CHAPTER ELEVEN #3
“When Gabriel insisted that Clarissa return and care for the baby, she came back only long enough to place an advertisement in the papers for a nanny. Nanny Potts was the first person who applied. Clarissa hired her sight unseen, references unchecked, and then abandoned Alice again, this time for Brighton.” With a soft sigh, she flipped open the notebook and scanned the pages.
“The poor little babe was so small she could barely even walk or talk, but Gabriel had given up trying to convince Clarissa to be a true mother and did not want to upset Alice again by taking away Nanny Potts, so he allowed her to stay.” She added quietly, “I was on the Continent, unable to return until Alice was almost three. By then, Nanny Potts had become her mother.”
Oh, poor little Alice! Helena’s heart wept for her.
“Clarissa only saw Alice on those rare visits to Grangely when she had to return to collect more money from Gabriel or convince him to pay off her creditors. The little girl barely knew her mother at all.” With a soft sigh, she closed the notebook and tucked it inside her pelisse pocket.
“I happened to be here during her last visit. For the first time, Gabriel refused to pay her debts. Clarissa was furious, then downright vicious.” She fussed with a deck of cards and ivory markers lying on the card table, straightening each one.
“I couldn’t help but overhear. They were in the library, arguing at the tops of their voices.
She yelled that when she married the Duke of Thurston she assumed she would be in London and the belle of every season, not locked away in the country to rot.
” She paused, her fingers stilling on the marker.
“That her life had not been ruined by having Alice but by marrying him.”
When Verity straightened and met her gaze, Helena had no idea what to say.
“She never returned to Grangely after that. Instead, she remained in London and worked to make his life a living hell.” Her hands dropped to her sides, giving up on the pretense of arranging the game pieces.
“I believe she was in pain and struck out at Gabe because she had no one else to blame but herself and needed him to suffer as much as she was. And she certainly did just that.”
Verity crossed back to the window. Her lips tightened as she gazed down at Gabe and Alice.
She continued, “Clarissa abandoned Alice completely to Nanny Potts to raise and spent her days gambling with anyone who would take her markers—or her jewelry—if she lost and buying from merchants who had no idea she would never pay her debts. And she abandoned Gabriel for a string of convenient lovers. All the while, she spread lies that she had fled to London to escape him because he was constantly drunk, physically abusive, whoring…” She shook her head.
“By then, he had become so worn down from her vengeful lies and selfish actions that he distanced himself from Alice. Every time he looked at her, he saw Clarissa and was reminded not only of her vindictiveness but of all he had lost in attempting to save his family’s honor by marrying her. ”
Helena’s heart gave a painful lurch. Verity meant the life he was supposed to have had with her as her husband. Guilt for all the times she’d cursed Gabe over the past five years stabbed her so forcefully that she lost her breath.
“The world thinks that child is his, but his heart knows the truth,” Verity murmured, her attention never leaving Gabe and Alice. “He has never been able to reconcile the difference.”
Helena nodded and blinked hard. She was determined to help him do just that. A little girl’s life hung in the balance. And Helena’s own heart.
“Let’s follow his wishes,” she conceded, her voice a bit rough with emotion. “We’ll keep the wedding breakfast small, with only close friends and family. The orangery will be perfect for it.”
Verity turned away from the window with an agreeing, if cheerless, smile. “I think that’s a wise choice.” She picked up her notebook. “I’ll go tell Mrs. Brimley and Cook, shall I?”
Helena nodded, then stood as Verity left the room.
She wandered back to the window and watched as Gabe pulled a small piece of apple from his jacket pocket and placed it on Alice’s outstretched palm so she could feed it to the pony.
When the Shetland’s lips took it from her hand, she let out a happy laugh and a beaming smile, one aimed directly at Gabe.
Helena knew the truth. That apple might have been for the pony, but it was more a gift for Alice…and her smile a reward for Gabe, whether the stubborn man realized it or not.
Instead of accepting the small gesture of affection, though, he turned away and fussed with the pony’s bridle.
Helena’s shoulders sagged. He was making progress, she had to admit.
He smiled freely now when he was with Alice and laughed when he played with her.
But whenever she offered a gesture of affection to him, he would always freeze for a moment with uncertainty before giving her a pleasant, if measured, smile, then turn away before any affection she might feel for him could deepen.
He was softening, Helena knew, but softening was a far cry from affection, which was itself a very long way from letting himself love again. And none of it was happening fast enough.
The wedding was only two weeks away.