Chapter 32
Kerrington Estate was one of the newer homes in the region.
Agnes hadn’t been here before, but she had heard tales of its opulence, and it didn’t disappoint.
The marble shone as if it was wet. The sheer number of flowers was so vast that she wondered for a moment whether she had actually stepped inside, or if she was somehow still out in the garden.
No one had looked her way yet. No one seemed to have noticed her. That was some relief, at least.
Her friends walked on either side of her. She had the impression they were trying to protect her, a gesture that both touched and irritated her. She didn’t need their protection, but it was kind of them to want to give it.
“We needn’t stay very long, I think,” Dorothy said. “I mean…if the party isn’t much fun, we may as well just leave early.”
Agnes felt a rush of fondness for her friend. It was far too soon to hazard a guess at whether or not the party was going to be any fun. Dorothy had said that out of concern for Agnes’ well-being, not because she feared they might have a bad time.
“It’s all right,” she said. “We can stay a while. Lady Kerrington loves to spend money, and I’d like to see what kind of food and drink she’s serving. I’m sure people will be talking about this party for a while.”
“It will do them good to have something new to talk about,” Violet murmured, looking around. “Something that isn’t sheer gossip.”
They really do care for me. In a few weeks, when the pain wasn’t so sharp, Agnes thought she might tell her friends everything that had happened. They were good people. They were entitled to the truth, and she would be grateful to have someone to share her tribulations with.
But not today. Today was about simply getting through this ball.
“Shall we take a turn around the floor?” Dorothy asked. “And then perhaps we can go and see about some drinks.”
“That sounds like a fine idea to me,” Violet said. “Agnes?”
“Yes,” Agnes said firmly. Her friends were accustomed to her being the leader of their little group.
She could see that they were trying to fill that role for her right now, but she needed to step up and show them that she was still who she had always been.
“And perhaps we can step out and see the gardens as well. I’d be willing to wager that Lady Kerrington grows all manner of exotic plants that are unsuited to life here in England, personally. ”
Dorothy giggled. “That does sound right,” she said. “Big tropical flowers, maybe. I’d love to see that!”
The three friends began to make their way around the ballroom, and Agnes felt herself relaxing slightly as they went.
It wasn’t so bad after all, being here. As long as she didn’t look directly at the people dancing on the floor, it was possible to keep thoughts of her time with Gabriel at a distance.
She could force herself to forget the way it had felt to be in that moment with him, to have her hand in his.
The excitement of waiting to hear what he would say next. The thrill of it all.
And then, as they curved around the far edge of the ballroom and started back the way they had come, she froze.
He was there.
He was standing right in front of her, talking to a lady Agnes didn’t know. He hadn’t noticed Agnes yet, and everything in her wanted to retreat, to tell her friends that this had been a bad idea and that she couldn’t do it after all. She wanted to run away from the whole business quickly, before—
He turned.
His eyes locked on hers for a moment.
His gaze darkened.
She hadn’t been wrong. He was angry, though she still didn’t know why. He turned away abruptly, and she shivered.
Her friends had noticed. “I didn’t know,” Dorothy was saying. “I didn’t think he would be here. There’s so much shame around him right now, frankly I thought he would have the decency to stay at home. Shall I go over there and tell him what we think of him?”
“No,” Agnes said quickly, catching Dorothy’s arm in case her friend decided not to listen. “No, Dorothy, you can’t do that. It would be too embarrassing. Leave him be. Let’s just go out into the garden so that we won’t have to see him.” She turned and headed toward the door.
But someone stepped in front of her, blocking her path.
She looked up and saw that it was the lady Gabriel had just been speaking to. She had green eyes that flashed, a narrow face, and a high forehead under hair so red it was nearly orange. She leaned in, a sneer on her lips.
“So,” she said. “It’s you, is it?”
“I don’t know who you are,” Agnes admitted, mystified. “Why do you know who I am?”
“Oh, everyone knows who you are. Do you think a lady could behave as you have and not gain notoriety? Mothers warn their daughters about you. Everyone knows the notorious spinster who tried to steal the heart of the Duke of Bellmoor and failed.”
A tremor shook her. “I never tried to steal anyone’s heart,” she said.
“Oh, please,” the lady scoffed. “I know all about it.”
“Who are you?” Dorothy interjected. “Why should we care what you think about things that don’t concern you?”
“It concerns me plenty,” the lady sniffed. “I am Lady Claire Fishburn. My father is the Earl of Weston. And had it not been for Lady Agnes’ machinations, His Grace and I would have married months ago.”
Agnes stared. “What are you talking about?”
“I suppose he never told you about me,” Lady Claire said.
“Yes, the two of us were very near to courtship when you intervened. I don’t know what you did, but I know there was some scandal involving the two of you, and I’m certain you orchestrated it on purpose.
