Chapter 17
Rowan
Iwas officially losing my mind. What was I doing?
I’d allowed Nix to touch me… like that. It’d felt so damn good, but I didn't know if…
I shouldn't have allowed it to happen, right? There was no way. He was under the illusion that I was his mate, for Christ’s sake.
Fuck, maybe I was starting… to believe that I actually was his mate.
Headache. Supreme headache.
I still hadn't decided whether to stay or not. Was I giving Nix false hope by letting him touch me? I mean, sure, it felt amazing, and I, maybe, wanted a repeat. I was thinking with what was between my legs instead of my brain, though. Because clearly, this wasn’t smart.
This wasn’t just an attractive guy I felt “something” for.
This was a man who believed I was his long-lost love.
Talk about baggage.
Safely back in my room, I slammed the door shut and collapsed against it, taking several deep, measured breaths as the wood pressed into my spine.
I had to think about what I was doing. Being alone in a room with a big, growly—or even a big, charming—Alpha was completely off-limits.
I had only been at the horde for a few days, and what, I was ready to jump their bones already? That wasn’t normal.
Then again, would having sex with them be so bad?
Yes, yes, it would. They think you’re their mate.
Well, truth be told I believed I was their mate, but that idea terrified me, so denying it felt a lot easier than coming to terms with the fucked-up reality of my situation.
Being with these Alphas almost got me killed before.
Hell, I'm pretty sure I actually died once or twice while Kiki was trying to revive me. Then again, there was no denying the overwhelming sense of safety I felt whenever I was near them. Even the grumpy bastard, Orsen, made me feel oddly… safe. Well, as safe as I could with someone who’d tried to shove their tongue down my throat.
At least Bastian had talked to me after walking in with that stick up his ass.
Still, if that was what I had felt when I met them as a wide-eyed teenager, I could understand why I’d likely fallen into bed with the four of them pretty easily.
Orsen could do with a swift kick to the nuts every now and again, though.
How was one small human woman meant to handle a clan of Alphas? Each one of them was dominating and controlling in their own way, and I was somehow supposed to deal with that. Seriously?
Hell, I was so overwhelmed.
This all seemed to be an impossible task, and I’d been through so much already. How had I thought, at the tender age of nineteen, no less, that I could deal with it? Had they lied to me, whispered sweet nothings about how easy it would be?
My hands shook as I ran them through my hair. I desperately tried to remember something, anything.
Come on, brain. Do something. Work.
For years, I’d avoided finding out about my past. I’d been content not knowing.
I was aware that digging into my past would likely lead to danger and pain.
If it hadn't been for Kiki, I would have avoided traveling in dragon lands without a doubt.
Hell, if it hadn't been for her, I probably would have avoided dragons altogether.
Would I have even known about them if it hadn't been for her? I couldn’t predict the future or rewrite the past, but something told me the scaley assholes would have found me, regardless.
I could remember my time with her so clearly compared to the rest of my life.
When a member of her horde had found me, she’d instructed them to take me to her healing hut.
For the first few weeks, I only had the faintest memories, most of them of pain.
The treatment for dragon fire wasn’t what you’d call fun.
Every few hours, she would bandage my injuries and place new salves and poultices on me.
They stung like hell. There were times I begged for death.
One salve had been bright red and made my flesh feel like I was alight.
Kiki had stayed by me the entire time, offering soothing words and assuring me that she was doing her best to help.
My earliest memory was of her soft, reassuring voice.
Despite her sweet tone, she hadn’t been opposed to swearing every now and again.
One of the first times I’d actually said something was when she’d cursed and I’d chuckled.
Kiki was the one who told me about dragons.
She wanted me to know where my injuries had come from.
If I’d been found by someone in the human world, would I have assumed my injuries were from something else?
Probably. My skin was mottled and badly burned, with raised ridges and uneven craters.
Burns were common among humans, sure, but dragon fire left an almost holographic sheen on the scars that didn’t occur with any other kind.
Could I have gone about my life as a human? Well, a normal human, anyway. I was human, but I knew so much about dragon healing now, even though I had apparently almost been murdered by one.
“Knock, knock,” a kind, familiar voice called out.
Nina stood in the now open doorway, her face dropping when she noticed how disheveled I was.
“Are you okay? Ma told me you were cleaning out the clinic…” Then, suddenly, her eyes widened, nostrils flaring. “Oh!”
Shit. She could smell what Nix and I had just done.
“Don’t say a word,” I groaned. “It was a moment of weakness. That’s all.”
A moment of hot, satisfying weakness.
I snatched a few of my T-shirts off the floor and slammed them onto the bed. I needed something to do with my hands, something to distract my nerves from the lingering sensations that warmed my blood.
“I won’t…” She hesitated, and I couldn’t help but glance over at her. “But I will ask if you had a good time.”
My face heated. I couldn’t lie; Nina would see right through it. I’d never been very good at it, and she was a dragon, heightened senses and all.
Because I did have a good time. Over the past six years, I’d never been particularly concerned with dating or hooking up with anyone.
If I needed something, I simply took care of it myself.
That was all I knew. Well, it turned out, having a player two at the controls made a significant difference.
Nix’s magical fingers had turned me into a puddle of goo in a few precisely placed, effortlessly skilled moves.
Was he just that talented, or was it because he had previous knowledge of how to elicit the best orgasms from my body?
Nope, not going there.
“I think it’s pretty obvious I had a good time,” I muttered, rolling my eyes as Nina grinned.
“Hey, that’s a good thing!” She shrugged, folding her arms over her chest. “At least one of us will be enjoying some much-needed orgasms. I’m painfully single. By choice, of course.”
“Why?” I asked, cocking my head to the side, happy for a reason to take the attention off me.
Nina’s stare dropped while she thought carefully for a moment.
“You know what, I was going to be diplomatic when I said this, but the simple fact is, the idea of Jenkins delivering my baby gives me the heebie-jeebies. I’m not short for man options given how outnumbered us girls are, but I just can’t do it. ”
A burst of laughter escaped me as my hand shot up to my mouth, a failed attempt to stop it. Nina smirked, shaking her head.
“I actually understand that. Truly.” I nodded, trying to show I was sympathetic to her concerns. “Though, you are my friend, Nina. If you were to get pregnant, just send me a message. I’d happily come here for the birth.”
Her eyes lit up. “Do you really mean that?”
I bobbed my head, dropping my clothes to the bed before walking up to her. I laid my hand on her shoulder, offering a contained but genuine smile.
“Of course. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done to make me feel welcome here. Plus, if I can save you from Jenkins’s creepy hands, then I’m all about it.”
She surged forward, hugging me. It was strange to think that merely offering to be there for her was such a powerful gesture.
Still, I didn’t like Jenkins in the slightest, so I could see why having him around made it difficult for people to live their lives freely.
They didn’t trust the very person who was responsible for their health. That was an issue.
Which, of course, made me think of my role here and whether I’d be staying.
I tried to keep that off my face as I stepped back and smiled at Nina.
She grinned right back, sitting on the bed.
Before I knew it, we were deep in conversation about pregnancy and babies, and how best to thwart Jenkins at anything he tried to do.
I… enjoyed it. It felt normal. And with everything going on, all that was firmly on my plate, feeling normal was a gift I wouldn’t turn down.
After all, I still had four Alphas to think about, and that situation was anything but typical guy troubles.