Chapter 23 #2
“Eurus!” I tap his cheek, but he does not wake.
Again, the bell tolls, scattering multicolored birds into flight. I yank his arm in an attempt to drag him down the hill, away from the creeping fog. I recall passing a cave a while back. It is the only viable shelter I can think of.
But—the East Wind. Enormous, overpowering, all brawn. And me: a woman, mortal. Moving him will be impossible with strength alone. But if I can drag him to the river, that wide bend of unhurried water, I could pull him along with the current until we reach shelter.
“Sorry, Eurus,” I mutter, and shove him downhill with all my strength.
His body flops, back to chest to back, a laborious roll that soon gains momentum as the incline steepens. His wings snag against the vegetation, and he tumbles through a muddy pool, which coats him thoroughly.
When he rolls to a stop along the riverbank, I scramble downhill to check his body and wings for breaks. There are only surface wounds.
A distant shriek cuts the stillness as I scan the river with reluctance.
The water is clear: I can see the pebbled bottom.
It does not seem too deep, and the current is blessedly slow.
It is not the sea, I remind myself. These waters are tame.
There are no hands to hold me under, no salt to scour my throat and lungs.
After tucking the arrow into my waistband, I grab the East Wind’s arms and heave. He doesn’t budge. Well, what did I expect? The god is easily twice my weight.
I tunnel deep, down into the core of me. Not strength of body, but strength of spirit, strength of character, strength of mind.
A second yank slides him into the river on his back. The frigid water laps against my thighs like hungry tongues. The silty riverbed sucks at my ankles.
You are safe. Do not think of the water. Focus on saving Eurus’ life.
Travel is slow, and the hours pass into darkness.
Gripping the collar of the East Wind’s cloak allows me to keep his head above water as I haul him downstream.
Night sounds descend, each rustling branch dragging my awareness skyward, but no sign of that eating fog.
Despite this, I cannot let my guard down.
One of the competitors might be watching this very moment, awaiting the opportunity to strike.
At last, we reach the fallen tree where I recall spotting the cave. With the sun having set, the temperature has plummeted. My teeth chatter, loud in the dark.
Grabbing one of Eurus’ arms, I drag him across the forest floor, aiming for the knoll marked by rising cliffs. Another heave brings us to the cave’s entrance. I peer into its stony mouth. No sign of a competitor. I will take my chances.
Once I’ve dragged the East Wind inside, I kneel beside him. “This is likely going to hurt.” When he fails to respond, I grip the arrow shaft, brace myself, and yank—hard.
Skin tears. The East Wind wakens with a harsh bellow, arms raised in defense.
“Eurus.” I catch his arm. “It’s me.”
He curls the fingers of one large hand around my wrist—an anchor. “Min?” His eyelashes flutter, hazed in shock. “What are you doing here? What—”
“You have to stay awake.”
“I’m trying,” he rasps. “Why am I so tired? My shoulder…” He squints at the hole that weeps blood. “The trial… You can’t be here. Why…?” He trails off in confusion.
“You’ve been poisoned,” I say, ripping a strip of fabric from the bottom of my nightgown to staunch the wound.
A slow, dazed blink. “I was hit by one of the Fates.”
“Yes.” And speaking of the Fates… “I think they’re the reason I’m here. I found their hair on my clothes. They must have kidnapped me while I slept and—” What? Planted me in one of the arena caves? But how? Why?
I suppose it doesn’t matter. All my efforts must now turn toward helping the East Wind, whose blood has already soaked the crumpled cotton.
Noting my grimace, he asks, “How bad is it?”
“If left untreated, you will enter a hypothermic state. The poison will rob you of warmth and ease of movement. Eventually, you will fall unconscious.”
He is grim—too grim. “Is there an antidote?”
“Yes,” I whisper, “but I haven’t the components to create one.” The rare root of vervesworth, found only in arid habitats, must be dried for two hours in direct sunlight, then another two over open flame.
If Eurus falls unconscious, it will likely be the end for me. I’ve certainly no hope of besting a god. When I am gone, no one will mourn me. Lady Clarisse may mourn immortality having slipped from her grasp, but she will not mourn me.
I press harder on the wound, watching his blood blot the fabric. My trembling persists. Even my bones feel frozen. “Your only chance of survival is to reach the door,” I whisper. Then, with bitterness: “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” When I do not reply, he goes on, “Will you look at me, bird?”
I cannot. It is too treacherous, his gaze. I will fall into it like a darkened well.
“Don’t worry,” I say, still avoiding his eyes. “I p-promised to help you win, and I keep my word. We’ll find the door. You will have your victory.”
The air stirs sluggishly, as though the strength of his power has begun to weaken. “You are… angry with me?”
“This has nothing to do with anger, Eurus. I’ve only realized how much time I have wasted.
The sooner we find the door, the sooner you can kill the council.
You will have your revenge; I will have my life back.
” Though I cannot say what will happen when we leave the City of Gods, I do know this: I am ready to begin. “St. Laurent is where I belong.”
The East Wind bites back a groan as he shifts position, curling partially onto his side. I continue to apply pressure, relieved when the blood starts to clot. “And what if I wish for you to belong with me?”
