Chapter 13
Stesha
My teeth are aching and my knot is uncomfortably swollen as I pass through the castle gates and enter the city. I left things too late. I should be safely inside by now, but the fledglings needed me. Also, Zenevieve has been forlorn, and I didn’t want to leave her.
The world around me is overbright and unreasonably clear. Sensations are pouring into my brain, too many of them to sort out, and all of them annoy me.
If I had a mate, I might enjoy my ruts.
No, I think longingly. I know I would.
After a decade and a half of spending days on end in discomfort, frustration, loneliness, and anger, I wish I could be done with my ruts. I might go my whole life without once experiencing an enjoyable one. With every year that passes without my mate, it becomes more likely.
I turn down a street, and I don’t recognize where I am.
Fuck, I’ve gone the wrong way. People are so noisy, and they’re all jostling me, and I have to bite back a snarl of anger as I turn around and stalk back up the street, dousing the area with my rutting scent.
A few people cast me interested glances, or move hypnotically to follow me, but I ignore them.
Alphas fall into two categories: those who want to fuck everything that moves or those who want no one until they find their mate.
I fall into the latter group because I know I’m fated to an Omega.
I can feel it with as much certainty as I know that sunshine is warm and that Nilak is my dragon.
I used to believe that made me one of the lucky ones. So where is she?
Where is she?
I’m nearly thirty, and in my darkest, most wretched, and hopeless moments, usually when I’m at the tail end of another lonely rut, I’ve fantasized about throwing myself from Nilak into the sea because I’m so tired of always being alone.
If I didn’t know it would break Nilak’s and Zenevieve’s hearts, the only hearts in the world that matter to me, maybe I would have done it by now.
I finally arrive at my destination at the end of a long alleyway, and I reach for the door handle.
A quavering voice speaks behind me. “You lied to me?”
I turn around and see Zenevieve standing a few feet away from me, her sparkling green eyes filled with tears.
She stares from me to the building I’m about to enter and back to me again. “This is a ruthouse, isn’t it? This is where Alphas go to spend their ruts with lavishes.” Zenevieve’s shoulders shake, and she dissolves into tears. “So you do see lavishes. Who is she? Is she prettier than me?”
I smell jealousy on her. I smell frustration and heartache.
She’s had a shock, and I’m reeking like this, and now she’s upset.
Betas sometimes can’t help but react this way around a familiar Alpha who’s in a rut.
They grow attached via scent and mistake their feelings for something deeper.
I feel helpless as I watch her cry, knowing I’m the reason.
No one’s prettier than you, Zen.
I bite back those words, which would be massively unhelpful in the circumstances. I don’t want to look at my ward and see the loveliest young woman I’ve ever beheld. She doesn’t need to know I think she’s beautiful, because she’s not my mate.
But gods, when I realized she started having feelings for me, I wished she was. The man who has Zenevieve as his mate will be the luckiest man in the world.
I take a step toward her, feeling a wave of jealousy at the thought of Zenevieve with another man.
When she was younger, I could brush off my jealous feelings about Zabriel, Emmeric, Dandro, and other men paying her attention as protectiveness, but she’s eighteen now.
I’m not being protective when I glare at other men who try to talk to her. I’m just plain jealous.
I take a step toward her, resisting the urge to pull her into my arms and bury my face in her throat.
Even just looking at her right now soothes my temper.
A kiss would be more sweetness than I’ve ever known.
A bite would be paradise. “Zen, I don’t see lavishes.
This is just the best place in the city for an Alpha to go when he’s in a rut.
The only comfort I seek is a quiet room away from all irritations so I don’t lose my temper and rip someone’s head off. ”
I started coming here during my ruts after I took her in so she didn’t have to put up with a noisy, angry Alpha in the home. The poor girl had enough upheaval to deal with already.
Zenevieve presses both of her palms against my bare chest and entreats me. “I wish you didn’t leave. I miss you so much when you go.”
I swallow a groan as her fingers press against my muscles. Zenevieve’s touch is heavenly. “You wouldn’t like me to be at home in this state. I can’t sleep, I pace around all night in a bad mood, and I reek.”
“I have never minded your temper. You always smell lovely, and your scent is even better now.” She reaches up on tiptoe and strokes her fingers through my hair and down my oversensitive nape.
That’s where my scent gland is, and it feels so good to be touched there that I can’t hide it.
I groan in relief and wrap both my arms around her, lifting her up off the ground.
Zenevieve is so fucking beautiful. I always think so, but right now with her lovely body pressed against mine, I can’t remember why I walked away and left her at the dragongrounds.
