CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – SYLVIE #2
“Given that it’s next to my room, I think I can manage that,” he replied, somewhat dryly. “How convenient.”
“I thought so,” Beth said, standing up. “I’m going to bed, too. I’m absolutely knackered.” Her fingers fluttered across her stomach in a way that seemed almost instinctive. “Zara is supposed to be home tomorrow, so I’m hoping this weather doesn’t delay her.”
“She’s taken her sweet-arse time,” Thomas muttered.
“Thomas,” Emily snapped.
He clenched his jaw. “Sorry.”
Beth waved a hand. “He’s not wrong.”
“I still don’t like the attitude,” Emily replied, looking at him pointedly.
In fact, it was so pointed I could swear a little pink flushed his cheeks—the kind not from the warmth of the fire.
I cradled my cup of tea close to me and dipped my chin so I could hide my smile. I didn’t know what it was, but there was something so bloody sweet about Thomas’ relationship with Emily.
Of course, he was the head of the household as far as things went, but she was the head of the household. She was the one who was fully in charge, and he had so much respect for her that it bordered on complete adoration for her.
And didn’t that just warm my tootsies a little more than it should?
Ugh.
Staying at Castleton Manor was a huge mistake.
I could see that. The last thing I needed was for anything that would endear me even more to Thomas.
I was already struggling with what I felt for him—this weird, warped, silly little pitter-patter of my heart whenever he touched me was a little too much at the best of times.
And now I had to share a house with him?
And in this ruddy great big manor house, the room I’d been assigned was the one that just happened to be next to his?
Where we’d share a wall?
I caught Emily’s eye right as she guided Beth out of the room, and she faltered for a moment, letting a scheming little glint flicker in her gaze as her lips curled into a smile.
I stared flatly at her.
I knew what she was doing.
She was trying to set us up.
Well, I wasn’t going to buy into her little scheme.
This whole thing of me coming home to Castleton had already ingratiated me into the village society far more than I’d ever intended it to. I was just supposed to come home, do the wedding, stay for the festive period, and then go back home to Dorset to my roommates and one boundary-less cat.
Who was, ironically, the reason I hadn’t gone ahead with adopting a cat myself.
I wasn’t supposed to be welcomed back with these open arms. To a newfound friendship with Thomas, one that bred very real emotions that were a little too alive for my liking.
That’s what it felt like.
My emotions were alive.
They were alive, breathing, taking control of their own actions without me having any kind of sway.
I was afraid of the strength of them.
There was a quiet ferocity to the way I felt about Thomas.
It wasn’t a whisper, but it wasn’t quite a roar, either.
It was a deep rumble of comfort, the kind of feeling that gasped to life and trundled along without any kind of fanfare, coexisting comfortably but with just enough of a spark that it could light an inferno at any point.
And I was terrified of it. Of what it could be. Of what it would be when I said goodbye on January third and headed back to the place that had been my home for the past several years.
Was it even home now?
I didn’t know.
Castleton had seared itself into my soul once more, and the sleepy little village I’d left behind to pursue my big dreams was reminding me that it was my home. Despite all my protestations about how I’d never truly loved living anywhere, it’d proven me wrong.
It didn’t matter how far I went. It didn’t matter how I succeeded, where I travelled to, what experiences I had.
This little place in the Yorkshire Dales with its stupid snowstorms, runaway miniature pigs, and the pain in the arse that was its duke was, and always would be, my home.
“Do you feel better now? Knowing that your grandparents are all right?”
I jerked my attention towards Thomas, briefly recognising that we were alone again. “I do, yes. I’m glad they have Julian with them.”
He fought a smile. “Not Hazel?”
“What do you think my sister would do in the event of a possible power cut? Panic or prepare?”
“I’ve seen her in a power cut. I know the answer is panic.”
“There we are, then. Wait, when did you see her in a power cut?”
Thomas laughed quietly and leant over to put his empty mug on the coffee table. “Oh, God. It was more than a year ago—before my dad passed. I’d been managing the estate for a while so he could focus on his treatments, and I had a meeting with Julian’s dad at their local offices.”
“I didn’t know you did business together.”
“Not a lot,” he replied. “It’s more land management than anything. We had some agricultural land come available after a lease lapsed and he was going to help me get a new contract sorted so we didn’t have to worry Dad. We try to do all the stuff ourselves so there’s no middleman estate agents.”