It pierces my most tender wounds, these words, these lies. And from that hurt, something sharp and uncompromising is born.
“I see wh-what this is,” I say. “It is not enough that I have agreed to help you win, is it. You want something more? Well, I have nothing to give. You have already taken everything of value from me, and I refuse to belong to s-someone who is claimed by another.”
“What?”
This feigned shock is just one more manipulation, I tell myself. I won’t fall for it. “I will not repeat myself.”
“Please, bird,” he says, breath ragged. “What do you mean ‘claimed by another’?”
As if he hasn’t the slightest notion. But—fine. At the very least, it may offer me some relief.
“I never told you how w-wonderful of a time I was having at the tavern,” I begin, my callous tone contradicting the gentleness with which I bandage his wound.
“I enjoyed our time together. I felt like… like myself. And I know that must sound silly to you, but I don’t think I ever really knew what th-th-that felt like before that moment.
” Back in St. Laurent, there was no space for Min.
I was forever obscured by Lady Clarisse’s shadow.
“I was having a nice time as well,” Eurus offers tentatively.
Right. I tie off the bandage, glaring at him.
“I suppose that explains why you left me to speak with Demi.” At his look of confusion, I add, “You were…” Happy.
Present. Alive. “Laughing,” I manage to push out.
“And I realized you had n-never laughed with me, and maybe I wanted that. Maybe I thought you wanted that, too. You told me from the very beginning not to trust you. I didn’t listen. I was your captive, and—”
As Eurus reaches for me, I shove to my feet, arms curled around my middle. Let the distance be my shield when I have none.
“What are you talking about?” he says in bewilderment. His expression tightens as he drags himself into a seated position, his breathing labored.
“I heard y-you. You told Demi I was nothing to you!” And oh, I cannot hold on to this pain any longer. It pours from my eyes and down my face. It splits my heart in two. “And I was stupid enough to believe otherwise. To think th-that you cared f-f-for me.”
Eurus stares at me somberly, wings half stretched. “Bird.”
“I didn’t plan this,” I croak. “I h-hated you. You, who stole me from my home. All you cared about was using me. Exploiting me like some draft horse, there to do your b-bidding. It s-s-sickened me. And yet, there must be something wrong with me. There has to be. It’s the only explanation for why I f-found it in myself to treat you with compassion when you did n-not deserve it. Why I grew to care for you.
“And maybe that was m-my mistake,” I go on. “Trusting that there was room for change in you. Thinking, wishing, hoping that I might be worthy of being cared for, or lo—” I swallow and change course. “Hoping that you had been changed by me as I have been changed by you.”
Another mistake. Another stupid dream.
I shake my head, turn back to face the East Wind. He sits slumped against the wall, his brow crimped beneath a fall of limp black hair. His mask is the toughest I have encountered, but all at once, the veneer thaws and all is made harsh and bright. It hurts him, to hear these things.
“Please,” he whispers. “Let me explain.”
I tighten my arms around my shaking form. Too painful to stay, too risky to leave. In the end, my fatigued legs give out, and I slide down the cave wall opposite him.
“First,” he says, searching my gaze in the gloom, “it is obvious I have caused you much pain. I want to apologize for that. It is the last thing I ever wanted to do.”
I blink, suddenly uncertain. I did not expect an apology. I expected… well, I don’t know, exactly. Knowing Eurus, I assumed he would brush aside my hurt, redirect the conversation to calmer waters, the matter resolved, yet… He hears me.
“Second,” he says in a quieter tone, “I should not have said what I did. My words were hurtful, as I wanted them to be. But it is not for the reason you think, bird.” The East Wind shudders, cups his hands around his mouth, blows into them.
“I said those things because I didn’t want Demi to know how important you are to me. ”
The chill that has consumed my body subtly abates as my lower belly warms. I hear his sincerity, but what he said before… “Why?”
“On the chance that I did not make it through the third trial. Who would protect you then? If they knew how I cared for you, they might go after you, use you, trap you as a plaything, and I couldn’t bear that.
” He scrubs his hands down his face—drawn, tinged in gray.
“You’re wrong, bird. I do care for you. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. ”
“B-but you and Demi. You looked—” The thought is enough to make me retch. “You looked like you belonged together.”
For whatever reason, this saddens him, which in turn pulls at my heart.
“I don’t want Demi. I haven’t wanted her in a long time.
We were young. We didn’t know who we were or what we wanted.
Looking back, I see the ways I used our relationship to distract myself from my father’s abuse.
” He shrugs. “Demi wanted more. I couldn’t give it to her.
As it was, I could barely care for myself.
But over time, I needed things from her, and she could not give that to me.
She would not put me first. Ultimately, it drove us apart.
And now that I’ve come to know you, I understand that we were never right for each other. ”
I shake my head. How desperately I want to believe him. “But you seemed so invested in what she was up to, more so than just for using her to gather information. I thought it was because you still loved her.”
“Oh, bird.” The East Wind pinches the bridge of his nose, head shaking in sympathy. “That’s because Demi is a member of the Council of Gods.”