Chapter seventeen
Josephine
After I spent the night at Aedon’s things shifted. I’ve avoided him for the most part. Well, I’ve tried, but I find myself coming back almost every night. The few times I haven’t, he doesn’t say anything about it or complain. Stafford has been throwing me small jobs since his strange confrontation with me, as if he knows I’ve become apprehensive of him. The jobs have been simple and quick. Not enough to satiate my blood lust.
Aedon hasn’t said a word when I show up with spatters of blood on my clothes, or when it’s dried in my nail beds.
He promised me he wouldn’t leave me alone. It’s something no one else has ever promised. Everyone has always done everything they could to leave me alone. I’ll admit that I haven’t done much to change that. I’ve leaned into it. Vivian was right. Killian hurt me. But so did Kate, and so did everyone else. Even if it was unintentional.
I catch him looking at me sometimes. I could swear he’s glad that I’m there. He hasn’t asked any more about the things I said that night in my exhausted state, or about the person who is going to kill me, even though I know he wants to. He’ll bring it up soon, but until then I’m going to live in denial.
It was hot the way he got jealous of Killian. He had clenched his jaw and tightened his grip around me. We haven’t had sex since that first night, and I’ve been at war with myself on if I should. There have been times where I’ve almost done something about it. We’ve been eye fucking, but he hasn’t made a move other than to hold me, which feels better than I thought it ever could for a ruthless bitch like me.
He probably doesn’t want to push me too far. Doomed or not, I’m still a flight risk in his eyes. I don’t want to tell him I’m not. I like the way he doesn’t underestimate me.
Sometimes he isn’t home, but when he returns, he just comes and pulls me to him. Other times he pours me a drink and cooks us food. It’s like he knows what I need. I probably wouldn’t eat if it wasn’t for him. Vivian’s biggest worry was that I would starve to death because I would always forget. Ironic.
We talk sometimes, but we can sit in comfortable silence, too. Sometimes he asks me about my day, but he never pries when I just say no. I know he wants to know where it is I go to. It’s funny to watch that glint in his eyes when I give him some bullshit non-answer. He’ll shake his head and give me a pleading smile.
I often read while he does whatever it is he does at his desk. The small library he's accumulated is full of knowledge, and a surprising amount of fiction. There is so much, that when I slipped the Grimoire into a corner for safe keeping, he never noticed it.
I’m sitting on the floor against the armchair in his office, not able to focus on the book I’m trying to read about the Burning. I haven’t been there long, having slipped in quietly twenty minutes ago. I got three pages in before I became distracted. The sexual tension is thick in the air. Aedon’s muscled back is to me. He didn’t bother putting a shirt on, and it feels like he’s taunting me. I sigh, wishing he was pulling me onto his lap and touching me.
One shoulder muscle ripples, Just a small motion acknowledging he heard me. I sigh again, louder this time. His back straightens, but he doesn’t turn to look at me. It’s irritating and aggravating. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. My brain screams at him. Between my legs there has been heat torturing me since I first got here.
He shuffles some papers on his desk. This time I moan. Aedon leans back in his chair, fingers dancing on his knee. He’s fidgeting but pretending not to hear me. This is a game. He wants me to say what I want, but I can’t cave.
I moan again, louder and higher. Fucking look at me.
Aedon stills, not moving a muscle. Every single part of his body is tense. My cunt throbs. I need him to fuck me, or I might die. My pride wins out, and I still don’t say anything. We’re having a standoff, and Aedon must have an insane amount of self-control. I slide my hand into my shorts to give myself relief.
“Don’t.” He isn’t looking at me, but his command is clear. It’s a small win, but hardly. I can feel a new rush of slickness between my legs. I want him so badly.
“Aedon?” I moan.
He turns in his chair, facing me with eyes that are two oceans of lust. “Yes, love?”
His voice is thick with hunger sending more electric signals between my thighs. My stomach lurches and my body aches.
“I’m bored.” I can hardly speak it because my need for him is growing to the point where I can barely think about anything except for his dick.
“What would you like to do, love?” Now he’s laying it on thick. Each time he says ‘love’ there’s a pulse. He knows. I can play that game, too.
“Aedon,” I groan again. I can see his hardened length against his pants.
“We could go for a walk,” his velvety voice suggests.
“I don’t want to walk.” I rock forward, discarding the book, and crawl to him, settling on my knees between his. “I want to ride.”
