Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Clara stood in front of the mirror, arranging her hair neatly and smoothing down her dress. She liked to appear presentable, but was never vain.
However, today she was inspired to make a little more effort, even if she didn’t like the reason why. Clara turned to her dresser, looking at the drawings Emily and Sophie had made the previous day. Her gaze flitted to Sophie’s drawing.
The scene was one of domestic bliss, with Clara and Gerald surrounded by children. They looked happy, each and every one of them. Difficult emotions blew around inside her, like leaves scattered by an autumn wind. A lump appeared in her throat, one that would not disappear when she swallowed.
For someone who had been surrounded by a large family, Clara had never believed she would have one herself.
All her life she had been appreciated for the things she could do for people, never intrinsically for herself.
People asked much of her, and perhaps this was her own fault for having been precocious at a young age
When at balls, suitors had always spoken of being able to play cards with her uncle, speak about writing with her aunt, as though Clara was only good as a conduit to more interesting people.
No man had ever looked at her as a person of her own worth, but only ever in the context of the wider family.
And now there was Gerald, a man who-
A soft knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.
“Are you ready, Clara? The children are getting agitated,” Agatha said.
“Coming, Grandmother,” Clara called back. She smoothed down her dress one more time and then cleared her throat, still unsure why she was even putting so much attention into her appearance.
“You look lovely. Is this for Gerald’s benefit? Teddy has been talking about his visit all morning,” Agatha said.
Clara drew in a breath sharply. “Certainly not. I’d quite forgotten he was coming.”
Agatha gave her a sly smile. “I may be old, but I’m not foolish, Clara. I’ve seen how you are with him.”
“And exactly ‘how’ is that?”
“Happy,” Agatha said. It wasn’t the word Clara thought Agatha would choose, and she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it.
“I suppose it is fun to pretend,” Clara replied.
“So this is just a game to you?”
“In a sense. It’s little more than that to him, so I don’t see why it should be anything more for me.”
“You would be surprised at how deep a man’s emotions can run. I know we like to think of them as stoic and hard, but they are not all stony. They are like deep rivers, only it takes the right woman to see them.”
“You are growing quite poetic in your dotage, Grandmother.”
“Less of that, please, I still have many years before me.”
“Of course, but I fear you are mistaken about Gerald. He is a man of business, of transactions. The only reason he’s helping us is that he wants something from me. He isn’t doing it out of the kindness of his heart.”
“And you believe you know him well enough to understand his intentions? I didn’t realize the two of you had grown so close,” Agatha said. Clara opened and shut her mouth, feeling as though she had fallen into a trap that Agatha had laid. Agatha chuckled to herself and squeezed Clara’s arms.
“Intentions can lead to unexpected consequences, Clara. One must always keep an open mind. I’m sure that someone so devoted to business would not spend two days at an orphanage.”
Clara couldn’t deny that was true, and she was forced to consider that she may not understand Gerald’s intentions as much as she believed.
After all, he wasn’t the simplest of men.
Anyone who concocted this deception had a wily mind.
It would have been arrogant of her to assume she knew exactly what he was thinking.
However, she couldn’t fully believe there was any romantic intent behind his actions.
Even so, she was wearing a prettier dress than usual, and every strand of hair was tucked neatly into a bun.
The children were filled with energy from the off. Teddy and Oliver were chatting happily about their boat, and how they were going to sail it properly today with Gerald’s help.
“You had him all day yesterday!” Emily protested. “He’s going to play dolls with me today.” She wore a haughty look.
“He doesn’t want to play dolls,” Teddy said.
“Yes, he does.”
“Doesn’t.”
“Does.”
“Doesn’t.”
“Children,” Clara’s voice whipped through the air, commanding their attention.
That argument could have gone on all day if she didn’t intervene.
Emily and Teddy were each as stubborn as the other, and neither of them would have relented.
When they were both looking at her, Clara spread her hands out towards both of them and shifted her head between them, trying to make sure that they both knew they were at fault equally.