It wouldn’t be so terrible if I kept her with me, would it?
Zenevieve wraps her arms around my neck and takes a deep breath of my scent. “You go into this building where Alphas spend time with lavishes, and you’ll be all alone?”
Eyes closed and with my arms locked tight around her, I nod.
“Take me in there with you,” she whispers. “We can be together for your rut.”
Pretty girl, my Alpha growls possessively. Luscious girl. Lovely, sweet Beta who only wants to please me.
I walk forward with Zen in my arms until her back is pressed against the wall and her body is trapped by mine.
I groan as she shifts her thighs to wrap around my hips and her softness molds itself to me.
My knot aches and thickens. My mouth seeks her throat.
An Alpha isn’t meant to spend his rut alone, but I always have, restless and frustrated, waiting for my Omega.
What Omega? What fucking Omega?
Frustration lances through my knot. I am so certain that she exists, and yet I have not seen one sign of her in all my years. By all the fucking gods, my teeth hurt. I put my hand over my mouth and squeeze my jaw.
“Are your dragines hurting?”
I nod and take a lungful of her sweet, familiar scent.
“What do they feel like?”
“Like teeth.” I feel a rush of heat just saying teeth to her. I imagine sweeping her silky black hair aside and sinking my teeth into her nape. How beautiful Zenevieve would look with my red teeth marks etched into her flesh.
I press my lips to Zenevieve’s throat, and she gives the most delicious pant. Her breasts are crushed pleasingly to my chest. She’s too precious to be a lavish. She can’t be used once or twice and discarded. I would never do that to her.
But I could hold her like this. There’s nothing wrong with just holding someone.
Go into that building.
Take Zen with you.
My head is filled with hunger and growling.
Her arms are locked tightly around me. Her hair is so silky. Drawing my fingers through it, I picture this lovely black hair spread out on my pillow. Stroking her cheeks and then her throat. Feeling her hands caress me. Smoothing down my chest. Seeking my knot.
If I take her into the ruthouse with me, I’m not going to be able to resist touching Zenevieve, kissing her, undressing her.
Making her come so she moans my name and begs for more.
I’ll coax surrender from her again and again until she gives me everything, which she will because Zenevieve has always been so, so eager to please me.
That thought alone nearly has me walking into that building with Zenevieve in my arms. It’s dangerous how much I adore that she so desires to please me.
I have just enough of a grip on my sanity to understand that there’s been a very good reason why I’ve always kept away from Zenevieve during my ruts, and it’s got nothing to do with my temper and pacing around at night.
I take a deep breath, set Zenevieve back on her feet, and step away from her. My arms ache as I release her, and my dragines throb.
“Stesha,” she whimpers, seeing my closed expression. “Please, let me come with you.”
I’ve always tried to tell Zenevieve the truth, but right now, I have no choice but to lie through my teeth. “I don’t want you here. Go home.”
“I think that you do,” she says, stepping closer. Her sweet scent envelops me, and it’s filled with her arousal. Gods, she smells incredible. I want her scent all over me. I want her on my tongue.
I rub the heel of my hand between my eyes, trying to clear the angry snarling in my head. My Alpha wants her so much he’s rampaging around inside my skull.
I am not my rut. I’m the one who’s in control.
“Please, Stesha. I can…”
“I said go home,” I snarl, and the words reverberate with my Alpha roar.
Zenevieve flinches and is compelled to step back.
I turn on my heel and march inside the building, slamming the door behind me. I won’t ever forget the hurt that I’ve inflicted on her beautiful face.
Upstairs, one of the attendants shows me to a room, mercifully swiftly, and doesn’t try to talk to me or offer the services of any of the lavishes. I’ve been coming here long enough that they know I’m not interested in company. I just want to be alone, now more than ever.
I lean against the closed door in my private room and struggle to breathe. My Alpha is rampaging around inside my skull. The vast, empty bed meant for two is mocking me.
Go back and get Zenevieve. Kiss her. Claim her.
Another man is going to steal her from you if you don’t do something.
It will happen any day now. Do you want that, you foolish fucking Alpha?
They’re all watching her, coveting her, sniffing her.
Once she’s yours, no one will dare touch her. No one will dare look at her again.
She’ll take your cock beautifully even if she’s not your mate.
I slide down to the floor and let my head hang between my knees. Why am I being tested so cruelly? Why must happiness be something that happens only to other people?
My eyes open. Slowly I lift my head.
What is that sweet scent I can smell in the building?