Chapter 36
The ride to the solicitor’s office was exhilarating, little though Agnes wanted to admit it to herself.
Gabriel held her body pressed tightly against his. His arm wrapped around her waist, keeping her there. Her heart raced. She told herself it was nothing but anxiety over Agnes, but she knew in her heart that wasn’t the truth.
The truth was that it felt good to be held by Gabriel again.
She hadn’t thought this would ever happen.
She hadn’t even believed, if she was honest, that she would see him again after that last ball.
Either she would be too reluctant to go to any more social events—she certainly didn’t want to go to any at the moment—or else, even if she did manage to drag herself out of the house, he wouldn’t be there.
He would find out before attending anything whether she had been invited, and he would avoid situations where there was a chance the two of them might meet.
After the way she’d acted, she couldn’t even blame him if that was what he chose to do.
But now here he was, his body strong and sure behind her. Impossible to ignore. As worried as she was for Helena, there was a part of her that was tempted to just relax into his embrace and enjoy this for as long as she could.
Don’t fall for it. Don’t be foolish. This isn’t an embrace at all. He’s holding onto me to keep me on the horse, that’s all.
She focused on the cool air against her cheeks to try to ground herself, to keep herself from drifting away into fantasy. She couldn’t let herself become distracted by what was happening. The important thing was to focus on Helena.
They rode through town quickly, and before Agnes knew it, they were drawing to a halt in front of a building on the corner.
Gabriel jumped down from the horse and reached up for her.
Agnes slid off into his arms, and he held onto her for a second longer than was strictly necessary as he stood her on her feet.
Comforting himself, that’s all. He’s worried about what he might find in there.
“Don’t be angry,” she told him. “Don’t go in and start scolding her right away. I know you’re upset about this, but remember, she’s young, and she’s upset. The most important thing is to remind her that we love her and to bring her home.”
Gabriel’s jaw tightened, but he nodded. “I know that’s right,” he said. “Don’t worry. I won’t be too hard on her. I’ll focus on getting her home. You’ll help me convince her?”
“Of course I will,” Agnes assured him.
That is, assuming she’s in there.
Oh, how I hope she’s in there. If she isn’t there, I won’t have the slightest idea where to begin the search!
Gabriel knocked at the door. A moment later, it was opened by a gray-haired man with spectacles.
“Your Grace,” the man said. “And…” He looked at Agnes, and his eyes widened, and Agnes knew he had recognized her as the notorious spinster.
No doubt he’d heard the gossip about her relationship with Gabriel.
A part of her wondered what he must be thinking right now, but that would have to wait.
There were more important things to think of.
“May we come in?” Gabriel asked.
The man nodded. “I assume you’re looking for Lady Helena.”
“She’s here, then?”
“Yes, she is. I meant to bring her home to you shortly. My wife is giving her something to eat first.”
Gabriel nodded and stepped across the threshold. Agnes followed. “Mr. Buford, I don’t mind telling you that I’ve been very worried about my niece this evening.”
“I’m sure you have,” Mr. Buford agreed. “I completely understand.”
“Are you aware of the fact that she’s enamored of your boy?”
“It’s entirely mutual, I fear,” Mr. Buford said with a sigh. “I told Benjamin he had no business setting his sights on a young lady of her station, but you know how the young can be. He thinks his love for her will conquer all the obstacles in their way.”
“When we all know that’s not the way love works at all,” Gabriel murmured. “Some obstacles are too high. Some obstacles are insurmountable.”
He didn’t look at Agnes as he said it, but even so, a shiver ran down her spine. Could he be speaking of her? Of the relationship they had shared? Was he thinking of the fact that they hadn’t been able to find a way to be happy with one another?
No. He can’t be.
“I’ll go and get them,” Mr. Buford said. “If you’ll just wait here.”
“You haven’t left them on their own together?” Gabriel’s face darkened.
“Of course not,” Mr. Buford said. “Not for a moment, Your Grace. My wife is with them, as is my younger son.”
Gabriel nodded slowly. “Very well,” he said. “Lady Agnes and I will wait here.”
Mr. Buford disappeared into a hallway.
Agnes looked at Gabriel. “This is good,” she reminded him. “This is good news, Gabriel. We found her. She’s safe and sound. She made a bad decision, but there will be no lasting harm done.”
“How can she be so sure of herself?” Gabriel asked. “How can she think she knows the best thing for her future?”
“I don’t know,” Agnes admitted. “But I do know that I shared her confidence when I was young. I was always sure that spinsterhood was right for me. You couldn’t have convinced me otherwise, no matter what you might have told me. I wouldn’t have listened.”
