Rowan
Ma’s injuries were dire, but they could have been a hell of a lot worse.
I’d brought everything that Kiki had used on me when I had been attacked. I applied the salve liberally. It wasn’t a gentle process to get the stuff into the wounds. Ma cried out, and my heart ached for her.
“I know. It hurts like a bitch,” I told her softly, spreading the paste over the blackened, puckered skin. “You can curse me out later.”
“The blackness—is that dead flesh?” Nina asked, her voice uneasy.
I shook my head. “It can be, but sometimes it can be brought back. A lot of my stomach was the same color—in fact, most of my right arm was, apparently, but by the time I was conscious, Kiki had fixed that.”
There was something about seeing a dragon like Ma, so strong and powerful, knocked down, that filled me with a deep sense of unease. Even though she didn’t exude power in the typical sense, she had always run the show with an iron fist wrapped up in compliments and delicious snacks.
“Can someone get the ice machine from the den?” I asked, not bothering to look up as I carefully applied the acidic-smelling paste to the burned flesh.
“Ice machine?” Bastian asked.
“I need to regularly coat the burn in ice,” I explained.
“The colder, the better. It had been quite difficult for Kiki to keep me cool in the middle of summer in the desert, but she had used air-conditioning units and so much ice. It stopped the burn from spreading. You never use ice on a normal burn, but dragon fire is unique.”
Bastian growled orders at someone outside the room, and sure enough, twenty minutes later, there was an ice machine in Ma’s room, humming away.
“Is there anything else I can do?” Nina looked desperate, clinging to Ma’s bed frame.
I looked up, taking in my friend for the first time since coming home.
There were dark bags under her eyes so severe that they almost looked like bruising.
She was pale, a little gaunt, and fatigue radiated off her.
Her dark hair was pulled into a messy bun, her glasses smudged and slightly crooked.
“Yeah. Get some sleep,” I instructed.
“No, I—”
“You are dead on your feet, Nina. You’re no good to anyone exhausted. I’m here; I managed to sleep on the flight back. I’ll watch over Ma.” I spoke in a thick, no-nonsense tone.
Nina stared at me, worry etched into her features. “I-If you’re sure.”
I nodded. “I am.”
“I’m not letting her out of my sight. She won’t be alone.” Bastian spoke up from behind me. I’d gotten used to my stoic shadow; his ever-watchful eyes pinned to me. Nina looked over at him, a smile lifting the corner of her mouth.
“I see that,” Nina teased. “You make sure she eats?”
Bastian growled in agreement, his shoulder knocking into me from behind. “See? I told you to eat. Try listening to me.”
Rolling my eyes, I let out a tired breath. “I just might. I’m too busy to argue with you right now.”
“I’ll take what I can get.” Bastian started toward the lobby. “And you’ll take whatever I can snag to keep you going.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I gestured with my head at the door. “Go on, Nina. Get some sleep.”
Nina sagged, giving in, but she paused on her way out. “I’m really happy you’re back, Rowan.”
I nodded again, tossing her a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
What else could I say?
I wasn’t sure whether I was happy to be back. For the moment, Ma was my priority; I would have to deal with my fucked-up emotions later.
After I’d done what I could for the time being, I stepped outside to get some fresh air. I needed to breathe in without it smelling like that damned salve. Sure, I was grateful for the stuff, truly, but sensory memory was a hell of a thing, and the scent brought everything back.
Exhaustion like nothing I’d felt in a while crowded in around me, and I leaned against the exterior wall. I’d run out of North Oak so damned fast that I hadn’t considered what would happen to the people here. I’d been rash and stupid, and I was paying the price for it.
Worse, so was everyone else.
“I should have been here,” I whispered, wiping away the tears gathering in my eyes.
I was a healer. Ma had been nothing but kind and loving to me, and the moment she had needed me, I was gone, fleeing like a scared child.
“This isn’t your fault,” Nix said, appearing from around the corner. He’d apparently seen me go outside, but I was in no mood for sympathy.
“Not my fault?” I hissed. “Of course it’s my fault. I antagonized Cyrus via Jenkins. He hated me before, and I did nothing to stop that.” My sobs came hard and fast.
More footsteps reached me, and I could sense the approach of my other mates, which I didn’t deserve.
Their support felt like a blade, carving into me and exposing every feeling I didn’t want to face.
