22. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
Aliko
The water settles everything in my body, making me feel more relaxed than I have in a long, long time.
Don’t get me wrong, after fucking Leif, I’m pretty relaxed. But there’s always something there, just a slight niggling feeling under my skin. I’m starting to think it will be there forever. Except when I’m here.
Though I know the water is cold after feeling so much warmth, it doesn’t bother me.
It doesn’t deter me. I don’t hate it. It is comforting in the same way feeling the pressure of the water around me is.
The way my body isn’t as heavy as it is on land.
The way my breath is different under here, not sucking in air like I do on land. Everything here is different. Familiar.
I wish Leif could experience this with me. I wish he could feel the way I am feeling right now, after months of being away from the thing that is part of me.
I swim deeper into the ocean, going down to the floor and swimming back up.
It’s not as easy in this form with arms and legs, but I figure it out.
I make it work. Because I’m here. Back in the ocean, where I belong…
physically. Mentally, emotionally… I think I belong on land.
If only I was born a crab or some other animal that can stand both.
I’d accept being a capybara. I learned about those last year.
They’re fascinating creatures, able to hold their breath under water for up to five minutes and sometimes prefer to sleep in the water with just their noses sticking out.
When I surface, I’m so far out that Leif is just a spec on the beach—lying in the sand.
He gave up swimming. I don’t get it, but I do understand his concerns.
The animals in the ocean don’t bother me the way they bother him, but it’s the opposite when it comes to humans.
I don’t understand them. Some of them scare me.
Not for Leif though. It just shows how different we are.
That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I know that.
I love learning about him and he’s always asking questions about me, which I think means he likes learning about me, too.
I dive back into the water to find a place I can shift into myself, even if it’s just for a moment or two. I just need to let it free for a little while. Let it stretch its legs—or arms, I guess.
It doesn’t take long to reach a depth that’s enough to hold my true self, so I take the amulet off and hold it with the end of my tentacle.
The shift happens slowly, almost like my kraken is afraid to come out. But once it starts, it goes quickly. Everything gets bigger, except my human arms and feet—they shrink until they disappear.
I grow and grow until I’m the size of a boat and for the first time in months, that itching feeling is gone. I stretch my limbs, move around, explore the floor and see everything that I’ve missed for so long. I keep the amulet in my tentacle, holding on to it tightly so it doesn’t get lost.
This feels good. Freeing. Relieving. But it doesn’t take long for everything inside me to itch to be back on land. To be with Leif.
I don’t rush back though. I need this time here.
I need to reset. Just a little longer. I swim and swim, listening to the deep lull of the ocean until I decide it’s time to go back.
I shift before I hit the surface, not wanting anyone to see a true kraken.
Perhaps my family can still hide if humans think that we look the way I do on stage.
Perhaps they will get a different name. Whatever keeps them safe.
I’m much further out now, just hardly able to see the land at all. I can’t possibly see Leif or know that I’m even across from him anymore. Hopefully I don’t get lost. I didn’t think of that when I was coming out here, but I’m sure I’ll find my way back to him.
I swim underwater toward the land because I move faster. I stick my head out every now and then to see where I’m at. I swim parallel to the shore until I find Leif laying in the sand… still completely naked.
The sun is bright in the sky, likely not going down for another couple hours or so, but it is starting to cool. Leif’s skin looks dry and a little pink.
My feet reach the bottom of the ocean, and I walk the rest of the way to the sand. I’m dripping when I stop in front of him. He peeks an eye open, smiling when he sees me.
“How was it?”
I groan. “So perfect.”
“Did you work up an appetite?”
“Yeah, I didn’t see any jellyfish to eat.”
He makes a disgusted grunt. “Seriously? You eat jellyfish? Poor things.”
I bark out a laugh, offering him my human hand. “Yeah, sometimes. They’re not filling though.”
“That’s… wow, okay. I guess it makes sense. I vote for pizza though—and no anchovies.”
We order three pizzas because I am starving and eating two is a normal meal for me.
That gives Leif the other one, but usually he only eats half.
We’ve been through this a time or two before.
Pizza is good, but I prefer cheeseburgers.
Pizza is Leif’s favorite food, though, and if that’s what he wants, that’s what we’ll get.
“Your skin is pink,” I say.
“We need to get sunscreen. I’m pale as hell.”
“Half of your skin is covered in black ink.”
“Yeah, but I still burn.” He gives me a look over. “You don’t need sunscreen?”
“Probably.” I shrug.
“You’ve never burned before?”
“Of course, I have. But usually I avoided it so my parents wouldn’t ask questions. Now? Don’t care.”
“You should care. They’re painful.”
“Then I will use sunscreen, too.”
“Thank you.” He grabs the remote and clicks to the guide, since the movie we were watching is over. “Oh, this one is good. Have you ever seen it? Never mind. Why am I asking? You don’t watch TV.”
I laugh as I dig into the second box. Leif is only on his second slice of pizza.
When I glance at the TV, it flashes brightly and makes a clicking sound, similar to a camera. When it comes back to the screen, a man is standing there with wide eyes and two men with suits have on black sunglasses.
“What a strange movie,” I comment.
Leif chuckles. “And it’s only the beginning. Hopefully you like it—because there are others. This one is my favorite. Vincent D’Onofrio is such a good actor. His character in this is so funny, even if he’s not meant to be.”
“What is this, exactly?”
“Oh, right. Men in Black. It’s about aliens and the secret agents that keep them in line.”
“Aliens?” I ask.
“Trust me, it’s good.”
I shrug and eat my food. I find myself laughing at random things because even me, someone who isn’t used to human culture, can see the humor in this movie.
“What did you tell everyone?” I ask.
“Just that I had a friend in the area that I haven’t seen in years and wanted to visit.”
“Smart,” I say, ignoring the pang in my chest.
I wish we could tell everyone and stop hiding.
I am so sick of hiding.
“Have you reached out to someone about buying a house?” he asks, grabbing a third slice.
“I emailed someone, yes. They scheduled a call for Monday so we can discuss what I’m looking for.”
“Good. That’s good. They’ll be able to help you way more than I can.”
“I feel like I’m looking too much into it,” I comment.
“How? It’s where you’ll live.”
“But for how long? What if we go on another tour? How many musicians actually spend time in their houses? As long as I’m on the ocean and have a bed big enough to fit me, I will be happy.”
“Then your realtor will have the easiest job ever.”
When the food is gone, we lay together on the couch.
Leif’s skin is warm, kissed by the sun, and getting pinker as time goes on. He doesn’t complain, though, and stays against me anyway.
I kiss the side of his head, and whisper, “I love having you in my arms.”
He hums a sound that tells me he’s almost asleep, so I don’t bother him anymore. I let him fall asleep in my arms and then I watch him for far too long before I pick him up and carry him to bed, where we sleep until late morning.