“Gerald is a grown-up and a Duke, and he can decide to do whatever he wants. If he wants to play with dolls, he can. If he wishes to spend time with the boat, he can do that as well. He may not wish to do either, or he may wish to do both. We must not be selfish and demand that people do things we wish them to do.”
“But you tell us to do things all the time, like wash our face,” Emily said.
“And brush our teeth,” Teddy said. The only thing worse than having them arguing against each other was having them united.
“And eating our vegetables,” Oliver chimed in. Clara looked helplessly at Agatha, who was wiping a tear from her eye as her body trembled with laughter.
“That’s different. You’re children, and those things are for your own good,” Clara said.
“So is playing with dolls,” Emily replied.
Clara lifted her hands, closed her eyes, and took a breath.
“What I am trying to get you to understand is that Gerald will choose how he spends his time. When you are older, you will have more choice as well, but for now I have to make the best decisions for you because you would choose poorly.”
“No, we wouldn’t,” Emily said.
“Is that so? Oliver, if you had the choice, what would you have for breakfast?”
Oliver tilted his head to the side and stretched out his lower lip. “Biscuits,” he said.
“And what would you have for lunch?”
“Biscuits.”
“Dinner?”
“Biscuits.” He nodded, this time smiling. Clara arched her eyebrows to show that she had proven her point, although Emily still wasn’t prepared to relent.
“That doesn’t count. Oliver is stupid,” Emily said.
“Emily! We don’t speak like that about each other. It’s unkind,” she said.
“It’s true though.” Emily leaned in her chair, sulking with her arms crossed..
“It’s not true at all. He may know fewer things than you, but that’s because he’s younger.
And since you know more than him, you shouldn’t ridicule him for it, but should want to teach him.
We help each other. Now, there is no need for this argument anyway.
I’m sure that Gerald will be here with enough time to spare so that he can spend time with you all,” Clara said. “Now, eat your breakfast.”
The mood was tense because Emily didn’t seem happy at all. She made a poor attempt at finishing her breakfast, which mostly consisted of moving the porridge around the bowl to make it look as if she had eaten more than she had. Clara dismissed them all and, with Agatha’s help, cleaned up.
“Thank you for your help,” Clara said, clattering the bowls together.
“You had the matter well in hand, my dear.”
“While you were laughing. I fail to see what was amusing.”
“Really? I should have thought it was obvious. They remind me so much of you, Clara. Especially Emily.”
“I was never that disagreeable.”
“No, you were far more stubborn.”
Clara’s gaze shot up, glaring at her grandmother. Agatha had a twinkle in her eye, though and it was clear she was hoping to get a rise out of Clara.
“You are terrible, Grandmother,” Clara said, and carried the bowls out of the room, smiling to herself because she had to admit that Agatha was probably correct in her estimation.
After breakfast, Emily started arranging her dolls near her doll house, while Oliver wanted to go and play with the boat.
“Not until Gerald gets here,” Teddy said, peering out of the window.
Whenever someone passed near the entrance, Teddy jumped up with excitement, which was quickly doused as he realized it was just a builder.
The incessant hammering was difficult to ignore.
It only added to Clara’s irritation. Like Teddy, she was glancing at the door as well, waiting for Gerald to arrive.
As the hours of the morning passed, the children nagged her, constantly asking when Gerald was going to arrive. Every time, Clara responded that she didn’t know. Teddy was the most anxious.
“Will he come at all?” he asked just after lunch.
“I’m sure he will, eventually. He did promise, after all,” Clara said.
However, her heart sank as she wondered if he threw around promises casually.
While watching him build the boat with the boys, she thought he might realize what they needed.
Perhaps she had been mistaken. Her ire grew long into the afternoon, more angry with herself than him, in truth.
She felt foolish for making such an effort for him, or being beguiled by his charming smile and his teasing manner.
It was all just a hollow game to him, she knew that now, and she had to be careful to not allow herself to mistake their pretense for reality.
Clara managed to distract the children with a group activity. She didn’t notice the sound of the door opening, or of the familiar thud of the boots. She did, however, hear Gerald clear his throat.
“I apologize for my delay. There was something from which I could not get away. I hope that I can make up for it.”
