Chapter 29 #2
I lean over her and press a kiss to her lips. “I’m glad, aash’lin.” Then I pause, and frown. “Are you saying that you haven’t been bringing yourself to orgasm while you’re enduring your false heat?”
Her lower lip catches between her teeth as she shakes her head. “I’ve been too unhappy and uncomfortable.”
My heart contracts in sympathy. It must have been torture for her.
“Aash’lin, my sweet girl. No wonder you have been so overwrought and suffering.
You must make yourself come several times a day when you’re in heat, even a false one.
Come to me if you wish, and I will do it for you. You need only ask.”
“I can…ask you to make me come?” she asks in a hesitant voice. “Even if you are in your bed?”
“As many times as you need. It’s my duty and pleasure to make you happy, always and forever. And it is our bed, not my bed.”
Her face creases, and she bursts into tears. “I’m really your mate then? You mean it?”
I hold her against my chest and rock her in my arms. Poor, emotional little Omega. “You are, aash’lin. All mine. Every tear-sodden inch of you,” I add with a smile.
“I’m a dr-dragonrider,” she says between sobs, trying and failing to dry her cheeks, because more just keep coming. “I’m supposed to be brave, not cry all the time.”
“You’re feeling every frightening and heartbreaking thing that’s happened to you, which is hard, but it’s a good thing. We’ll get through this together.” I smile and press kisses to her cheeks. “Also, you are very cute when you cry, and it gives me a reason to make a fuss of you.”
“You should make a fuss of me always anyway,” she says with a pout, and then looks surprised at herself. “I don’t know why I said that.”
I laugh softly. “It’s your Omega talking. Sometimes my Alpha takes over and makes me say things, like that time long ago when I rounded on you and demanded you call me Alpha.”
Zenevieve’s eyes widen. “I remember. You were so wonderfully ferocious. I would have called you Alpha. I longed to call you Alpha. Can I call you that now?”
I kiss her again. “Of course you can. You are my Omega and my mate.” I’ll tell her as many times as she needs to hear it.
She runs her lower lip through her teeth and glances around at the underside of Nilak’s wing. “It’s cozy in here with you, Alpha. Nilak’s made me a little nest. I feel like maybe I might be an Omega, but I’m not sure. I don’t know the way I’m supposed to feel.”
“You can feel any way that you want.”
She draws me down for another kiss. “Does Nilak mind us carrying on like this under her wing?”
“Nilak is happy for us. But she says she’ll bite my head off if I break your heart again.”
Her hands tighten desperately on my shoulders. “You won’t, will you? You’re not going to come to your senses and push me away again, are you?”
“I have come to my senses, aash’lin. I’m more in my right mind than I ever have been.”
I press a slow kiss to her lips, cradling her head in my hand. Zenevieve’s anxiety ebbs away, and I feel her grow wonderfully relaxed.
“All right,” she whispers. “But I don’t want to go back to Lenhale. Not yet. I want to stay with you right here until…until I’m sure.”
Until she’s sure that I’m not going to break her heart as soon as we return to the capital. In a day or so when her false heat passes off, and I’m still by her side, still calling her my mate, I hope she’ll feel less afraid.
“We can stay here as long as you need. There are dried rations in Nilak’s bags. There’s a stream not far away. I can fetch us water while Nilak stays here with you and Calyx. We don’t have to go anywhere.”
“A-all right,” she says, letting out a breath and relaxing a little. She hesitates and looks up at me.
“What is it, aash’lin?”
“Can you please kiss me some more?”
I smile and capture her lips with mine. She doesn’t even need to ask.
I will kiss her for as long as she needs.
I can taste her perfume on her lips. Faintly, but it’s there.
I don’t know why she isn’t perfuming as strongly as Omegas in a false heat normally would, but nothing about Zenevieve’s situation is normal.
It could be because of her lavish sickness.
It could be because of her trauma or Emmeric’s magic, but it doesn’t matter to me what her designation is or what it looks like, as long as she’s mine.
After several minutes of passionate kissing, she goes limp in my arms, panting for breath. She looks like she wants more, but she also looks exhausted.
“You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
“Close your eyes. Rest for a while.”
Her hands tighten on my shoulders. “You won’t leave me, will you?”
“Only to fetch water and wash that stupid Alpha’s blood off me. It offends me that his scent is in your nest.” Zenevieve still looks afraid, and so I add, “I will hold you until you fall asleep, and then Nilak will guard you. You trust Nilak to keep you safe, don’t you?”
“I do,” she finally admits, relaxing a little.
“Rest. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
I hold her close to me and make my scent as rich and comforting as possible. She grows drowsy and drunk in my arms, burrowing into me and making sweet little noises. Her false heat has made her restless and upset, but finally she grows still, and her breathing evens out.
