41. Rowan
Rowan
The day had already flown by at the clinic. I was humming to myself as I tidied up my notes, fingers clicking on the keyboard. I had sent Nina home at the end of my appointments, the clinic now peacefully quiet. She’d been working her ass off for me, and she deserved an early night.
I may enjoy one myself, if I can get this done.
Ever since returning from the cabin, I’d been in the best mood. Even though everything wasn’t settled yet, there was comfort in knowing that I was staying. I’d faced my past—maybe not completely, but partially at least—and I felt better about it than I had in a long time.
There was also whatever was going on with Bastian and me… That kiss had been pretty unforgettable. For the first time, I wasn’t worried about another shoe dropping.
The horde was good, the guys were good, and there were no emergencies looming in the rearview mirror.
A baby was on the way, I was looking forward to better conversations with all my mates.
Even Griffin’s cabin was nearing completion.
I almost wanted someone to pinch me, because how could it be this good right now?
I’m not going to complain. The world is welcome to keep this momentum spinning.
“Rowan, can we talk?” a deep, masculine voice said from the doorway, startling me slightly, as I’d utterly lost track of what I was doing.
I turned, putting my notepad down. Tanner stood on the threshold to my office, his eyes rimmed red and skin oddly pale.
“Hey, of course. Come on in. Is everything okay?” I said, gesturing to the chair across from my desk. “Is Celia okay?”
Worry filled me at the thought of something being wrong with her pregnancy. We’d all been so excited. This was the first one since Jenkins, that bastard, and my guts tangled. Had I underestimated the damage that’d been done? Oh God, I’d feel terrible if that was the case.
Tanner nodded.
“Yeah. She’s at the den with Ma. Other than the nausea that you’ve already helped her with, she’s doing fine.”
I relaxed, exhaling out all the tension that’d seized me.
But Tanner hadn’t made eye contact with me yet, not really.
And he was still hovering, curled in on himself.
There was a vacant look in his eyes, too, like he wasn’t quite all there.
He walked over to the chair but didn’t sit down.
I remained standing as well, an uneasy feeling taking root in the pit of my stomach.
Is he sick? Why would he come to me if…?
“Tanner, what’s going on?” I asked quietly, all those nerves rushing back to the surface.
“I think I really messed up,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“What? Why do you think that?” I kept my words low and quiet, afraid to spook him, and came around to the front of my desk.
There was something so broken about his expression.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but he looked truly distraught.
I hadn’t spent much time with the man, but this didn’t sit right with me.
He was too worked up. Whatever it was, it had Tanner flailing and going without sleep, if the physical signs were any indication.
The dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes, the slow, sluggish movements.
“Are you worried about the baby? I assure you, everything is going well,” I said, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. “All Celia’s visits have shown that everything is progressing just as it should. You don’t have to be—”
Tanner yanked himself back, shaking his head over and over, his eyes not meeting mine. “No! That’s not it.” He looked up at me now. My blood turned to ice. He was so determined, so set on whatever path he was walking. That wild gaze made it hard to swallow, alarm bells ringing in my head.
What the hell is going on? I’m a healer. Why the hell…? Shit, should I call out for the guys? Maybe… maybe I can reason with him.
“W-why do you think you messed up?” I asked, slowly starting to shift to the side, hoping I could make it to the door. I needed backup; maybe Ma or one of the Alphas.
Tears gathered in the corners of Tanner’s eyes, and my stomach twisted into knots.
Something bad. Whatever it was, it was so, so bad.
Dragons weren’t the most emotional in the first place.
So to see someone like Tanner, who was usually extremely reserved, this worked up had panic humming at the edge of my mind.
When he dropped to his knees in front of me, I flinched, unsure what to make of it.
Tanner’s voice was hoarse as he began to ramble off his story.
“I did what he told me. So long ago. Many, many years… but it’s all so fresh in my mind.
I’ve never stopped thinking about it. But he told me to!
My Alpha gave me a command, and I followed through.
I had to. I had to… Even though I didn’t want to. ”
I took a second before answering. Sometimes, because I got close to people as a healer, patients used me as an unofficial therapist. Was that happening now? Tanner needed to confess something, and I was his best option?
“Whatever you did, it was under orders. It’s not your fault,” I pleaded, trying to calm him down.
Occasionally, dragons were compelled to follow their Alphas’ orders. It was an invisible tug that forced them to do their bidding. Most Alphas were extremely careful about how they used it, about which commands they gave, because it could be excruciating to refuse—in both body and mind.
“No. There’s no forgiveness for me,” he said, shaking his head as his face dropped to the floor again. “I did it. I did. I should’ve fought harder… No matter the pain. Haven’t stopped thinking… thinking about it.”
Fear clawed up my spine. Tanner was on edge, he was crumbling.
I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t trained for this sort of thing, and…
he scared me. As strange as that was to admit right now, I was scared.
Everything Tanner was doing felt off, as if he were on the brink of snapping.
My mind churned, trying to understand why it was me he needed to say all this to.
Keep him calm, Rowan. I shifted again, trying to get closer to the door. Keep him calm.
“Of-of course there’s forgiveness. Look at you—you’re about to have a family. A baby. Whatever happened, it’s done now. It’s in the past. Your future is so bright.”
He shook his head, tears now flowing down his face. “You don’t understand! I refused to follow his order… again.”
I reeled back. He’d said again. As if the order was given mere moments ago. How could that be possible? He said it was years ago.
It wasn’t any of my guys who caused this—They hadn’t been the horde Alphas for long.
