Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
“Inever had a chance to thank you.” Arabella broke the silence that had sat with her and Caspian since they climbed into the carriage twenty minutes earlier. Her desire to do so had built steadily across that time, and more than once she considered saying nothing.
But as she tried to decide what to do, what to say, she knew too that things could not go on as they were.
It was two days ago that Caspian returned from his trip to London, during which they had spoken only once.
That was when he had demanded that she tell him where Timothy was hiding, a petty request, as she had known exactly what he was doing and why.
Oh, how angry she had been, as well as devastated, because she knew that there was nothing she could do.
Once again, she was back where she had started, a life that was not her own, told what to do and how to do it, by men who only wanted to control her. For a moment there, she had broken completely, cursing herself for daring to dream that things might be different.
But then Caspian surprised her. He changed his mind, proving something that she had not thought possible: that he was capable of change.
Now, two days later and without having said a word to one another, she realized that she needed to change, too.
Their marriage might never be truly happy, but that did not mean it had to be miserable.
If Caspian was willing to give her the freedom that she desired, then why could they not find a way to be companionable?
Surely, that is preferable to the loneliness that I know he feels? I certainly feel it.
And if that kiss they had shared was any indication, there was a good chance that he wanted more from this marriage, even if he refused to admit it.
“Thank me?” Caspian sat across from her in the carriage, throughout which he had stared out the window as if determined not to look at her. “For what?”
“For what you did the other night,” she said gently. “With Timothy. I know you wanted to reprimand him for hiding, but I think you made the right decision.”
“Oh.” His expression hardened in the darkness of the carriage. “I… I know he is not a bad child, so I saw no need to punish him.”
“It helped me quite a bit, too,” she continued, sure to smile just a little. “We have grown close these past few days, and if he knew that I had betrayed him…” She shook her head. “I am glad it did not come to that.”
“Good,” he said awkwardly, as if he did not know how to respond. “I wish for you to become close, and that you have managed such a thing…” He bit into his lip. “Hopefully, it continues.”
“What of you and him?” she asked.
“Excuse me?”
“It is one thing for Timothy and me to grow close, but a boy needs a father, just as he needs a mother. If you like, I can help…” She held her smile. “It might be nice if the three of us spend time together, yes? So that Timothy can see us as a family. Is that not what you want?”
His frown deepened. He looked confused. And while Arabella was certain that she was on the right path, she was just as certain that Caspian was not ready to walk it.
What happened to him that he is so resistant to being a good father? Why does he fight it so?
“Focus on your own relationship with the boy,” he said and turned away. “That is your role, the reason for this marriage.”
Arabella sighed and leaned back in her seat.
Caspian was determined to keep her at arm’s length, as he had told her from the beginning. But now that Arabella was growing with confidence, finding her place in her new home, she was not so sure that was a good thing.
That dream she had still haunted her, bringing mixed feelings. Beyond that dream, however, she felt a need to help Caspian as he had helped her. Like she had once been, he was trapped, also a prisoner of sorts. He just did not know it.
“If you ever change your mind, always feel free to say it,” she said. “I know how much Timothy would love to spend more time with you.”
Caspian said nothing as he stared out the window. But the moonlight caught his face, and Arabella was certain that she saw the barest hint of a smile.
Yes, he wants it. He is just not ready to admit it.
They rode the rest of the way in silence, but it was not nearly as awkward as it had been. Despite Caspian’s refusal to look at her, she caught him glancing periodically, as she saw his thoughts turning behind his eyes.
And when they did finally arrive at their destination, he was the one who spoke.
“We are here,” he said, taking note of the estate as it appeared in the distance. “Are you ready?”
“Ready?” she frowned. “What do you mean?”
He turned to look at her, but it was not harsh or commanding. It was almost apologetic, as if he was sorry for what he was about to say.
“This will be our first social outing together, Arabella, our first time seen together by our peers. While this marriage is not typical, we cannot allow it to look that way.” He swallowed. “We will need to behave as if we are… happy.”
She brightened. “Happy? Are you capable of such a thing?”
