Chapter 5
Cynthia
My heart climbs my throat as the carriage comes closer to where my friends are staying.
As much as I long to flee the scrutiny of my mother and relentless visits of my betrothed, I don’t happily anticipate seeing Norhaven again.
Granted, since he does not live there, perhaps we won’t run into each other as much?
Tears sting my eyes as I hold my hands in my lap. How could this all go so wrong? I wish I knew my future, or that I could have somehow divined what was to occur. Perhaps then I would have compromised Norhaven when I had the chance.
But then, I don’t want a marriage based on anger and scandal.
Just because it worked for my friends doesn’t mean it will work for me.
Besides, it would also punish Henhaven, and he is blameless in all this.
In truth, he’s saving me from being a spinster…
Something Norhaven didn’t think he needed to do.
As we pull to a stop and I climb out, I wipe my tears away. It won’t do going in here, face stained, as I meet the sisters who should have been mine. His family should have been my family. If only he hadn’t cast me out, rejecting me on that horrid Twelfth Night celebration.
The doors swing open, and before the footman can even announce me, all three sisters come barreling toward me, gathering me in their arms as they hug me so tightly it almost puts my tattered heart together.
Unable to help myself, the tears flow in earnest as they envelop me, squeezing me as the emotions I’ve held at bay finally pour out.
“What is this?” the dowager duchess cries out as she walks closer to our group. “These do not look like happy tears.”
I pat my skirts for a kerchief but find none. Thankfully, Georgiana, the ever-practical one, hands me hers so I can dab at my eyes and do my best to make myself presentable. “Forgive me, Your Grace. I… I forgot myself.”
“Nonsense,” she says as she, too, opens her arms for me. “You are allowed to feel these emotions. You are allowed to grieve the girl you once were as the woman you are to be comes racing toward you. Now tell me, are these, in fact, tears of sorrow?”
I nod, unable to fully speak as she embraces me like a mother, with far more warmth than mine has ever shown.
“And can I assume there is another you’d rather be wed to?”
Once more, I nod.
“I see. Such a pitiful plight. Did you have any warning? Any say?”
“Father,” I hiccup. “Father told me Saturday afternoon. Henhaven was with us in the parlor. It’s the first I’ve seen of him. And he is to be my husband. Unfortunately, I know not what sort of man he is.”
She pulls me back into an embrace. “I know your father, and he would never knowingly tie you to a man not worthy. Though I know your heart is set on another, you must understand that sometimes Providence has something even better in mind. You have at least two more weeks. Get to know the man. He might yet surprise you.”
With that, she lets go and runs a hand down my hair. Her soft smile is warm and loving. Though I know she means well, it makes the pain hurt all the more. What I would give to have her as my mother.
“Come,” Penelope says. “Let us put all this behind us and prepare for dinner.”
As I glide down the stairs, I stop midway as my breath catches in my throat. That scent. I know that scent as well as if it were my own. There, off in a nearby parlor, Norhaven slides out and glances up. His gaze darkens for a brief second, but I see it.
“Miss Campbell,” he murmurs as he gathers my arm in his. “Are you well? I heard you had a fit of pique.”
Heat rises in my cheeks as I pull away. “No thanks to you,” I hiss. “What are you even doing here?”
“Excellent question,” the dowager duchess says as she slides into the foyer. “Do you not have your own house and cook, Charles? Are you so enamored with your family that you are to dine with us two nights in a row?”
“I didn’t realize my presence would vex you, Mother,” he grins. The sight of his smile nearly takes my breath away as my pulse pounds in my ears. “Do you now deny me because you have another woman to occupy my seat?”
“Never,” she laughs as she kisses his cheek. “I am surprised, is all. I figured you’d be out and about gallivanting as young bucks do.”
Norhaven’s gaze slides over to me. “I find I’d much rather see to the care of my family instead.”
Does he mean me? Does the cad really think to pluck at my heartstrings when I am the injured party? Granted, it’s not as if he made me any promises. There was never an understanding between us, just an undeniable heat that never seems to fade when he’s nearby.
“Well then, as long as you’re able to escort me to dinner.”
“Always.”
Once she leaves, Norhaven turns to me, caging me between the hot, molten steel of his body and the wall behind me. I want nothing more than to lean in and kiss him, to show him the desperation crawling through my veins.
“So naughty,” he murmurs as he slides his nose up my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “I can smell the desire simply dripping off of you. What would your intended think to know just a bit of proximity to me and you’re perfuming the air like a cat in heat?”
“I’m sure he’d think you to be simply horrid for engaging me so. And in your family’s home no less. Suppose they see you?”
“Trust me, little flower,” he groans. “I am keeping a close ear out. We will not be compromised.”
“No,” I snap back. “Because that would be simply horrid.”
He runs his thumb along my bottom lip as he breathes me in.
“I want there to be no mistake. I do not wish for us to be discovered simply because I lack the desire to see our lives tied together in an unwilling manner. Not because I do not want you. Nor do I wish your reputation sullied. Less of a concern, but I also do not want to bring scandal to Henhaven. Not yet, at least.”
