CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR – SYLVIE #2
“Well, I thought you’d want me to do some relaxing stuff tonight, so yesterday I went out and bought all this stuff.” She held up a couple of the packets. “There’s some sheet masks, feet masks, hand masks… Honestly, I got a bit excited and just grabbed everything.”
I opened my mouth to say I had it covered, then stopped.
I had had it covered.
Then everything went to shit, and I’d forgotten all my plans.
I smiled. “Yeah. This was exactly my plan, but I forgot in all the chaos.”
My sister’s face lit up. “Really?”
“Yep. I had a whole thing planned for tonight and…” I shrugged. “I never did it.”
“Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you forget anything before.” She bounced up onto her knees, sending the packets flying everywhere. “I’m going to remind you of this forever.”
“I figured as much. What did you get?”
“Nuh-uh. Lie down.”
“What?”
“Lie down.”
“Hazel, you’re the bride.”
“And you’ve been running around like a coked-up headless chicken for the last few weeks, so let me take care of you for a little bit.”
She had that glint in her eye that said she was going to argue with me until dawn if necessary, so I obediently lay on the bed while she bustled around.
She tucked my feet into two sock-like things, did the same with my hands, then used a headband to secure my hair away from my face before laying the coldest mask known to man on my skin.
Then, she repeated it all for herself, lying down next to me.
“Okay,” Hazel said, wriggling her feet. “Now, tell me when you started sleeping with Thomas.”
“Oh, my God,” I whispered. “It’s not… I don’t… Ughhh.”
“Ohh, it’s like that.” She paused. “You like him, right?”
I said nothing.
“I mean, you’ve realised that, yeah? Because it’s pretty obvious from where I’m standing that you really, really like the guy, so I’m just wondering if you’ve caught up yet.”
I sighed, staring at the canopy of the bed draping above us. “Yes,” I said softly. “I… know… how I feel about him.”
“Ooh. You’re so in love with him.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I said nothing again. I’d thought it a thousand times. I’d admitted it to myself in silence. But saying it out loud felt like something I could never take back—after all, thoughts could be washed away, but words could never be unsaid.
And I was mildly terrified of saying something I could never take back.
And it was so, so stupid, because it didn’t matter. My feelings existed whether I kept them to myself or screamed them from a rooftop. I was too old to be so silly about this, but here I was.
Being silly.
“What are you so afraid of?” Hazel asked quietly, turning to look at me.
A small laugh bubbled out of me. “Everything. Absolutely everything.”
“Yeah. I thought you might say that.” She sighed, rolling her head back to stare at the canopy again. “Does he know how you feel?”
“No. I mean… Maybe. Probably? He’s not stupid. I’ve just… never said it.”
“He has?”
“Yeah.” I told her what happened the night of the Christmas markets, and she laughed through the entire story of the next morning. “Stop laughing! It’s not that funny.”
“Oh, it is. I’m so mad nobody told me that! What do you mean you just woke up and found out our parents and grandparents knew exactly what you’d been up to the night before?”
“It was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life,” I replied. “Mum was pointing out my hickeys like we were bird-spotting!”
“There were that many?”
“No! He’s just terrible at following instructions. He had one job: do not make them visible, and he failed at every turn.”
“You don’t have hickeys now.”
“I told him that he’d feel the pain of a cricket ball to the eyebrow if he even thought about it this close to the wedding.”
Hazel sat up, laughing, and pulled the mask gloves off her hands. “At least he listened to that.” She paused and looked down at me, rubbing hands together to work in the leftover moisturiser. “What happens now?”
“What do you mean?”
“After the wedding. You’re only here for another, what? Ten days? What do you do when you go back to your regular life?”
I pushed myself up to sitting and slowly pulled off my hand masks. “I… don’t know,” I admitted, laying the gloves in front of me and mirroring Hazel’s hand movements. “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“You? The ultimate Type-A?”
“This is different. It’s not something I can unilaterally decide on my own.”
“True. Not to mention it involves you having to be honest about your emotions, and that’s not really your strong suit.”
