6. Ash
Chapter Six
Ash
W hat the fuck was wrong with me? I’d told myself I wouldn’t get involved with humans again, and then I got right in the middle of human business that had nothing to do with me.
I should have let her go. I should have let the humans figure their out shit out.
I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her into the hands of those assholes. It was clear they wanted her for themselves, and when I thought about what they might have done to her… fury built in my chest like a raging furnace. The intensity of my hatred for them caught me off guard.
What was it about her that made me want to save her?
Dammit, human women were nothing but trouble.
And then I’d gone ahead and made a move on her, letting my magic suck her in. I’d seduced her, and she’d been ready to give it all to me.
Gods, I’d been more than ready to take it.
It had been centuries since I’d wanted someone as badly as I wanted her.
That’s how they get you. It’s how she got you.
I shook off the thoughts. Ava had been the one to seduce me, not the other way around. She’d known what she wanted from me all along and I’d been a fool, blinded by the idea of a simpler life. A world where things came to an end.
I just hadn’t realized that the only thing that would come to an end was what she felt for me.
I walked through the trees, putting distance between myself and Lorraine.
What are you doing to me?
I couldn’t shake the sound of her voice. How had she known what I’d been doing? How had she felt what I was capable of?
I reached my tree, putting my hand against the bark and pulsing my magic into it. When I was here, I was rooted to the earth, grounded in my magic. Even without being in my tree, I could see the forest around me, feel the intent, the power shift, the very essence of the earth.
It was how I’d known the men were back here, looking for her. They weren’t just going to give up the fight. They wanted her, and they wouldn’t stop until they found her.
My lips curled away from my teeth in an involuntary snarl, and my body tensed. A dark mood descended on me. I was downright pissed off. If I found any of those men, I was going to hurt them. I wouldn’t just kill them; I’d draw it out until they experienced the same terror Lorraine had felt when she’d fled for her life. Until my hatred for them turned into the same dark menace that had been on her heels.
Fuck them for wanting to hurt her.
Mine.
I let go of my tree and shook myself. What the hell is going on here?
Lorraine wasn’t mine. I didn’t want her to be—I couldn’t afford it. She was a lowly mortal whom I’d saved, and nothing more. I should let her be.
You will never be able to.
A deer appeared, walking through the trees. I watched its careful, tiptoed steps and velvet nose as it nuzzled the mulch, looking for something to graze on.
Warmth filled the air, sunshine falling through the dappled leaves. I reveled in the light.
“Hello, Ash,” a voice said behind me, feminine and melodious, as clear as a bell.
I turned around, and Artemis appeared. She smiled at me. Her auburn hair hung in a thick braid over one shoulder, her short white dress almost glowing in its purity.
“Artemis,” I said, kneeling before her. “Goddess.”
She laughed, the sound like chimes in the wind. “You don’t have to fall back on formalities, Ash. We’re friends.”
I nodded and stood, glancing around. “Are you alone?” I asked.
She nodded. “Philotes had other friends on her social calendar for the day.” She eyed me. She knew I didn’t like Philotes.
“Human friends,” I said bitterly.
Artemis laughed again. “You can’t condemn others for doing what you wouldn’t. They haven’t walked your path, and you haven’t walked theirs.”
I grunted and nodded. She was right. That wouldn’t change the fact that I didn’t like Philotes, though.
“I didn’t see you yesterday,” Artemis said.
“I was sleeping.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
I nodded again. I didn’t have to tell her why. She didn’t need to know, but as a goddess, she probably already did.
“I hear you’ve involved yourself with a human again.”
I sighed. She really did know everything that went on with the forest spirits.
“She needed help.”
“You’ve always had a kind heart. I’m glad you haven’t lost it after your last ordeal.”
I scowled. “I’m not as kind as I used to be. It just causes trouble. I helped her because her screams sliced through my sleep and irritated me.”
A smile played around Artemis’s lips, then she laughed at me. “You don’t have to fear yourself so much,” she finally said.
“I’m not scared of myself.”
“You’re scared of where your heart will take you. I see you running from yourself. You should know by now that you can’t.”
