Chapter 20
Rowan
Bastian had managed to piss me off so much that I decided to go for a walk. Maybe walk was the wrong word; maybe a stomp around the forest was more accurate? Either way, I was feeling no less irritated when I returned to my office to find a certain best friend of mine sitting in my chair.
“Why are you at my desk? Hmm? Move.”
I strode across the clinic, some distant part of me realizing I was probably being a little short with Griffin, who was lounging with his feet on my desk, but the rest of me did not care.
“Jeez. Who peed in your coffee?” Griffin leaned up, his feet dropping to the ground. He was quick to stand, offering me the chair with a wide sweep of his arms, like he was a game-show host or something.
“I don’t want to hear it, Griffin. I’m—ugh, why do they have to be such assholes?”
Griffin shook his head, blinking several times, and I could tell that I’d changed gears just a tad too fast on him. And yet again, I didn’t have it in me to care. The lingering anger and frustration were just too much.
And it was all those damned Alphas’ fault.
“I have a feeling we’re talking about your ma—”
After shoving past him and collapsing into the chair, I countered, “Don’t call them that. They’re inconveniences, annoyances, not… just no.”
I fell back into the chair, reaching a hand to the bridge of my nose and squeezing.
I’d been battling this headache since the moment Orsen had swept into the room and nearly beat Griff to death.
I hadn't really had a moment of peace since then. I was just too damn tired. I’d been helping the horde as best I could, but between the aforementioned Alphas and their lovely healer, I was a bundle of raw nerve endings ready to snap.
“Rowan, you look stressed out. Take a breath. It’s not that bad.”
With one eye open, I shot Griffin a look. He was standing a few feet away, leaning on my desk with his arms crossed, the picture of nonchalance. I sort of hated him for it, especially considering he’d just recovered from Orsen’s bullshit.
I closed my eyes again, breathing as he’d suggested, despite my annoyance. “You’re kidding me, right? Orsen played Whack-a-Mole with your face!”
Griffin scoffed through a laugh. “Oh, Ro. I know it’s been a rough start, but the guys aren’t all that bad. You’re judging them a bit too quickly, I think. Granted, your introduction to them was a little… messy.”
That made me sit straight in the chair, glaring at Griffin, even as my temples throbbed. “Have you lost your mind? Orsen beat the crap out of you. You’re still wearing the bruises! Oh, and need I mention that he also saw fit to grab me and force his stupid mouth all over me?”
Looking a little wounded, Griffin pulled back into himself, sighing. “All right, fair point. But you have to look at this from their perspective.”
I just glared.
“I mean it, Ro. They lost their mate, the one person who made them feel whole. Upped and disappeared. And now, here you are? That’s not only a massive change and more than enough to swallow without some issues, but it’s still a mystery.
The amnesia means you don’t know what happened.
They don’t know what happened. And as far as they’re concerned, it could happen again. That’s some heavy shit to go through.”
The spark of rage simmering inside me dampened somewhat, and I leaned back into my chair again, eyes tracking to the pile of charts on my desk that I still needed to go through.
I’d been distracting myself with patients as much as genuinely treating them.
It had felt good to have something normal and predictable to throw myself into with all this new information.
And I guessed… it was new for them too.
My chest pinched at the thought of the guys being forced into that kind of situation. I’d felt truly sympathetic for them when they were strangers and I’d learned that they had been through that, losing their mate and being so adrift without her.
Now that I’d learned that mate was me, well, I was realizing that it didn’t change the fact I did feel sorry for them, even if they’d handled the situation with the grace of a linebacker.
The look on Orsen’s face before he… yeah.
Still, they’d reacted poorly, and I had every reason to be upset with them.
I also understood there was no obviously right way to deal with the fuckery that was our situation.
It was just so odd. They knew me intimately, from what I understood.
But I didn’t know them. The shock, the proximity, it was all bizarre to me because any memory I’d had of them had been wiped clean by whatever had happened.
I was at a huge disadvantage, and I didn’t like it one bit.
