Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Victor was sitting in his study. The window was open, and he heard the soft murmur of laughter and conversation as Rose, Lydia, and John passed. He could not hear their exact words, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves as they made another lap around the garden.
Victor felt a knot twist inside. He did not have a friend to spend time with like Lydia did with Rose.
The only person he considered a friend was Harry, and at that moment, things were fraught between them.
Being alone had never troubled Victor, but in this instance, he was beginning to think that he would like some company.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. The Duke of Stonewood poked his head through. An impish grin followed tousled hair, and Victor started to regret his wish for company.
“You must have done enough work for the day by now, old chap. Let’s enjoy a drink and a game,” he suggested.
“There are many things that require my attention,” Victor argued.
Edmund pushed the door open more fully and started to take some books off the shelf. Victor noticed that he was putting them back in a different order, and this irked him.
“There’s nothing so important that it can’t be put off until later, and since you are my host, you must entertain me,” Edmund grinned.
Victor got the impression that Edmund wasn’t going to leave him alone, and in truth, he didn’t think he would be able to pay the required attention to his work. He pushed his chair back. Edmund clapped his palm against a book, creating a loud thud.
“You are correct, Edmund. I should not allow work to get in the way of my duties as a host,” he said. They left the study, but just before Victor exited the room, he took a moment to rearrange the books properly.
He and Edmund walked to a parlor. Victor got a servant to pour some drinks while Edmund dealt cards.
“So how is married life treating you?” Edmund asked.
“It is fine, I suppose.”
“I hope you’re taking good care of Lydia.”
Victor arched an eyebrow. “She is healthy,” he said. Edmund chuckled and shook his head.
“Relax, Victor, I didn’t come here to check that you are treating Lydia properly. I know she can take care of herself. Although I’m glad that you two seem to have found some common ground.”
“It has been an adjustment, but we are both finding out way forward.”
“Indeed, you are,” Edmund agreed, leaning towards Victor and lowering her voice.
“You know, she was quite upset with me for letting this happen. She wanted to run away and become a nun. Can you imagine! I wasn’t about to let her throw her life away like that.
There would be no coming back for her. But anyway, let us speak frankly. Have you tracked down the mother?”
“I’m afraid not. I have agents circling London. I shall leave no stone unturned until I discover this child’s origins.”
“Have you considered that the mother might have left London? She could be anywhere in the country. Why, she might even have fled to Ireland or France. She could be anywhere in the world by now.”
“The thought had occurred to me,” Victor replied dryly, although he didn’t find it helpful. “I have to assume she remained in London. I cannot give up the search. Not yet.”
“No, no of course, you cannot. I do want you to know that I have been trying to straighten things out with people of the ton, but my efforts have been as successful as your search. They think I’m just trying to cover up the scandal for Lydia’s sake. I am afraid that you’re still talk of the town.”
“Indeed. I could do without the ton’s tongues wagging, but unfortunately, that is the nature of the beast.”
Edmund waved a dismissive hand in the air.
“It will pass. I have faced a number of scandals in my time, and they always subside although I haven’t ever had to endure a scandal of this magnitude.”
“Your words are reassuring,” Victor said although his voice dripped with disdain as he meant the opposite.
He could not understand how anyone could welcome scandal after scandal and live a rakish life.
He was well aware of Edmund’s reputation of course, and it vexed him that someone of his ilk could get married and suddenly be seen as respectable while Victor had lived a strict life and had been condemned after one unfortunate incident.
The ton’s savage nature had risen again, and this was especially trying given the lengths Victor had gone to in order to protect his family from the effects.
“Now then, there is another matter we must discuss, and it is about my sister, although not her wellbeing. I understand that we agreed to make this marriage into a temporary arrangement, but I’m fully aware how temporary arrangements can sometimes become permanent. Have there been any stirrings of love?”
Victor’s throat went tight. He pressed his legs together and held his arms close to his body.
There was something about the question that seemed invasive.
He wanted to deny it, but he could not. He could not stop his mind from drifting back to the moment when Lydia’s dress had gotten wet, and it clung to her figure, accentuating her femininity.
The image of the perfect curves of her breasts as well as her narrow waist had been seared into his mind, and it was as though they haunted him.
“I don’t believe it’s appropriate to discuss such things,” he replied tactfully.
Edmund leaned back and ran his hand through his hair.
“Oh, come now, there’s no need to be like that.
We’re both men, and while I don’t need to know all the details, I would just like to know if familiarity has caused some affection to rise.
It would be nice to know that I have delivered Lydia to a happy conclusion, rather than curtailing her chance of one as she believes at the moment. ”
Victor raised his head with understanding. This wasn’t just about Lydia; it was about Edmund trying to assuage his guilt. Victor remained diplomatic.
“I respect Lydia a great deal, and there is much to admire about her. She has added warmth to my home and wasted no time in spreading her influence. She has also shown a natural affinity for John. The early turbulence of his life has been lessened by Lydia’s presence.
I am grateful that it was Lydia who found John, rather than a woman of a shallower disposition. ”
Edmund smiled widely and clasped his hands together.
“That’s wonderful to hear. I hope she feels the same way. It seems as though things could work out for the best after all. One just has to weather the storm,” Edmund said, seeming far happier than what Victor felt.
But he could agree that the storm needed to be weathered, only in his mind the storm wasn’t just the scandal. It was the marriage as well.
Victor, Lydia, Edmund, and Rose were sitting around the dinner table.
They had just finished their vegetable soup, and now, a course of chicken wrapped in bacon was being brought out, served with asparagus, potatoes, and carrots.
