was getting pretty late in the evening. I was feeling more emotional than usual and craved a reprieve. A good pillow to cry in was very much needed so I could vent some of these feelings. I knew better than to drown in negative thoughts that couldn’t be resolved immediately.
Stupid horn gnomes, my brain muttered. I was taken aback by the rogue thought because that was old information.
Hormones! I said loudly, trying to get my brain to remember the new word.
Whoops, my brain replied, and I was so startled I stumbled off the path. Having lost my balance, I fell against a boulder and fought a wave of pain that blossomed in my forehead. I clutched at my chest as my heart raced with adrenaline, then snapped my eyes shut when everything became too bright to look at. What was happening to me?
“Woah! Elpis, what’s wrong?” Keyon’s voice asked, and I felt his arms stabilize me. I groaned and moved my hands to my head, knowing what was coming.
“Voices, then migraine,” I said shortly through a clenched jaw. “I can’t see! Too bright!”
“Voices? Is that your beast, Elpis?” Keyon asked worriedly.
“I don’t kno— Ahhh!” I cried, and my knees buckled. I pushed Keyon back as I knelt to puke, but nothing left my stomach. The dry heave only made my migraine throb harder, and I sobbed in agony, collapsing to writhe on the dirt. Keyon immediately picked me up and—based on the jostling movements—began running. I was a limp corpse in his arms, unable to mumble a single coherent sentence. I hung on as long as I could until I eventually fell into a black sleep.
“—but am I doing the right thing, Coven Mother? Are you sure?” Keyon’s voice came to me before my vision did.
“If you ask me if I’m sure one more time, I’m going to kick you out!” a woman’s voice grumbled. “Questioning a coven mother… disgraceful.”
“Oh, calm your bosom, Gunel,” another woman said in a sultry voice. “He’s just worried about his fated m—”
“She’s awake, Tesni. Mind what you say,” said another in a sing-song warning.
I moved my right hand to rub my eyes open and stared at the four people hovering over me. A quick glance told me I was in a small guest room. This had to be the coven.
“Are we here?” I croaked to Keyon, nervously eyeing the three strangers. He knelt by the bed with a glass of water, and I took it gratefully after sitting up. So far, my headache seemed gone.
“Yes, we’re at the Solar Coven, moonflower. These are the coven mothers; they’re basically the leaders here.” He smiled gently and patted my knee through the sheets.
“Basically?” an older woman with ashen hair reproached. “We are the leaders!” Keyon heaved an exhausted sigh, as though he’d been dealing with difficult people all day. He pointed to the grumpy, oversensitive one and said, “This is Gunel.”
“I can introduce myself!” she snapped, and Keyon backed off, raising both his eyebrows and hands in surrender .
“Aren’t you too old to have an attitude?” I reproached. This Gunel’s crankiness was contagious. Before words could leave her livid face, I apologized, “Wow, that was rude. I’m sorry. I’ve been very… hormonal lately. You were setting me off. Don’t be mean to Keyon.”
Gunel didn’t look mollified by my gesture. Oh well, I guess I’d be cursed for life. I sighed and slumped but was intrigued by the other two laughing.
“Yes, I think you did come to us in the nick of time,” a tall woman said. She must have been over six feet, and she was absolutely beautiful. She was like a glorious, tanned godling. “I’m Tesni, and this is Arevik, the youngest coven mother ever.” She beamed and slapped her hand on the back of a young male with platinum-blonde hair. At least, I thought it was a male—or a man—but I must be wrong. I was confused and was about to ask but held my tongue. The free world had so much to teach me, but navigating it while trying not to insult anyone was terrifying, and I wondered if I’d catch up to everyone else someday. Either way, I was liking Tesni and Arevik much more than Gunel.
“I’m Elpis Eud— Nay… Eukod— Nay, that’s not right either. Eudokia!” I blushed furiously in embarrassment, hating that I kept forgetting it.
“You’re bound to be a little groggy, sweet one,” Arevik said, reaching to retrieve my empty cup. She refilled it with a jug of chilled water and handed it back to me. I sipped at it this time, trying to cool the raw flesh in my throat. I must have screamed more than I recalled.
“Yes, removing symbols can take a toll on the patient,” Tesni agreed.
“They’re gone!” I gasped, once again feeling for them with a hand like a fool. I withdrew my hand quickly and was relieved to find no judgment in the room.
“Oh, they’re gone,” Gunel verified, crossing her arms and giving me a pointed look. “And you’re going to suffer dearly for what’s been done to you.”
Keyon sat beside me on the bed and held my hand, but his presence couldn’t prevent the ice that melted and trickled down my spine. It settled into my stomach like a cold seed, and out curled a tendril of fear. “What… do you mean?”
Keyon holding my hand wasn’t enough. I leaned into him, nudging his arm over my shoulders so I could have something between me and the witches. Keyon’s intimidating, muscular limb made me feel a little safer. He ended up outdoing my efforts by dragging me into his lap and wrapping both arms around me. I sighed in deep relief, feeling warmth and protection emanating from him. In that moment, I didn’t care what we were. I was just glad he was here.
