Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Gordon had not slept this soundly in years. He knew it even before he roused to consciousness. He kept his eyes closed and breathed deeply, wondering why the air around him smelled so warm and alive.
Like lavender.
The scent settled in his insides, stirring tingles in him before a shadow fell across his face, before he opened his eyes and his entire body stiffened with awareness as he realized there was someone hovering around him.
His body reacted before his mind could think. His hand moved to his blade, and he surged upward as his eyes flew open. He caught the intruder in a swift move and pressed the steel to the person’s throat.
A gasp tore through the darkness. It was a shaky, breathless one that made Gordon freeze.
Blue eyes stared up at him, wide, round, and terrified.
Ailis.
Her face was pale with terror, her breath coming in quick, frightened pulls.
“Oh, heavens,” he grunted, recalling now that she had slept in his chamber the night before.
Gordon released her as though burned. He stumbled backward.
Ailis pressed one hand to her throat as she fell away from him too, gasping for air as she shook her head.
The fear in her eyes went straight through him. His stomach dropped, and he looked down at his own hand. “I apologize,” he stuttered again.
“Gordon…” Ailis began.
“I didnae…” His chest heaved. “I do apologize.”
One wrong move, and he would have cut her. Gordon’s insides tore with the ravaging burn of guilt as cold slithered through him.
“I didnae mean to hurt ye—”
Ailis reached for him while he rambled again. “It is all right,” she said softly. “It is all right… I am all right, Gordon.” She caught his hand and lifted it to her chest, her fingers warm around his. “I am nae hurt.”
Gordon kept breathing too hard, unable to steady himself, as Ailis lifted his hand and pressed his palm against her chest.
“Feel me heartbeat,” she whispered. “I am all right.”
His hand rested over her heart, and his eyes met her wide ones, searching as he wondered why she cared about consoling him when he just held a blade to her throat.
Her heart beat fast, but there was no panic in her eyes as she looked at him. Those blue rings drew him in, trapping him in a vortex of warmth he could not resist. One he did not want to resist.
“I didnae mean to scare ye,” he said, swallowing hard when he could finally find his voice.
Ailis gave a tiny, breathless laugh. “Ye did frighten me.”
His eyes closed. “I ken… I…” he trailed off again and shook his head. His chest heaved this time, and he exhaled slowly.
What would I have done if I hurt her?
A shudder wracked him, and Ailis felt it too, her eyes softening again before she shocked him by throwing her arms around his neck and drawing him into her.
Gordon went rigid when she hugged him.
Her cheek pressed against his chest, her arms circling his back as if she meant to keep him from falling apart under the weight of his guilt. Her lush body cushioned against the harder planes of his, and his eyes began to flutter closed even as he willed them to stay open.
He could not deny himself the warmth of her embrace, and he did not even think he needed it until she held him close.
Gordon exhaled into her hair, and her scent filled him again.
His arms moved around her before he could stop them, and he tightened his grip, needing to keep her close while his racing heart began to find its usual rhythm.
“I am all right,” she whispered to him again, the words bare on his throat. When she whimpered, he feared he held her too tightly and slackened his grip a little bit.
Ailis pulled back from him first and lifted her chin to stare at him. Gordon’s hands remained at her waist; their faces were close.
Maybe too close.
He could see deeper into her eyes. Those vivid blue eyes were like a magnet, and they refused to let him go. He heard the soft fall of her breath as her lips parted, and he stared at the curve, lost once again in how soft and moist they looked.
His heart picked up its pace again, pounding as he watched her lower lip tremble before she nibbled on it.
Gordon forced his eyes to move up. He could look at anything else as they stood close, but he did not.
His eyes traveled down to her lips again, and this time, the air he dragged into his lungs was loud and shuddery.
A specific part of his body tightened as he swallowed hard.
Ailis did not move away, even though he was certain his intent was clear in the way he looked at her. She merely lifted her chin a little higher, inching even closer as she tempted herself as much as he tempted himself.
When he felt the heat of her breath, he knew fighting this was going to be impossible. He was paralyzed with need and at the same time struggling to hold onto the last ounce of control he could find.
What am I doin’? Me village is in turmoil… I have two dead men and a terrified village. Me people are worried and terrified, and here I am wantin’ a woman I have nay business desirin’.
Yet he could not pull back. Every honorable instinct in him demanded it. Yet he could not move. His gaze remained fixed on her face.
He wanted the warmth of her. Wanted to draw her nearer. Wanted the softness of the mouth that had haunted his thoughts since the first time he had kissed it. And every heartbeat that passed without his moving away made the guilt grow heavier.
Heaven help me.
Ailis’s warm breath touched his lips.
Gordon’s eyes began to close. His hand moved before he could command it otherwise, settling at her waist. His fingers gathered the fabric of her skirts, clinging to it as though the slightest contact might steady the storm raging inside him.
Ailis moved closer, and her lips came near enough that he could feel the faint tremble of her breath against his mouth.
Gordon’s chest tightened. His eyes fell shut, and then her lips slanted over his. It was only a brush of her lips against his, but the searing jolt of pleasure it sent through him jarred him back to reality.
He broke away, and his hands came to her shoulders, setting her gently but firmly away from him.
“Nay.” The word came out as a groan.
Gordon shook his head, breathing hard, his eyes squeezed shut as though he could somehow deny what had just happened.
Groaning, Gordon strode from the chamber, the door shutting hard behind him. Only when he reached the empty corridor did he stop. He braced both hands against the cold stone and bowed his head.
His heart was still pounding. Her warmth still lingered against his mouth, and the worst part was not that he had kissed her.
It was that, for one breath, he had forgotten every reason he should not.