Edmund, Rose, and Lydia had provided lively conversation while Victor had mostly been sitting in silence, allowing the evening to unfold around him.
He was used to this of course, having never been the type to put himself forward in social situations. He’d always let Harry take the lead. The three of them spoke about London and shared experiences.
“Of course, I shall never spurn an opportunity to leave London. I have always wanted to live a life of adventure. I’m sure that’s something you understand, Victor,” Edmund said although he did not give Victor a chance to interject.
“I’m overjoyed that I now have someone to travel with me.
We recently returned from Paris, and it was such a thrilling trip. ”
“It really was. It’s similar to London in a way but also entirely different. There is so much culture, and the fashion is just splendid,” Rose said.
“Although the prices aren’t. If we had spent another couple of days there, I might have become bankrupt,” Edmund chuckled. Rose shot a glance towards him.
“It wasn’t that bad, Edmund. And there’s far more to Paris than the fashion. As we stood in Notre Dame, Edmund was close to tears,” Rose said. There was a teasing gleam in her eye.
Edmund cleared his throat. “No, that’s not quite right. There was something in the air. It was all heavy with garlic and onions, you see,” he said although it was clear he was trying to cover the truth.
“Edmund, you have always been softer than you would like to admit,” Lydia teased.
Victor noticed the easy affinity Rose and Edmund shared.
They were sitting close together on one side of the table.
They leaned into each other, and their arms often brushed.
This was in contrast to himself and Lydia.
There was a chasm between them, and while he was aware of her movements and her presence, he made a concerted effort to maintain his distance.
There were no shared glances between himself and Lydia, no unspoken messages exchanged.
Edmund and Rose seemed so at ease with each other, and Victor believed it would be impossible for him to feel that way about another person.
It reminded him that his marriage to Lydia was nothing more than a facade.
“I’m glad you have managed to fulfil your dreams, Edmund, even if it’s not quite in the way you intended,” Lydia said.
There was a slight hint of tension in her voice, and Victor wondered if this was a reference to her dreams being taken away.
He bent his head and focused on his food.
It didn’t sit right with him that she felt this way, but there had been no other way to handle the situation.
“I still hope to convince Rose to take an expedition to the ,” Edmund said.
“You can try,” Rose warned, making it clear that he would not succeed.
Victor listened to them all speaking so passionately about their travels and their dreams. He’d never had dreams, only duty.
After all that happened with his father, Victor knew that he could not relax his concentration for an instant.
Then there was Harry, and now, this… it was all so much to carry on his shoulders.
He did not think he would know what to do with a dream even if he had one.
“Is there anywhere in the world that has drawn your attention, Victor? Perhaps there is somewhere that you’ve always dreamed of visiting?” Rose asked.
Victor was suddenly aware that all the attention was on him. There was an uneasy feeling slicing through his stomach.
“No, nowhere,” he muttered.
“Surely there must be somewhere! The world is so big! What kind of place would you like to visit? A desert, a mountain, a jungle? Come, perhaps we could arrange a trip together,” Edmund pressed.
“I don’t think that you can simply try to convince Victor instead of me,” Rose said with good humor. Edmund shrugged his shoulders, as if to suggest that it was worth a try.
“I suppose an island somewhere might be pleasant, a deserted one. It would be peaceful to be by myself,” he decided.
He noticed Lydia turn her head towards him quickly.
Rose and Edmund shared a look, and an uneasy tension came over the dinner table.
It was as though he had said something wrong although he wasn’t sure what that had been.
Edmund cleared his throat and waved his fork in the air as he spoke.
“We’re planning a trip to Florence soon. You two should join us. It’s hardly a jungle or a desert island, but it should be interesting. Rose does prefer culture over nature, and the two of you should have a honeymoon,” Edmund suggested.
“I’m afraid that won’t be possible,” Victor said immediately and curtly.
He dabbed the corners of his mouth with a napkin.
“Such a long journey would be impossible. The duchy and the baby come first, and I cannot leave either. John was fussy enough coming here from London. I believe a trip to Italy would be intolerable.”
“He has to learn to travel at some point,” Edmund argued although Rose gave him an admonishing look.
While Victor was thinking about John’s comfort, he was not a fan of sea travel.
This was because of an incident when he was a boy.
A boat capsized and left him floundering in the water.
He had never forgotten that sense of helplessness and lack of control.
He only survived because he had been rescued, and he could not risk that happening again.
It was always better to avoid risk entirely rather than mitigate it.
“Victor is right. It’s too soon. John is too young.
It’s better that he should have stability, but thank you for the offer,” Lydia agreed.
Then she looked at Victor, and he met her gaze.
He was struck by the brightness in her eyes and how wide they were.
It caused something in him to melt, and he wasn’t entirely sure what came over him, but he knew he liked it, and he didn’t want to turn away from Lydia although he would force himself to do exactly that.
“Very well, there is always time for you to have your honeymoon at a later date,” Edmund said.
Victor cleared his throat and looked down at his food again.
Edmund seemed intent on treating this like a real marriage, but it wasn’t.
There had been a wedding, but there would be no honeymoon and nothing else that was expected of them.
He would be alone again eventually, and he longed for that because that’s when life was always easiest for him.
Although part of him would miss Lydia. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and watched her slender fingers holding the cutlery, the food passing through her lips, a bead of bacon juice getting caught in the corner of her mouth, her pink tongue darting out to claim it.
It was unnerving and unsettling, but he could not stop himself from thinking about Lydia.
This marriage was false, but she was real, and his feelings were caught somewhere between those notions.