He bites the inside of his cheek and leans down. “Ride me, then,” he challenges.
I undo the button to his pants and practically tear them off. I discard his t-shirt that engulfs my body and tear off my shorts as fast as I can. He’s the sexiest man alive, sitting in his office chair looking down at me. His dick is hard, standing straight up, waiting for me. I straddle him, laying his shaft in between my folds with the tip at my clit. I’m so fucking wet that it should be a crime.
Aedon doesn’t move. He’s going to make me fuck him since I wouldn’t ask. Gladly. I slide over him, feeling every orgasmic inch. My head falls back, and I whimper at the friction. A growl emits from him. I watch for his reaction, and he’s drinking me in, but not touching.
Touch me, touch me, touch me.
If he won’t do it, I’ll make him. I lift myself up, position him at my opening, and guide him in. He’s biting his cheek so hard that it must be bleeding. I slide down as I work him in. My cunt stretches, trying to fit around his cock. I’m almost to the hilt, but it’s so much that I have to adjust, and the last inch catches me off guard. I almost forgot what he feels like. No wonder I’ve been so wound up. My vision is red, and my pussy is throbbing.
Somehow, Aedon still manages to look calm, except for his eyes which are like blue flames ravaging my skin. I rock back and forth, testing my leverage, and he grips the arms of the chair. I hang my arms around his neck and roll my hips back and forth. I can’t help the moans this time. He’s so fucking hard, and the way he fills me up is something I’ll never be able to describe. I don’t know how we managed not to do this before today.
“Touch me, Aedon,” I whisper in his ear. He grabs my hips, digging his fingers in like he’s fighting not to drop me into the abyss. I live in the pain, letting it ground me. My clit brushes against his abdomen, and it sparks a new level of pleasure.
He guides me, faster and faster. His hips start to buck, pounding me from beneath. I already want to come, and I don’t think I can stop it. There's a film of sweat on my skin, and there's dynamite waiting to explode where he hits deep inside of me.
“Come, Jos,” he commands. I couldn’t refuse I tried. He loosens his grip and lets me ride myself into oblivion.
Everything is wet with my cum, and I can’t stop fucking moaning. My legs are like jello, and my body feels like it's been through a traumatic experience. Despite my orgasm, Aedon doesn’t stop. He’s still hard and inside of me.
“Get up,” he commands. So, I do. I feel dizzy and empty.
He stands, pressing himself against my back. With one hand holding my hip, his other palm presses between my shoulder blades, slamming me over the desk. He lines himself up and pushes into me. The papers that were organized are scattering and drifting to the floor. He twines his fingers into my hair and makes a fist, arching my back by force.
Pain shoots through my scalp, and a new river of wetness, or maybe it’s my cum, coats his dick. There will never ever be a bliss like this. Pain and ecstasy mixed into a dangerous cocktail. It’s making me sick with obsession, but I can’t stop drinking it. I’ll drink and drink even if it takes everything from me. We’re inevitable.
Aedon drives into me viciously, mercilessly. “Fuck, Jos,” he groans through gritted teeth.
The desk is beating into the wall so hard that I’m sure it’ll leave marks. My hands ball into fists, crumpling some of the papers. I’m out of control, climbing toward another orgasm. I’ll never be able to get past Aedon. Every touch is magical. I’ve gotten louder. My voice is at an embarrassing level, but it just encourages him.
“It feels s-so fuck-ing good,” I hiccup. I try to drag myself from the dredges of arousal and focus, but he seats himself deep inside of me.
He laughs breathlessly. “Don’t fucking forget it, little devil. No one will ever make you feel this good. Now scream my name like a good girl and come again.”
And I do. I worship every command. I’m a hardheaded bitch. I usually don’t like being told what to do. Most men have forced me to take control, but Aedon has found the way to my heart, and he's manipulated it. He can mold me like clay and boss me around, and it makes me want to unravel, even if I pretend I don’t like it.
“Shit. Fuck. I’m coming,” he chokes.
His fist somehow grips my hair tighter, pulling out strands, and he claws into the bruises that are already blooming on my hips. When I come again, I practically cut off the circulation to his dick with how tight I feel myself squeeze around him. His hot cum paints my insides, and I can’t breathe because it feels so good.
When he’s done, he slides out, slickness dripping out from the suction. I feel sloppy and lightheaded. He digs his fingers into my chin and kisses me.
