Chapter 10
Cora stood with Christopher out on the terrace. Earlier, her mother had grinned at her and said he wished to speak with her there. Nausea swirled in her belly. He was smiling at her as if he’d come to make her dreams come true.
Yet, she had no idea if she wanted her old dreams any longer. She stared at Christopher, wondering if desire could grow, and while she believed it could, she wasn’t sure it would between them.
They’d known each other their whole lives and not once had she longed for Christopher to touch her. Yes, they enjoyed each other’s company, but she’d never desired him like Damion. She swallowed, hating that he was on her mind. Cora couldn’t believe she’d fallen for the rake.
No. She hadn’t fallen for him but was simply confused. Still, now, she understood the real lesson he wanted to teach her and was grateful for it. Cora should want and demand more than what she and Christopher could offer each other.
Her friend straightened his jacket and stood up a little straighter. “Cora, I’m here—”
“Wait,” she said, holding up her hand but smiling gently, knowing that none of this would go the way he thought.
Christopher chuckled. “You are interrupting something important.”
“I know why you are here.”
His brows drew together quizzically, confused by her serious tone. She took a deep breath. “Do you desire me?”
Christopher went red. “I will when we are wed.”
Her heart broke a little because she understood now that she and Christoper could never be more than friends. The right type of passion didn’t exist between them. Was she wrong to want more?
“But right now, do you look at me and think wanton thoughts?”
His eyes widened. “Cora, where is all this coming from? Are you reading some of those romance novelettes that Abigail loves so much?”
She walked to the terrace wall and looked over the gardens, sad. Christopher had always been her dream. Was she being foolish right now? Confusion and worry filled her. “No, I haven’t, but I worry we haven’t thought this through. Why do you want to marry me?”
He walked to her and placed his hand on hers. Their eyes connected. “We have always talked about marrying. We know each other better than anyone else.”
Christopher would always be one of her closest friends, but she wasn’t sure his explanation was accurate.
He sighed. “I have behaved like a fool all week, and I’m sorry.
I became caught up in the whirlwind of everyone’s fascination with my travel.
Still, I will be a better suitor. Don’t give up on me, Cora. Let me show you I’m worthy.”
It was true he had been preoccupied, but she wasn’t sure any of that mattered.
While she understood a relationship couldn’t be all desire, she worried that without it, it would be unfulfilling.
She studied her friend and questioned whether they were truly as in sync as they once thought.
Cora wondered if the last two years had changed them too much.
Still, she was confused by all of this after spending only a week with Damion.
“Cora, I want you to be my wife. If today isn’t the right time to ask, please allow me to woo you in London. Let me show you how worthy I am of you.”
It was a fair request. She nodded, and Christopher held his arm out to her. Cora shook her head. “I think I will stay out here for a bit.”
“Don’t give up on me. I’m up to the challenge of wooing you. We are the best of friends.”
“Yes, we are, but is that enough?”
Christopher looked taken aback by her question. Still, he didn’t argue with her but said, “Thank you for the chance to continue my suit.”
He didn’t say anything else but left the terrace, returning to the drawing room. She stared back out at the gardens, wondering if she’d just made a horrible choice.
The door clicked open again, and her mother beamed at her. “Shall I congratulate you?”
“He didn’t ask.”
Her mother gasped. “He intended to. What happened?”
“I asked Christopher not to.”
She looped her arm through Cora’s and tugged her toward Jeremy’s study.
Cora forced herself not to groan out loud.
Her mother walked quickly, and Cora allowed her to pull her along.
Once they reached the study door, her mother didn’t bother to knock but thrust it open.
Jeremy glanced up from his work. “What is it?”
Her mother shut the door and planted her hands on her hips. “Your sister asked Christoper not to ask for her hand.”
Her brother leaned back in his chair, studying her intently.
She stood there silently, refusing to justify her actions.
Finally, Jeremy said, “It is probably good she did. We don’t want Bellamy thinking that he can behave the way he did this week.
I want him to understand he should woo her properly.
A lazy suitor won’t make a good husband. ”
Her mother, shockingly, nodded in agreement. “I didn’t think of that. I do agree that I expected Christopher to show you more attention than he has.”
“Maybe we have changed too much or aren’t as compatible as we once thought,” Cora pointed out.
Her mother's eyes widened. “You have always wanted to wed him.”
“Well, perhaps I’m realizing what I wanted as a young girl is not exactly what I want now.”
Her mother pursed her lips. Jeremy said, “Mother, please let me speak with Cora privately.”
She left in a huff, her skirts swirling around her. Jeremy chuckled as the door shut. “I thought I would be the one to upset her. Thank you.”
Cora rolled her eyes. “I’m glad to be of assistance.”’
