Chapter 14
“He’s going to be all right,” Dr. Joseph said.
The two men were standing in Nathaniel’s study, the physician having completed his examination of Colin.
The smile on the man’s face told Nathaniel that he could be trusted, and that Colin really was going to be well, but it was still difficult to relax.
Even as his mind acknowledged that all was well, his body was still in a bit of a panic about it.
He drew a deep breath and forced himself to listen to the doctor’s words. “How long will it be until he recovers?”
“It’s impossible to say for certain,” Dr. Joseph said. “But I’m confident that he’s going to be all right. I’m going to leave you with some medicine that will help to bring the fever down.”
“Are you sure that will work?”
“It works in most cases,” Dr. Joseph said.
“Most but not all?”
The physician held up his hands. “Nothing is ever guaranteed,” he said.
“So, in fact you can’t guarantee me that my brother is going to be all right.
” Nathaniel’s heart beat madly. His fear ballooned toward anger, though he knew he had no reason to be angry.
Dr. Joseph was doing his best. But it was easier to be angry than it was to grapple with the fact that he had no control over the situation.
Dr. Joseph stood his ground. “This tonic usually works,” he said evenly. “And if it doesn’t, it’s best to just let the fever burn itself out. Eventually, I’m sure your brother will be just fine.”
“Well, how long is eventually?”
“Again, I can’t say for certain, and I don’t want to make you any promises when I don’t know the answers for sure. He’s young, and he’s a bit frail, so that is going to pose a problem in terms of recovery.”
“Frail?” Nathaniel frowned, thinking of Colin’s resistance to doing anything he didn’t want to do. “I don’t think of him as frail.”
“When was the last time he went outside? Out of the house?”
“I don’t know. That would be a question for his governess. I can summon her if need be.”
“No, honestly, I don’t think I need her to answer the question,” Dr. Joseph said.
“It’s clear from my examination of the child that he spends the majority of his time in the house.
He’s pale. Hasn’t seen the sun in a long time.
His muscles aren’t as strong as they should be—he’s just a little boy, it’s true, but he should be developing a little more strength than he has.
A child his age should be running around out of doors every day, getting sunlight, working his muscles. ”
“You’re telling me he wouldn’t be ill if he spent more time out of doors?” Nathaniel’s stomach turned over. If that was true, it meant that this was his fault. That his incompetence when it came to raising Colin had directly caused the illness.
Perhaps he would have been better at the Foundling Hospital.
That was a horrible thought. He knew it wasn’t true.
He wouldn’t have dreamed of letting his little brother see the inside of a charity institution.
And yet, was his own care really any better, if it led to Colin’s health being jeopardized? He didn’t know what to think.
Dr. Joseph was watching him with an expression of extreme sympathy etched on his face.
“I wouldn’t want you to take all this too seriously,” he said.
“He’s far from the first child to live a sheltered life.
It happens all the time among members of your social class.
” He said this with a small smile on his face, as if to indicate that he meant it gently.
“It’s common for the upper classes to be overprotective of their children. ”
“Overprotective?”
“Well, of course that’s the reason he’s been kept in the house so much,” the physician said as though it was obvious. “You’ve been protective over him.”
Shame filled Nathaniel, for he wasn’t sure he could make that claim.
It was a generous interpretation of what had happened, that was certainly true.
“I don’t think of myself as protective,” he said.
“He hasn’t spent time outside because I haven’t made any attempt to ensure that he does, that’s all. ”
Dr. Joseph shook his head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” he said evenly.
“Every little boy goes outside if he isn’t prevented from doing so.
Haven’t you noticed that the sons of laborers and common men are sun-browned from being out of doors so much?
It’s because their fathers don’t have the time or the energy to monitor their behavior.
They can’t be as protective. It’s the sons of nobles who are kept indoors, kept soft and pampered because their fathers fear anything happening to them, or because they want them to focus on their studies.
It’s an understandable thing, of course.
You can see why a parent would want that soft life for their son.
But it does make them weaker when an infection comes along. ”
It was odd. It was almost as if Dr. Joseph was saying that Nathaniel was a good parent. In spite of what had happened, in spite of the fact that it had probably been Nathaniel’s fault, he was saying that he understood the impulse that had led to the way Nathaniel cared for Colin.
And now Nathaniel himself was looking at things through a new lens.
Maybe the physician was right. Maybe he hadn’t neglected his brother.
Because it was certainly true that he had instructed his staff not to leave Colin unsupervised, and to encourage him toward enriching activities in the house.
It hadn’t occurred to him that the best thing he could do for Colin was to get him out of the house to play a little bit.
But now that he thought about it, maybe that was true.
