21. Cassidy
Cassidy
Three days.
It’s been three days without seeing or talking to Trenton, yet I don’t feel any better. I thought taking time away would help me see things clearer, but all the time apart has done is splinter my heart into more pieces.
It doesn’t help that each morning I find a single pink rose outside my apartment with a letter attached to it.
I unfold today’s letter:
One more day until release day.
I’m so proud of you.
I love you.
Tears well for the second time this morning, but I blink them away.
Despite being mad at him, I yearn for him. I miss his touch, his lips, his intuitive eyes. I’ve had to stop myself from knocking on his door and flinging myself into his arms. Sure, what he did wasn’t the worst thing a person can do. I understand his motive. I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me.
Still, I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. Maybe it’s because my parents were involved and it struck a nerve. Maybe it’s because it triggered the feelings caused by Sheldon when he cheated. Regardless of the reason, I need more time to work through my emotions before I can talk to Trenton again.
I don’t want to be with someone who’s going to make decisions for me. I want a life where we make decisions together.
I walk over to the bird cage and stick my hand inside, scratching the back of Goldie’s head.
Goldie and Finch, named after the Goldfinches.
It felt fitting to name them after Trenton’s team since being traded is the reason we were brought together. Now, it’s only a reminder of how much my life has been filled by him, and how empty it is without him.
“You’re lucky you have each other,” I tell them as they chirp back and forth. I close the door and lock it. “I’ll see you later.”
I throw my crossbody bag over my shoulder and head out the door. I woke up this morning needing clarity and guidance, so I visit the one person I know can give it to me.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m knocking on Sherry’s door.
A wide smile breaks across Sherry’s face when her eyes lift to mine. “Hiya, Birdie. What a lovely surprise.”
I let out a breath of relief that she recognizes me today. “I missed you so I wanted to come hang out for a while.” I lift the deck of cards in my hand. “Want to play Rummy?”
She claps as she rises from her recliner. “I haven’t played that in forever.”
I sit beside her at the small round table in her room and shuffle the cards before dealing them out. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. How are you?”
She hums. “You want to try that again with more conviction?”
I chuckle. “Is it that obvious?”
“I saw it on your face the second you appeared in my doorway, sweetheart.” She draws a card and discards another. “Where’s Trent today?”
I chew my bottom lip. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a few days.”
“Ah. You had a fight.”
I nod. “I don’t know what to do.”
Sherry sets down three Kings. “What did he do?”
“How do you know it was him?”
“Because if it was something you did, you’d know what to do to try to fix it.”
Alzheimer’s be damned, this woman is perceptive.
I tell her about what happened with my parents, reminding her about anything she may have forgotten about since we last talked about them years ago, and then I tell her what Trenton did.
Sherry heaves a sigh when I finish. “My grandson has always had a protective heart. He’s made sure that I’m taken care of, and I love him for it.”
“He loves you so much.”
“His love knows no bounds.” She reaches out to clasp my hand. “It’s up to you to set those bounds. You’ve been fiercely independent your whole life. You’ve never needed anyone to take care of you. Having someone like Trent can be a lot to get used to.”
“Are you saying I’m scared to let someone do things for me?”
Sherry hikes a shoulder. “Only you know how you feel, love.”
I draw a card and set down my four-of-a-kind on the table. It’s definitely scary to love someone, especially after being burned in the past.
“He’s going to make mistakes. You both will. But I can guarantee you that after this, he won’t make the same mistake twice.” Sherry wags her index finger at me. “If Trenton knows he hurt you, it’s eating him up inside and he’s racking his brain for a way to make this right.”
I whole-heartedly agree.
I know how much he must be hurting because I’m hurting too.
Sherry places her cards face-down on the table and leans forward. “My advice? Get mad. Yell at my grandson. Tell him how you feel and demand the things you want. You are a strong, capable woman, and you get to decide your own fate.”
My throat thickens. “I really missed you, Sherry.”
“I did too, Birdie.”
I play four rounds of Rummy with Sherry before it’s time for her to go to lunch. We say goodbye, and I take her advice with me as I head into the parking lot.
“Cassidy.”
My head whips around at the familiar sound of Trenton’s deep voice.
“Trent, hi.” My heart races as I gaze up into his turbulent dark eyes.
“Hi.” He slips his hands into his coat pockets. “How’s Nana doing today?”
“She’s great. We played Rummy.”
“I’m sure she loved that.” He reaches out like he’s going to touch my arm, but he lets his hand fall before he does. “Thank you for coming to visit her.”
I nod. “Of course.”
We stand so close we can almost touch yet it feels like we’re miles apart. My heart thrashes against my chest, begging to be released from the prison it’s been in these last few days.
Sadness pools in his irises, purple crescents underlining his eyes the same way they do my own from tossing and turning all night alone in a bed that still smells like him.
“I, uh, I won’t be able to make it to your game tonight.” I fidget with the zipper on my jacket. “I’m having a release party in Manhattan. Aarya and Celeste put it together.” I let out a laugh. “Pretty sure Celeste has made herself my unofficial PR agent now.”