“But that’s different,” Gabriel said. “Spinsterhood was right for you. In your case, it was because you had made a thoughtful decision based on knowing yourself and what you wanted, not because you were enamored of some boy.”
Agnes nodded slowly. She didn’t dare to speak, but the truth was that she was no longer nearly as sure of what he was saying as she had once been.
She had spent so long believing with certainty that romance was wrong for her that she would never be happy if she tried to find love.
But Gabriel had left her in doubt. Was it possible that love could make a person happy?
That it could have made her happy, if only she had ever given it a chance?
What if I had said yes to his proposal?
She knew she couldn’t have said yes. It had never been a real option, because for all it had felt like one, it had never been a real proposal.
Even if he had honored her answer, it was an answer she could never have given.
To be married to a man who had never truly wanted her—-that was the very fate she had spent her life trying to avoid.
And yet, thinking about it now, she couldn’t help but feel tempted by it.
What if she had said yes? And what if he had agreed?
What if the two of them were married now?
Instead of slowly drifting apart, losing everything she’d come to enjoy about their time together, they would be growing together.
Forming a life together. It would have been hard at first, but hadn’t the courtship grown easier?
Surely the same thing would have happened if they had been married.
It would have been awkward, uncomfortable—and then, gradually, it would have begun to make sense.
It doesn’t matter. I could never have done it. It would have been as bad as theft to ask him to propose to me under false pretenses like that. I couldn’t have lived with myself.
But oh, how a part of her wished she could have. That they could have moved forward into that version of reality.
She shook off the thought as Helena made her way into the kitchen alongside a boy of her own age. Both of them looked rather uncomfortable, the boy much more so. They were followed by Mr. Buford.
“Benjamin,” Mr. Buford said severely. “What do you have to say to His Grace?”
“I apologize,” the young man said, color rising in his cheeks.
“You are not to blame for the actions of my niece,” Gabriel assured him. “I trust you’ve behaved as a gentleman?”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
“My wife was with them all the time,” Mr. Buford assured him. “And we’ll see to it that Benjamin understands that he isn’t to have contact with Lady Helena moving forward.”
Benjamin’s head darted up, but he didn’t dare to say anything. It was Helena who spoke. “That isn’t fair,” she said, looking from Mr. Buford to Gabriel. “You can’t stop us from ever seeing one another again. Neither of us has done anything wrong.”
“We’ll discuss this at home,” Gabriel said.
“I don’t see why I need to discuss it with you at all!” Helena burst out. “You don’t care about love, Uncle Gabriel. You said so yourself. You’re looking for a wife, but only out of a desire to provide me with an aunt, even though I’ve told you that’s not what I want or need.”
Agnes’ heart clenched. Gabriel was looking for a wife?
So he does want to marry?
He wanted to marry—but he just hadn’t wanted to marry her?
What had it all been for? She had thought the whole reason for their imaginary courtship had been to warn people off. To stop people from pursuing him. And now…Her head spun. Now he wanted a marriage? How could that be?
“Get your horse, Helena,” Gabriel said. “We’ll speak about it when we get home.”
Agnes worried that Gabriel might take her back to her own home right away, but he didn’t. He rode to his own estate with her in tow. She supposed he was just that eager to get Helena home quickly.
Helena dismounted from her horse and stalked into the house. Gabriel hesitated. “Will you come in with me and speak to her? I really think she might listen to you, and she doesn’t seem to have any patience with me at the moment.”
Agnes nodded. “If you think it will help,” she said, her heart heavy.
All she could think about was what Helena had said back in town about Gabriel looking for a wife.
She was desperate to know whether it was true or not, but she also knew she couldn’t ask.
She had no business demanding the answer to a question like that.
It had nothing to do with her. Not anymore.
She followed Gabriel into the house. Helena was nowhere to be seen.
Frowning, Gabriel led her into the sitting room.
“I doubt she would have just run off to her room,” he murmured.
“She knows I want to speak to her. Surely she would come to hear what I have to say. And besides, she wants to talk to me too, to ensure that I’m going to allow her to see that boy again. She won’t just…”
But he never finished what he was saying. The two of them were interrupted by the sound of the door slamming shut.
Agnes turned, momentarily convinced that it had been the wind—before she realized that didn’t make sense. They were indoors. There were no windows open. What could have caused the door to slam?
Then there was the sound of a key in the lock.
Gabriel’s eyes widened. “Helena?”
Helena’s voice came through the door. “You’re being an utter fool, Uncle Gabriel,” she said.
“Well, now you have the chance to put it right. You and Lady Agnes can stay locked in there—together—until you can figure out how to put right whatever is wrong between you. When you’ve solved it, you tell me, and then I’ll let you out. ”