Chapter Ten
The first thing Luna heard the next morning was her mum laughing in the garden. Her shriek was followed by the chortle of Eyebrow Clive.
Mae’s bed was next to the window. She pushed the curtain aside a little to get a look at the garden. ‘Jesus, she still has her rollers in.’
‘Poor Dad.’
‘Does he care, though? He’d rather spend time with his models than her. Not that I blame him for that.’
‘Maybe.’ Luna thought of Dad laughing when her mum had described Eyebrow Clive as virile.
She sighed and flopped back on the bed. ‘It’s 9am – we’d better get dressed if we’re setting off for the dunes in an hour.
’ Luna started and tried to force herself to move.
She was so sleepy. All the time. Every morning she didn’t want to get out of bed.
She hated getting up. It just felt so unfair.
‘Remember,’ she told Mae, from where she was still lying in bed, ‘no more Man Plan.’
Mae, also still in bed, rolled her eyes. ‘You’ve already said. Personally, I thought it was going great.’
‘Emmett has barely spoken to me.’
‘That’s the beauty of the plan!’ Mae launched herself out of bed as their mum laughed again. ‘First, you make him angry, then that anger jolts him into realising that the reason he’s angry is because he’s madly in love with you. It’s a classic. It’s working perfectly.’
‘You are literally evil. It’s terrifying. But I mean it, no more plan.’
‘Okay, fine.’
There was an especially loud shriek from the garden.
Luna had never heard their Mum laugh like that with them or their dad.
Mae must have been thinking the same thing because she said, ‘Must have been shit, being born in a time when it was expected that you had a family and kids, even if you didn’t really want them. ’
Mae rarely said anything sympathetic about their mum, so Luna was taken aback.
‘I know.’
As quickly as the sympathy came though, it began to retreat. Replaced instead with one of the dark negative emotions that came so easily to her these days. The darkness clouded her vision and made Luna feel like she didn’t quite have a handle on her own brain.
‘Let’s go have breakfast with Dad,’ she said on impulse, finally extracting her bikini and black denim shorts from the mess of her holdall. She tugged out a grey Nirvana T-shirt that someone had given away for free. Really, it was all just quite dark at the moment.
They were just about to leave for the dunes, having promised their dad that they’d go on the puffin trip tomorrow when their mum came in the back door through to the tiny cottage kitchen.
‘Where are you off to, girls?’ she asked. Luna felt guilty. She didn’t even know why she felt guilty.
‘We’re just going to the dunes with Emmett, and the others,’ Mae answered.
Their mum’s lips turned down. ‘Well, make sure you’re back for three.’
Luna was confused.
‘Why, what’s happening at three?’
‘We’re interviewing some potential maths tutors.’
Everyone started to talk at once – the general theme: outrage. Aside from their dad, who said, ‘I didn’t know you’d found some local chaps.’
‘It’s sexist, Michael, to assume that they’re all men.’
‘Are they men?’ Mae asked.
‘Yes, but that’s not the point. We can’t take a summer off, Luna, not passing Maths is not an option.’
‘Mum, will you chill out,’ Mae said and then laughed. It was a ridiculous concept. ‘She didn’t flunk it really bad. Getting a D is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. There are loads of grades after a D… E, F, G, U.’
At this, their mum looked set to pass out. Luna wasn’t exactly sure that Mae was helping her cause. Once again, she had this weird sense that she wasn’t directing her own life. As if it were a ship and there was someone else at the helm.
‘Plus, Emmett said he’d help her. He’s like a maths genius or something.’
Emmett hadn’t said he’d help Luna; he’d barely spoken to her or looked her way yesterday, except to frown. Luna wondered if this was some deviation from the Man Plan that Mae was plotting.
Their mum’s lips pressed into a thin line, evidently torn between her obvious dislike of Emmett and the fact that he might help Luna to avoid the dreaded U in Maths.
‘Well, that’s very kind.’
‘Yeah, he was really upset that Luna didn’t tell him she was struggling. He said unequivocally that if she’d called him, she would have passed her mock. You should get Emmett to mentor her – he could do with the money.’
Mae was unhinged. There, Luna had thought it.
‘Well, I’m not – I’ve found some nice men. All retired.’
‘They probably won’t know what the syllabus is now, then. Emmett scored top of his year – he got full marks.’
It wasn’t the best feeling, Luna thought. Standing there watching Mum and Mae argue over who should make her less bad at maths.
‘Well, I—’
‘We’ll ask him today and circle back to this later.’ Mae made a circling motion with her finger. ‘See you guys later, have fun.’
