8. Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
Aliko
Leif leaves and the large hotel room is suddenly quiet.
Not even the noise of the city below can be heard up here.
It’s isolating in a strange way because I know there are people everywhere, but inside this room, I feel alone.
It’s more of a physical feeling than anything else, and that’s not something I’m used to.
In the ocean, our home isn’t big. Well, it is big, but compared to us, it isn’t.
We sleep in caves next to each other. Another kraken is literally just around the corner at all times.
I didn’t like not having privacy there, probably because I couldn’t do what I wanted without getting into trouble.
Here, I feel like I want company, like I want someone to be with me, always.
Or maybe this is just what missing someone feels like.
The golden light floods in through the tall windows, something I will never get enough of.
There’s nothing but darkness beneath the water’s surface.
I didn’t know what cold truly was until I came up here and felt the warmth that exists.
And that warmth from the sun is so similar to Leif’s touch.
Something that I craved before, but I now feel like I can’t live without.
After shows, we usually have meet and greets.
I’ve touched plenty of humans, but in normal ways.
Handshakes, quick hugs for posed photos.
But the way Leif and I touched one another last night?
That was warmth in a way I didn’t think was possible, similar to the way I feel when I’m in the sun’s rays or up on stage playing.
There are so many feelings up here, things that we aren’t allowed to experience under the ocean.
What an amazing night I had. And morning, too. I still can’t believe it happened.
But that little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me I better have enjoyed it because it won’t happen again. That I should replay each and every moment over and over, burn it into my brain so I don’t forget. Because there won’t be a repeat.
Leif made two comments that I can’t shake. One about coming to my room so no one would see me on his floor. And then another about the crew thinking something weird if they saw us together. What weird things would they think? Is it because I’m a monster and he’s human?
Whatever it is, it’s clear Leif wants to keep this a secret.
That’s fine. I get it. This is his job, and he doesn’t want to risk it.
I know how these things go. If someone were to find out, he’d be the one out of the job, not me.
It’s unfair, but that’s how life works up here.
Doesn’t make me feel any less bad, though.
If he wanted more out of this, he would have said it. We’d have had a conversation about keeping it quiet and not letting anyone know until the tour is over, but he didn’t ask questions or even attempt to make future plans. He didn’t make this out to be something it wasn’t.
Which means it’s just this. A hook up. A one time—or, uh… three time, I guess—thing.
Temporary. Just temporary. I can do that. It’s what I’m used to. Nothing in my life is permanent. My entire future is up in the air. This should be easy for me.
My gaze drops to my hands. My human hands feel wrong in one way but make everything else simple up here. Leif touched me like this. Wanted me like this. Enjoyed me like this.
Of course he did.
Because it’s easier. And who doesn’t want easier?
Humans aren’t known for being with monsters. We stick to our own kind. And well… a lot of people don’t even know my kind exists.
I just wish I fit somewhere.
I close my eyes and drift back to sleep, only waking some time later when my phone rings. It vibrates somewhere, the noise muffled. It takes me too long to remember I left it in my jeans, and by the time I dig it out, the call is over.
Spam.
Should have known. No one ever calls me.
The guys text if they need something and they’re the only people I know.
I don’t have friends outside of them, and I don’t have any family that knows what I’m up to.
If they did, I’d never be permitted to go back home, and if I tried to challenge that, they’d kill me.
And though the thought of going back home isn’t exciting, I don’t like the idea of never being allowed back there.
If things don’t work out up here, I’ll have nowhere to go.
I’d lied to my parents and said I was going out on a quest to find more kraken.
Once my father got the position as head of the colony two months ago, some sort of sickness blasted through the kraken and half of our colony died.
We are already short of numbers to begin with, so I’d offered to venture out and look for others. Maybe form an alliance.
For years, we’ve known we’re the only kraken colony, but I guess it’s possible there could be others out there.
Could we all be so good at keeping our secret that we don’t know others of our kind exist?
Sometimes I feel guilty for not actually looking, but I plan to.