That made sense.
“The weather was fucking awful, and the wind knocked out a power line in Balmouth where their main office is. Hazel just happened to be there with Julian. It was already dark, and the lights went out, so she screamed blue bloody murder, clasped onto him, and hid behind him like we were extras in Scooby fucking Doo, and I think she threatened to break up with him if he didn’t fix it. ”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. That was everything I’d expected and yet somehow so much better. “That sounds about right for Hazel. She hates the dark, so unexpected dark is her worst nightmare. I hope Julian invested in battery-operated nightlights before they moved in together.”
“You joke, but he did mention that once.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
Thomas shrugged. “He might have been. You’d have to ask him.”
“Oh, I will. I’m sure I can slip that into my maid of honour speech.” I put my cup down and shrugged the blanket off my shoulders. “My jeans really are wet, aren’t they?”
“So are mine. It’s fine.” He laughed. “Unless you want to see what Beth left you in your room?”
I glanced at him. “Is it really next to your room?”
“Am I that repulsive to you?”
A laugh bubbled out of me, and I shook my head. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” He rubbed his fingertips across his lips. “Yes, it is, and I suspect my mother did it rather deliberately, given the way she looked at us.”
“Oh, good, I wasn’t imagining that.” I sighed and turned my attention to the fire. “Can I ask you something?”
“No.”
“What?” I jerked back to look at him.
He chuckled. “If you’re asking, it’s probably a question I don’t want to answer.”
Huh.
He was right.
“That’s fair,” I replied evasively.
Honestly, I didn’t want to agree that he was right. It seemed like a dangerous precedent to set. Especially if it meant I couldn’t ask things I really wanted to know the answer to.
“You’re going to ask me anyway, aren’t you?”
“I wasn’t. You said no, and I respect that.” I fought back a smile.
“Go ahead.” Thomas fought his own smile. “I’ll answer it. In the spirit of our friendship.”
I sighed and fidgeted with my sock. “Beth told me about your ex.”
“I’d like to change my answer.”
“Thomas!”
His shoulders heaved, and he stretched his neck by rocking his head from side to side. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you about her. She wasn’t the person I thought she was.”
I glanced down towards my lap. “Is she why you hate Christmas?”
He laughed, tipping his head right back.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Please don’t give her that much credit.
” Thomas’ lips tugged into the slightest of smiles, and he reached around for a footstool and pulled it closer to him before he sat up on it and leant forwards.
“I met Millie in university, and we were together for around five years. She didn’t live in Castleton, but she went to Middlesborough for work.
It wasn’t so far that it was hard, and we were quite happy.
After Dad got his diagnosis, I knew it was time to make our relationship serious, and not long after, I proposed to her. ”
I knew how this ended.
“We set a date for this past summer, and everything seemed like it was going well. The planning was a little slow, granted, but Dad seemed to be responding well to his treatment, and he was just happy we were committed.” Thomas paused.
“From Millie’s part, there was always an excuse why we couldn’t plan the wedding beyond setting a date.
She was a trainee barrister at the time, so I didn’t think much of it since she was so busy.
We had plenty of time, until Dad’s scan showed that his cancer had spread. ”
I swallowed. “I’m sorry. You don’t—”
“He was terminal.” Thomas met my gaze and held it.
“I told Millie I wanted to marry her before he died, and I didn’t care about the wedding, because I knew all Dad really wanted was to see me get married.
I would have been happy with marrying her in the registrar’s office.
I won’t pretend I didn’t push the issue, because I did.
Two weeks later, she came over, told me she couldn’t marry me, and left.
I couldn’t reach her at all after she blocked me on everything. ”
I didn’t say anything.
How could I?
What was I supposed to say?
Clearly, she’d never wanted to marry him.
“She hurt me. A lot. It was Christmas Eve, right on top of Dad’s final diagnosis, and everything seemed to happen at the same time.
” His jaw twitched, and I could swear there was a slight curve to his lips despite the sadness of the conversation.
“I didn’t blame her for breaking up with me at the time, and I didn’t have much of a chance to think about anything else.
I was too busy. But after…” He shrugged.
“In hindsight, I think she’d met someone else, and she was too weak to tell me the truth.
The day she broke up with me was the last time we ever spoke, but I know she moved to Belfast and got engaged to someone else shortly after. ”