“That’ll be great for you.” He forces a smile. “Celeste loves organizing events like that.”
“I know we’re still under contract, so I can come to the next game if you want—”
“Stop.” His voice breaks. “Don’t reduce us to that.”
Thick silence stretches between us, neither of us able to look away.
Come on, Cassidy. Say something.
“Well, have fun tonight.” Trenton steps around me as he heads inside the nursing home.
And I leave feeling worse than I did when I got here.
“You look like someone took a shit on your birthday cake.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just not in the mood for a party tonight.” I rest my head on Aarya’s shoulder. “But everything looks amazing. I’m so grateful for everything you and Celeste have done.”
“I know it wasn’t the best timing with everything going down with Trent, but we thought you could use a night out.” Aarya hands me a champagne flute. “Have you decided which excerpt you’re going to read tonight?”
I nod, my stomach churning at the reminder. “It’s my favorite scene.”
Despite how difficult it’s going to be to read to a room full of strangers who think everything is blissful between me and Trenton at the moment, I think this passage is powerful and encompasses the whole message of the book.
Love conquers all. It’s unconditional.
Before I left for the night, I wrapped Trenton’s copy of the book and left it at his door.
When he gets home from his game tonight, he can read it if he wants to.
I left specific chapters and scenes flagged with notes, giving him a map to the innermost workings of my mind throughout the writing process.
He’s such a huge part of this story. He was my inspiration.
And this book will forever be a piece of my heart because of him, regardless of how our real-life story ends.
I down the champagne and try to loosen up before taking my spot at the podium. The room is packed with close to one-hundred lucky winners who were chosen to attend this live reading. They applaud as I stride out in front of them and adjust the microphone.
“If you’ve been following me on social media for the last couple of months, you know how this book came about.
A six-foot-two grumpy hockey player moved next door to me, and I decided to write a book about him.
This book isn’t based on our actual relationship, but I poured so much of us into these characters that it feels like I’m giving you a window into my own real-life love story.
It’s personal and vulnerable, and I honestly think it’s my best work yet. So, I hope you enjoy it.”
I flip open to the bookmarked page and begin reading:
I storm out of the room, grabbing my purse and shoving my feet into my sandals.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving.” I spin around, glaring up at him as he follows me into the living room. “And you’re not going to follow me.”
Garrett rakes his fingers through his hair. “Don’t leave, Mia. Let’s talk about this.”
“What is there to talk about? This whole thing between us is fake, Garrett.”
“It’s not fake for me.”
His words hang in the air between us.
My eyebrows push together. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that all this time we’ve been pretending to be in love, I’ve gone and fallen in love for real.
Every time I had to hold your hand, I wanted to hold it.
Every time you kissed me in front of people so they’d see, I’d been dying to feel your lips.
Everything I’ve done for you as your fake boyfriend has been because I wanted to do it as your real one.
” He reaches out and grips my face. “I don’t want to fake it anymore, Mia. I’m done pretending I don’t love you.”
My heart leaps into my throat. “What about the contract?”
“Fuck the contract.” He brushes his lips against mine. “Be with me because you want to be, not because you signed a piece of paper that says you have to be with me.”
Tears threaten to brim over my lids. “But I need that money, Garrett. We had a deal.”
“I’ll give you the money right now. You want it?” He digs into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet before shoving it against my chest. “Take it. Take all of it, I don’t care. You can have anything you want, as long as I can have you. Just tell me you feel the way I do.”
By the time I finish reading the scene, tears are rolling down my cheeks—as well as the cheeks of the women in the audience. They’re crying for the same reason I am: The love the hero has for the heroine is beautiful, and true. It’s a love everybody wishes to find in their lifetime.
I was lucky enough to find that love.
But finding it is only half the battle.
You have to fight to keep it.
And that’s what I intend on doing.
Trenton
I pull out a tissue and blow my nose into it.
It’s late and I should be asleep, especially after tonight’s game—or last night’s game, at this point.
I’ve lost track of time reading Cassidy’s book.
It’s like I can’t read the pages fast enough, devouring every word she wrote as if it’ll lead me to some magic clue about how I can fix things between us.
Seeing her at the nursing home was physically agonizing, having to stop myself from reaching out for her and pulling her close.
And it looked like she wanted me to. I saw something in her eyes when she looked at me.
Longing. Then, coming back to find her book waiting at my door for me... it was like she planted a seed of hope.
Maybe that’s foolish to think.
Maybe she finished the book so this is her parting gift to me, and we’re over.
But maybe she left it for a reason.
Maybe she’s trying to tell me something.
Maybe I need to fight harder to get her back.
I close the book and set it down on my nightstand, reaching for my phone instead.
She thinks I didn’t hear her, that I disregarded her feelings. Well, this time, I’m going to do it right. I’m going to help her. And she’s going to be in charge of doing what’s best for herself.
And maybe I’ll get her back in the process.