“Of course I am,” he said sharply, only to grimace. “I mean, yes, I am. But I want you to know that whatever I do and say once we are inside is for the benefit of our peers. Is that understood?”
She knew all of that, of course. Just as she agreed with it.
But it did make her wonder now what she might expect from Caspian, especially as he felt a need to remind her of what they were to do.
She had assumed that he would simply be kind to her, for once treating her as if she existed in his world.
But now… a warmth spread across her body, one that suggested excitement. Forced to act as if they were in love, forced to stand close, to touch one another, and Arabella wondered just how that would look and feel.
“I understand,” she said. “And I will do my best.”
The carriage came to a gentle stop a moment later. The driver opened the door. Caspian was quick to move, climbing from the carriage, at which point he turned and offered Arabella his hand.
She eyed the hand as if confused, almost nervous to take it. He raised an eyebrow at her, and Arabella’s pulse quickened. She knew he was just doing as he had to do, but that did not take away from the feelings that swarmed through her.
And when she took his hand, as their skin touched, a pulse erupted up her arm. For a moment, her mind returned to her dream… Caspian’s hands all over her, his lips devouring her body…
“Is something wrong?” he asked, as she held his hand but did not climb down.
Arabella gave her head a shake and forced herself back into the moment. “No,” she said with a smile. “Nothing is wrong.”
With that, she climbed down from the carriage, suddenly excited for the night ahead and what it might bring.
They attended a society ball hosted by Lady Sybil, a good friend of Caspian’s cousin. If not for that connection, he might not have attended at all, because Arabella knew he despised such events. But they were there, together for the first time, and Arabella was determined to make it count.
They walked across the driveway together, their arms linked.
They entered the manor and then the grand ballroom the same way.
As they did, heads turned to find them, frowns were found on faces, and whispers began to build.
No doubt it was a rare thing to see Caspian attending an event like that, and even rarer to see him not alone.
“They are not exactly being subtle, are they?” Arabella said as they walked through the ballroom. The crowds parted for them, all eyes turned to watch.
“Subtlety is not their forte,” he scoffed. Then he glanced at her, noting how stiff and awkward she was being. “Ignore them, Arabella. Do not care what they think.”
“That is easier said than done.”
He chuckled. “Perhaps, but would you like some advice?”
“If you are willing to give it.”
“Remember who you are,” he said, still looking at her. “You are my wife, a duchess. Nobody here can touch you; everyone is beneath you, so let them stare and let them talk. They are jealous, as they should be.”
“Jealous that I am a duchess? Or jealous that I am married to you?” she asked coyly.
He scoffed. “What do you think?”
“Both,” she said with a righteous nod. “Or that is how I choose to see it.”
He frowned at the response, and she thought he was going to rebuke her. But then a smile tugged at his lips, he shook his head to himself, and Arabella beamed.
Slowly, step by step, she felt him relax so that even she might be fooled into thinking that he was having a good time.
The evening went by slowly. During the first thirty minutes, she and Caspian just walked together. A few strangers came up to introduce themselves, but not many wanted to stay and talk for very long.
That was until one particularly charismatic and overly enthusiastic lord did.
“Your Grace!” He was tall, even compared to Caspian.
Not quite as broad and powerfully built, but still strong and commanding.
Eyes that were piercing blue, a smile that was all teeth, and the sharpest jawline that Arabella had ever seen.
“This might have been the last place that I expected to see you.”
“Lord Carlisle,” Caspian said with no enthusiasm or friendliness. “It is good to see you.”
“Now, why do I doubt that?” Lord Carlisle chuckled before fixing his attention on Arabella. “Ah, and this must be Her Grace. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
Arabella’s arm was still linked with Caspian’s, and she felt him stiffen, even pulling her closer. She glanced at her husband, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw him glare a warning at Lord Carlisle.
“I know Lord Carlisle from the club,” Caspian said, still holding her tight.
“You speak as if we are not friends,” Lord Carlisle chuckled. “How many evenings have you and I gotten drunk together? Too many to count!”
“It is nice to meet you,” Arabella said politely.
