82. Aarya #2
“Isn’t it? I told you I wanted you to quit that job because of your boss.
I told you I worry about you when you’re alone in there with him, or when you’d walk home alone.
” He finally turns those stormy eyes to me, and I see the tears brimming.
“I care about you, Aarya. About your safety. About your well-being. You matter to me. And I know you’ve never had anyone care about you like this before, so I understand that fierce independence you have.
But what I don’t understand is why you don’t value your life the way I do. ”
A lone tear rolls down his cheek. “Do you know what it was like for me to walk in that office, not knowing what I was going to find? Seeing him choking the life out of you? Only to find out that you put yourself in that position. To find out that you took matters into your own hands instead of coming to me and talking to me.” He sucks in a shaky breath, like he’s struggling to keep his composure.
“We were supposed to be a team. I thought we were in this together.”
“We are,” I start to say.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Tonight, you made yourself very clear. You keep pushing me away, yet I don’t fucking listen.”
Tears stream down my face. “We are a team. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry I put myself in a dangerous situation. I swear, I didn’t see it going the way it did.”
“You’re only sorry because you got caught.
And what would’ve happened if I couldn’t get to you in time?
If I was out of town at a game? God, he had his hand around your throat, Aarya.
What if he took you from me? From Giuliana?
” His booming voice reverberates within the closed space.
“How could you think that this is okay?”
“I’m sorry.” A sob escapes me and my shoulders shake. “I’m sorry, Alex.” I crawl over the console and climb onto his lap, wedging myself between him and the steering wheel, burying my face in his neck.
His arms snake around me, and I fall apart in the safety of his embrace.
Coming down from the adrenaline and the fear, reality sets in.
I went behind Alexander’s back and did something I knew he wouldn’t want me to do.
I allowed myself and Brittany to get into an unsafe situation with Carter, and we’re lucky it didn’t end up worse.
I even put Alexander in danger—because he could be in jeopardy of losing his daughter with assault charges.
I can’t remember the last time I cried like this. Not since I was a child, because I learned early on that tears don’t fix anything. But right now, clinging to Alexander, the only real, true, solid thing in my life, I let it all out.
His disappointment in me is the worst thing I’ve ever felt.
Once I quiet down, Alexander speaks. “I have to get Giuliana settled for bed. You can go through the garage so she doesn’t see you. I don’t have the energy to answer her questions about the marks on your neck.”
I lean back and take his right hand into mine, inspecting his swollen knuckles. “She’s going to have questions about this.”
“I’ll tell her I hurt it during practice.” He reaches out like he’s going to brush my hair away from my face, but he stops himself and lets his hand fall into his lap instead.
He doesn’t want to touch me. He can barely bring himself to look at me, and it stings.
I move off of him and scoot back into the passenger seat.
Without another word, he gets out of the truck and heads inside.
I take a long, hot shower while Alexander puts Giuliana to bed.
I wish I could see her, and tell her goodnight. I could really use one of her hugs right about now.
How would she have felt if something worse had happened to me tonight? How would it have affected her? I’m not used to having someone to miss me, to depend on me.
How could I be so reckless?
There’s a cup of tea sitting on my nightstand when I get out of the bathroom with two white pills beside it.
Even when he’s mad, Alexander can’t help but take care of me.
I down the pain relievers and let the tea soothe my throat before tiptoeing down the hall toward his bedroom. The door is cracked open, and a dim light shines from the lamp on his nightstand. I peek my head inside, and the sight of him nearly breaks me.
Fresh out of the shower with damp hair, he’s hunched over the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
My gentle giant.
He looks so tortured, so crestfallen. My heart aches for what I put him through tonight.
I move to stand in front of him, hesitant and afraid he’ll tell me to leave.
But then he lifts his head and reaches out for me, wrapping his hands around the backs of my bare thighs as he pulls me close. I straddle him, positioning my knees on either side of his waist, and he engulfs me in his arms, squeezing me so tight.
He’s shaking, the aftermath of tonight taking a toll on his nerves.
He presses his lips to the marks along my neck, peppering me with tender kisses. I don’t deserve his kindness right now, don’t deserve him treating me like this when I’m the one who screwed up. But after what happened tonight, this is exactly what I need from him, and somehow, he knows it.
He always knows what I need.
He drags his lips up along my jaw, blazing a trail to my mouth. He kisses me with such fervor, such need, yet there’s nothing sexual about this moment. This is the only way we can express how we feel right now, desperate for each other in a way that words can’t make sense of.
This isn’t fake. This isn’t us pretending to be together. It’s real, true, raw emotion, and it consumes me.
Tonight, Alexander saved me. That irony isn’t lost on me. But he didn’t save me from a fire-breathing dragon, or an evil queen.
He saved me from myself.
I’ve spent my life convincing myself that I don’t need anyone, that I can do it all on my own.
Yet Alexander has spent these last few months pulling at the threads of every conviction I’ve ever had, until I stand before him now.
An unraveled mess of the person I used to be lays at my feet.
I can choose to pick it up and keep going down the path I’ve been on, or I can leave it behind and start weaving myself into a better version.
I lose track of time, lost in all that this man is, and we kiss until our lips are swollen and our eyes are tired. And when he whispers, “Stay with me tonight,” I tell him yes, and we crawl under the covers together. I lay my head on his chest, and he wraps his arms and legs around me.
I care for him, more than I’ve ever cared for anyone in my entire life.
I don’t want to push him away.
The realization sits heavy on my chest, but his steady heartbeat serves as a comforting lullaby as I drift off to sleep.