Eventually. When I have access to the ocean, and time off from the tour, I’ll venture out there and look.
check out the deepest parts of the oceans and all the caves I can find.
But even if I do find others, it doesn’t mean they’ll help.
They may not want anything to do with us if they find out what happened.
Even our elders, the few we have left, have no idea what the illness was that wiped out half our colony.
They’re all scared, and I understand why.
I feel safe from whatever it is since I’m not there, but what if they all die? What then?
Typically, kraken are very strong, and it’s only old age that kills us.
We are peaceful creatures and don’t typically fight with one another.
There are no predators larger than us to kill us.
If we make it past the baby stage, it’s highly likely we will live out our full life.
Kraken have an exceptionally long lifespan.
The few elders we have left are all roughly around five hundred years old.
The worst part of all of this is that a great number of our females died.
If they are gone, we have nothing. We can’t have more kraken without females to carry our eggs.
If for some reason there are other kraken out there, maybe I will find them if I look hard enough.
Maybe we can join together. But maybe I’ll be hated by them, too.
I don’t know. All I know is that it is too much to think about right now, and I need a shower.
After discovering water could be warm up here, I quickly became obsessed with it. Showers are… amazing. Even in this form, when the water feels strange against my human skin, and especially the hair on my body. There is just something about it that I love.
There’s nothing like sitting in a hot tub. I’ll spend hours in there, when the hotels have a private one I can get to. The rooms have them sometimes, but not always. This one, sadly, doesn’t. What a shame. Now would be the perfect time to sit in the tub and soak.
This bathroom doesn’t have a tub at all; only a stand-up shower that could fit a handful of people inside. They ought to make it smaller and add a tub. Bathing is great. Why do we need a shower big enough to fit five men? What are people doing in these hotel rooms?
I spend too much time in the shower. My hands ache from being wrinkled, but it’s worth it.
When I’m out, I get dressed and text the group chat with the guys to see what they’re up to for the day—if they’re awake. Sometimes they like to sleep in.
Me
What’s everyone up to?
I scroll through some news articles while I wait for an answer. I love catching up on articles from NASA. My mind was blown when I found out there is even more out there, beyond the surface I’ve come to love. In fact, there’s a lot more than this. It’s difficult to wrap my head around sometimes.
The texts come in one at a time after a few minutes, all of them letting me know they’re just waking up or are lounging around.
Lucien
I vote breakfast. I’m starving.
Dorian
Let’s do it.
Kael
There’s a place a few blocks away that looks good.
Kael sends the location, but I don’t bother looking at it. I’m not picky when it comes to food; I just like to eat. Human food is something else, and much better than anything in the ocean.
Me
Meet you there in twenty.
Everyone reacts to my text with thumbs up emojis, so I crawl out of bed.
The faintest scent of Leif still lingers, and regrettably I make my way back to the bathroom.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, taking in all the hard lines of my face.
This form was chosen for me when I shifted the first time, something about it reflecting my personality.
That’s what the pirate had said would happen, anyway.
I notice the small blue box on the counter by the sink and open it to pull out the pendant that shifts me into my stage form.
It holds a lot of magic inside of it, so I have to be careful I don’t lose it.
Not only because it’s what makes me shift, but because the magic in it is powerful and could be disastrous if it fell into the wrong hands.
The moment I take it off and put it down, it returns to the box.
I just have to make sure I always know where the box is.
I’ve been meaning to get a second one for when I return to the ocean as my true self, because the box will only hold one piece at a time.
I put it around my neck now, the magic pulsing against my chest. It’s a cool, almost wet feeling, reminder me of the ocean. It looks strange on me, in this form, but the moment I pull my ring off and put it in the box, I start to shift.
My body grows warm, my muscles almost burning in a way that’s intolerable.
I feel my bones stretch, my organs shift, and more arms popping out.
Each time I do this, it’s a quicker and smoother transition.
The first time was awful. I still have nightmares about it sometimes.
When the shift is done, I look in the mirror again.
I don’t love myself like this. It doesn’t feel entirely right to me.