Shaking my head, I glanced through the still-open door. The den wasn’t far away. “You’re not making sense, Tanner. How did you refuse it again? Did Bastian ask you to do something?”
He shook his head, his entire body following the action.
Keeping my voice gentle, I paused as Tanner twitched. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”
Tanner looked up, meeting my eyes head-on, so bloodshot and wide.
“Years ago, Alpha Cyrus gave me a command”—he stared at me, not blinking or moving—“and I followed it. I did it. By myself. It hurt too much to say no. I just wanted it to stop. To stop hurting so damn bad. But I didn’t want to.
It haunts me. He threatened my parents. I regret following his command.
Every day, I regret it more and more. And now a baby! A baby that’s possible because of you!”
“But you don’t have to follow him anymore.” I was shaking now, too, instinct telling me to get out of the clinic as fast as I could. “He’s not Alpha anymore. Bastian and the others are.”
“You think that matters to Cyrus?!”
I jumped, heart thundering in my ears. “I… What did he command you to do? You said no, right? W-we’ll, tell the Alphas. They know that Cyrus can be unreasonable. They’ll understand that you were compelled—an Alpha’s command and power is hard to deny. They’ll know it was really him.”
“No.” Tanner shook his head, sniffing. “They’ll kill me. Hell, Cyrus will kill me.”
“It can’t be that bad?” I moved closer to the door again. I was so close now, almost free.
“I thought I could pretend it didn’t happen”—kneeling, Tanner rounded in on himself, getting so small—“but Cyrus insists. He’s threatened to hurt Celia and the baby. I-I don’t want to do it. I said no.”
“Okay, but that’s a good thing,” I tried to argue. “The Alphas will see how much courage that took.”
Silently, I prayed Nina would come back because she had forgotten something, that Bastian would be coming back from Griff’s, that anyone would walk by and see what was happening.
“No, Rowan. You still don’t understand. Cyrus demands that his son should be the only Alpha.”
My stomach dropped into my feet, my vision tunneling as I bit out, “Did he tell you to hurt one of my mates?”
“No.” He swallowed. “Six and a half years ago, when news reached us that Bastian had found his mate and had formed a clan with the other three, Cyrus was furious.”
“Yeah, we knew he wasn’t happy about that.
Trust me, he’s told me that plenty,” I practically growled, hating the idea that Cyrus was willing to order someone to do something so terrible that it haunted them just because he didn’t want Bastian to share.
Those were my mates. Fury fired through my veins.
“You knew he wasn’t happy, but not what he did about it,” Tanner whispered, his face scrunching up. “I was in line to be one of his top enforcers. I wanted that power in the horde. I was ravenous for it. I’d do whatever he said to secure my position. Whatever he said. And I did.”
My brain was scrambling. What was it? What had Cyrus done all those years ago? And why did he suddenly—
Wait. The only thing that’s changed recently is…
“He wanted me to get rid of you.”
A frigid numbness gripped me as the reality of Tanner’s words sank in, the truth behind the animosity I’d felt coming off Cyrus in waves since the day I arrived.
“He told you to… Are you saying…?”
Tanner nodded, tears flowing down his face as the tenuous hold he had on himself crumbled more and more with every second. “Six and a half years ago, Cyrus told me to kill you. His orders were clear: burn you with dragon fire and dump your body where no one would ever find it.”
My throat closed up as bile rushed up from my stomach as I heaved. I stumbled, bumping into the desk behind me as my legs stopped working.
“Why?” I whispered.
“You needed to know. Need to know now. He’s not finished.
He’s coming after you again. The second you arrived and every day since.
I’ve said no. But he’s threatened Celia…
the baby… It won’t matter if I say no for long.
I know it. He’ll… he’ll do it himself, Rowan.
Cyrus will find any way he can to kill you. ”
“Y-you need to leave,” I stammered. The walls were closing in on me, my vision blurring.
My head swam as I tried to think. But I couldn’t. The man who’d burned me. The man who’d left me for dead was standing right in front of me. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. It was Cyrus. Cyrus arranged all of this.
“You need to go.”
I snapped my attention to Tanner. “W-what? I can’t just—”
“You have to go, Rowan. He’s not done. He’ll come after you. He’ll come after both of us!” Tanner shuffled across the floor, snatching my hands in his clammy grip. “He’ll kill Celia. I-I can’t lose her. Run. Get as far as you can. Please. There’s no stopping him. Run!”
I stood in my waiting room for a half a second, unable to think straight, my pulse skyrocketing as terror like I’d never known gripped me in a vise.
I’d spent many years running, avoiding the West Coast, so I would never come face-to-face with the dragon who had tried to kill me.
I’d kept myself safe, away from here, where I couldn’t be reached.
And now I was right back in the heart of danger.
I’d failed.
I wasn’t safe.
A powerful dragon in North Oak wanted me dead. Wanted this man and his family dead if he didn’t obey.
I stared down at Tanner for a moment longer, slowly retreating inch by inch.
My legs moved of their own accord. Before I knew it, I was in my desk.
I grabbed my keys from the drawer. I didn’t even bother to pick up my phone.
I just moved, the horrors of my past breathing down my neck, hot air that burned my skin, leaving jagged, iridescent scars.
As I ran from the clinic, my head swung around, like something was chasing me. Without a word to anyone, I got into my car, turned it on, and peeled out of the drive.
Out of the North Oak Horde lands. Hopefully, away from danger.
Because I had to stay alive. I had to escape. I had to protect that horde and everyone in it.
And, apparently, the only way to do that was to leave them all behind.