Arevik sent a scolding look to Gunel, and Tesni pulled up a cedar chair from the small desk that was tucked away in a corner. “That collar did a real number on you, sweet one,” Tesni said, crossing her long legs and resting her chin on her palm. “You might have cleared yourself of that doozy-of-a-curse eventually after Keyon removed your collar, but it would have been torture. It was a real nasty one.”
“We also found one on your head that was hidden,” Arevik said softly.
“You found it, sweet one.” Tesni snorted at Arevik. “Don’t be so modest.”
“What were the curses?” I asked quietly, so quietly that I barely heard myself. I cleared my throat and asked louder. I fisted my hands because they were beginning to shake, and Keyon seemed to respond right away, rubbing my shoulder with a hand to soothe me.
“The first one on your neck was the humdinger,” Tesni informed. “We could tell it was placed on you at a very, very young age. It was meant to suppress your beast and kill you if you mated.”
I gasped, and my hands flew to my face, hiding my gaping mouth. “Why?” I breathed. “What… Who…?” I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Who would do such a thing to a child? Keyon embr aced me from behind and rested his chin against the top of my head. It was not a brilliant place for his head to be because I was shaking almost violently at this point.
“Someone needed you to stay a virgin.” Gunel scoffed. “That word needs to be wiped from society.”
Tesni’s lips pressed together, showing a long history of tolerating Gunel’s outbursts and interruptions. “Yes, indeed,” Tesni said. “Now I forgot what I was going to say…” She placed a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. It looked like she was the one getting a headache this time.
“The second curse?” Arevik suggested, placing her hands behind her back.
“Right! Yes. Arevik found the second curse, which was an attempt to skirt around the dangers of the first curse. It was meant to keep you from recognizing your fated mate so you’d be less encouraged to mate. Weirdly enough, it was totally pointless. Not having a connection to your beast prevents you from recognizing your fated mate. Sloppy cursing. You were a mess.”
I frowned. “I don’t understand. What is a fated mate?”
Tesni sighed at Gunel’s exasperated groan. Arevik jumped in to explain. “The Moon Goddess pairs the gods’ children. They are two souls destined to be together. They are two halves of a whole. When they meet, they complete each other. Best friends and lovers rolled into one. Soul mates. They are simply meant to be—as per Her plan—to keep Her children safe and thriving. It is intended for Her wolves and lycans, mostly shifters, but it benefits us all.”
“That sounds nice…” I said numbly, a bit dazed from all this new information. Was I in a dream? “How do you know if you’ve found your fated mate?”
Keyon tensed behind me, and I had to wonder why. Was he nervous? Was he afraid I’d find someone else? No, couldn’t be that. He’d have his own to look forward to someday. That thought really depressed me, though. Maybe it was just the hormones .
“Oh, you’ll know,” Tesni said with a laugh. “It’ll take time for you to recognize them, though. Your beast needs to recover a bit before you’ll be able to tell who it is. Just touching them will calm you and light up your skin with tingles. You’ll also become extremely amorous.” Tesni gave me a very obvious wink.
“I’m already feeling amorous,” I grumbled crankily. “How much more amorous can one get?”
“Yes, that brings us back to the suffering you’ll endure,” Gunel said darkly.
“Don’t scare her!” Arevik snapped. Her calm and light-hearted demeanor was getting ruffled.
“It’s not that bad,” Tesni countered. She turned back to me and said, “When a shifter goes through puberty, their beast is supposed to be there with them. It doesn’t matter that they’re in their dormant phase before you turn eighteen. You were blocked from yours completely. They’re a part of you… They’re half of your very being. Your beast never went through that phase, and she’s going to want to make up for years of missed cycles.”
“I thought I was always a shiftless. Not that I knew what that meant… I just thought I was broken,” I murmured, more to myself than anyone in the room. Keyon squeezed his arms for a second, reminding me that he was there.
“No one is broken,” Gunel said sharply. “People get injuries, but no one breaks. That’s catastrophizing. You’ll only feel worse about yourself, so stop exaggerating!”
“Right…” I said blankly, feeling more exhausted by the sentence. “The curse was an injury… and you all healed me… thank you.”
“Well, let me just get to the issue at hand,” Tesni said, holding up a palm and laughing nervously. “If I could just… stop getting interrupted here.” She looked sympathetically at me. “Your body is going to dive right into estrus, sweet one, and it’s going to be bad. You’re going to go through several waves of... heat. We warned Keyon about it already, and he’s aware he’s going to have to drive other males away from you. ”
“Why would males need to be driven away?” I asked, confused. Gunel just burst into dark laughter, which felt very ominous.
“Because you’re going to lure them in with your scent. Your body is going to make your fertility known,” Gunel said with another strained laugh. What in the name of the Sun God was wrong with this witch?
“They w-wouldn’t force me, would they?” I gasped, appalled.
“That’s why Keyon’s there. But he’ll be a problem too,” Tesni said. “You two are going to have to have a difficult conversation.”