“What does that-” He cuts me off by jerking away and examining his shoes as the triplets come into our space.
“There you are,” Penelope chuckles. “Mother said you were here, Charles. Come. Let us proceed to dinner and leave Cynthia to escape the confines of the stairs. She must be as hungry as we are.”
Tears burn in my eyes as they drag their brother away. He glances back behind, giving me a look I can’t quite decipher, but then, to try to guess would be a lesson in madness. I’ve never known what truly goes on in his mind.
As we sit there, making polite conversation, I push my food around, eating enough to not be rude. The triplets, however, continue to urge the footmen to pile more on, fattening me like the sacrificial lamb I feel myself to be at the moment.
“Now dears,” their mother chuckles. “I’m sure Miss Campbell is more than capable of asking for more if she’s truly that famished. No doubt she’s wanting to fit into a pretty dress for her wedding. It won’t do to have you three sabotage her.”
“Yes, Mother,” they all say in unison as they hide their grins behind their hands.
Glancing up, I notice Norhaven staring at me, his gaze intense as he picks up his fork and brings it to his mouth. “Are you not hungry, Miss Campbell?” he murmurs. “Cook has outdone herself with this feast.”
“I find that I cannot eat as well when there is so much on my mind.”
“I understand. Turmoil seems to have that effect on most. Listen to the conversation. Let it lull your nerves. I’m sure you’ll find your appetite soon returned.”
He does not eat. Not until I do the same. Even from across the table, he coaxes me to put food in my body, fueling me up. No words need be said. Not when his commanding presence comes across the table as if his hands are there, feeding me himself.
Bite by bite, I fill myself up, forcing food into my empty stomach. Around me, the others eat with hearty gusto, not at all noticing how Norhaven’s eyes never leave me. It’s as if we are in our own world even though we are surrounded by all his family. It’s intimate, far too intimate for words.
Finally, Norhaven breaks his gaze and turns to his mother. “In which room did you put Miss Campbell?”
Sophia sets down her spoon and tilts her head. “Why would that be of any consequence?”
“I simply want to make sure her stay is pleasant and due a woman of her rising station.”
His mother chuckles as she dabs at the corner of her lips with her napkin. “Really, Charles. As if I would shove poor Miss Campbell upstairs with the servants.”
“No,” he muses as he stabs his fork into his meat. “But some rooms here are nicer than others.”
She chuckles again. “Miss Campbell, do you find any objection to your room?”
“Certainly not, Your Grace.” I stumble through my words as I take a sip of my claret. “In fact, the blues on the wall seem to mirror the flowers outside the window with such precision.”
The dowager duchess gives her head a firm nod before turning back to Norhaven. “There now. You see? She is quite well and happy with her accommodations.”
“You have certainly given her a lovely room, Mother.”
“Did you expect less?”
“No, but it does my heart good to see her in such finery while she prepares for the dregs of Henhaven.”
“Charles,” his mother chides. “Do not scare the poor girl.”
“What?” I ask, all desire for food forgotten. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“She deserves to know, Mother. She’s marrying the man.”
“Then that is for him to reveal,” she hisses. “Do not stir trouble where none needs to be meddled with.” She turns to me, a soft smile tilting her lips. “Pay him no mind, Miss Campbell. I’m sure you will make his house a wonderful home.”
The food blurs in front of me as I hold a napkin to my lips. Reality comes crashing in as I sit there, unable to see, unable to blink, unable to breathe, and certainly unable to think.
“Cynthia?” Penelope asks as she lays her hand on my arm. “Are you well?”
“I- I think I need to lie down,” I manage to rasp out as I push away from the table.
“But your food!” Georgiana cries out. “Cook has made such a lovely cake.”
At the mention of cake, my stomach rebels. Cake. Twelfth Night. The bean and pea. The first time I ever saw Norhaven in all his manly glory. The first time I had hope that I could possibly mean enough to him to be his bride.
It’s too much. It’s all too much.
Clutching my stomach, I move from the table, winding my way through the home I know so well, the one that’s been my place of comfort but is now a hell filled with nothing but torment.
“Should I go after her?” I hear Penelope ask through the buzzing in my brain.
“No, my dear. She needs to be alone for a bit. Give her some time. She’ll come around. Soon, she’ll be the friend you knew and loved. Just let her grieve. Let her have this moment of peace.”
Peace. As if I will ever get any peace once I’m Henhaven’s wife. Dregs of Henhaven. Charles’s voice pounds in my head just as surely as my heart pulses in my brain. In only a few weeks, I am to be a bride.
I will run a house that is not my own.
I will sleep with a man I know nothing of.
I will be forever separated from the man I truly long for.
Why didn’t he just claim me as his? Why couldn’t Norhaven just love me enough to make me a bride?
“Charles.” His name slips from my lips like a mantra as I shove my way into the bedroom.
If only he loved me enough.