10. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
Aliko
Dorian and I share a tour bus because we don’t like to party it up like Lucien and Kael.
Most bands share one tour bus, but since we’re so big, that wasn’t really an option.
We’d considered each having our own, but that felt like a little too much.
So, we settled on two in each of the biggest tour buses we could find.
It’s still a struggle sometimes, but we make it work.
As long as we aren’t trying to hang out in the same space at the same time, we’re good.
Which we don’t usually do since both of us tend to keep to ourselves. Kael and Lucien are the party animals.
We’ve been on the road for a few hours now, meaning we still have about six left. I don’t mind driving from place to place, it’s a nice rest after playing a show, especially three in a row.
We kicked off the tour with a Friday and Saturday show. The energy was out of this world, and I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until the following Monday. I rode that high all day on Sunday, in disbelief that we just played two fucking shows.
After this three-day weekend in Indianapolis, I’m feeling it right away.
I’m sore in all the best places, tired but unable to sleep.
Lying in my bed with the sway of the bus is comforting and relaxing.
It’s similar to the lull of the ocean. I’m pumped for the next show, it’s not like I want this to end, but it’s a lot to handle all at once.
I’ve never done this before, and I didn’t know what to think going into it.
Now that I’ve experienced it… I never want to stop.
I just know that I need a damn break in between, so I don’t drop.
It doesn’t help that shifting makes me tired too, and I do it often with all the shows.
Staying human makes me less tired than being in my stage form, but it feels weird being human on a tour bus with Dorian.
None of the guys judge me for all the forms I take, even though most monsters choose to just stay themselves.
It’s definitely a me thing. An insecurity.
And it all goes back to that feeling of me not fitting in anywhere.
But they don’t need to know about that shit.
It’s just in my head. My own problems. Which just seem to be adding up these days.
Because then there’s Leif.
Things went so well on Friday night and Saturday morning. But when we ran into each other after that, it was awkward as hell. Every. Single. Time.
No matter where I saw him or what we were doing, things were just weird.
He did his job, setting up for me like he usually does. He did as good a job, like he always does. But the conversation? The way he was looking at me? It really was like he’d regretted it when he had to look me in the face as my monster.
I get it. I’m not attractive in this form, at least not to a human. Other monsters, sure. I hear it all the time from fans. Human fans too, now that I think about it, but I think that has more to do with the money I make and not actually what I look like.
This thing with Leif, though… it’s exactly why I didn’t want to do this. Why I’d told myself it was a bad idea, and why I stopped myself from thinking of him that way. But I was so amped after the show that I agreed to hang out with him. I drank too much. My inhibitions were lowered.
And I had a great night. A great fucking night. A night that I will remember for the rest of my life. But was it worth it? Now that we can barely talk to each other? Was the sex worth it?
No, I don’t think it was.
Because now I have to work with him and things are weird.
What if I need to talk to him about something work related?
I can’t do that now. This is dumb. It’s so fucking dumb.
I can’t believe I did this. I can’t believe I fucked this up and so early on in the tour. What the actual hell is wrong with me?
I need to fix it. But how? Apologize? For what? Being a monster? No, that’s stupid. It doesn’t make sense. There is nothing to apologize for. If Leif regrets this, it’s on him. There’s nothing I can do about that because I am who I am, even if I hardly like myself most days.
There’s nothing I can do to fix that. It’s not like I can stay in my human form all the time. I’m in a fucking monster rock band; I have to be in that form, and since his job has to do with the band, he has to talk to me in that form too.
“This is a fucking mess,” I mutter to myself.
I want to fix this, but I don’t think there’s anything I can do to fix it.
Maybe he’ll forget it happened. Maybe because we’ll be on the road this week, not seeing each other as much as we did, he’ll forget what happened and be able to look me in the eye again.
Guess I’ll just have to wait and see how he reacts to me when we run into each other again.
Running into Leif happens way too soon. Much sooner than I anticipated, and I’m not ready for it.
Everyone gets the great idea to stop in some small town and grab food.
I love me some food, so I can’t say no, so I hurry up and step off the bus first, hoping to avoid him.
Except he is walking by the moment my feet touch the ground.
His eyes widen and he quickly looks away.
I scoff to myself as I move over and wait for Dorian to get off the bus.
We walk toward the restaurant together, some burger joint that has craft beers.
We don’t say a word to each other, but that’s usually how it is with us.
We don’t talk much and we’re okay with that.
Our manager is at the podium talking to a man who looks like they could be the manager of the restaurant. She’s probably letting them know that there is a huge party here and we’d like privacy. We don’t mind the occasional fan, but once the word gets out, places become bombarded.
The manager nods with a stern look on his face. It seems like he’s fine helping us out and making sure that we get to enjoy our meal.
“Feels good to stretch my legs,” I say, shifting to my other leg.
“Maybe you should stop laying in bed for hours.”
Dorian smirks, and I roll my eyes.
“Guys, I am starving,” Kael says, coming up on my right.
“Me too,” Lucien adds. “And this place smells good.”
