Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ashlyn
As the door closes behind Ben, I grip the back of the sofa, my fingers digging into the fabric as I try to steady myself. My heart pounds so hard I’m convinced they can hear it downstairs in Eden. I can barely process what he just told me, my mind spinning.
A wave of guilt crashes over me for not letting him explain sooner, but another part of me wants to run and never look back. I know that makes me a terrible person, especially after everything he’s been through. Relationships aren’t easy, but should they be this hard right from the start?
I make my way around the sofa and sink onto it, my head falling back against the cushions. I don’t know how long I sit there, lost in thought, before the apartment door opens.
“Hey. You okay?” Taylor asks, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. “I saw Ben leave, but when you didn’t come down…” She crosses the room and sits beside me. “Ash, what happened?”
I let out a long sigh and sit up, absently picking at a loose thread on my sweater. “It’s messed up, Tay. Really messed up.”
“Shit,” she mutters, reaching for my hand. “What did he say?”
I spend the next few minutes telling her everything Ben told me, and by the time I’m done, her expression mirrors mine.
“Damn, Ash,” she breathes. “Six years. And his daughter has no idea they were going to separate? What are you going to do?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Regardless of their intentions, the fact is, he’s still married.”
She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. “Only on paper. Look, I’m not saying he was right to keep this from you…” She hesitates.
“But?” I prompt.
She pulls a face. “I think I understand why he did.”
I stare at her, surprised. She holds up a hand before I can argue.
“He’s spent six years raising his daughter alone, not knowing if his wife would ever wake up.
If what he says is true, you’re the first person he’s let himself care about in all that time.
He was wrong not to tell you, but maybe he just wanted to feel normal for once.
How do you even try to date when you’re technically still married with no real way to move on, even when you want to? ”
I let out a heavy sigh. “It just feels like it’s going to be so tough. If we start something, we’ll have so much hanging over us from the beginning. Should it be that way?”
Taylor gives me a soft smile. “The best things in life are worth fighting for, Ash. You just have to decide if Ben is worth it. And how will you know if you don’t give it a chance?”
“I want to try,” I whisper, my voice barely audible.
“But I’m scared of falling and him not being there to catch me.
Laney will always come first, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
She’s his daughter. But his wife? What if she wakes up and she doesn’t remember they decided to separate?
Or worse, Ben decides he still loves her. ”
Taylor lets out a sigh. “I think you might be jumping ahead a bit, Ash. And I get it, I really do. But take a breath. Give yourself a little time to think it all through, then talk to him. Let him know where you’re at.”
I’m scared, Tay,” I confess.
“I know,” she says softly, her eyes meeting mine. “But sometimes, the only thing we can do is be brave and hope it all works out.”
I offer her a small smile. “You were brave,” I say, thinking about how she risked everything by telling Seb how she felt. I don’t know if I can be that brave.
She must see the uncertainty on my face. “You don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”
“Maybe not, but I have to see him tomorrow at work.” I push myself up from the sofa. “I should head downstairs. Ivy’s probably wondering where I am.”
Taylor stands with me. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
I pull her into a hug. “Thanks, Tay. And thanks for listening.”
“Of course. Say hi to Ivy for me.”
“You should come with me. I promise I won’t talk about Ben the whole night.”
She smiles. “Thanks, but Seb’s coming up soon.”
Her cheeks flush, and I nudge her playfully. “Have fun.”
“Thanks, Ash.”
Leaving Taylor in her apartment, I head downstairs into Eden. I barely make it to the bar before Seb steps in front of me, his expression tense.
“What’s going on, Ash? Is something going on with you and your boss?” I roll my eyes and try to move past him, but he blocks my way. “Ashlyn,” he says, his voice sharp.
“Drop it, Seb,” I snap, not bothering to hide my irritation.
He drags a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “I’ll take that as a yes! What the hell, Ash? He’s way older than you.”
“Look, it’s complicated, okay.” My voice rises, and I don’t care that people are starting to stare.
He frowns. “Complicated how?”
“I can’t do this right now.” My voice cracks, and his expression softens immediately.
“Shit,” he mutters before pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Ash.”
“Yeah, me too,” I murmur against his chest, holding onto him tightly.
He sighs. “Do you need me to tell him to back off?”
I tilt my head up to meet his gaze. “No. I’m fine, I promise. Just… please don’t do anything.”
He exhales heavily but nods. “Okay.” He presses a quick kiss to the top of my head before stepping back. “Ivy’s here,” he says, gesturing behind me.
“Sorry I’m late,” Ivy says, glancing between me and Seb. “Everything okay?”
Seb steps back. “I’ll let you two talk. Taylor’s waiting for me,” he says. “See you later.”
I watch as he disappears into the crowd before turning back to Ivy, who’s still frowning. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“Let’s grab a drink and I’ll fill you in.”
Once we have our drinks and find a quieter table, I lay everything out for her. Just like Taylor, she’s as shocked as I was.
“What are you going to do?” she asks, taking a sip of her vodka soda.
“For now? Nothing. I’ve got a bachelorette party to plan, and honestly, I’m exhausted from talking about it.”
Even though I didn’t know all the details of Ben’s situation until tonight, I did know he was married. It feels like I’ve spent the last few days going around in circles with Ivy about it. At this point, there’s nothing new to say. I just feel drained.
Ivy gives me a knowing look. “Ash. I’ve known you forever. I know when you’re hurting.”
I shrug. “Talking about it won’t change anything. I just want to forget about it for a little while.”
She squeezes my hand. “Okay,” she says softly. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
I offer her a grateful smile. “Thanks. And thanks for being there for me this week.”
She shakes her head. “You’d do the same for me. That’s what friends are for.”
For the next hour, we go over our weekend plans.
We’ve booked a spa day at the Regency Spa in Hope Creek, followed by drinks at Eden once the guys get back from their fishing trip.
It’s not a traditional bachelorette party, but with both Paisley and Sophie refusing to spend time apart from Nash and Cade, and Nash and Cade feeling the same, it just made sense to merge everything.
Once we’re sure everything’s set, we call it a night. It’s late, and we both have work in the morning. I’d love nothing more than to call in sick again, but I can’t avoid work forever.
Seb isn’t behind the bar when we leave, and I remember he was heading up to Taylor’s apartment. After saying goodbye to Ryder, Ivy and I step outside. When we reach my apartment building, I pull her into a tight hug.
“See you Saturday,” she says. “Call me if you need me.”
“Thanks, Ivy. See you Saturday.”
Once inside, I collapse face-first onto my bed. I’ve been trying to push everything down all night, but now that I’m alone, it’s all I can think about. Ben’s words keep looping in my head.
I want things to work between us more than anything. But after everything he’s told me, I don’t see how they can. How can I be in a relationship with someone whose daughter still believes her parents are together?
As much as I want to fight for us, I don’t see a way to make it work.
Despite the short time we’ve been together, the thought of losing him hurts.
More than I ever expected it to.