Chapter 20
Honora did not sleep.
After Leopold left the nursery, she remained on the floor beside the crib with Cecily in her arms until the child finally cried herself to sleep.
Honora did not. She sat there in the dark and listened to Cecily breathe, touching the baby’s cheek every few minutes, as though checking that she was still there.
Leopold’s words returned again and again.
You used a baby to lie your way into my house…
Honora closed her eyes. That was not what she had done.
She did not even know what that was supposed to mean.
It was clear that he knew her true name, as he had used it.
She cursed herself for turning so quickly in response, as if he had not been calling her Phoebe for weeks.
She cursed herself further for not trying before that day to tell him the truth about who she was.
But what had he meant by his accusation?
How had she used Cecily to get into his home when she only learned of Cecily’s location days before she arrived at Belgrave?
She did not know how he had learned the truth, but it seemed that something important was either missing or misunderstood.
But none of it mattered now. She had lied, had taken another woman’s name, had entered Belgrave under false pretenses.
Leopold had been devastated and angered when he learned of her deception and was now banishing her from his life.
I trusted you…
And what of Cecily? Would he allow her to take Cecily? Or would he try to fight to keep her? Once upon a time, she might have had grounds to take Cecily from him legally. But she did not know precisely what he thought he knew about her involvement with Cecily.
And as she had when she had first come to Belgrave, she realized that he was wealthy, powerful, and angry.
And wealthy, powerful, and angry noblemen could accomplish anything they sought to do.
Including separating a woman from her niece permanently and sending Honora away somewhere where she could never see Cecily again.
She did not know when the nursery door opened again. Morning had already begun, though its light was low and dim. Mrs. Pritchard stood in the doorway, her face composed, though her eyes were kinder than usual.
“You must take the child and go.”
Honora looked up. “Now?”
“Yes.”
She looked down at Cecily. The baby was awake, though quiet, as if she were listening to what was happening around her.
Honoria’s relief at the housekeeper’s words was immediate.
She was to take Cecily with her. Leopold did not intend to try to keep the baby.
Perhaps he did not care as much about Cecily as Honora had imagined.
Or perhaps whatever he had heard about her true identity had convinced him that he wanted nothing to do with Honora or Cecily.
She was glad, whatever the case, but the relief was admittedly diluted.
She would get to take Cecily and flee as she had originally planned.
But now, she was being forced out of the home she had come to love, from friends she had grown fond of, and from the man who made her soul smile each time he laughed.
She would have what she had wanted all along.
But she sensed that she would no longer have what she needed.
Honora swallowed. “Can I say goodbye to Martha?”
Mrs. Pritchard hesitated. “His Grace has asked that you leave now.”
Honora looked at her. There was no anger in Mrs. Pritchard’s face, only regret.
Honora wondered if she even knew the reason for her sudden eviction.
But she knew she did not have time to try to find out or plead her case.
If Leopold wanted her gone, he would be angry if she dallied.
And she did not want to make him any angrier than she already had.
Honora nodded. “Very well.”
She packed in three minutes. She took everything she had brought for herself and Cecily but hesitated when it came to the toys and clothes that had been provided for Cecily since she arrived.
Those had been purchased by Leopold, and she did not feel right about taking them. The only thing she took was some extra milk she had taken from the kitchen and saved in case Cecily woke up during the night and needed a bottle to go back to sleep.
She did not know if she could afford to purchase what Cecily would need. But when she reached her aunt, she was sure her aunt would help her until she could find more work. If Leopold does not warn all of England of my deceit, she thought woefully.
Cecily was already wrapped in her traveling cloak. Honora lifted her, and the baby rested her head against Honora’s shoulder as though nothing in the world had changed, which almost broke her.
She carried her to the door. Mrs. Pritchard stepped aside. “Come.”
Honora followed. They crossed the corridor in silence. At the bottom of the stairs, the kitchen door stood open. Honora looked toward it. Martha was inside. Their eyes met. Martha’s face changed immediately. She opened her mouth, then closed it. Honora stopped.