I hesitated. “Do you really believe that?” I asked carefully.
Artemis frowned. The clouded look on her face suited her unblemished features.
“Do I believe what?” she asked, although she knew what I was talking about.
“That you can’t run from yourself.”
Artemis shook her head slowly. “I know what you’re thinking, and you’re looking for trouble.”
“You sound like Rowan,” I said bitterly.
“If that’s what he sounds like, he’s right. You can’t change who you are, Ash. No good can come of it.”
“I just want to be someone else, do something different than this. I’m stuck, Artemis. Surely, you can understand that?”
She nodded. “I understand it. I’ve seen your heart, and I know your pain, but losing who you are isn’t the answer.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t explain to her how much I didn’t like being myself anymore. I wanted an out, needed a way to get away from all this shit, and there was a way. I just didn’t know what it was yet. I’d heard stories from water nymphs and woodland sprites when they’d chattered and gossiped about other vales far from this one. I’d heard the rumors that one of them had chosen a different destiny, and it had worked.
“I don’t want to give up my immortality,” I said. “I just want something other than what I have now.”
“You have to play the hand you’ve been dealt. We all have a place in this universe.”
I shook my head. Things were getting more and more urgent, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that haunted me so much lately. I just knew I wanted to get away from it all.
She was right. There were all kinds of positive and negative sides to magic and immortality. Right now, I could think of more bad things than good, but I wasn’t about to say them to the goddess.
“You’re very drawn to this one, aren’t you?” she asked.
“If you think I haven’t learned my lesson, I have,” I blurted out. “You won’t have to save me again. I won’t do anything stupid.”
Even though you already have.
“Ash, I didn’t give you back your immortality after you were willing to be with Ava in a human world because I thought you weren’t careful. What you felt was pure.”
“It was a mistake,” I snapped.
“You’re upset,” Artemis said with a frown. “I’m sorry. I just want you to think about where this is going, about the choices you’re making. You can’t run away from who you are, but running to her…”
“I’m not going to give my heart to her.”
“No, you’re not. But if you decide to be with her, and she’s in the vale of magic, you’re binding her to you.”
I blinked at Artemis. I hadn’t thought about that—my lust had been out of control. My mind had shut off, but she was right. If I slept with Lorraine while she was here, she was bound to stay here. At least until the magic died down.
“It’s just a game to you,” Artemis said. “It’s your choice how you want to play it, but creating that bond is dangerous for her and for you.”
I nodded. She was right. The goddess always was.
If I slept with Lorraine in the forest, in the center of the vale of magic, I removed her from her world and bound her to mine until All Hallows’ Eve, when all the magic collided and came to a point before it finally faded again.
Lorraine didn’t know who I was—and she didn’t know what I was. She couldn’t have known what she was getting herself into.
Could she?
What are you doing to me? I heard her voice again.
“She doesn’t know, does she?” Artemis asked.
“She doesn’t know anything about magic,” I said.
“Then it’s your duty to protect her.”
“What do you think I’m doing?”
“From yourself,” Artemis added. “From the forest, from the magic that lives here. This is our home, and it’s your duty to look after it. It’s another reason you can’t look for greener pastures—they don’t exist. You belong here, to look after your own. Keep away from the darkness, but keep away from the humans, too. Keep our worlds separate, Ash.”
I nodded. Once again, Artemis was right. I had to look after what we had. As long as I was still a drus, this was my job, and regardless of my inner turmoil, I cared deeply for the forest and my people.
But I had to look after Lorraine, too. I’d taken it upon myself when I’d stepped out of my slumber, out of my tree form, to save her. I just had to keep her at arm’s length until she could leave. If I let her get any closer, I wasn’t going to be able to help myself.
I wanted to fuck her. Everything about her made me ache for her.
Maybe if it was one-sided, I would have been able to step back, but I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her.
That was trouble.
“You’ll do the right thing,” Artemis said.
I nodded and watched as she walked away from me, touching the trunks of the trees she passed, sharing her love for us woodland spirits.
She trusted me to do the right thing, but I knew myself better than she did.
You’ll do the right thing.
Would I?