It was hard to compartmentalize with them around.
I’d been lied to, I’d created an entire life and a new identity, and I’d been a fool the entire time.
“No,” Bastian growled, grabbing my arms and forcing me to look at him. “None of this is your fault. My father’s pathetic idea of how a horde should run is to be faulted. He is weak and insignificant, and he will fucking pay for this.”
“Half the horde is out for blood after what happened to Ma,” Nix agreed, crossing his arms.
“And the other half?” I asked, glaring between them as my face burned, eyes stinging.
Orsen grimaced. “Some of the older dragons… they’re loyal to Cyrus, from what we hear. Griffin has been dealing with that.”
“They’ll either come around to our way of thinking or be exiled from the horde,” Bastian growled. “Cyrus wanted me to start being a more active Alpha? Well, he’s not going to like how that plays out.”
“You can’t have a mass exile of the older generation,” I said in shock. It wasn’t unheard of, but it was harsh. “Those people, they just…”
“Yes, we fucking can. And I won’t regret it for a moment.” Bastian held my stare without blinking, the picture of conviction. “Supporting cruelty makes you cruel. Saying nothing in the face of violence and prejudice makes you one of the perpetrators.”
I let out a jagged breath. The North Oak Horde was in shambles, and it was all because of me.
Sure, Bastian had a point. I wasn’t feeling particularly forgiving toward anyone who was still Team Cyrus after he’d nearly killed Ma while on the rampage to kill a pregnant woman.
The thought of supporting him after that was ridiculous.
Still, I hated being the reason a chasm was forming in the horde.
Though if I were being honest, truly honest, it felt like Cyrus was always going to be upset.
Bastian, Nix, Orsen, and Grey were my mates.
One way or another, I was going to find these four Alphas, and that was going to change the way Cyrus’s precious horde was led.
Thinking about it, he had been quite naive in his decision to take me out. Even with me gone, the guys would have opted to lead together. Or did he really think his son wanted power that badly?
Cyrus had chosen this violence.
“Rowan!” my best friend shouted from across the courtyard, running toward me at full speed before crashing into me, pulling me into a tight hug.
“Hey.” I squeezed Griff tightly, the tension melting out of me for a moment, and taking solace in this somewhat change of subject.
“Are you okay? Well, all things considered, anyway?” Griffin pulled back to look me over intently.
“Physically, I’m fine,” I insisted, jerking my head at him. “Though, where the heck have you been? I half-expected you to fly to the Southern Dust Lands to get me.”
“I wanted to—but things here were… not great. I knew Bastian would get you home.”
“In a weird way, it’s good that I went there because it meant I could bring back the stuff Kiki used on my burns.”
He raised his brows. “That is good. You don’t have that stuff here?”
“Some of it, but Kiki spent years building her healing stash. One of the roots she uses only grows in the desert and is best used fresh. Cormack, the new healer there, let me raid the place before we flew back.”
“That’s nice of him. We’ll have to send a thank you or something.”
“How are you? The guys mentioned you’ve been holding things down.”
Griffin let out a low whistle. “It’s been brutal. Some of the older dragons have fucked-up opinions, blaming—” He quickly stopped talking.
“Let me guess”—I rolled my eyes, a headache beginning its steady trek upward again—“blaming me for everything?”
Griffin grimaced. “They are the vocal minority, I promise you. Half the horde is at the den, waiting for news.”
My brows shot up. “That’s a tight squeeze. Well, I’ll sleep here at the clinic. There’s no point in me going back to the den.”
“That may be for the best. Once Ma is on the mend, everything will get better—your guys won’t allow anyone to talk shit about you—”
“Damn straight, we won’t,” Orsen cut in, and I smiled at him. Of anyone, he had the most right to hate me, but he didn’t. It was undeniably comforting.
“I should get back.”
“I’ll bring you some snacks and drinks. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask…” Griffin nodded, but he paused a few steps away. “I imagine this is bringing up a lot of the past, so just remember, we’re all here for you.”
Resounding agreement rumbled through the dragons around me.
I grimaced, still feeling like I’d let everyone down. “I really hoped to never smell dragon-fire-burned flesh again, but I can’t change what’s happened. Ma will get better, though.”
Turning to Orsen, I met his stare hard, unwavering.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure it.”