Perhaps you despaired of your chances of ever getting a gentleman’s interest—well, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Who would look twice at a spinster like you?
But His Grace is a good man, and if he thought he had to court you in order to save your reputation, I’m sure he would have done it, especially if you begged him or threatened him. ”
“Agnes never threatened anyone,” Violet snapped, stepping forward. “And she’s never begged for anything in her life.”
“That’s right,” Dorothy agreed. “It seems to me, Lady Claire, that if the duke had wanted to court you, he would have done so. You can’t just blame other people for the fact that it didn’t go the way you would have liked it to.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lady Claire said. “Neither of you do. He never took you seriously, Lady Agnes. Everyone knows that. If he had, he would have asked you to stay with him when you tried to end the courtship. And did he? Did he even try to fight to keep you?”
Agnes opened her mouth and then closed it again.
It was likely—more than likely—that this lady was talking nonsense when it came to the suggestion of a courtship between herself and Gabriel.
She didn’t know the whole story of Agnes’ involvement with Gabriel.
She couldn’t know how many times Gabriel had stressed that he didn’t want any kind of relationship with anyone at all, that his entire aim was to push people away from him.
But Lady Claire was right about one thing.
Agnes had ended the arrangement with Gabriel—and Gabriel had not protested. Not once.
He hadn’t tried to get her to stay with him.
He had agreed with her that their needs were met and that it was time to end things.
She could only guess at his reasons, of course, though in her innermost heart she feared that it might have to do with that kiss.
Perhaps she had been substandard in some way.
She had thought it was wonderful, but what did she know about the quality of kisses?
That had been the first time she’d ever done it.
It was probably a mess. That probably made it that much easier for him to let me go.
Lady Claire had seen the doubt on Agnes’ face, and now her smile grew wider, more vicious.
“She knows I’m right,” she said to the trio at large.
“She knows that His Grace never cared for her, and that he was only courting her out of some misguided sense of obligation. He thought he had to do it. If he hadn’t felt that way, he would never have gone near such a notorious woman.
No gentleman ever would.” She shook her head.
“I’m surprised you aren’t ashamed to show your face here tonight, Lady Agnes, and I think you’d be doing everyone a favor if you just went home. ”
Agnes was surprised—mortified—by how much Lady Claire’s words affected her.
She didn’t want to admit to feeling anything at all in response to what this cruel woman was saying.
Lady Claire really didn’t know anything about her relationship with Gabriel.
But she had guessed at something that was true, and something that was at the heart of Agnes’ worries about the situation.
Perhaps Gabriel is glad to be rid of me.
It would answer some of the questions that had plagued her, certainly.
It would explain the sense she’d had that he was angry with her.
Anger wasn’t what she had perceived after all—it was just a cooling toward her now that he didn’t need to pretend anymore.
He was doing the thing she hadn’t managed to do.
He was going back to the life he had been living before the two of them had met, a life in which he hadn’t needed to worry about anyone other than Helena and himself.
He isn’t angry at me; he’s just not pretending that he cares anymore, and it’s a painful thing to experience.
It was a painful thing even to think about.
She turned her face away from Lady Claire, not wanting that horrible woman to see that she had struck a blow—but she imagined Lady Claire probably knew by the way her smile grew even wider.
She had meant to cause hurt here, and she had done it.
She wanted to upset Agnes so greatly that Agnes would be forced to flee this party.
She wants me gone.
The worst part was that it was working. Agnes wanted to go.
She longed to retreat to the safety of her home and forget everything that had happened tonight—but she knew that she couldn’t.
It simply wasn’t an option. If she went home now, the distress of this moment would only follow her.
It would linger with her and render her unable to think about anything else.
She had to stand her ground. In this moment, she was being tested, and she had no choice but to pass the test if she was to have any hope of returning to a life like the one she’d led before Gabriel had entered it.
She took a deep breath. “I’m familiar with your games,” she told Lady Claire. “But I’m afraid you’re not going to manipulate me so easily, Lady Claire. I can see that you want to chase me off, but you won’t make me leave this party.”
“Are you so stubborn that you would insist on staying when nobody wants you here?” Claire asked.
Then she shook her head. “I don’t even know why I’m asking.
Of course you are. You’d have to be, to have come here in the first place.
You must have known that His Grace would not want to see you, but you came because you needed to force the issue.
” She leaned closer. “Rest assured that it makes no difference what you do, Lady Agnes. There is nothing you can say that will win his favor. His Grace is done with you. You might as well accept that and return to the pathetic life you have carved out for yourself.”
Agnes wished she could close her eyes and disappear altogether. She knew that people were beginning to notice this argument. They were starting to look in her direction. So much for her hopes of going relatively unnoticed.
And then a voice, deep and familiar, filled the air.
“What on Earth is going on here?”