Luna had barely said a word, but Mae was pulling her out the door.
It was a bright, dry day. It hardly ever rained in Northumberland.
It wasn’t just some warped or wishful thinking on Luna’s part either – it was the truth.
Northumberland was part of the country that got the most hours of sunshine.
It was another thing she’d picked up in Geography, a subject she wasn’t exactly excelling in, but at least she wasn’t flunking it either.
Free from the cottage, the girls laughed and ran towards The Edge.
They always ran, though neither of them could properly say why – it’s just what they did.
Mae had a carrier bag with their towels and a bottle of water, and Luna had some pencils and her notebook in her rucksack.
The darkness of the morning was long gone by the time they saw Emmett, Zadie and Ahmed waiting between the caravans.
It looked to Luna as if they were having a serious discussion, with their heads bent close together.
But as Mae shouted, ‘We’re here!’ Zadie turned towards them and waved while Emmett refused to look their way.
‘We brought no food, though. There’s nothing edible in the whole cottage.
Mum made us have courgetti for dinner last night.
It’s like spaghetti but made out of courgette.
’ Mae made a show of pretending to stick two fingers down her throat and failed to mention the Monster Munch they’d eaten in her bed later on.
The whole room had still smelled of pickled onions when they left it this morning.
‘It’s a good job that we have plenty then, isn’t it?’ Zadie tapped her rucksack. Zadie always had sweets. Her mum and dad ran a corner shop.
‘Let’s go, people,’ Ahmed said loudly. Emmett shushed him.
‘Sorry. Mum’s not feeling well,’ he said, looking over his shoulder towards his caravan.
The cardboard boxes they used as curtains were pushed tight against the window.
There were dark shadows under Emmett’s eyes.
The skin there looked like tissue paper, so fragile.
And not quite black, not quite purple, but somewhere in between.
‘I’m sorry, Emmett,’ Luna said, her voice small. She meant that she was sorry for everything this year, though she didn’t say that. It sometimes felt impossible to say the things that she meant.
Emmett just shrugged. ‘Cadence can’t make it either. It’s just us.’
‘Well.’ Mae slapped her thigh. ‘What a beautiful day this is turning out to be. Emmett, good man, we have a proposition for you. But for now, shall we get going?’
Ahmed held out his arm for Zadie to link, but she held hands with Mae instead, and they set off. There was a coastal path, the dunes about three miles north.
Luna and Emmett were left to bring up the rear. They walked in silence at first, and the only thing for Luna to focus on was how awful and sticky things were between them.
It was the first time she’d dared to get a good look at him, since she hadn’t wanted Cadence to notice that she was obsessed with him.
She just really wanted to do something to relieve the ache that lived permanently in the pit of her stomach.
And the person she wanted to relieve it with was Emmett.
This year, she had a much better idea of what that might entail.
A couple of months ago, she and Mae had been at a sleepover when their friend had produced her dad’s entire collection of porn.
Mae had taken notes with a Bic pen and sheet of A4 paper.
Luna had been horrified. There was a lot of grunting.
But she’d been sort of intrigued, too. Mae was right.
They really were disgusting little critters.
None of these were helpful things to be thinking about as she walked alongside her friend.
Especially not since Emmett was finally taller than her this year.
His hair was slightly longer, the curls more defined.
He was pale too, and hairier. If nothing else, it was good to realise that the hairiness wasn’t just affecting Luna.
Luna should say something. But what? Something sparky.
‘It’s a nice day,’ she tried eventually, feeling about as sparky as a sliver of seaweed.
He didn’t answer. Emmett got like this sometimes. Dark and sullen. This time, though, Luna knew it was directed at her. ‘What’s this about a proposition?’ he asked finally. He sounded exhausted, Luna thought.
‘Oh right, yeah, well it’s just you know Mae mentioned that I failed Maths.’ Luna started talking really quickly.
‘How bad did you fail?’
‘Got a D on my mock. Mum treated the news like I’d announced that I was dying of syphilis.’
‘That’s not so bad.’
‘Syphilis or the D?’
‘The D. Syphilis is an awful death. Your brain melts.’
‘It does not!’
‘Yep, happened to King George.’
The smallest of smiles ghosted across Emmett’s face and Luna felt delighted that she’d helped to bring him out of his dark mood.
But then he seemed to remember that he was annoyed at Luna and quickly went back to frowning again.
Luna wanted to reach up and smooth out his frown lines.
Possibly her crush was so deeply depressing that it was driving her insane.
She cleared her throat.
‘But Mum is dramatic, remember.’
Emmett nodded.
