Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
“I’m sure that John will be glad to see you when we return,” Victor said.
Lydia breathed with relief. They had left the ball earlier than most people but later than some. It had not been an entirely distressing evening although she was troubled by the thoughts that rattled in her head.
The most prevalent feelings that lingered in her mind were not shame at the whispers or anger at the incessant accusing looks but rather joy and warmth at having danced with Victor.
Even though she knew he was only doing it for appearance’s sake, for a while, it had been easy to pretend that they were married in the right way.
His hands had been warm, his eyes kind, and she could feel safe in his presence, knowing that they were dancing as married people should dance.
In another life, it might have been some kind of wonderful although in this one she knew the illusion would end and that he saw her as an obligation, the same way he felt about John.
The carriage slowed as it reached the townhouse. Lydia hitched up her dress and took Victor’s hand as he helped her out of the carriage. He held on for a moment longer than usual but then let her hand go. As soon as they entered the townhouse, she went to check on John, who was sleeping.
Georgia was sitting in a chair beside the cradle, and she perked up when she saw Lydia.
“Good evening, Your Grace. How was the ball?” she asked in a whisper so as not to disturb the baby.
“It was fine,” Lydia said then turn and noticed that Victor was standing behind her. Her neck tingled with tension as if she hadn’t expected him to come and check on John. “How has John been?”
“Oh, just fine. All the maids fussed over him, so he wasn’t short of attention. He did get agitated a couple of hours ago, but your brother calmed him down, Your Grace,” Georgia said.
“Good. See Lydia? I told you that he would be fine,” Victor said.
Lydia smiled sheepishly and nodded. Perhaps it had been foolish of her to think that John would miss her. He merely depended on her; he did not love her. But she loved him, and it was going to hurt when this had to end.
“I will come to read to him when I have changed,” Lydia said. She moved out of the room with Victor, heading back to their chambers, which were opposite each other.
“Thank you again for tonight, Victor. I hope that it has gone some way to shifting people’s opinions about us,” she said.
“As do I. It was the most enjoyment I have experienced at a ball,” he replied, and that was one of the nicest compliments he had given her. She blushed and smiled, but before she could say anything in response, he had already turned away.
The hours passed. Lydia had been pampered by her maids and was now wearing something more comfortable and appropriate for the time of the evening.
She thought John would be sleeping for a little while longer, so there was no rush to return to him.
When she did, John was settling again after another feeding and seemed quite happy in his crib.
Georgia gave her a warm smile and then left the room.
Lydia leaned over the crib and stared at John.
The wide, dark eyes drank everything in.
The lips could not yet form words, and she found herself wondering what his voice would sound like and all of the things he might say.
In his features she saw hints of the boy and man he would grow into, and it brought to mind another memory of her mother.
“How do you know the plants will grow?” Lydia asked. She was a child, following her mother around like a shadow, watching her tend to the plants and herbs.
“We don’t, not always, but we have to give them the best chance to grow. They need plenty of water and sunlight but not too much. Just the right amount,” her mother replied.
“Like us and cake,” Lydia said, flashing a toothy smile.
“Yes, exactly like that,” her mother smiled warmly.
“So are we like plants then?”
“In a way, yes. It’s mine and your father’s job to make sure that you grow up to be as strong and healthy as you can be although you need more than water and sunlight… and cake,” she added which made Lydia giggle.
“What else do we need?” Lydia asked after a time, squinting at her mother.
“Well, the thing is that we are more complicated than plants. We don’t just need to nurture our bodies but our minds as well.
That’s why we try to teach you about all kinds of different things.
We want all three of you to grow up wise and patient and kind.
And one day, you might have children of your own, and hopefully, you will treat them the same way because then each generation will be a little bit better than the one that came before it. ”
Lydia looked at her blankly, and her mother laughed.
“But you are probably too young to understand all that,” she continued.
“All you need to know is that we are trying to do everything we can to give you the best chance of success as you grow up. And we’ll be with you every step of the way to see how you grow, just like with these flowers.
They start off as little seeds, but they won’t be like that for long. ”
As she stared at John, Lydia found herself feeling mournful that she would not be able to see John grow or that she would be able to help guide him.
“I hope that somewhere in that mind of yours, or perhaps your heart, you do remember me, John, even if it’s just as a warm feeling that you don’t quite understand, because I shall never forget you.”
Lydia reached into the crib and stretched out her finger. John reached for it, grabbing it with surprising strength. He wiggled it about in the air, and tears formed in Lydia’s eyes. The love she felt swimming in her heart was potent, and it was not the type of love that would ever fade.
Lydia settled into the chair and listened to the sound of John breathing heavily as he fell asleep. His tiny snores were adorable. Lydia leaned her head back and closed her eyes, just intending to rest for a moment although she actually ended up sleeping for longer than she intended.
She awoke with a fright and only just managed to stifle her gasp. As she opened her eyes, she saw that Victor was standing next to her, his face filling her vision. He was placing a shawl over her chest, and he quickly backed away.
“I didn’t mean to startle you. I was trying to make sure you didn’t grow cold,” he whispered. Lydia blinked and pushed locks of hair behind her ears. The shawl fell to her lap.
“I must have fallen asleep,” she whispered and gently pushed herself up. “Perhaps I should get some tea.”
“I’ll fetch some and bring it to the library. We shouldn’t talk too much here,” he said and glanced towards the crib. Lydia took this as an invitation that they would spend time together. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she made her way to the library and waited for Victor there.
A fire was already burning, the flames warm without being too intense. She sank into a chair and gazed at the books on the shelves. She hadn’t done as much reading as usual because John and Victor had taken up so much of her time.
Victor came with a servant who was bearing some tea. The servant handed a cup to Lydia while Victor sank into the chair next to her. The servant then left them in peace.
“Could you not sleep?” Lydia asked.
“I thought I ought to check on John. I didn’t realize you were sitting in with him through the night.”
“I didn’t intend to,” Lydia said with soft laughter. “Falling asleep just happened.”
“The balls can be draining.”
“Yes, they can especially when we are seeking to avoid scandal.”
Victor nodded slowly. “It does become something of a game, doesn’t it? Having to watch one’s movements and words, listening to everything that is being said around you, noticing people’s stares…”
“It sounds as though you have experienced this before. I thought you avoided scandal with Lord Harry.”
Victor pursed his lips and exhaled deeply as he stared into the fire. “I did with Harry. Not with my father.”
“Your father? What happened?”
“Nothing actually happened, but of course, the ton found a way to manufacture scandal as they are wont to leap to conclusions without knowing all the facts. It is almost laughable how history repeats itself all these years later.”
“So your father did not do anything wrong, yet the members of the ton censured him?”
Victor turned his gaze towards her. There was an intensity in his eyes that bordered on terrifying, such was the way the flames illuminated them.
“The only thing my father did wrong was try to help someone who needed it. He visited a married woman who needed help. It was a private matter, but someone saw him leaving her house when her husband happened to be away. It was entirely coincidental, but did anyone believe him when he spoke the truth? They believed what they wanted to believe, and that is always the most salacious thing. They have no dignity or grace at all,” he said, almost spitting the words.
“I had no idea. I’m sorry.”
“I learned then that there could be no hint of scandal because the ton likes to tear people down. Their treatment took a toll on my father. He couldn’t believe that people would smear his character like that, and the effect on his heart was fatal.
I was left to become master of the estate when I was just two-and-twenty, and I swore that I would never let anything like that happen again. ”
A rueful look came upon his eyes, and his tone softened.
“Harry was younger. Perhaps he did not see how it affected our father. If he had, perhaps he would understand…” Victor trailed away.