“I haven’t had a good burger in a while,” I say. “Hopefully they taste as good as they smell.”
Leif is talking to that same guy he was sitting with the other day. They seem to be hanging out a lot. More than I’ve noticed before.
Is he trying to make me jealous?
Why would he do that? He looks at me like he wants nothing to do with me… What if he quits?
Fuck.
That would suck. Would he tell them why? Would he make it seem like I took advantage of him? This is bad. This could be so fucking bad.
“Aliko?”
I blink and the guys come into focus, all three of them standing in front of me looking concerned.
“Huh?”
“We’re ready to sit,” Lucien says, hooking a thumb over his shoulder, pointing toward the tables.
“Right,” I say, looking around. We’re the only ones left out here. “Yeah, let’s go.”
I push through the guys, not wanting them to ask questions about why I’m being weird. I know I’m being weird, because I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack.
What if I’ve ruined everything? Not just my working relationship with Leif, but this entire tour?
Fuck, I’m so screwed.
“Are you feeling okay?” Kael asks as we’re on our way back to the tour buses.
“Fine, why?”
Security is around us but not hovering like we’re the president. The crew is also making their way to their buses in smaller groups. Leif is in front of me, still hanging out with Cody.
Did he tell him what happened?
I don’t know Cody, so I don’t know if I can trust him. I’m already panicking about Leif; I don’t need more problems.
What the hell was I thinking?
“You’re acting weird,” Kael says.
I look at him with narrowed eyes.
Lucien and Dorian nod in agreement.
“I’m just tired.”
“Like you’re getting sick?” Lucien asks.
“I’m not getting sick,” I say, holding back my frustration. “I just need a nap. Seriously, I’m fine.”
I move faster toward the bus, leaving the guys behind. I go right to my room, shut the door, and drop onto my bed. I hear Dorian come in a few minutes later, but he doesn’t bother me. He never bothers me. That’s why this works. He knows to give me my space, just like I give him his.
Not too long after, the bus starts moving, and we’re on the road again.
Is there a way I can find Leif’s phone number? Is it listed somewhere?
Where would it be listed? I should have it, shouldn’t I? Is it weird that I don’t?
He’s my drum tech; I could need to talk to him about something… drum related. So why don’t I have it? Because I haven’t needed anything from him, and honestly, why would I? The guy isn’t on-call for me.
It’s probably best I don’t text him anyway. If he says anything about what happened, there won’t be any real evidence. What would I even say if I texted him? I can’t tell him not to tell anyone because that makes me guilty as hell. Besides, he’s the one who didn’t want to say anything, not me.
I’m spiraling. I am spiraling so bad.
My necklace pulses against my chest, and I remember that there is someone I need to talk to.
I pull up Theorah’s phone number and press the call button.
“You’re late,” she answers.
“How am I late?”
“You should have called two days ago.”
“The amulet is fine,” I say. “But it is getting low.”
She chuckles, her voice low and raspy from years of use.
“Of course it is. You’re using it past its life. I told you it only had so many hours of use.”
“I haven’t used them all yet,” I say.
“Yes, well, you’re just about out. I can feel it.”
I roll my eyes. “When can we meet?”
“How about now?”
“I’m on a moving tour b—”
There’s a loud crack, a puff of smoke, and Theorah is standing in front of my bed.
“The travel fee will be double for this. Popping onto a moving vehicle isn’t easy. In fact, it’s dangerous.”
I sit up with a growl. “I didn’t tell you to do that.”
She waves me off, digging into the deep pocket of her over-sized silky floral cardigan. She’s a tall woman, lithe and frail-looking with thin white hair pulled back into a bun.
“You can afford it,” she says.
I run a hand down my face and throw my feet over the side of the bed, planting them on the floor. Theorah walks over and hands me a blue glowing stone about the size of a golf ball, but oddly shaped.
“You know the drill,” she says, gesturing to my amulet.
I lift it from my chest and press the glowing stone to the back of it, holding it there for about ten seconds, when Theorah tells me it’s all set.
“Now, are you paying with Cash App or Venmo?” she asks pointedly, taking the stone back and dropping it into her pocket.
Money or payments of any kind aren’t a thing under the ocean. We take what we need and that’s it. Though, we don’t have anything under the ocean to use money for. We catch our fish. The caves are already there. We don’t use clothes or curtains, so what would we buy?
“Whatever is easier for you,” I sigh, reaching for my phone that’s on the other side of the bed.
Theorah shows me her phone so I can get the QR code. I scan it, then look up at her. “Well?” I say.
“Two thousand, one hundred and seventy-five.”
“Are you—” I grit my teeth. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.”
She raises a brow, waiting for me to send the payment. I add in the numbers, checking it three times to make sure it’s right. It wouldn’t be the first time I got them confused and sent the wrong amount.
Once the payment is complete, she grins, then pops out of the room with another loud crack.
“Hey, you okay in there? I heard a loud noise.” Dorian calls through the door.
“Just Theorah,” I call back. “I’m going to take a nap.”
He says nothing, but I hear his heavy footsteps moving away from the door. It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.