In human form and in this form, something just feels off.
I enjoy the things around me, the things I am able to do, but inside…
something is missing. But it’s the same in my true form, just…
different. Will I always have this longing feeling in my chest?
Will anything ever make it go away? Will I ever find somewhere that makes me feel like I belong?
I go back to the bedroom and dig through my suitcase that holds the clothes big enough to fit this form and quickly throw on a pair of jeans and a shirt made just for me.
I was joking with Leif yesterday when I said I don’t wear shirts because I can’t find the holes.
I’m really good at finding the holes, actually.
Kael is already waiting at the restaurant when I get there, leaning against the building, staring at his phone.
Monsters are interesting to me still, the way they’re interesting to humans, I think.
They’re new to me, too. All the time spent up on land, monsters weren’t as popular as humans, so I still have a lot to learn about them, and I’m still amazed when I see new species.
“What’s up?” I say as I stop beside him. He grins when he looks at me, those large rough-looking tusks lifting slightly.
“Tired.”
“Same,” I laugh.
“Busy night?”
I grin. “Yeah, you could say that.”
He waggles his eyebrows but says nothing else and neither do I.
Leif doesn’t want anyone to know about us so I shouldn’t talk about it, not even without using his name. It wouldn’t take much for these guys to realize what’s going on—or what happened, since I can’t be sure it will happen again.
Dorian and Lucien walk over together five minutes later, and then we go inside the diner to eat.
We don’t say anything about who we are, though we do get plenty of questioning looks from people nearby.
Whether from us being monsters or because we are recognizable musicians, I’m not sure.
But no one says anything, which is a relief.
I love talking to fans, it’s cool when we’re recognized, but sometimes, I just want to eat.
Well—I always want to eat. I love food. Sometimes I just want to do it without being interrupted.
There are a couple other monsters in the restaurant but none of them seem to be as big as we are. Somehow, it’s like we take up half the place. We sit at a table that’s big enough for the four of us.
When the waitress comes to take our order, we get enough food that when she brings it, there’s no room on the table. We figure it out, eating like we’ve never eaten before. Monsters have big appetites, but I just like to overindulge. This food is still new to me, and everything tastes so good.
“We excited for the show tonight?” Dorian asks.
“Fuck yeah,” Lucien says with a deep laugh. “I don’t want this tour to end.”
The rest of us agree. We make small chat about the show tonight, and how last night went while we finish eating, not leaving anything behind. We pay the bill, leaving a hefty tip for the kind waitress, and then we’re on our way back to the hotel.
As we walk inside, we run into a group of the crew on their way out. Maybe to get breakfast too, or just hang out before they need to set up. It’s not unusual to see them doing things together. They’re all pretty close.
“What’s up, guys?” Tommy says, giving us an up-nod. He works on the lights.
We respond with similar greetings, but my eyes land on someone in particular.
Leif.
He looks like his usual self, as if he didn’t have a great night or morning. As if nothing is different, even though I feel like I’ve been awakened.
Suddenly, I can’t remember how to act around him. Would I normally say hello to him specifically? Would I ignore him? Why don’t I know how to act?
“What’s up, Aliko?” he finally says, giving me a smile that tells me it’s okay to talk to him.
“Hey,” I say, my shoulders sagging. I let out a quiet breath.
Why is this affecting me so much?
“We’re just heading out to eat,” one of the guys says. I don’t catch who, because now I can’t pull my gaze away from Leif.
“Just got back from doing that,” Lucien says.
“There’s a place two blocks down that way—” Kael points in the direction of the restaurant. “Food was good.”
“Yeah? Cool. Thanks for the tip,” someone says.
“We’ll see you guys later at set up,” another guy says.
I still can’t stop staring at Leif, even though he’s not looking at me anymore.
He’s talking softly to the guy next to him.
Cody. They talk a lot. I can’t hear what he’s saying, and he isn’t smiling, so it doesn’t feel flirty.
But I still don’t like the way my stomach twists at the thought of him doing what we did with someone else.