I watch her sleeping for a long time, gently caressing her face, and tucking her hair behind her ears. My mate, who I can care for and adore and make happy. Who’ll be fierce and beautiful by my side, and beloved by the flare. I’ve finally found her. I can finally see her for who she is.
I sit up and pull my shirt on, and carefully ease myself out from beneath Nilak’s wing, leaving a naked Zenevieve curled up fast asleep in my cloak.
Outside the cave, the breeze is cool and fresh compared to down in Lenhale. Summertime has made the mountainside colorful with flowers, and I follow the sound of water trickling toward a stream.
In my mind, I call to my dragon. Is Zenevieve all right, Nilak?
Stesha’s mate is asleep.
I smile as I walk along. Stesha’s mate. I love the way that sounds.
Over the next two days, Zenevieve sleeps a great deal, and so does the Omega dragon, Calyx.
My mate needs her rest after everything that’s happened, but the dragon has no such excuse.
I think he’s just lazy. Sometimes I wonder if he does anything but sleep.
I watch them snoozing together and I wonder if they will bond, but I doubt it.
They like each other just fine, but there is no spark between them.
No dragon could replace Minta, not even Shar could have done that, but Zenevieve will fly again.
Her dragon will be as lively and spirited as she is.
I expect Zenevieve’s false heat to fade in less than a day, but two days later she’s as feverish and sensitive to light as ever.
I press the cool backs of my fingers to her brow. “If this is a false heat, it should have ended by now.”
“Maybe it’s a true heat.”
“I don’t think so. You’re lucid and your fever isn’t very high.
” She’s not begging me to fuck her, though I have made her come several times to ease her through it.
In a true heat, her desire would make her desperate and unable to think of anything else.
I’ve seen it with the dragons. “How long have you been feeling like this?”
“Days. Weeks. I think I’m stuck. Maybe this is never going to end.” Her face creases in a sob. “I knew it. I’m broken.”
I cradle Zenevieve in my arms. “Aash’lin, I’m sorry this is so upsetting.”
“Because…because…” She suddenly looks terrified. “If I’m not a proper Omega, you won’t want me. I know it’s all you’ve wanted.”
“Zen, listen to me. I have never said that I want an Omega. I have only ever wanted my mate. Do you understand the difference?”
She searches my eyes. “You may not have said it out loud, but I know that’s what you crave in your heart. All Alphas do.”
“I don’t give a damn what your designation is. You could be an Alpha like Nilak and boss me around for the rest of my life, and I would worship the ground you walked on.”
Zenevieve smiles a little at that, and I do everything I can to reassure her, but I know that she doesn’t believe me.
She’s seen the way King Aylard, Emmeric, Zabriel, and Kane obsess over Omegas.
It didn’t help that I rejected her for an elusive Omega, even though it was her I was seeking all along.
I squeeze her hand. “Shall we go home, aash’lin? Our home, together.”
Zenevieve looks terrified. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m not in a rut. My head is clear. I promise that your heart is safe with me.” I press a kiss to her lips, and whisper, “I want to take my mate home.”
My mate. How I love to call her my mate.
Finally, she nods and lets me help her to her feet. I had hoped that when we left this mountain, she’d feel secure with me and know she could trust me, but I can see that it’s going to take longer than two days to undo all her fears.
When we emerge from the cave, the light is upsetting for her, but I keep her close to my chest as I carry her up onto Nilak. All the way home, I kiss her and murmur soft words to her. After we land at the dragongrounds, I keep a tight hold of her.
“How does my mate feel?” I ask. We’re out of sight of everyone behind Nilak. No one needs to know our business until Zenevieve feels secure.
She holds me tightly around the waist and thinks for a long time. “I will go to the Hratha’len. I want to know what’s wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, but I hope they can suggest some ways to ease your distress. Would you like for me to go with you?”
She thinks for a moment and then shakes her head. “It’s all right. You see to the dragons because they have missed you. I will seek out Mother Linnea. She knows me better than any of the other temple women.”
I’m sure Mother Linnea will be delighted to hear that Zenevieve spent several days alone with me, naked with me, and being touched and kissed and held by me.
To Mother Linnea, my name is mud. Lower than mud.
But Zenevieve is right, and she is the best person to counsel her right now.
“All right. When you are finished, I’ll be with the dragons, or I’ll be in our rooms. I won’t be anywhere else.
Look for me as soon as you’re finished at the temple, and if you are too long, I will seek you out myself. ”
“I will find you with the dragons or in your rooms,” she promises.
“Our rooms,” I insist. “Ours.”
I kiss her one last time and let her go, hating the traces of unhappiness in her scent. I wish I could make her understand that no matter her designation or what it looks like, I want only her.
I take stock of the flare, and notice that there’s much activity around the nesting caves. Scourge is guarding the entrance, and there’s a soft chirruping from within.
I smile to myself as I realize what this means. There are new dragons in the nesting caves. While we were gone, Esmeral’s hatchlings have emerged from their eggs. The flare is growing stronger.