And maybe it was something he could offer moving forward.
“Here.” Dr. Joseph handed him a small vial.
“A dose of this two times a day, once with breakfast and once with dinner. My guess is that you’ll see a lot of improvement before he’s finished his doses, but keep giving him the medicine until you run out of it just the same.
It’s the best way to ensure that the fever doesn’t come back. ”
Nathaniel nodded gratefully. “Should we arrange for you to come back and see him again?”
“That won’t be necessary unless things get worse,” the physician said. “As long as his fever is gone within the next couple of days, I’m not worried at all.”
Nathaniel nodded. “All right,” he said. “And what about time out of doors? If that’s so important to his health, I think I should start trying to arrange for more of it.”
“You should,” Dr. Joseph agreed. “But take it slowly. He’s not used to that kind of exertion, and you don’t want to exhaust him either.
Wait until he’s recovered, and then start with a few hours a day out on the lawn.
Just let him get some sun and some fresh air.
And once that becomes a regular part of his pattern, you can move on to longer outings if you feel it’s something he’s ready for.
Just make sure you pace yourself. I know you’ll want to change everything about his routine now that you’ve been corrected, but you don’t have to make those changes instantly.
He’s going to be all right, Your Grace. I promise you that. ”
The physician bid Nathaniel farewell. Nathaniel remained in the study as the butler showed him to the door.
He held the vial of medicine carefully in his hand, drawing a deep breath and allowing himself to be filled with gratitude.
Letting himself believe what he had been told—that Colin was going to be all right.
He hoped it was true.
He made his way back to the boy’s bedroom, opened the door as quietly as he could, and slipped inside.
Dorothy hadn’t moved from her place on the edge of Colin’s bed, but she looked up when Nathaniel came in. “Shh,” she breathed. “He’s asleep, finally. I don’t think we ought to disturb him.”
Nathaniel nodded and pointed toward the door.
She hesitated, but after a moment she extricated her hand from Colin’s grip and rose slowly to her feet. She reached down and touched his cheek one more time, gently.
“Mama,” he mumbled, rolling over onto his side.
Dorothy’s lips whitened. She hurried out the door without looking back.
Nathaniel followed her out and pulled the door closed behind himself. “Let’s go speak for a moment in my study,” he suggested.
“Should he be on his own?”
“I’ll have a member of the staff go for Helen and have her come back to sit with him,” Nathaniel said. He held up the vial. “And I have this medicine, but he’s supposed to have it with his meals, so we should start it in the morning when we give him breakfast.”
Dorothy looked at him for a moment, and Nathaniel’s own words registered in his ears.
When we give him breakfast. It made it sound as though he was assuming Dorothy would still be here at breakfast time, but of course he didn’t think that.
It was kind enough of her to have stayed as long as she had.
He knew he would need to see to it, very soon, that he made the arrangements to get her back home.
He led her to his study and left the door open, wondering whether she might feel awkward about being alone in there with him. It seemed as though far too much had already happened to start worrying about propriety now, but it was still her decision.
“I’m awfully sorry to have you here so late,” he said. “If you’d like, I’ll arrange for a carriage to take you home at once.”
“I’m not in any particular hurry,” she told him. “It’s already dark outside, so it’s not as if I have to beat the sunset. I’ll just go home whenever you and I feel as if we’re finished talking.”
“Will anyone at home be worrying about you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I live on my own. Or rather, my staff lives with me, and they’re accustomed to me keeping odd hours from time to time.
They’ll no doubt assume I’ve gone to one of my sisters’ homes.
I’ll even say something to that effect when I get home, though I won’t specify which sister, so no one will ever be able to clarify the truth or falsehood of what I’ve said. ”
Nathaniel smirked. “I didn’t realize you were in the habit of carrying out such subterfuge.”
Dorothy laughed as well. “I wouldn’t say that,” she said.
“But I knew when I came back here with you that I would need to come up with a story. A way to explain where I had been, and why. My staff never ask too many questions about what I’m doing or why.
They’re loyal to me, and they know that it doesn’t show much loyalty to question me. ”
“You’re lucky, in that,” Nathaniel said. “I suppose you must have a lot more freedom than most young ladies do.”
Her gaze became distant. “Yes,” she agreed. “In…some ways, I suppose, I am lucky.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. She had made no secret of the fact that she preferred her life as a spinster and a wallflower, and that she wasn’t making any attempt to marry. Was it so bad that he’d suggested she was lucky to have that life, given that it was the one she wanted for herself?
And yet, he could see that he had hurt her with what he’d said. He turned away to give her a moment to compose herself and pulled out a bottle of scotch.
Maybe what they both really needed right now was something to drink.