The depressed grass path they were walking along was only really wide enough for one person. It meant that Emmett’s arm kept brushing against Luna’s in the most alarming way. It was like being zapped with a live wire every time it happened. Luna decided to walk in the grass.
‘So this morning…’ she breathed and started lifting her knees with each step to cope with the grass. Emmett noticed and moved further to the side of the depressed grass. ‘She was talking about needing a maths tutor and Mae suggested you.’
‘Me?’
She went immediately red.
‘Just because you’re so good at maths.’
Emmett mumbled something under his breath.
‘Sorry, what was that?’
‘I said, I’m surprised you’d want me to, seeing as you’ve ignored me all year.’
Luna stopped walking.
‘I haven’t ignored you. Emmett, I… I’ve been busy.’
Luna didn’t have an excuse. Or not one that she could admit to. It had felt like such a power move, not replying to Emmett’s letters, but now, she just felt crappy.
‘Too busy to write a couple of letters, that’s bullshit, Luna.’
Mae and the others, walking ahead, turned to frown at the pair of them.
‘Whatever you’re arguing about, I side with Luna,’ Mae called before they set off again.
‘We aren’t arguing.’ Emmett looked out at the sea.
Luna had secretly hoped that like her, Emmett was just miserable about the state of the world.
Now she knew for sure it was her though.
‘Look, I’m sorry Emmett. I didn’t mean anything by it.
I was, I don’t know…’ Once again, the things that Luna wanted to say were floating around, just out of reach.
Emmett smacked his hands down to his side in a move of sheer exasperation.
‘You’re meant to be my best friend, Luna, and I haven’t heard from you all year. I missed you. I didn’t even know that you were coming yesterday. I’ve never not met you at the cottage, not since we were like seven or something.’
Something that felt a lot like guilt started to wrap itself around Luna, starting at her ankles and squeezing her as it went, like an anaconda might. It made her feel hot and sticky and a bit sick. And also, she was crying. Which was humiliating.
‘I didn’t think… Cadence maybe…’
Emmett realised that Luna was crying. Why was she like this?
His voice softened. ‘What’s Cadence got to do with it?’
Oh God, Luna couldn’t… she couldn’t admit that she’d spent the year obsessing over the fact that Emmett had been up here doing god knows what with Cadence. She’d never recover from the humiliation.
Not since Emmett was reaching up to wipe her tears away. Swiping them off with his thumbs. Luna found that she couldn’t breathe.
‘I just thought… it doesn’t matter,’ she finished weakly through sobs.
He was so close to her now. She could see his eyelashes, all of them. The slight line between his eyebrows, where he was still frowning. Luna thought it was now a frown of concern rather than anger.
He wiped another tear.
‘You’re my best friend, Luna. Cadence has nothing to do with me and you.’
Luna sniffed.
‘I needed you this year. Things with Mum… it’s been hard.’
The guilt made her cry all the harder. Luna was forced to admit that she was the villain in this here tale. It was one thing being disappointed with the state of the world. It was quite another being disappointed with yourself.
‘I’m sorry, Emmett.’ She turned to face away from him. She couldn’t bear it anymore. But then Emmett’s hands were on the tops of her arms. Her skin felt hot under his touch. ‘I wasn’t thinking properly. All year,’ she finished.
‘I always want to talk to you, Luna.’
Luna was actually amazed that her heart didn’t just swell straight out of her chest. She always wanted to talk to Emmett too.
‘Friends?’ Emmett tacked on as her swollen heart deflated like a comedy balloon. But really, being friends with Emmett was better than nothing. ‘Friends,’ she agreed, trying out a smile.
They kept walking. ‘So about this maths tutoring?’ he asked.
‘You don’t have to do it. Who wants to spend their summer doing maths?’
‘Someone who loves maths?’
‘Oh yeah, I forgot how strange you are. Mum said she’d pay you.’
‘She doesn’t have to. I’d do anything for you, Luna, you have to know that.’
Luna didn’t know how to answer that. She suspected that she should say something back, like how she would do anything for Emmett too, but she didn’t know how. It was so hard, wanting the things that she wanted.
Emmett too seemed to retreat into his own head. As if he’d said too much and now there was no way forward.
‘I’d rather have you than some dusty old man,’ Luna tried, making light of things as she often did to help Emmett.
‘Why is your hypothetical maths tutor dusty?’
‘It’s just a saying.’
Emmett nodded. It looked like Luna had a maths tutor. At least she’d stopped crying.
He took a breath and looked at Luna. ‘Best summer ever?’ He held up his little finger.
Luna smiled, lighter already. ‘Best summer ever.’