Chapter 29
Dominic let a shudder rip through his soul as Verity gave him the answer he knew she would give. Of course she would want it. The truth. The secrets.
His wife craved knowledge. Who could fault her for that? Especially when it came to her family.
He saw how much she cared for them. Even Cassian, the coward, who had yet to tell her anything. Dominic would surely have to make good on his threat now. If her brother would not admit to his story, then he would have to give it up.
It just needs to be over. We are playing childish games with real consequences and I will not be party to this madness. It is the only way I can protect Verity. By making myself vulnerable.
But not yet. Dominic forced that particular secret to the back.
“There is so much…” He exhaled. “You complain about distance and I tell you it is necessary.”
“Why?” Verity demanded immediately.
He was tempted to laugh as well as throttle her for her impatience. Forcing himself to move back a step when his gaze yet again lingered on those pouting lips, he cleared his throat and then spoke.
“You may be ready for the consequences, but I am not. I will not lead the life that my father did. I have spent… every day of my life determined not to be like him.”
Verity tilted her head. “He wasn’t a good man. I know this. He was harsh, wasn’t he?”
“Cruel and harsh. He had an iron will that led him to hurt people. To hurt everyone. He commanded everything to be just so. He demanded that everyone bend to his will no matter how often it changed, no matter how impossible it was,” he added with a cutting voice.
“No one was safe under his roof, not even I or my mother.”
The face of his wife softened into care. Not pity, but still more sympathy than he cared for. He shifted his gaze away.
“I’m sorry. That must have been… awful. My own father was cruel as well. It nearly killed my mother. She didn’t live longer after he did.”
“And mine suffered an end too early because of the late duke,” Dominic said bitterly. He put distance between them by moving to stand by his desk. “He demanded perfection and control. I have asked close to nothing of you.”
“Not perfection and not control,” Verity noted in observation.
He nodded, his throat tight. “I have tried. Every day, I let you do as you will. No matter whether you are wandering down streets you shouldn’t, talking to people you shouldn’t, writing gossip rags you shouldn’t, I have let you do as you liked.
I will not treat you as my father treated my mother.
This is a choice I make every day. And that has to be enough for you. ”
As his wife dropped her mouth, she stared at him for a good minute. The shock sat heavily on her. She had to give herself a shake before croaking out a question, “You knew?”
He shared a bitter smile. “Yes.”
“But… how? When?”
“Long enough.” He followed her movements as she collapsed in the nearest chair.
“I have given you everything you could ask for, Verity. I have given you my world and everything I could of the one you want. Why you would wish for any more walls to crumble, I can’t imagine.
When all I want to do is lock you up in the house to keep from hurting yourself, from making any mistakes, I… ”
She jerked her head up, scooting to the edge of her seat. “You wouldn’t. You don’t, I mean. You wouldn’t trap me.”
“No.” He swallowed. “Never. And this should be enough. I have given you all that I can, more than most husbands would be willing to even offer. You must be satisfied with that.”
Before Dominic could step away and let the pounding in his head consume him, Verity was reaching out to him. He stilled as she took his hand.
That soft touch of hers seemed to tell him that she understood, that she needed this, maybe even him. His head cleared. It emptied of the stress and restrictions he lived under, setting it all aside. In the silence he caught her gaze as she started to smile.
He reacted at once.
Dominic closed the distance between them. It was as though his body willed it before his heart or mind could speak. He tugged her hand around him before using his other arm to pull her against him. Their lips met in a crush.
And she responded in kind. She let out a small gasp before her grip on him tightened. He felt the way her fingers scrunched his clothing, digging into his skin. There was a fervor to her warm lips that welcomed the touch of his tongue.
Dominic forgot to think. To breathe. All he did was feel, a storm of emotions he had blocked so well that he had forgotten they existed.
It had been a while since he’d had the pleasure of kissing someone.
Though Verity was a novice, she carried herself well into the moment.
She lapped hungrily at his touch. Soon her fingers were intertwined on his scalp, a tension that sent a shiver down his spine.
He trailed the kisses around her lips and up the side of her cheek before he finally came to himself.
What have I done?
His entire body stopped in shock. Rocked to the core over the moment, realizing the heavy thudding of his chest and his loud breathing by Verity’s ear, Dominic slowly opened his eyes.
As for his wife, she had been kissing his jawline. Her kisses softened one by one. Her lips lingered on his neck as though she too realized it was time to step away. To…
He couldn’t resist pressing one final kiss right above her eye. Then he dropped his arms and stood back, pushing more space between them. It took him another minute to catch his breath. Only then did he look up.
Verity was flushed with swollen lips and bright eyes. She was speechless as she gazed up at him. Never had she looked so beautiful.
There was a second where Dominic allowed himself to imagine a life where he saw her like this quite frequently. And then he accepted reality with the risks and danger before them.
They had crossed a line, he feared, and one that couldn’t be undone. This should have never happened. Had he not taken every precaution to keep away from her? All the attempts at distance, at curt conversations and avoidance, all of that had done nothing.
Were we always bound to wind up here together?
He swallowed. “We cannot continue like this. Too much is already happening. You should leave.”
Too much was already in motion. The secrets and the danger still remained. Their kiss had solved nothing. All it did was cause more trouble.