“Gerald! I knew you would keep your promise!” Teddy abandoned what he was doing and rushed up to Gerald, just stopping short of giving him a hug.
The other children seemed delighted as well.
Clara was more guarded. She rose slowly, placing her hands upon her thighs. Her smile was cool, her eyes cold.
“Good afternoon, Gerald. I’m glad you are able to join us, finally. The children have been eager to enjoy your company,” she said, not bothering to offer anything but a thin veil over her words.
“And I am eager to enjoy theirs.”
As soon as he said this, Emily and Teddy both rushed up to him, trying to get him to play with them both.
Gerald put his hands together and then negotiated a compromise with them.
He would play with Emily first, since he’d spent a lot of time on the boat the previous day.
Then, he would go out and play with the boys before he left.
It seemed good enough for all of them, although Clara was a little annoyed that the children weren’t holding him to account for his tardiness.
Sophia didn’t seem to be bothered at all. She continued sketching, bringing the scene before her to life. While Gerald was spending time with the children, Clara took the opportunity to clean.
While she cleaned, Clara heard the children’s laughter bursting out of the playroom. Gerald’s deeper laughter joined. It pained her heart, because the more they got used to him being around, the more it would hurt when he stopped.
While she appreciated the fact that he had come eventually, she knew it wouldn’t last forever. This was a temporary project for him, and soon enough his attention would turn to more important matters. It was she who would end up having to console the children.
Eventually Gerald found Clara.
“Clara is still sailing well. The boys are trying to enlist some of Emily’s dolls into their navy. I’m not sure Emily is too happy, but she’ll probably push for a role in the admiralty,” he said, grinning.
“I see. It sounds like you’re having lots of fun,” she replied, not turning her head towards him as she reached to pick up stray toys from a corner.
“We are. It’s a shame you’ve been so busy. It would have been nice for you to join us.”
“This house doesn’t clean itself.”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” he said. Clara flicked away a spider web. “I wanted to apologize again, properly. Sometimes matters arise that I must attend to immediately.”
“I’m sure there are many things that are more important than a promise to children.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said.
“But it’s what happened. I warned you about making promises you cannot keep.”
“I did keep it. I’m here, aren’t I?”
“It is easier to keep half a promise than to keep someone waiting without word, I imagine. The children were upset all day. They started to wonder if you were going to arrive at all. It’s unfair to dash their hopes,” Clara said.
Deep down, she realized that she was speaking about herself as well, although she didn’t admit this to Gerald, and she prayed he did not glean the undercurrent of truth that lay beneath her words.
Gerald took a step towards her.
“I am sorry, Clara, truly.” He sounded more earnest this time, his voice richer with emotion.
“I could make excuses, but you’re right.
It was wrong of me, and I didn’t fully take into account the children’s sensitivity.
It shall not happen again, I swear it. If there is any danger, I will make sure that a message is sent. ”
“Let’s hope you can keep this promise better than the last one.” Clara swiped the duster around and then climbed down from the chair. Gerald held out a hand to offer assistance, but she did not take it.
“There is another matter I would like to discuss. The wildflowers at Clemont Hall; would you be available to sketch them tomorrow? The children would be most welcome to come as well. It might do them some good to be away from all of this noise,” he gestured airily with his hands at the cacophony surrounding them.
“I… are you sure you wish me to sketch them?” Clara asked, fearing that he wasn’t doing this due to the merit of her art, but because he wanted to make up for his slight.
“I have never been surer of anything in my life,” he replied. “You deserve to have your name displayed next to your art. It will bring joy to many, not least of all myself, and they should all know the name of the artist who has conjured such beauty.”
Clara’s jaw clenched. For so long she had convinced herself that she was fulfilled by the commissions she received.
However, there was a deep void left within her; part of the reason she wanted to share her drawings with the world was to know how people reacted to them.
It seemed as though she was only performing half the work of an artist when there was no connection with an audience.
Although she was still vexed by Gerald, the opportunity was too good to pass up. And he was right; the children would be thrilled to have a change of scenery.
“We shall come by tomorrow. I promise we will arrive early.”