Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
Ashlyn
I’ve just left my apartment for work when my phone rings through the hands-free in my car. Ivy’s name flashes up on the display, and a wave of panic washes over me. It’s seven-thirty in the morning. Why is she calling so early? I hope she’s okay.
“Hey, Ivy,” I say as I answer her call. “You good?”
“Hey, Ash. Yeah, I’m good. I just wanted to check you’re alright. How are you feeling about seeing Ben today?”
My heart swells at her concern. I seriously have the best friends.
I let out a sigh. “I’m dreading it. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to him. I think I’ll just avoid him altogether. It’s easier that way. Less awkward.”
The Christmas break is over, and school starts again today.
I haven’t heard a word from Ben since Christmas Eve, not that I expected to.
He still doesn’t have my number. But he does know where I live.
He walked me right to my door the night he kissed me.
If he wanted to see me, he could have found a way.
“You don’t want to know why he just ditched you?” Ivy asks, surprise threading through her voice.
I wince.
“Wow, thanks for the soft delivery,” I say dryly.
“Shit. Sorry, Ash,” she says quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
I shrug, even though she can’t see me. “No, you’re right. He did ditch me.”
I held onto the idea that he had some kind of emergency, something that made him leave without saying goodbye. But Christmas came and went. Then New Year’s. Still nothing. No message. No explanation. I guess I’ve had to accept the truth. He left because he wanted to, not because he had to.
I’d let myself get caught up in whatever was happening between us, thinking maybe it meant something.
Clearly, I read it wrong. Maybe he picked up on how into him I was and decided walking away was easier than facing it.
Unfortunately, as much as I told Ivy I’ll just avoid him, that’s not practical when we work together.
“Ash?” Ivy prompts when I stay silent.
“I know why he left,” I say quietly. “He’s just not interested. That’s all there is to it.”
She lets out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry, Ash.”
“Yeah… me too.” I pull into the parking lot and find a spot. “I just got here. Time to face the music.”
“You’ve got this,” she says confidently. “Call me if you need to, okay?”
Do I have this? It doesn’t feel like it, but I don’t exactly have a choice.
“Thanks, Ivy. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
She ends the call, and I sit in the silence for a minute longer. Normally, I’d make a beeline for the teachers’ lounge and grab a coffee, but I brought one from home today; less chance of bumping into him before I’m ready.
I head straight to my classroom, shutting the door behind me with a soft click. My bags hit the floor, and I sink into my chair behind the desk. I’ve just lifted my coffee for a sip when there’s a knock.
The door creaks open, and my heart sinks when I see Ben standing there. Of course he saw me pull in; his office has a perfect view of the parking lot.
“Ash, can we talk about Christmas Eve?” he asks, stepping just inside.
I draw in a steady breath. “I don’t think there’s much to say, Ben. Maybe it’s best if we just keep things professional.”
“Please,” he says, his voice low and tight. “I owe you an explanation.”
I close my eyes briefly. “Fine,” I reply, keeping my tone even. “I’m listening.”
If we clear the air now, maybe we can put this behind us and go back to being just colleagues and pretend the rest never happened.
He shuts the door gently, then crosses the room to perch on the edge of my desk, like he used to before the break, back when he’d hang around after school just to talk. My stomach twists at the memory.
I stand abruptly, grabbing my coffee and moving to the other side of the room, putting space between us. I busy my hands with the pots of colored pencils, lining them up on the tables.
“Ashlyn,” he says softly. “Please. Look at me.”
I sigh, taking a second before looking across at him.
He moves on the edge of the desk, clearly uncomfortable, as his hands twist in his lap. I don’t say anything. I’m not about to make this easier for him.
“I should never have walked out on you in Eden,” he says finally. “That was shitty.”
I put the pot of colored pencils down and cross my arms. “Yeah, it was.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you… I just panicked.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Panicked?”
He drops his eyes to the floor. “I like you, Ash. I’ve liked you for months.”
My heart skips, but I don’t let it show.
“I never expected any of this to happen. Not with you.” He looks up. “You’re beautiful, and brilliant, and full of life…” He trails off and shakes his head. “Bumping into you at that cooking class. I had such a great night, and then I found I couldn’t stay away.”
I frown, still not understanding.
“And that made you run… why?”
He sighs. “Because I’m older than you. Too old for this to work.”
I wave him off. “You’re not that much older than me.”
“I’m forty-three, Ash. You’re twenty-five, right?”
I nod, a little taken aback. He doesn’t look forty-three. In fact, he doesn’t look much over thirty. I knew he was a little older, and maybe I should be more surprised, but does it matter? It’s just a number. We clicked, and a connection is more important to me than a number.
I walk toward where he’s still perched on my desk, stopping in front of him. “So, who decided you were too old for me? Because the last time I checked, I was able to make my own decisions.”
His eyes search mine, almost cautious, like he’s expecting me to change my mind.
“My age doesn’t bother you?”
“No, Ben. I already knew you were older.” I grin. “Okay, maybe I didn’t have you down as forty-three, but still…”
I trail off, teasing a little, and the laugh that escapes him is exactly the sound I’d missed.
He exhales slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor again before flicking back up to meet mine. He hesitates briefly as if he’s choosing his next words carefully.
“It’s not just the age difference. My life is… complicated, Ash.” His voice is quiet. “There are things I haven’t told you, and not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t know how.”
My heart pounds in my chest. “Okay,” I say slowly. “I don’t need to know everything right now. But I’d rather you be honest with me than pretend you don’t care.”
He lets out a breathy laugh and drags his hand through his hair. “That’s the thing. I do care. More than I should for someone with so much going on.”
I’ve never seen this side of him. He sounds vulnerable, and despite the confusion twisting in my chest, something inside me softens.
“I’m not looking for perfect, Ben. Who is? I just want something real.”
Hope flares in his eyes. “I don’t want to walk away from this, Ash. I don’t want to walk away from you.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Then don’t,” I whisper.
He stands from the desk and steps toward me, still hesitant, as if he’s checking this really is okay. His hand brushes mine before he tangles our fingers together.
“I want to try,” he says. “Even if I’m terrified.”
“Me too.”
He smiles, and I smile back.
My heart is pounding so loudly that I’m sure he can hear it. His words echo in a loop in my mind. I want to try. Even if I’m terrified.
I want to tell him everything will be okay, but the bruised part of me still hurts a little from when he left me in Eden. I’m still wondering what he’s not saying, because I can feel it, whatever he’s holding back. It’s not just an age gap, and whatever it is, it’s clearly weighing on him.
But he showed up. Eventually. That has to mean something, right? Maybe I’m too forgiving, but this connection is something I’ve never felt with anyone before, and I don’t want to give up on it just because the road ahead might get messy.
So, even though my stomach is in knots and a hundred questions roll around my head, I let myself believe in this.
Even if it scares me too.