My face erupted into flames, and I covered it with my hands. Oh my goddess, this was so embarrassing. The implication… Though I couldn’t imagine anyone else I’d rather spend my estrus with, what about Toast? What about what Keyon wanted? Oh gods, what should I say? He was just my escort! He had things to do!
“Wh-what if I just… was locked up during my cycle?” I asked through my hands. Keyon tensed again, but I had to ask. I had to go through my options. The world did not revolve around me.
“Well, good luck finding a place because you can’t stay here. We also don’t have a dungeon that could keep out that monster.” Gunel pointed behind me at Keyon and snorted. “Also, even though we’re a coven, we have males and menfolk here. We’d rather not have that kind of trouble.”
Someone like me. An outsider. That kind of trouble.
I withered and did my best to will away the tears. Crying wouldn’t help, at least not now. Maybe into my pillow later.
“You must think we’re heartless,” Arevik said sadly, “but we have to think of our own.”
“So, what am I?” I asked miserably. “I don’t feel like a wolf or a cat. I certainly don’t feel like a dragon. My beast just sounds… slow.”
“She’s just waking. Give her time,” Tesni advised, expertly evading my question.
“But what am I?” I pressed, removing my hands so I could look her in the face.
She shrugged. “Sorry, you have to discover that one yourself,” she said. “Keyon came here to get you healed, and that’s what we did. We don’t share our divining knowledge. To do so might interfere with Fate.”
“Unlike that Lunar Coven.” Gunel scoffed haughtily.
“Maybe we should have gone there instead, Keyon,” I mumbled. He chuckled and hummed in response.
“In the meantime,” Arevik said more jovially, “rest a bit before you head out. We’ll send some food for you.”
“Thank you,” I replied, forcing a smile. I was grateful but terribly tired.
The witches nodded and filed out of the room, leaving me alone with Keyon and my fears. Should I leave his lap or was it better to not look at him? I decided to move off and face him... except I couldn’t bring myself to look at the dragon-shifter. I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything! I just mindlessly traced a finger along the stitching in the blanket.
“Talk to me, moonflower,” he urged in his beautiful, clear voice. “What are you thinking?”
“A lot of things,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be…” he urged, placing his large, weathered hand on the blanket between us, like he wanted to hold mine. “It’s not your fault.” He had scars on his hands that I’d never noticed before now. He’d seen so much of the world and I so little. I felt deeply vulnerable, exposed and naked, like everyone knew what to expect but me.
“M-maybe we should go our separate ways, Keyon,” I proposed, even though it crushed my heart to suggest it. “I can’t force you into such an intimate situation. I can’t do that to Toast. You both have more critical things to take care of too.”
“Don’t… please don’t say that,” he pleaded, suddenly very emotional. It tugged at my heart, but I di dn’t know why he was so upset.
“Why? You have your mate out there somewhere, and I have mine,” I explained, broaching a topic I hadn’t wanted to discuss, not yet. It was incredibly painful. Perhaps I’d gotten too attached to him because I felt more dead inside with every word that came from my mouth. Pushing him away was agonizing.
“Elpis, what do you want? You ask me, but this is about you. Do you want me there?” he pressed anxiously.
“I don’t mind you being the one...” I murmured, blushing brighter than Keyon’s fire and flustered beyond words. “I just worry... it’s not right to ask someone to do this. I should just leave and find a cave somewhere to ride this out... This is also far too trivial for someone as important as you.”
Keyon seemed to get increasingly agitated, like he was on the verge of panicking. He reached out and grabbed my hands. “Please let me do this for you! I’ll protect you, I swear. I’m sure Toast will manage. You’ve already helped us so much. Let us return the favor. Please, Elpis. Please!”
I hazarded a glance up at him, and he looked on the verge of tears. I swallowed heavily. “I don’t understand this… I don’t…”
“And if you’re not a dragon, Elpis, and something happens, you won’t have to worry about pregnancy with me…” he said with a slightly bitter laugh.
Right, that...
“Am I really going to be that out of control?” I asked worriedly. “This all seems so extreme.”
“We’ll see… hopefully it won’t be as bad as they say.” He smiled half-heartedly.
“What if you fly off as Toast when I go through my... heat?”
He scowled and shook his head. “Look, I’ll fight it the best I can, but I’m not leaving you unguarded.”
Why is it everything he says makes me want to him to ride me? I thought miserably. Stupid hormones.
I placed my hands over my face, embarrassed by my thoughts, and groaned. “Where are we going now?” I sorely wished I knew where my life was headed. The future was so hazy.
He puffed out his cheeks and blew out a breath. “I don’t know. I guess back to the cabin? Maybe Leof will show up.” He shrugged and shook his head. “At least we got some answers here and took care of those curses. That took a huge load off my mind.”
There was a knock on the door, and a young lady brought in two trays of food. We thanked her, and she bustled out to do her next errand. I picked at the freshly baked bread, cheese, and fruit on my plate. It smelled wonderful… It was too bad I had no appetite.
At least not for food, my beast said unhelpfully.