Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
The morning after, Gordon rode to the village before the sun had fully cleared the hills. He could not bear to stay in the keep until everyone woke because he knew he might see Ailis in the halls or in the yard.
And I daenae think I can see her and nae want her right now.
Every part of him was still wound up tight from touching her the night before, and he did not think he would recover from that anytime soon.
She is embedded deep inside of me now… a hunger I cannae shake.
He did not want to shake it either. He knew he could not have her, but this longing inside him he could at least cherish for as long as it lasted.
Gordon’s thoughts weighed heavily on him as he rode to the village that morning and tried to focus on clan matters instead.
There were walls to inspect, timber to measure, and men to direct.
All of that could occupy his mind at least for a day.
Stone and timber were simpler than people.
They did not look at him with questions he could not answer.
They did not make his chest tighten merely by smiling at him.
The village head, Tam, met him near the first of the ruined cottages, leaning heavily upon his staff.
“Me Laird,” he greeted, dipping his head. “The east cottages are near enough rebuilt. We have three roofs standin’ again, and the masons say the fourth will be finished by week’s end.”
Gordon dismounted and handed his reins to one of the lads.
He walked the grounds with Tam, inspecting the progress they had made in building the destroyed cottages. “Good. And the families?”
“Settled with their kin for now. The widows have been given grain from the keep stores. It hasnae been easy, and everyone has been fearful of a comin’ storm. We may lack enough shelter for some villagers if we daenae finish rebuildin’ soon.”
“See that they receive blankets before the next rain.”
Tam nodded. “Aye, Me Laird.”
Gordon walked with him through the village, inspecting each wall and speaking with the men who worked there. He questioned the masons, checked the timber, settled a dispute over the division of labor, and ordered another cart sent from the keep.
For hours, there was no room in his mind for anything else, or so he told himself.
Yet when the work slowed near midday, an unwelcome thought slipped through. He saw her as she had looked the night before, standing before him with hope in her eyes.
His chest tightened as he remembered her words.
Why would she want to stay here? With me?
He forced his attention back to the rebuilding.
By afternoon, Rowan arrived in the village with Malcolm, and Gordon was thankful for the company.
Gordon looked up as his brother approached across the muddy lane. “Ye are difficult to find these days,” Rowan said with a smile. “I was told ye left the keep before dawn. What was so important it couldnae wait till day broke?”
“I had to inspect the village,” Gordon answered even though he knew the smile his brother had on proved he did not believe him.
Rowan glanced toward the ruined cottages. “How much damage was done during the raid?”
“A lot,” Gordon answered grimly. “I have intensified patrol around every corner. Nay one is breakin’ through our defenses again.”
Rowan said nothing as they walked together beyond the village while the men continued working behind them.
The silence between them stretched as Gordon pondered what to do next. The only way he knew to make sure Ailis did not ruin her life by staying by his side was to send her away.
It is what I should have done since she first arrived here.
At first, he had wanted her to leave on her own because he was certain she would… Then he had completely forgotten his plan and let himself get lost in simply enjoying her presence.
Now, that has to end too.
Gordon cleared his throat and rubbed one hand on the back of his neck. “I have been thinkin’ of a new alliance for our clans,” Gordon said. “If we strengthen the western routes, our clans can share patrols along the pass. Neither of us needs to bear the cost alone.”
Rowan studied him with quiet approval. “Ye have been plannin’ this for some time.”
“Aye. Waitin’ for trouble to come is how men lose good land.”
Rowan stopped walking and now faced him. “Kerr is our major threat on the western borders. Do ye mean to make a move for his lands before he does the same to ye?”
Gordon shook his head. “I daenae intend to start a war, but I intend to give him reasons nae to try startin’ one with us.”
Rowan nodded. “That is wise. It is nae what our uncle would have done.”
Rowan was silent for a moment, his gaze following the smoke rising from the newly rebuilt cottages. Gordon’s throat tightened at the comment, and he felt that familiar crushing weight settle on his chest again.
The mention of Alistair struck like an old hand around his throat. His jaw tightened, and his fingers curled slowly at his sides.
“Ye ken,” he said quietly, “our uncle would never have thought twice about any of this. Rebuildin’ cottages for the people?” Rowan scoffed. “The people suffered when he was laird, but things are different now. Ye are different.”
Gordon swallowed, confused by the way his heart softened just from Rowan’s compliment.
