Chapter 58
A LOVELY DAY TRIP TO THE CORAL COAST, THE WISDOM OF DOLPHINS, INSPIRATION STRIKES
Dirk was itchy all over after dumping the unconscious Heroes off Calumbria, and no amount of rolling in the abrasive sand of the Ashburnum desert could abate his discomfort.
Not that he’d miss Beau, but it’d all felt sneaky, underhanded.
Especially since he’d used his command over air and water to render Beau unconscious so the knight wouldn’t struggle during the flight.
The princess was going to pissed when she found out.
She would undoubtedly express her displeasure with a good deal of shouting, jabs of her hairpin (though she was getting really good with that cutlass), and no small amount of cussing.
All of which would not put her in the mood to bake teacakes, which the little dragon had become most fond of.
As this was all Bradley’s fault, Dirk thought it would be best if he didn’t return to the tower at all and let her and the apprentice figure it out. The little dragon gulped down an indurus spell and swept over the dunes far to the south until he reached the Coral Coast.
It was the most beautiful coastline of the entire continent and the most deadly for all its many reefs that could tear through the bottom of a ship faster than a third son could gamble away his inheritance.
There was no freshwater here, either, so no one visited the brightly colored corals and the clear blue water except for the local fish population, the dolphins, and the mermaids of course.
Marvelous conversationalists, those dolphins were, and the mermaids weren’t half bad either.
Conversationalists and therapists, for who better to give advice and impart sage wisdom than a creature whose entire environment shifted daily with the tide?
Their lives were nothing but change and adaptation, and Dirk was in need of some guidance, or at least a sympathetic ear.
As luck would have it, either by his glimmering scales or the random fortune that flowed through the ether of the world, the mermaids were sunning themselves upon the flats of the tide pools while their dolphin friends whistled amongst the shallows.
“What’s this now?” a mermaid with orange scales and turquoise fins exclaimed. “A Mini Red?”
“Perhaps it’s like the scorpions of the desert—smaller but more lethal than the big ones.” Her pink-scaled companion was already scooching off her perch. “Dive, girls! Dive!”
“Wait!” Dirk put on a burst of speed. “I’m only enchanted to look like a red dragon. Please, I’m a pescatarian.”
“Not better,” shouted the mermaid with the yellow scales. “You’re a fish killer! You’re probably the wretch who ate my beloved porcupine fish, Blowspike.” She hurled herself into the water with a wail.
Dirk looked to the other mermaids. “But . . . don’t your dolphin friends eat fish?”
“Never mind Elaine, she’s on a cleanse and thinks everything is an apocalyptic event,” said the orange-scaled mermaid. “So you’re a Mini Red who isn’t a Mini Red?”
“Yes! Watch this.” Dirk flattened his faux wings against his body and performed a series of aerial acrobatics that had half the mermaids clapping at the end.
“What a strange little thing you are, and that’s saying something when you have flowerhorn cichlid and blobfish swimming about in your backyard. I’m Lizbeth.” The mermaid with the orange scales held out her hand.
“I’m Dirk.” He dutifully swept her hand up to his muzzle and kissed her knuckles.
“These are my friends, Jordyn, Whitney, and Megan.”
The mermaids nodded and smiled, and the one with the opalescent scales and brown skin took an oyster out of her fishnet purse, pried it open, and offered it to him. “Snack?”
“I would be delighted. Thank you.” He slurped the oyster down, coughed up a green pearl, and offered it back to Whitney.
“No, no. You keep that.” Whitney smiled.
Dirk had nothing in his satchel other than his rice paper spells and an Anti-Fainting orange, which he produced and offered.
The mermaids exclaimed something about how they usually had to wait for storms to break ships apart so they could get their webbed hands on these tasty little fruits, and Lizbeth carefully divided into four equal portions amongst them.
“Well, now that we are all friends,” the mermaid said, “what brings you to the Coral Coast, Dirk?”
“Iodine and Vitamin D deficiency?” asked Whitney.
“Girl’s day?” said Megan, the tall mermaid with long blond hair as golden as her scales. She tapped her chin. “Hmm, seems you forgot the wine.”
“He’s a boy, Megan,” Lizbeth whispered.
“Like boys don’t want to wiggle their toes in the sand and bitch about their spouses over sangria? Don’t gatekeep.”
Jordyn cupped her chin in her hands and leaned forward. Her pink scales rippled with excitement. “Have you set your old life on fire and are looking to start fresh somewhere else?”
Dirk recoiled at the excited gleam in Jordyn’s eyes. “N-no. I, um, was hoping to get some advice. I know you mermaids and your dolphin friends are really good at that sort of thing.”
“Quite right you are.” Lizbeth whistled. “Whisperwave, this little Mini Red who isn’t a Mini Red needs your assistance, please.”
A sleek gray body left the pod sunning themselves in the shallows and slid through the water with nary a ripple. A bottlenose snout lifted from the water, followed by two glossy black eyes.
Dirk and Whisperwave exchanged the necessary niceties before the little dragon got right down to the point: “I helped one of my friends at the expense of the other. And now I’m . . . itchy.”
“Were your intentions good?” asked the dolphin.
“Yes, I believe so.”
“Then the solution to your problem is simple. You make it up to your wronged friend by apologizing, explaining yourself, and doing something meaningful for them.”
Dirk was very thankful he hadn’t paid for this advice. If all it took was saying “I’m sorry” and gifting Millie with more spices to make another batch of those scrumptious teacakes, he would’ve skipped the Coral Coast altogether and would’ve gone straight to the market stalls along the Strip.
Whisperwave, who was indeed very perceptive, clarified, “I said meaningful, Dirk. Anyone can collect a bouquet of seaflowers. It is the rare individual who gathers the seeds and plants his friend a garden they can enjoy for years to come.”
So not spices. Dirk scratched his neck as he considered what would benefit the princess long-term.
“A pickpocket!” he exclaimed. “No Hero has shown up yet who can teach Millie General Sneakiness & Thievery, and one might not ever, since not many Heroes practice the Immoral Arts. Kind of an inherent trait to be a Hero, you know? I’ll go to the Strip, find me a thief, and bring him to her. ”
“So your meaningful gift is to kidnap someone?” Lizbeth asked.
“Yep! She’s gonna love it!” The little dragon sprang into the air, corkscrewing with excitement. It really would be the perfect gift, a new tutor to replace the old one. “Thank you, Whisperwave. Thank you, Lizbeth, Jordyn, Whitney, and Megan. Pleasure meeting you!”
The Mini Red gulped down another indurus spell and flew northwest with the speed of a comet.
With any luck, he could find a pickpocket, convince him to teach Millie willingly or knock him unconscious and take him anyway (whatever the situation called for), and be back to the tower before nightfall.
Today was looking on the up and up and no mistake.