17
THE 7:34 PM bus into Franklin is empty except for me and Jacinta, which has never happened to me before. It feels as if we own it, which makes me think of those people who live in buses, or in vans, and travel the country, not defined by a place, like caribou that migrate thousands of kilometres a year across forests and mountains and Arctic tundras. That could be a cool way to live. More natural. More wild. More free. What do you want to do when you finish year twelve, Lucy? Oh, you know, buy a bus. Be a caribou.
Jacinta’s mum is using their car and my parents are at a friend’s house for dinner, so we’ve been left to get to the sanctuary ourselves. This has worked out for two reasons. First—in a lie that fell out of my mouth before I could stop it—I told my parents I’d applied to help trial a new night experience at the sanctuary, which would have been a hard lie to maintain if they dropped us off at a very closed-looking entrance. Second, because it gives me and Jacinta a chance to talk about the night ahead.
‘So, just to confirm,’ Jacinta says. ‘You’re into Zoo Boy. Correct?’
I nod. ‘I’m kind of into Sanctuary Guy, yes.’ Nervous sparkles are swirling around my stomach at that understatement.
‘Okay, so what about Lockie then?’ she asks, putting her feet up on the seat in front of us.
I sigh. ‘I dunno,’ I say. ‘Turns out it’s really hard to just get over a guy you had a massive and all-consuming crush on for three entire years and then finally kissed in a hallway in your narwhal T-shirt.’ Plus he’s one of my few connections to my brother, to the time before, I think but don’t say.
Jacinta snorts. ‘So you still like him. Even if he didn’t speak to you for a year and now he’s sending you one-sentence messages on major holidays like he’s an actual greeting card?’
Okay, Jacinta’s not a huge Lockie fan, but she also doesn’t know him. She doesn’t know how close he was to Charlie and how much what happened would have affected him.
‘Even then,’ I say, wondering if I’ll have to wait until Easter for him to message me next. If I’ll be forever craving his seasonal attention between holidays—like a Cadbury Creme Egg they take off the supermarket shelves—and I’ll never be able to decide if I really love the taste or I mostly want him because I can’t have him all the time. ‘Anyway, I don’t even know if this is a more-than-friends thing with Ben, or if it’s just a friends thing so, yeah.’
Jacinta rolls her eyes. ‘I will bet you my entire holiday pay that it’s a more-than-friends thing.’ Then she glances at my tank top. ‘Your boobs look great in that by the way.’ I’m wearing cargo pants and a dark green tank top. Jacinta’s in a short skirt and a camouflage-patterned T-shirt. She thought we should be in theme, like cute animal rangers from a graphic novel.
I elbow her, wanting to change the subject so I’m not blushing when we get there. ‘What about Dinesh? Do you think he’s hot?’
She shrugs and refuses to answer, but I’m pretty sure she’s holding back a grin.
The bus doesn’t go to the sanctuary when it’s closed, so we have to walk from the stop on the main road. When we reach the entrance everything is bathed in golden evening light and it’s so quiet without all the visitors and screaming kids. I can hear the hoots and trills of nocturnal animals stirring. The smell of eucalyptus hangs in the humid air.
I spot Ben by the wire door where I first met him. He’s holding a giant set of keys in his hand.
‘Hey,’ he says as we walk over. It comes out too loudly, like he’s nervous too.
‘Hey,’ I say back. ‘Um, we’re here for the illegal night tour. Know any good guides?’
He pretends to think for a second. ‘I know a guide. He’s not good, but he has access to the keepers’ secret drink stash.’
‘Sold,’ I say. I rub my hands nervously on my pants.
Ben runs his eyes over us, taking in our themed outfits. I’m sure he lingers a touch longer on me. ‘Subtle animal safari. You guys are cute.’
‘Thanks for noticing,’ Jacinta says with a wink. ‘So, do you promise we’re not going to get arrested for breaking and entering tonight?’
