Chapter 45
Chapter forty-five
Kesley returned to Longbourn in mid-January. He had taken the mail coach back, arriving at Longbourn in the evening, and slept the next morning away to recover.
Valeraine was waiting in the nest, leaning against Lelantos’ side, enjoying his soft warmth.
He was sleeping and she could feel the twinkle of feelings from his dreams — happy and adventurous.
It was soothing to her mood, but Merna still nagged at her thoughts, sending them spinning every time they almost settled.
Kesley entered the nest, freshly made up for the day just in time for lunch with Valeraine. This is what she needed, whom she’d been waiting for.
“Val!” he greeted cheerfully.
“Kesley,” Valeraine said morosely.
“Did things with Mr. Pemberley go that poorly?”
“No. Well, yes. Kind of.”
Kesley came to her side, leaning against Lelantos. The dragon twitched in his sleep, and Valeraine felt his small irritation. Even unconscious, the curmudgeonly dragon wanted to make his dislike of Kesley known.
“What happened?” he asked kindly. “Will Pemberley keep your secret?”
“Yes, he will,” she sighed. “That’s not — the issue is that I’m questioning everything now.”
“Everything?”
“Well, if Longbourn really could use an egg, or if we should just let the house die.”
“Pemberley is a repulsive gentleman; his opinion isn’t worth guano. Of course Longbourn should be saved,” Kesley said.
“It wasn’t Pemberley. Merna has infected me with her ruthless practicality.”
“Ah, Merna.”
“Yes, Merna,” Valeraine said. “And now I shall never race again, and not chase after an egg, and accept the decline of everything I hold dear.”
He snorted. “How can you resist the logical persuasion of Merna, after all?”
“But if I was stronger and smarter, maybe that’s what I would do. She said an egg will only burden the tenants, and I can’t see how she’s wrong.”
“The tenants are proud to be part of Longbourn. I know them; I work with them. Even if it’s inconvenient, I’m certain they would celebrate you for an egg, for Longbourn rising again.”
“I suppose you’re right…” Valeraine said.
“Of course I am. Think of it this way: whether you fail or succeed, someone will be happy. With a new egg, all of Longbourn house can rejoice for generations. If you fail at getting the egg, then Merna and her practicality can rejoice. There’s no reason not to try.
The house that loses a derby, no-one remembers.
The house that wins a derby gains prestige.
I wish I could fight for Sidton house like you can for yours, so don’t squander it. ”
Valeraine nodded. There wasn’t any harm in trying. Her secret was safe with Pemberley, and Papa had given his grudging approval. “How was the holiday at Sidton house?” Valeraine asked, apprehensive about the answer.
“It was the same as it always is. I fought with my older brothers, and even when I got in a fistfight with Odisolm my father didn’t notice me. He noticed the black eye I gave Odisolm, though.”
“That’s terrible!” Valeraine searched Kesley’s face for bruises, but didn’t see any.
“No, I wasn’t hurt badly,” Kesley said, seeing her inspection.
“I’m better at dodging. This old lizard,” he nodded at Lelantos, “gives me plenty of practice.” He sighed.
“I tried to help with our dragons, you know? I have more experience with difficult drakes than any of them, and they still turned me away.”
“They don’t know what they’re missing.”
“Precicely. I wish I could feel half as connected to Sidton nest — the one that should be my birthright, if I didn’t have so many brothers — as I do to Longbourn.”
“You have a home here, Kesley, even if the one you were born into doesn’t have room for you.” Valeraine was glad he felt so connected to Longbourn, at least.
She considered bringing up their courtship, but Kesley seemed in a foul mood at the moment. She would ask tomorrow. Or, she remembered her advice to Alyce: if the love was true, he would come to her. She should let him hunt her affections, not the other way around. He was just distracted right now.
“Thank you, Valeraine.” Kesley grabbed her hand and squeezed it, affectionately. “Longbourn really is the best thing that ever happened to me. Here, I have a purpose, a place as a dragoneer. I get to spend all my time with you, a beautiful lady, and a distinguished dragon.”
“And we’re lucky to have you.”
Kesley clapped his hands together. “So, what is your next challenge? How will the daring Val save her house next?”
Valeraine allowed the conversation to move away from Kesley. He would court her when he was settled into Longbourn again, she was sure. “There’s the Royal derby in March, but the next derby I’ve registered for is at Pemberley Estate in February.”
“And how did your talk with Mr. Pemberley go? Are you safe to race in his derby?”
“It’s safe.” Valeraine knew that with certainty. But when she pictured herself going to his house, flying on his lands…. What would he think of her? Flaunting her power over him. She would have to see him again. “But I’m not sure I should.”
“Val, you are a dragoness. Pemberley will tremble before you.”
A few days ago, Valeraine would have been pleased with Mr. Pemberley being afraid of her.
Now, she just wanted peace between them.
A peace she could never claim now. There was too much of a tangle, too many insults and misunderstandings and blackmail to sort out.
Pemberley might not exactly be her enemy, but he would never think well of her.
What would she even say to him? She would not apologize for her rudeness, which had been entirely provoked by his rudeness. She might pledge to keep his secret. But she did not want to reopen any dialogue between them; it was closed, it was done, and she was done with Mr. Bennington Pemberley.
Valeraine almost told Kesley of Pemberley’s proposal, craving his reaction. Would he be jealous? Would it inspire him to give his own proposal?
But there was too much of Pemberley’s proposal that she didn’t want to explain to Kesley.
How could she tell Kesley she didn’t hate Pemberley any longer because she had been mistaken?
How could she explain the proposal had been one of the most aggravating moments of her life, and yet now she wished she could hear it again, to see if it was truly so horrid, now that she understood him differently?
She would keep things simple with Kesley. Pemberley was taken care of, nothing to worry about, and certainly not a romantic rival to Kesley. Kesley would just have to find his own motivation to court Valeraine, and she would wait for him.
“You will ride in the Pemberley derby, and win!” Kesley said expansively. He took her hand, and kissed it. “You will revitalize Longbourn, with eggs aplenty, and Lelantos will live long by your side.”
“Yes, I will.” Seeing Pemberley again would be torture, but Valeraine could endure that for her house. “And when I build up Longbourn to glory, where will you be? At my side, growing old with me and my dragon?”
“Who can say what the future holds?” Kesley turned away from her, and took up the scrub brush for Lelantos. The dragon flinched away from the first touch of his brush, then settled down and let him continue.
What did her future hold? It was time to take it in her hands.
She wanted this nest to be bursting with dragons.
And she wanted a companion by her side, building the nest with her.
Like Kesley always did. When she imagined her future, he was always in it.
“True, we can’t know what the future holds, but we make our future through our actions, our commitments,” she said.
Valeraine couldn’t finish the thought. She couldn’t propose marriage to him; he would have to lead in that step.
Especially because she would be asking him to leave his birth house for Longbourn.
True, his house held very little for him, crowded with five older brothers, but it was still his family.
Kesley looked at her, intensely focused. He did not miss her meaning. He shrugged and returned to the brushing. “The future is years away. Now, we have to get Lelantos in shape.”
Kesley was right for Longbourn in a way she could hardly describe. It would be a tactical union for both of them.
Did she want a tactical marriage? If she had truly wanted that, she could have accepted Rosings, or even Pemberley.
But those futures had been strategic for herself, and marrying Kesley would be for Longbourn’s future.
Her heart yearned for Kesley, this perfect partner.
She yearned for security and for Lelantos, her other half.
The future before her was plain: she would race in the Pemberley derby, then the Royal derby, and get an egg for Longbourn. If she failed to get the egg, at least Merna would be happy.
If only her romance was so simply outlined.