“I daenae think I much different. Allistair raised me to be just like him, and the people here…” He trailed off then exhaled. “They fear me.”
“Nay,” Rowan said firmly. “Ye are different from him, Gordon.” Gordon’s eyes returned to his brother. “I have seen these people since ye came here. I have watched them change around ye.”
He gestured toward the village.
“The men are loyal and content. They work for ye because they ken ye will work beside them. They trust ye with their families, their homes, their lives.”
Gordon’s expression tightened. “Some still fear me.”
“Some always will. Ye have a reputation that willnae vanish in a year, and as a ruler, ye must instill in yer people some sort of fear.” Rowan’s mouth softened. “But fear is nae what I see when I look at these men.”
Gordon said nothing.
“They ken ye are a good ruler,” he continued. “That is why this marriage is a good decision. Nae merely for ye. For them. It will give the people hope for the future.”
Gordon spoke up now. “I am thinkin’ of callin’ off the bethrothal.”
Rowan stared at him. “Endin’ the betrothal?”
“Aye.”
Rowan’s brows squished together as he frowned. “Why?”
“Because I shouldnae have agreed to it in the first place. I did so because I dinnae wish to refuse ye. But also, I willnae trap her.”
Rowan’s brows drew together. “Trap her?”
Gordon looked away. “She deserves better than this, better than me.”
“Ailis looks happier than I have seen her in two years. She laughs and works beside the servants like she has ken them her entire life. The children adore her. She has made this keep feel alive again.”
“That doesnae mean she wishes to marry me.”
“Nay,” Rowan agreed. “But neither does it mean ye have trapped her, me brother.”
Gordon’s jaw tightened. “Why would she want to remain here? With a man feared by half the countryside?”
“Perhaps she doesnae fear ye.”
“They call me a dragon, Rowan. For good reason. I am nae a good man; I am nae fit to be husband to someone as innocent and pure as her. She’s…” Gordon stopped himself, realizing with painful clarity that he was about to call her precious.
Rowan’s expression sobered like he sensed what Gordon was about to say. “Ye care for her,” he muttered.
“It doesnae matter what I feel.”
“If ye dissolve this bindin’ now, do ye ken what happens to her?”
Rowan sighed before continuing. “She is young. She has already fled one betrothal, and now, this one will be broken as well. There will be men who whisper. Some will call her troublesome. Others will wonder what fault lies with her. She willnae be able to find another match.”
Gordon’s stomach tightened.
“And Kerr?” Rowan continued quietly. “He would swoop in and try to strike an alliance with yer brother for her hand. Kenin’ Ailis, she would be miserable with Laird Kerr.”
The image of Kerr touching Ailis came unbidden, and a hard knot lodged beneath Gordon’s ribs.
Gordon’s hands curled slowly into fists. “Kerr willnae have her.”
“Only if ye go through with the bindin’ and make her yers.”
Gordon faced his brother now. “And what if I cannae be a husband to her? What if she is miserable for the rest of her days because of me?”
Rowan planted a hand on Gordon’s shoulder now. “She has nay reason to be.”
Gordon swallowed hard again and looked away from his brother. He wanted to believe Rowan. He wanted more than anything to believe Ailis would be content being with him.
Ailis discovered that there was no corner of MacLaren Castle where she could take three steps without someone asking about her binding.
The last thing she wanted to discuss was the binding, especially after how Gordon cast her aside last night. She still burned with embarrassment.
Her cheeks remained warm, but the discomfort ran deeper than that. Her stomach had drawn itself into a tight little knot, and every time the conversation returned to her mind, it seemed to pull tighter.
She pressed her palms against her skirts and tried to hide her nerves while walking down the hallway.
“How many guests are comin’?” Jane asked as they walked the hallways.
“Have ye chosen yer veil?” Marion questioned.
“Will ye wear Sinclair blue?”
“Have ye decided upon flowers?”
“Has the Laird chosen the music?”
The questions seemed to follow her from the kitchens to the great hall and back again until Ailis felt as though the entire castle had decided to marry her before she had even decided whether she wished to be married at all.
By midday, Sorcha rescued her. Or, as Ailis suspected, merely carried her from one sort of torture to another.
The carriage rattled along the muddy village road, the wheels striking stones as Sorcha sat opposite with a basket of ribbons beside her.
“Ye have been strangely quiet,” Sorcha observed with a soft smile when Ailis lifted her head to look at her.
“I am thinkin’.”