“Why are you hesitant about Bellamy?”
“I’m worried we won’t love each other as we should.”
Jeremy nodded. “Mother wants us to wed, but it is hard to settle when she and Father loved one another so much. Don’t rush into anything.”
She bit her bottom lip. “Maybe I’m confused.”
“Only you can know that, but don’t settle. The Duke of Blythe, of all people, gave me that wisdom.”
His name startled her. She couldn’t tell Jeremy that he’d been trying to give her the same advice as well. Cora forced a smile. “Helpful wisdom.”
Jeremy rose. “Maybe Bellamy will be different in London. You will have to decide that. Now, let’s go join our guests. We only have another day or two. Some are already leaving, including Blythe and Lady Bennett.”
She did her best to keep her face impassive, but the revelation caused her heart to ache. What had she expected? Damion was a rake after all. Her brother escorted her from the room, and Cora forced herself not to think about the man who’d thrown her life and dreams into chaos.
***
Damion sat at his favorite gentlemen’s club, Dante’s, drinking a brandy. He’d played whist earlier but found himself unfocused. He knew why. His mind flashed to the last moment he saw Cora. She’d been smiling at Bellamy as he laughed. He took a larger drink as pain flared across his chest.
He needed to stop thinking about her and what ifs. Damion had done the right thing and walked away. He wouldn’t be the man who prevented a person from being with the one they desired. Still, it confused him. He didn’t believe she was attracted to Bellamy. He didn’t see it.
Maybe that didn’t matter to her. He shook his head in disbelief. The look on her face as she came undone in his arms was permanently seared to his being. He would never escape it. Hell, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.
No, Damion was a glutton for punishment. He’d fallen again for a woman who didn’t want him. He was furious with himself. Damion made a vow long ago never to let his heart be available to any lady. Yet, somehow, Cora changed everything.
“Blythe, I expected you to be at Stanton’s house party,” Lord Harrington said, sitting down across from him.
Damion didn’t want company, but he suppressed the urge to tell him to leave. It wasn’t Harrington’s fault that he was in such a poor mood. “I had business in London that required me to return early.”
“I heard Bellamy made an entrance from his travels abroad.”
Everyone was enthralled with the young lord, it seemed. “He did.”
Harrington grinned. “Did Lady Cora finally catch her man? She is a beautiful one and wouldn’t consider anyone while he traveled the Continent.”
Damion took another large sip of his brandy, hating Harrington’s words.
Maybe he was wrong that she shouldn’t be with him.
Cora had waited this long for Bellamy. Yet, he couldn’t get it out of his mind that the man wasn’t right for her.
Still, he understood it may be selfishness on his part because he wanted her.
He wanted her heart, mind, and body. What the fuck was wrong with him? He pushed the thoughts away. “I have no idea.”
“Would you like to go to the opera with us Wednesday night?”
Harrington hung out with a rowdy crowd that consisted of other lords, widows, and those polite society considered scandalous.
Usually, Damion enjoyed his time with Harrington and his friends, but right now he had no desire.
Still, he forced himself to nod. He needed to move on from Cora and what happened at the Stanton Country Estate.
“Splendid. It will be great fun. I must go. A lovely widow is waiting for me,” Harrington said, and then departed.
Damion glanced around the club. Dante’s was a place where one could gamble, enjoy drinks, and indulge in other vices. Normally, he was right at home, but tonight he was uneasy and restless. He rose and made his way outside to his awaiting carriage.
Once inside, his mind drifted to Lily. He’d been ecstatic about marrying her and oblivious to her unhappiness about the situation until it was too late.
She’d fallen in love with a solicitor who disappeared to the Continent once illness overtook her.
After Lily’s death, Damion had wanted to hunt the man down and destroy him, but time calmed the rage within him.
Plus, from everything he learned, the man’s life on the Continent hadn’t been easy.
Damion was glad he never returned to England.
He pulled out the gold chain containing Lily and his rings from under his clothes.
Damion wore the rings as a penance for being so oblivious at a young age.
Now they felt heavy or even smothering around his neck.
He removed the necklace, deciding he would no longer wear it.
He needed to stop fixating on the mistakes of his marriage.
Squeezing the rings, he said softly, “I’m sorry, Lily.
I’m doing my best to be a better man now. ”
He placed the rings and necklace on the seat next to him and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.
Cora’s smiling face appeared in his mind.
He reminded himself again that at least he’d done the right thing with her.
Cora made her choice, and it wasn’t Damion.
Why did it hurt far more than when Lily left him?
Damion was no fool. It was because his feelings for Cora were far stronger. It was absurd because he’d known her for years, but it wasn’t until this week that he’d really seen her. Yet now he wasn’t sure he could ever forget the lady.