“No one else, do you understand? There is no one else except for me. You can show up whenever you want and leave as you please. Stay forever. I don’t care. Do whatever it is that you do when you run away from me. You can even keep pretending like this is a choice if you want,” he growls. “I’m not a patient man. I’m not playing games with you anymore. I’m going to marry you, Josephine, and you’re going to say ‘I do’ even if I have to stick my cock inside of you at the altar and wrench it from you.” With one last wild look he lets me go. I may have cum a third time. I don’t know. My insides are melted and confused.
Aedon pulls his suit pants back up and buttons them, not bothering to clean himself off. Then he sits back down at his desk as if nothing happened at all. I’m fucking stunned. I made Aedon sexually frustrated, and it makes me powerful. I hadn’t really considered what we’ve been doing here. I didn’t really want to think about a time when this could end. Now his intentions are clear.
“Go,” he dismisses me. One simple word. I finally managed to make him lose whatever patience he's been carefully curating. I drag clothes back onto my body quickly, with cum dripping down my thighs.
“Josie?” he calls to me when I’m about to turn into the hallway and leave.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t come back until you’re ready to marry me.” He turns back around and pretends I’m not even there anymore. I’m stunned and confused. He’s always so fucking sure of himself, but this isn’t the time to argue or make a sarcastic comment. This is a time to run.
I call the elevator, and it gives its cheery ding, like I didn’t just get railed over Aedon’s desk. As if he didn’t just give me an ultimatum to marry him or not see him for an undetermined amount of time, because I know he won’t just let me go forever. The doors slide shut, and I descend to the ground floor.
Sam looks up from his desk over a magazine and gives me a smile. “Ms. Josephine,” he greets me. “Should I expect you back later?”
Shit. Now even the doorman sees me as a resident.
“I don’t think so,” I tell him. I’m flustered, and he notices. Maybe he smells the sex, but his chipper smile falls to a slight frown.
“Did something happen with Aedonaeus?” I’ve never heard him call Aedon anything except for sir. It throws me off with how casual it is.
“Um, not exactly.” I feel my face heat, but Sam still seems concerned.
He leans onto the front desk. “He’s a good man."
I nod. “I know.”
“If you’ll allow me to speak candidly?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I’ve been stationed here for a very long time. I’ve seen many people come and go in a matter of hours. He never lets them stay. It used to be my job to ease their souls when they exited.” He sighs before he continues. “Aedonaeus reminds me of his father. They’re both intense. They’re both well intentioned, but they’re also both plagued with an endless obsession. I’m afraid you’re the object of his.”
“He’s mine,” I blurt out defensively. Shit.
Sam’s eyebrows raise with understanding. “Then why do you seem unwell?”
I could tell him nothing, but I want to test this conversation on someone before I go and fuck my life up. Sam is faithful to Aedon, but he’s also discreet, and he strikes me as wise. He’s the perfect person to talk to.
“May I speak candidly?” I ask.
“Of course, Ms. Josephine.”
"Please, call me Josie."
"Josie," he smiles.
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Oh, no, ma’am. That wasn’t my Destiny.” There it is again. Destiny.
“I never thought it was mine either.”
“Have your thoughts changed?”
“Aedon wants me to marry him.”
He considers my statement. “Is that what you want?”
“I don’t think…I’m worried that…” I finally find the words. “I’m not who he thinks I am.”
Aedon might see this side of me that’s a little fucked up, but he doesn’t know the half of it. He doesn’t know that I like to bathe in blood and slice into flesh for fun, not just for work. He doesn’t know about all the darkness, and he doesn’t know about that night. But I’ve been vulnerable with him. I regret it, but I can’t take it back now. This is why I’ve stayed away from meaningful relationships. What would his expectations be?
We don’t even live in the same worlds. When I’m here, it’s like we’ve stepped into our own realm that we’ve created where no one can taint it. Marriage is more than that. He might know I’ve lost my memory and crawled out of the Lethe, but he doesn’t know I’m Remnant. My people would never accept this. Besides, I don’t want to be someone’s wife. I want to be everyone’s nightmare.
Aedon is making me weak. I’ve crafted the last four years of my life on being ruthless. My existence depends on blood and pain to keep a choke hold on the darkness that's always getting louder, even if it seems to recede in Aedon’s presence. I don’t know who I am without that. Still, a part of me wants that mundane romantic bullshit even if it brings bile into my throat.