For one second, neither woman moved. Honora wanted to say everything. Thank you. I am sorry. I wish I could have stayed. I wish I had told the truth. I wish I had spoken to Leopold sooner. Martha looked as though she wanted to say something too. But she did not get the chance.
Mrs. Pritchard touched Honora’s arm gently. “Come.”
Honora looked at Martha one last time, then turned toward the entrance hall.
Isolde was waiting there. She stood beside a waiting carriage dressed for travel, elegant as ever, one gloved hand resting lightly on the door.
Her expression was pleasant, almost sympathetic.
Almost. But something in her eyes seemed calculating, dulling what might have been warmth and sincerity.
It unsettled Honora, but she had no choice but to ignore it under the circumstances.
“I am sorry,” she said.
Honora stared at her.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
Isolde smiled. “Given the circumstances, I thought it best to arrange transportation.”
Honora nodded, searching for words.
“A carriage will take you to the coaching inn at the county border.” She glanced at Cecily. “And the baby, of course.”
Honora’s throat tightened. “You arranged it personally?”
“Yes.” Isolde’s smile was gentle. “It seemed the kind thing to do.”
Honora looked toward the carriage. She did not want to accept, as it felt wrong under the circumstances.
But she had no money for a coach, no secure way to travel with a baby, and no other option.
Only then did she realize that with no time to continue with her original plans on such short notice, she could not manage without Isolde’s offer.
No matter how uncomfortable she was, she had no choice.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
Isolde smiled. “You are welcome. Even a woman who makes mistakes deserves a little kindness.”
Honora looked at her. Something about that smile and her words made Honora uneasy. But she was exhausted, afraid, and she needed a way out before she upset Leopold further. Reluctantly, she climbed into the carriage with Cecily.
The door closed, and the carriage began to move.
Honora turned away, unable to watch as Belgrave faded behind her.
It had become the only place where she had found true happiness after Celestine died.
It had felt like Cecily had a whole family who loved her, which Cecily deserved.
Without it, Honora did not know what lay ahead of them, or what kind of future Cecily would have.
Without it, I do not have Leopold, she thought, allowing the thought to linger. And only then, as she was losing him forever, did she allow herself to feel everything she had felt for him and tried to bury and ignore.
For the first hour, there was nothing but the sound of the carriage wheels. Cecily slept against her peacefully, and Honora was grateful.
Only a little milk remained from the bottle she had packed, and she knew she would need to spend some of the little money she had at the inn to purchase food before the child woke. Honora looked through the window at the fields slipping by and tried to think about what came next.
She would go to Northumberland, to see her aunt.
She would explain everything and find some way to make it work.
Perhaps she could still find a place where Cecily would be safe, even if she would be without the love that Leopold had clearly had for her.
She was so lost in thought and worry that she barely noticed when the carriage stopped.
Honora frowned. They were nowhere near the county border.
That would have been at least another half an hour away.
In fact, there was nothing on either side of the road that she could see except for wide clearings and clusters of trees and flowers.
Nothing looked familiar, and Honora realized she did not know where they were.
The door opened. Two men stood outside. She had never seen either of them.
Honora pulled Cecily closer. “Who are you?”
Neither man answered. One reached into the carriage and took the baby from her arms.
Honora screamed. “No!”
She lunged forward. The man holding Cecily stepped back while the other grabbed Honora’s arm.
“Let go of me!”
He pulled her from the carriage.
“Where are you taking her?”
There was no answer. The man holding Cecily gripped her roughly, rousing the baby. Cecily grunted fiercely in protest, craning her neck to see Honora being kept away from her. She reached for Honora, but the man holding her gruffly turned away.
“Give me my baby!”
She struggled against the man holding onto her, but the man’s grip was too strong. She wildly swung her foot, trying to make contact with any point on the man’s lower body, but he expertly held her at arm’s length, so all her foot met was air.
“Cecily!”