Chapter 12
“Iknow you like having the room to yourself while you read,” the duke said as Agnes settled into her chair and picked up the book. “But I have some business in here today. Will it bother you if I’m in the room for a while?”
“Oh, I suppose I can make my peace with it,” Agnes said. After all, she could hardly order him out of the rooms in his own home.
He smirked at her. “You don’t need privacy to read your scandalous book?”
It would have embarrassed her before, possibly even infuriated her, but she was growing used to the way he teased. She smiled. “I can manage to do it in front of you,” she said. “If it won’t embarrass you too much to know what I’m reading.”
“I don’t know what you’re reading. I haven’t picked that book up myself.”
“Too dignified for it?” She grinned even wider. “You know what’s in the book. You might not have read it, but you’re a gentleman of the world. You understand what kind of contents are in a scandalous book.”
“You really just say whatever you want to,” he marveled.
“I told you that reputation wasn’t a concern for me.”
“Yes. I just continue to be surprised by the extent to which that’s true.” He shrugged. “I won’t bother you while you read.”
She put the book aside, curious. “What is it you’re doing in here? You don’t have a desk in this room, so I know this isn’t where you do your work.”
“No,” he agreed. “I’m choosing a collection of books for Helena.”
“So you are going to let her start reading books?”
“You convinced me,” the duke said wryly.
“And so did she, in fairness to her. But I haven’t read that many of the novels in here.
Most of the books I read tend to be histories, which I don’t think would interest her.
So I’m going to have to at least skim through them and make sure that whatever she chooses is appropriate for a young lady. ”
“I could help you.” Agnes got to her feet. “I do a lot of reading. I know there are some things in your library here that I could pull out that would be appropriate.”
He glanced at her. “I’m not sure I trust your assessment of what’s appropriate.”
“Oh, don’t even bother with that,” she said.
“You know that I won’t give her a book like the one I’m reading.
I might not take my own reputation very seriously, but I’d never put Helena at risk.
Besides, you’re at perfect liberty to look through anything I choose.
I’m just offering to save you some time by pointing you in the right direction. ”
“All right,” he agreed. “I can accept that.”
She went to the shelf and began skimming it. “Here are a few of the books I started with when I was younger,” she said. “And before you say anything, I know what you’re thinking. You’re going to tell me that you don’t want her to grow up to be like me.”
“I wasn’t going to say that,” he said.
Sure, you weren’t. She handed him a small stack of books. “Look through these. Give them to her, if you think they’re good choices. None of these books are the reason I became a spinster.”
“What is the reason?” he asked her.
“That’s forward of you.”
“You’re reading a scandalous book in my library,” the duke pointed out.
“You’ve spend a night in my home. The whole of London society believes that we’re engaged in a courtship.
I think you and I are beyond the point of being too forward with one another.
You don’t have to answer the question if you don’t want to, but don’t pretend it’s because you’re shocked that I had the audacity to ask it. ”
Agnes laughed. “You’re right,” she agreed. “You did nothing wrong by asking. But as for the answer…I don’t know. What’s the reason you’re unmarried?”
He turned away slightly. “It never seemed like the right thing for me to do,” he said. “I never wanted to do it.”
“That’s really it?”
“That’s it.”
“And is it so hard to fathom that I might feel the same way?” she asked. “I know it isn’t common for a lady. But I’ve never wanted to marry. The idea doesn’t appeal to me in the least. It would mean handing over all my freedom to the whims of a husband, and I have no interest in doing that.”
“Your family. They don’t mind?”
“My parents might have forced the issue, but they’re no longer alive. My brother accepts my decision.”
“I see,” he said. “I’m sorry to hear about your parents.”
“Thank you. It was a long time ago.” She returned to her chair and picked up her book. “The good news is that I think I might be able to finish this book today.”
“Is that good news?” He frowned.
“Good news in that I won’t have to bother you anymore,” she said. “I know you’ve had enough of me hanging around your home.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” She smiled, though she felt a little sad about what she was saying.
“I know your focus has got to be on taking care of Helena, and I don’t expect any different.
I know it’s a challenge for you to have me around the house, and that it’s a difficult thing to explain to her.
We’ll finish our show of courtship, but I won’t need to keep coming around here. ”
“That wasn’t the agreement,” he countered. “What about your list? We agreed that I was going to help you complete it, and so far, we’ve only worked on one list item.”
Heat rose into her cheeks.
The truth was that she’d spent some time thinking about the list and about his promise to help her with it, and she was no longer sure it was such a good idea.