Sam takes a moment to gather his thoughts before responding further. “Change can be quite daunting. If it’s my opinion you want, then I have none. But my observation is that you deserve happiness, even for a little while. Most people spend an eternity never finding it. When they see it in others, it gives an old man like me hope.”
I don’t know what it means to be happy. Vivian is happy, but I don’t want to be like that. Aedon doesn’t treat me like a delicate doll that needs to be fawned over and doted on. It’s not my style even if it’s my sister’s. I want what Aedon and I have. Love or not, I’m drawn to it.
“Thanks, Sam,” I hug him gratefully. He stiffens at first and then sinks into it.
I make it home faster than usual, and Cam is anxiously waiting for me with Stafford sitting on the steps next to him. Negativity permeates the air around the complex. People are standing around having quiet somber conversations.
I feel my mood drop immediately. “Staff?”
“Hey there, lass,” he says solemnly.
Cam doesn’t wait to exchange greetings before exploding. “They broke into our homes.”
I stop in front of them. “Who did?”
“Ransacked the whole place while I was visitin’ the market,” he continues to seethe.
“I’m so sorry, Cam. Is everything alright?” Despite how irritating and rude he is, I actually like that about Cam, and I don’t want to see him attacked. He gives me a stiff nod before storming away, back into his apartment where the door is hanging off the hinges. Stafford stands and enters my place. The threshold is empty. Inside, the door lays splintered on the carpet. I’m not going to like this conversation. Lately I don’t like any conversations that I have with Stafford. I try to shrug off the bad feeling he gave me last time.
“I believe our friends stopped by. Ya see, when ya moved here, I had Cam put his name on your apartment for safety. Just in case somethin’ like this ever happened. Someone must’ve found out ‘bout it. They were lookin’ for somethin’.” Stafford’s tone is accusatory.
I look around. My shit is everywhere. Everything has been turned over or torn apart. Even my shitty couch has spongy yellow stuffing falling from it.
“I don’t…” I begin.
“Don’t give me excuses, Josephine. I should’ve known ye'd keep things from me. Can’t say I blame ya. Killian and Kate really did a number,” he shakes his head. “Regardless, Fiona made it a point to tell me you’ve been absent. Then when she was visitin’ your sister, Vivian asked if Fiona’d seen ya. Imagine that.”
I know what he is trying to get at. I left him under the impression that I was going to stay there, and I’m caught in a lie. He’s such a jackass keeping tabs on me. I try to remind myself it’s for Vivian’s safety, but it feels controlling. Reminiscent of Killian.
“It’s none of Fiona’s fucking business. Nosy bitch,” I spit.
“Where’ve ya been?” I stare at him, unwilling to answer. He won’t approve. “You're a grown woman, Jo. I won’t fault ya for havin’ some fun. I hope you’ve been careful. I haven’t been cleaning up your messes.”
Stafford thinks I've been raging across Asphodel with my pent-up energy and doling out violence instead of holing up with the enemy. I can use it to my advantage. For the last few weeks I've been calm, ignoring the creeping darkness. Aedon’s presence has kept it at bay, but now that stress is setting in it creeps back up.
“I’ve only been going after information. I haven’t been caught. I know better than that,” I lie.
“Good,” his tone is clipped. “I have a feelin’ things are goin’ to get worse. I’ve got somethin’ to take the edge off. I know you're jonesin’.”
“You do?” Thank the fucking Universe. Sex is great, but I do crave a blood-soaked violence.
“Someone told our friends about my investments. It’s how they found your place.”
“Do you know who did it?”
“One of our own, unfortunately.”
“Who?” I ask eagerly.
He bares those frightening gold teeth. “McFadden.”
“Fucking trash,” I growl. My hands start to shake uncontrollably with rage.
“Took his own tongue before we got to him,” Stafford tuts. “Figured ye’d like dibs.”
It’s unheard of for Rems to turn on each other. We fight amongst ourselves, but letting an outsider in on our personal business gets you killed. That’s why everyone was outside whispering. News of McFadden’s betrayal must have spread quickly. I’m sure Stafford wasn’t quiet about it. McFadden will be killed for this. I want to feel bad for him, but I don’t. Took his own tongue. What a fucking coward.
McFadden is an asshole and always has been. He bitched the most about me being allowed to work with them and tried to make my life hell. There have been rumors about some of his business dealings for a long time. He skimmed off the top, and Stafford always let him, despite mine and Caleb’s protests. Should’ve known he would be a traitor. It will be a pleasure doling out his punishment after years of his abuse.