Chapter 33
Scowling, Dominic left the Ashbourne house after yet another frustrating conversation. He and the viscount clearly did not get along. The likelihood of that ever changing wasn’t looking promising.
And worse, I don’t know where my wife has gone.
He shouldn’t have let her leave the house in the first place. He knew this. Truthfully, he hadn’t really thought she would go far. His aim had been to give her some time to think and calm down. Let them both calm down. And then he had followed after her only to find she wasn’t even under his roof.
His frustration grew. What was she doing? After leaving him like that, Dominic didn’t know what was left of their relationship.
But we are still married and I must protect her, even if it is from herself. Where could she have gone? I don’t know if she’s safe. I haven’t a clue where she might be. What if someone else found her? Good Lord, someone could blame her for her uncle’s actions. She isn’t safe.
“Are we going home, Your Grace?” His groom inquired when he reached his mount and was offered the reins.
Dominic shook his head. Climbing into the saddle, he glanced around the lane to weigh out his options. Already he knew he wouldn’t return home without his wife in hand. Cassian had told him that the truth was finally shared with her, and he didn’t like the thought of her being alone now.
“Into town,” Dominic decided after an idea came to mind. “Bond Street.”
It was a long shot, he knew, but it was worth a try. He nudged his horse into action before they were cantering swiftly down the lane. Though he would have liked to race through town, the sun was high in the sky and traffic abounded the closer they reached the busier parts of London.
There was noise everywhere. Shopkeepers shouting onto the streets, traffic ebbing and flowing between carts and wagons and horses and carriages. It was a violent splash of color everywhere one looked.
All he wanted was to go home. There wasn’t a chance in high heaven that Verity even wanted him around right now. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to go back. Not without her.
Growing impatient with the next street in sight but traffic too thick for him to move forward, Domini jumped from the saddle. He turned over the reins to his horse.
“Find a post nearby. I’ll find you afterward,” he said and started off.
It couldn’t be too difficult to find a bookstore this way. Or so he hoped. Moving onto the walking path, Dominic attempted to cross through the crowd faster than in the saddle. It only worked moment from moment. There were ladies to bow to, sellers to refuse, and so many more people about.
He passed a small side street to his left and paused. Satisfaction warmed his limbs when his eye caught on his own crest on the side of a carriage.
I was right. Now I just have to be certain she’s in the right shop.
Finally, he did it. Dominic had found Verity’s favorite bookshop, and hastened in. Nodding to the bookseller, he moved swiftly through the aisles before finding a halfway hidden window nook.
Someone was seated there. He spotted the familiar gown, the hands clutching a book in the lap. Heart pounding, Dominic inhaled deeply before setting aside the privacy curtain.
“Oh! Oh.” Verity blinked at him. Confusion crossed her face for only a moment before she scowled. He hardly noticed as he caught sight of the redness around her eyes. “How did you find me?”
“You mentioned this shop once. May I?”
She glanced at the large seat where she had put up her legs. Though she shook her head, she bent them and curled them under her. “I suppose I must.”
Sitting beside her, he pulled out a handkerchief. “I went to Cassian.”
“Not before I did.” Her hand clutched the offered cloth.
He tried not to think about her hands shaking. For all the strength Verity carried, she was still human. He recalled her parting words and ensured he wasn’t touching her. Even if she wanted to.
Sniffing, Verity spared him only a glance before swallowing loudly. “I know the truth now. About Uncle Will.”
“I am sorry for your loss,” Dominic murmured.
“Are you sorry you didn’t tell me sooner?
” She asked glumly. Shaking her head, she glanced back out toward the window where they could see the street.
No one ever seemed to look up at them. A fanciful spot where they could watch the world safely.
Dominic glanced at it as he could tell why she might like it here, and let her keep talking.
“You could have said something. You had so many opportunities. But why? Why didn’t you? ”
“How would it have helped you?” Dominic asked her instead.
Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she shook her head. “I don’t know. I could have done something, surely.”
“Or would it have hurt you as it hurts you now?” Dominic put up a small hand. “This is what I didn’t want. I had no intentions of hurting you, Verity. The truth wouldn’t help you heal or grow or move on. You continue to act without considering the consequences. Would you have even believed me?”
“Maybe.”
“It wasn’t my truth to tell. That belonged to Cassian. It always belonged to Cassian,” Dominic added.
“And you never told anyone simply because he should say it first?” Verity asked in bewilderment. “If you saw a highwayman––”
He interrupted, not interested in playing with hypotheticals. “It was an accident. You still don’t see it, Verity. This is it. This is why I didn’t say anything. None of this was necessary for you to know. The truth is a burden, and––”
“And you think you need to protect me?” She pursed her lips at him. “It’s only another form of control. You stood beside me in the church. You built a life with me here in London and still you think you know better for me what I can manage.”
“You’re crying, aren’t you?”
“That’s not the point!”
Shaking his head, Dominic struggled to see if that could even be the truth.
But how could it? While Verity was trapping herself in a small corner with one little notion, she couldn’t see the world around them.
How it was affecting her. How she could have been happy and na?ve if only she hadn’t kept looking into their lives in such a minuscule manner.
He didn’t understand that. Sometimes it was best to accept what there was and move on.
Living like that meant less pain, less heartache.
“It wasn’t right,” she was saying to him.
“I don’t understand that you cannot comprehend this,” Dominic said, struggling to keep the impatience at bay.