Every time she thought about the items on the list, she was embarrassed.
They had all seemed like a good idea when she had been writing them out in the privacy of her own home, but to share them with the duke?
No, that was a step too far. It was more than she could stand.
“You don’t have to help me with the list,” she said. “That was always too much to ask of you. It’s enough that you let me read this book. We can be finished with that side of our arrangement.”
She’d intended to release him from his obligations, but he shook his head firmly. “No,” he said.
“No?”
“We had an agreement. I gave my word to you as a gentleman. That isn’t something I’m willing to go back on.”
“But I’m offering to let you go back on it,” she insisted. “I’m telling you that we can change our arrangement. In fact, I think it’s best if we do.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t think I’d be able to help you?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“What’s the next item on the list?”
She turned away from him.
His voice softened slightly. “I made a commitment to you,” he said. “I agreed that we were going to do this together. I’m going to stand by it. I’m not going to think any the less of you for this, whatever it is. You may as well just tell me.”
She sighed. “I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“You won’t know until you let me know what it is.”
Agnes bit her lip. “The next item is…I want to go to a gentlemen’s club.”
There was a long silence.
She looked up at him. As she had anticipated, he was staring at her.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she implored.
“You want to go to a gentlemen’s club? Why would you want to do something like that?”
“Just think about it,” she said. “It’s a whole side of the world that isn’t open to me.
Only gentlemen are permitted inside. Don’t you think that if a place like that existed for ladies, you would want to know what it was like?
Wouldn’t it chafe at you that it had been designed to keep you out?
Of course I want to know what goes on in there. ”
“And it wouldn’t be enough for me to simply tell you what goes on?” he asked her. “I’ve been to plenty of those places in my life. I could give you a full report, if you’re really so curious.”
“I want to see it for myself,” she said. “I’m just…curious about it. And a bit resentful, I suppose, that it exists to keep me out. I don’t like being kept out.”
“You don’t like anything that sets out to restrict or confine you,” he observed.
“And yet, people insist on thinking me strange,” she said. “Why would anyone like to be confined? You wouldn’t.”
“You have me there.”
“So now that you know what’s on my list, are you still committed to being a man of your word?” she asked. “Or does this change things for you? Maybe now that you know what it would entail, you think I’m asking for too much. Maybe now you want to cancel our arrangement.”
“I’m not cancelling anything,” he said firmly. “This was the agreement, and if it’s what you want to do, we’re going to do it. You’ll have to dress up as a man to make it work, though.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“Do you have garments?”
“They’ll be a bit large, but I do have some things of my brother’s,” she said.
“Your brother the Duke of Greystone?”
“Do you know Reeves?”
“I know of him. I’ve seen him around. He’s much larger than you. His clothing won’t do at all.” He shook his head. “I’ll find you something.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“That’s going to be the easiest part of the whole affair,” he said. “Finding the clothes isn’t going to be a problem. Are you certain this is what you want?”
“Yes,” she said. “And I’ll do it on my own if I must. But…I won’t deny that having you by my side will be incredibly helpful, if you’re willing.”
“Heaven help me,” he murmured. “I’ll find something for you to wear. Will you meet me here in three days’ time? And we’ll go.”
“Yes,” she said. “Thank you, Your Grace.”
“If we’re going to do this,” he said, “you must promise never to tell Helena about it. I don’t think you are necessarily a bad influence, but I won’t have her picking up this sort of behavior.”
“No. Of course not. I understand that,” Agnes said. “I won’t tell her about it, I promise you that, Your Grace.”
“And if we’re going to be posing as two male friends, in addition to a couple in a courtship,” he added, “you’re going to need to address me by name. Call me Gabriel.”
She nodded. “And you’ll need something to call me…Jack will do.”
He smirked. “Very well. Jack it shall be.”
“But when we aren’t in a gentlemen’s club,” she added, “then you may drop the formality and call me Agnes. It seems only fair that you should address me as casually as I’m going to be addressing you, don’t you think?”
The duke nodded slowly. “I can agree to that,” he said.
“It’s very improper. But then…everything we’re doing is extremely improper, and there’s no point in pretending otherwise.
Very well. If it’s what you would prefer from me, then Agnes you shall be.
For as long as you and I are in one another’s company. ”
Agnes nodded, something loosening within her.
It felt as if they had reached a new degree of comfort with one another, and she had to admit, she liked that very much.
If only she had some idea of where it was all going to lead them.