He wanted to give Cassian a few more days to tell her. It would be best coming from him. If Dominic had to say it… He gave a short shake of his head at the thought. It would not go over well with Verity.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean there is too much at stake.”
“I don’t understand. Dominic, we’re married,” she smiled weakly. “We’re allowed to kiss. To even feel something like that…”
Shaking his head, he waved a hand to dismiss what never should have taken place. “Your gossip rag is unearthing too much trouble. You’ve opened Pandora’s box without knowing a thing.”
Whatever softness he might have prompted in their kiss now faded. She turned to stone as her shoulders stiffened. It hurt this time to see her expression close. Bitterness flashed in her eyes as Verity asked, “Then you do fault me for having my journal.”
“Journal, rag, newspaper, it means nothing to me.”
“It means everything to me!”
He forced a sharp breath. It wasn’t meant to be an insult but apparently that was how she took it. Moving on, he tried to explain, “Your edition has reached all of London. You said too much.”
“The truth deserves to be shared,” she defended herself.
“Even if it hurts people?”
“I…” She hesitated before nodding.
He sighed. “Do you even know who it will hurt?”
Verity looked away for a moment, her brow furrowing.
She gave it a moment before turning back to him.
“I know some of what I said may not be entirely correct. But I had to try. I have too many questions that cannot be answered. If someone else can find the answers… Or if I can learn them by sharing these clues… It must mean something to someone. Won’t it? ”
Catching himself from making accusations, Dominic pressed a hand to his head. He didn’t like complicated matters like this. If only Cassian could have already talked to her. If only Verity had never written the piece. If only so many things hadn’t happened.
“I don’t even know how you knew,” Verity muttered under her breath.
“The clues were there,” he informed her shortly. “I’ve known for some time and that alarming piece confirmed it for me.”
She jerked her head up. “Then you do know something.”
“I merely understood you, not that I know everything.”
“But you know something? I don’t understand.
Why haven’t you said anything to me? We’re married, Dominic.
Why wouldn’t you tell me about knowing about my journal?
There’s so much we could have talked about.
We could have had conversations. I could have made my piece better, or changed it.
Maybe it wouldn’t even be necessary,” she started to ramble.
Dominic held back a wince as he heard the hope growing in her voice. That she wanted to have that semblance of control again. That knowledge.
How well he knew the feeling.
“I chose not to,” Dominic interrupted her at last. “That was my choice. My timing.”
She paused for a moment before expelling a breath. “Is that all you have to say? To leave me so close and so far from understanding anything?”
Needing space between them, Dominic glanced around before moving around to the other side of his desk. The large furniture piece offered protection. Instead of sitting, he leaned forward slightly with his fingertips pressed against the familiar wood. He knew every groove now.
Verity stepped forward and tucked her feet under her once she took her seat. Then she sat there, watching and waiting.
What is safe to tell her? To keep her informed and still safe?
“You are correct,” Dominic grudgingly released the words one at a time, “That your uncle’s death was not what you were told.”
“Oh.” She clasped a hand over her mouth.
Tension vibrated through the rooms. Even as he dropped his gaze, he felt the tightness in the air. She looked at him waiting. Not impatiently, almost fearful. Because once he said anything, he couldn’t take it back. He couldn’t pretend.
Tell me you don’t want to hear it, Verity. You don’t want to know.
He knew the truth would bring her no peace. It might even make matters worse. But if he could give her even an inkling…
“Please,” she whispered.
“It wasn’t an illness. It was… I saw what happened. I was there.”
Her hand fell to her side as she gaped at him. The silence was almost too much for him to bear.
But he bore it all the same, knowing this was what he deserved. Knowing he could carry it as much as he could for her. For her family. Because even though he had not committed the crime, the knowledge was just as bad. Being a bystander who did nothing did not make him into a hero.
Once more he pushed back the guilt. At the same time, Verity strode forward. She paused before the desk. And then she started to make her way around it so she might reach him.
Dominic couldn’t bear it.
“Don’t,” he ordered harshly.
“Please, you can’t just tell me this and, and––”
Pulling away from her, he went around the opposite direction to keep the distance. He needed it. What might happen if they were close again, he didn’t know. The distance would keep them safe.
“Dominic,” Verity murmured in a thready voice, “Please. I have to know. I want to understand. You didn’t… It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t. Was it? Tell me… Please. I need to understand.”
“I can’t tell you anything more.” He started toward the door, eager for an escape. Already he had said too much. The longer he stayed, the more he might confess. Whatever plans he’d had previously were crumbling every second in her presence.
Hearing a loud slam, Dominic instinctively turned back to see her hands spread on his desk. Her gaze tormented him. “Tell me. You didn’t do it. Did you?”
“No. I have already said too much.”
“Isn’t there anything more you can say? That anyone can say?”
He hesitated and winced, seeing the glimmer of hope in her eyes when she caught sight of his weakness. So he told her the last of his confession that he could share. “Your family knows more.”
“What? Who? How could they? No one would hide such a secret from me,” she charged.
“It was never supposed to be made known. You should have never known any of this, you were never meant to even guess…” He bit his tongue and shook his head. “Revealing any more would cause too much destruction. You’ve done enough, Verity. You must… let the past stay behind us.”
And he turned his back on her to leave, praying she could understand in time.