He breathed in deeply to relax and remain calm.
“I did what I had to do. Just because you write your journal doesn’t mean you need to be privy to every conversation where you can clean everything and everyone before you. What I did was for the best.”
She balled up his handkerchief. “No, it isn’t right.”
“How?” Dominic raised an eyebrow, refusing to let her get a rise out of him. “It was necessary.”
“You don’t regret it?”
He gave a short shake of his head. “I would do it again it I must.”
Inhaling sharply, Verity leaned away from him. The sharpness of the movement surprised him. He furrowed his brow and looked at her. But whatever light had been in her eyes previously had since left. There was a mask on her face as she closed her eyes and breathed in.
He shifted uneasily on the bench. “Verity––”
“No.”
“No?”
He needed to help her see reason. They were married, he reasoned, and they could still have a decent life together. Even if they were strangers. He picked himself up and hovered over her on the bench. All he needed was a new way to explain to her so she would understand. And if she didn’t…
I will worry about that later.
“I was a fool, wasn’t I?” Verity asked quietly, tonelessly.
“I thought you might see me as someone intelligent. Perhaps even an equal. Not someone to manage or worry about and protect. I thought we could stand together like our wedding day. I didn’t worry about you being above me or in front of me… ”
Grasping his opportunity, he nodded. “Exactly. I’m––”
“A liar? No. Maybe. Perhaps we both are if we thought this marriage meant anything. But I see now I was wrong.” Verity neatly folded the handkerchief into tiny squares before handing back over to him. Confused, Dominic accepted it and moved back a step as she stood. “But that’s not the worst part.
“No, the worst part isn’t that you kept such an important truth from me, but rather that you had already decided I wasn’t strong enough to face it.
” Her words hit him hard in the chest like she had punched him there.
He couldn’t speak. So she continued. “You didn’t protect me, Dominic.
You tried to shrink me into nothing. You reduced me.
I cannot ask for permission to understand my own life.
It wasn’t awfully surprising from my family, since I wasn’t certain how much I could share about myself to them.
But… from you? I let you see me. And I will not accept that again. ”
Wrestling with his words, Dominic fought a silent battle within himself.
He hovered over Verity as she left the shop and headed down the street.
Strong emotions had him struggling to make up his mind.
He didn’t know what he should do. All he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and bury his face in the crook of her neck.
Say something, you fool, speak!
“Where are you going?” Dominic demanded when she reached the carriage. “Back to our house?”
“I don’t think it was ever really mine.” Verity gave him a brittle smile. “I cannot return to stay where I am not treated as an equal. Will you force me to go with you?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Good. I’ll go back to my family in the meantime. Just until I have another plan. I will write to you,” she added just before she closed the carriage door in front of him.
What am I supposed to do about that?
Standing alone in the side street, he noted there were no front-facing shops so there was hardly anyone around.
Dominic watched her go. He raked his hands through his hair while he attempted to deny the searing anger inside his chest. It burned icy hot as he buried the confusion.
Yet it would only stay down for so long.
He wanted so badly to believe he had done the right thing. But doing this had brought forth consequences he didn’t like. He didn’t want to lose her.
I couldn’t even tell her anything. She couldn’t understand how much I would do for her. To have so much distance between us… This was what I wanted. I know this is what I had intended. So why does this feel so wrong?
There was nothing he could do to convince her that he was right, he realized. He couldn’t change her mind. It was beginning to feel like he couldn’t do anything.
Slowly he walked back to find his horse and groom.
His mind buzzed along the way. It wasn’t hard to find his tall and handsome horse standing beside the groom’s mount.
As Dominic grasped the reins of his animal, he thought over all the conversations he’d had today.
All the danger that they had overcome. He wanted everyone to move on with their lives.
But to do that, they would have to overcome their pasts.
Dominic scowled at the thought. He mused over it on the ride back to his house, where he entered to find silence. It felt darker and practically depressing to be left alone. Wandering the halls, he slowly began to search his heart.
He missed Verity. He wanted her there at his side.
Talking, smiling, laughing. She was unlike anyone he had ever spent with such time with before.
Did she really mean to stay away forever?
He couldn’t imagine that was real, but perhaps he could give her a day or two before he attempted to talk to her again. Or he could.
“Your Grace!”
A young footpad was racing down the hall, waving a note to him. Two footmen chased after the filthy young boy. Dominic stopped in the hall to stare. He motioned for the lad to stop and then nodded at his footmen to hang back.
Then he focused on the boy. “Who are you?”
“No one, guv. But I’ve got something for you.” He waved the paper before shoving it in Dominic’s hands. “Well? That’s worth a shilling at least!”
One of his footmen was bent over gasping for breath. “Apologies, Your Grace. He caught us unexpected. Ran right through.”
Smirking, the lad glanced at them before focusing back on Dominic. Then he put out his hand.
“Very well.” Dominic pulled out a shilling. “And who sent you?”
“A pretty lady.”
He stiffened at the brag. Not because of the boy but he recognized Verity’s handwriting. Alarm spread through his limbs. Was she hurt? Injured? They had only been parted for a few hours. Nothing could have happened during their short time apart. Could it?
The missive was a short piece of paper bent over thrice with a familiar seal. He pulled out his knife to cut it quickly. His stomach dropped at the short note his wife had sent him.
‘Dominic,
Cassian has gone to the magistrate to confess! Come at once. Please.
V.’