“Eldest daughter syndrome. I’m a product of my environment.” I shot her a look before pulling the sheet off my face with a sigh. “I know. It’s a conversation we have to have. I’m just…”
“Scared.”
I swallowed. “Yeah.”
“Wow. You actually admitted it.” Hazel pulled the mask off. “Dreams do come true.”
I glared at her.
She smiled. “Well, if you ask me—and everyone should.”
That was debatable.
“In my very humble and exceptionally important opinion, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
” She pulled off her feet masks, then mine, and gathered all our rubbish to throw in the bin.
“If you lined up one hundred blind people and asked them how Thomas felt about you, even they’d be able to see it.
I mean, he orchestrated the pulling together of a wedding in three days because of how much it means to you.
He even told me he wasn’t doing it for me and couldn’t give a shit about my feelings. ”
Yep, that sounded about right.
“All that is to say…” She grabbed the wine glasses and handed me mine, sitting back on the bed, facing me.
“I think he would do whatever you wanted to do. If you wanted a long-distance relationship, he’d move mountains to make it happen.
That’s the kind of person he is. That’s what you mean to him. ”
I stared into my glass. Tiny bubbles formed as I swilled the wine inside it, making a tiny whirlpool that kept spinning even when I stopped.
“I know that, but it’s not that simple, is it?
Sure, we could try a long-distance relationship, but based on what?
A reconnection over a week-long fling over Christmas?
Less than two weeks ago, we were still biting each other’s heads off.
What happens if I go back and everything changes?
There’s nothing to build a relationship on right now, Hazel. ”
“Your feelings are enough.”
“My feelings are—”
“Enough,” she repeated softly. “That’s what makes a relationship work.
Not seeing each other face to face every day.
Not holding hands and walking across beaches in the sunset or whatever else people do to show off on the Internet.
It’s caring. Caring enough to fight for each other, caring enough to choose each other every single time, even when it’s hard. ”
Wow.
I never thought I’d be getting a relationship therapy session off my little sister, of all people.
“Is that what you do?” I asked. “Choose Julian every time?”
“We choose each other. Over everything. Over everyone. Every single time. We choose us and the life we want to build together.” Hazel reached over and pushed my hair behind my ear with a gentle smile. “He said he’d marry me in an alleyway, you know?”
I returned her smile with a small laugh. “I heard something like that. Isn’t it hard, though?”
“Sure, it’s hard. But that’s what love is. I love him enough to know I would choose him from thousands of miles away, no matter the situation.”
“Sounds like a fairytale.”
“Ah, who knew a woman who provides other people’s happily ever afters could be so cynical?” she teased, nudging me with her elbow. “You know what you need to do, Sylvie? Choose yourself.”
“That goes against literally everything you just said.”
“You need to choose yourself before you can choose anyone else. What makes you happy? What do you want? What do you see in your future?”
I stared at her.
“You asked me all those questions the day I asked you to plan my wedding, you know. I bet you ask them to every single bride who contacts you.”
“I… Yes, of course, I do. They’re perfectly reasonable questions.”
“They are. They make perfect sense.” Her eyes twinkled. “But, Syl… Have you ever asked yourself?”
A lump formed in my throat, and I looked down. There wasn’t just a lump, but a twist in my stomach. A tight knot that clenched more intensely with every breath I took, with every realisation that I hadn’t.
“I think,” Hazel continued softly. “That choosing to stay here at Castleton Manor after our fight was the first time you’d chosen something you wanted in a long time.
You choosing to stay with Thomas was you choosing your own selfish needs and wants above everything else.
And you’re so happy. There’s just… I don’t know.
A magic about you now. Like you’ve got your sparkle back.
It’s not because of him, it’s because of you.
Because you finally chose you. And I think, instead of spending the next week lamenting over what could be, ask yourself what you want.
Ask yourself what’ll make you happy, and you’ll get your answer. ”
“Do you really think it’s that simple?”
“Yes.” She took my hand and lightly squeezed my fingers. “I really do.”