“I assure you, the pleasure is all mine.”
“It was good seeing you,” Caspian said as he half turned away. “But my wife and I are—”
“Oh, you are going?” Lord Carlisle cut him off. “Forgive me, Your Grace, and please tell me if this is inappropriate, but I hoped to ask your wife for a dance.” He flashed a smile. “I know that you are not keen on such things, and I would hate to think that she goes the night without one.”
Arabella looked closely at her husband. She saw the hesitancy, and she felt the anger. He still clutched to her, he still glared at Lord Carlisle, but would he deny the man? If he had any feelings for Arabella, now would be the perfect time to announce them.
She waited with bated breath, not sure what he would do, while knowing what she wanted him to do…
“I do not see why not,” Caspian said finally, through clenched teeth.
Arabella’s heart sank.
“Wonderful!” Lord Carlisle crooned as he stepped into Arabella. “Do not fear, Your Grace. I will return her in one piece.”
With no choice, Arabella allowed Lord Carlisle to escort her to the dancefloor. He smiled proudly as he did, the look of a man who had won something. And as they took their places, Arabella was sure to search for her husband in the crowd.
He stood on the edge of the circle. He watched her and Lord Carlisle as the dance began. Not once did he look away. Not once did he so much as blink. And always, he wore a cold glare of unkept rage. But was it because he hated Lord Carlisle? Or was he jealous?
The dance proceeded without incident. Lord Carlisle spoke mostly of himself, while Arabella hardly paid him any mind. Always, she found her gaze returning to her husband, and always he watched on.
He ought not to care at all… unless it is for appearances?
His anger excited Arabella. There was a sense of possession in the way that he watched them both. He had been so careful all week to act as if he did not care about her, but he struggled to hide that now. He did not even try!
When the dance ended, Arabella went to walk away, curious what her husband would say and do. Would he rebuke her? Would he act as if he did not care?
“A moment…” Lord Carlisle held onto her. “What is the rush?”
“The dance is over,” she said as she eyed his hand, still around her waist. “And my husband…”
“Can wait a little longer,” he said with a sly grin. “What say we share another? I spoke so much that I feel I did not give you a chance?”
“Oh…” She looked from his hand to her husband. She wanted him to see that she was being kept. “I really should not…”
“It is fine,” Lord Carlisle purred. “Come now, Your Grace. I know the rumors. I know what your marriage really is. Why pretend otherwise?”
She did not know what to say. To lie and claim that she was in love? To agree with him, while saying that it did not matter? Arabella was caught in two minds, frozen to the spot, and most of all, she was in need of his help.
“Lord Carlisle.” From nowhere, Caspian appeared suddenly. Fury was found in his glare, and he bared his teeth as he took the man’s arm and pushed it away. “If you do not mind, I would ask that you unhand my wife.”
Lord Carlisle continued to grin. “I was simply asking her for another dance, Your Grace.”
“And I am saying no.”
“Why not let her decide?”
Caspian’s eyes widened. She saw the anger burst from him like a volcano. His hand curled into a fist. He stepped into Lord Carlisle as if to strike him. And all around them, the crowd watched on.
“My husband is correct…” She stepped between the two men, placing a hand on Caspian’s chest to calm him down. “He does not wish for me to dance, and I ought to obey his command…” She said that final word softly, and Caspian flinched.
“Come.” He took her by the arm, threw a final warning glare at Lord Carlisle, and led her away. “It is time we go.”
“Go where?” she asked, allowing him to lead her.
“Home,” he said. “We are done here.”
Oh, he was angry. Arabella could feel him trembling. But she knew too that the anger was not for her, just as she suspected that whatever he fought with, whatever it was that had him shaking, was sure to come out before the night was over.
As they headed home now, she wondered what might happen when they arrived. Her dream returned—about the night he had come to her and what had happened… the kiss.
Arabella swallowed back those thoughts, just as she allowed herself to be pulled away. Caspian had taken control of the evening, and of her, and she did not mind nearly as much as she thought that she would. In fact, she rather enjoyed it.