Then again, at least my amnesia meant I wasn’t suffering the loss of my mates like the Alphas were.
Sure, living with the scars, recovering, and not understanding what had happened, had been its own personal torture. But I’d been able to get back my life to some degree, with help, of course. I wasn’t living with grief over lost mates.
Memory of Orsen’s fist landing on Griffin broke through my brain’s attempt to rationalize what had happened, and I shook myself.
“I understand they’ve been through a lot, but that does not excuse their behavior.”
Griffin sagged, taking my hand from where I’d been absently digging my nails into the wood.
“I’m not trying to make excuses. Just provide perspective about why.” He offered a small smile, tipping his head. “I mean, you do like them outside of all that, don’t you? I saw you chatting with the guys now things are a bit less tense. You seemed to be getting along really well with Nix.”
My heart stuttered, and I found myself stumbling, even though I was already sitting down. Panic was a familiar enough state at this point, but I didn’t like how this bout was colored with downright mortification.
“What?” I shot Griff a look, my brows raised as my pulse throbbed in my head all the harder. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Making a face that only a friend could get away with, Griff eyed me. He looked like he was doing his best to avoid bursting out laughing, and I swatted at him, shoving him off the desk as I huffed.
“There’s no point in hiding it, Ro. Come on.”
I glared at him, doing my best to keep my mouth from curving into a smile. “Sometimes I really hate dragons, you know that?”
Griffin smirked back at me, going back to folding his arms and exuding that cocky attitude I unfortunately adored him for. I couldn’t help but shake my head, a chuckle breaking free.
“I know you, Ro, and I know when you’re hiding something.”
He just stood there, waiting for me to break down.
“Ugh, fine. I may have… enjoyed a moment with Nix.”
“A moment?” Griff cocked a brow at me. “Was that before or after his tongue was in your mouth? Also, are we talking a moment so good it was orgasmic?”
“Griffin!” I smacked at him again, but he just kept laughing, my red face probably giving everything away. “You asshole! Ugh, I see why they like you.”
After catching his breath from giggling like a teenager, which only got him more glares and firm blows to the shoulder from my decidedly tiny fist, Griffin held his hands up in surrender.
“Okay, okay. I give up. But come on. You’ve been happy lately. More than I’ve ever seen. Why not let yourself have something nice?”
“Because it isn’t that simple, and you know it.
” Pouting, I felt no better than a toddler myself, and I sighed, dropping my head onto my arms so I could bury my face in the mound of patient files.
“What am I supposed to do? This isn’t what I’d planned for this trip at all.
Excuse me for having complicated feelings about the Alphas who put you in a hospital bed and groped me five seconds after meeting me. ”
“But it wasn’t the first time they met you, Ro. That’s the thing.”
Looking up at him, I could see Griffin was trying to bridge the gap in understanding between me and the Alphas. I had to respect him for it. It was a hard line to walk, being my friend and being a member of their horde.
“I get that, but… it’s just that understanding something logically and processing the emotions of it are very different.
I know they went through hell. I know that, apparently, I’m the cause of that hell, and Orsen was being protective of a mate he thought was dead.
But it doesn’t change the fact that he acted like a brute, and I still have no memory of what happened.
I’m not interested in stepping into another situation that might get me killed. Mates or not.”
“Okaaay,” he dragged out, “but without putting the cart in front of the horse for a second, tell me what you’re feeling about them as guys. Because kissing Nix isn’t nothing.”
I sighed again, utterly lost. “No, it’s not.
I’m not sure, though. He’s easier to get along with, that’s for sure.
I don’t know about the others. The truth is, we haven’t talked much at all.
Maybe I’d be willing to do that if they could get over themselves and apologize for the rude greeting. Particularly Orsen.”
Griff smiled, nodding. “Okay, I can get behind that. Apologies are good. And hell, I’ll be the first to say Orsen has some groveling to do to me, considering it was my ass he beat.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “I guess we’ll just have to see, then, won’t we?”
The corners of Griffin’s mouth turned down. “Yes, indeed, Ro. Just wait and see.”