‘Either way it’s worth the risk,’ Ben says, but he must see my expression because he throws up his hands and adds, ‘I’m kidding! We’re good. I promise.’
Then Jacinta glances behind us, so I ask the question I’m sure she’s wondering. ‘Is Dinesh still coming?’
‘Yep,’ Ben says. ‘They’re just parking.’
They? Does Dinesh use they/them pronouns? That’s definitely something I want to know before they arrive, but I don’t have time to ask before I notice Jacinta’s eyes widen. I follow her gaze to see three people walking towards us from the carpark. Panic skims across my skin, because even at a distance I can tell who it is.
Dinesh, followed by Rach and Lockie.
‘Sorry,’ Ben says, clearly interpreting something off in my reaction. ‘I should have said. I brought it up at the movies the other week and Lockie and Rach were really keen. I figured they could tag along.’
I glance at Jacinta, who is looking as panicked as I feel. I try to shake it off. This is fine. The entire night hasn’t burst into flames in half a second. It’s going to be fine. Ben clearly doesn’t know about the awkwardness between Lockie, Rach and me, and neither does Dinesh. So act normally, Lucy, and everything will be fine.
‘Yeah,’ I say, watching as Dinesh expertly hurdles some bollards, making Lockie hoot. ‘For sure. No worries.’ Although I can’t help but think this is feeling less and less like a more-than-friends thing.
Just before they all reach us I wonder if Lockie and Rach knew I was going to be here, but that question is quickly answered by the way they’re looking at me right now. That would be a no.
Dinesh gives Jacinta and me an energetic ‘hey’ before pulling Ben into a one-armed hug. ‘My mammal-loving camping man! I missed you!’
Ben laughs and they start a mini-wrestling match, pulling Ben’s T-shirt up and knocking Dinesh’s Dog-Mum cap off his head.
‘Lucy!’ Rach says, covering the undercurrent of hurt she has around me these days with surprise. She glances at Jacinta with obvious jealousy. ‘I didn’t know you were coming.’ She’s wearing the silver necklace she’s had since year eight and only adds weird or ugly charms to. I gave her the mayonnaise bottle one.
‘Neither,’ I say, as a spasm of nostalgia for us shoots through me. ‘I mean, I knew I was coming. Obviously. But, ah, you know what I mean.’ Eloquent.
Then I see the Lockie situation click in Rach’s mind, and a complex expression crosses her features that I can somehow interpret instantly: Okay this is probably very awkward for you, sorry, and no I’m not here with Lockie I swear on our mutual love of Kewpie mayonnaise! I give her a look back that I hope says: I know . You would never do that to me.
‘Hey, Evans,’ Lockie says. His eyes are unreadable beneath a loose apricot-gold curl, but our past glows between us like fireflies. He rubs a palm across his surf-brand T-shirt. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Good!’ I say way too brightly, forcing my heart back into rhythm and trying to push away any thoughts of the hallway kiss, the hospital, the funeral and the xo and xxx messages between us two nights ago. ‘Um, this is Jacinta. Jacinta, this is Lockie and Rach.’ As if she didn’t know.
‘Hey,’ Jacinta says with a smile.
Just then Dinesh grabs Lockie and pulls him into a boy wrestle, trying to climb onto his back. ‘I love you too, dolphin boy. Have I told you lately?’
Lockie lets out a fake scream. ‘Mercy! I’m not good on land! I’m made for the water!’
‘Is this the tour?’ Rach yells over the grunting, just as Lockie gives Dinesh a hard slap on his butt. ‘Has it started? Because you’re acting like animals.’
‘Okay!’ Jacinta says. ‘Let’s do this! I want to see at least three species screwing or I’m leaving a bad review.’
‘Wow,’ Dinesh says, puffing as he shoves his cap back on. ‘I like this girl.’
We all laugh and the tension in the air diffuses slightly. Then Ben unlocks the gate, and we go inside.