Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
Ashlyn
“I'm not going, Ivy,” I insist. “I told you that on the phone. You didn’t have to come over.”
I know I’m being difficult, but I can’t help it. My heart is breaking, and I’d rather fall apart in the comfort of my own living room than in Franco’s, where Ivy is determined to drag me.
“Ash, it’s Taylor’s birthday dinner.”
I sigh. “She’s okay with me not coming. I talked to her earlier.”
“She might be,” she says, her voice soft but firm, “but I’m not. You haven’t left this apartment in days.”
“I go to work every day,” I deadpan.
She rolls her eyes. “I mean apart from work.”
“I don’t want to go. I’m fine here.”
She lets out a sarcastic laugh. “You’re fine? Really?”
“No!” I snap, pushing up from the sofa. “I’m fucking miserable! The man I love is in pain, and there’s nothing I can do to help him because he doesn’t want to see me.”
My voice breaks, and I collapse back onto the sofa, burying my face in my hands.
“Shit,” Ivy murmurs as she sits beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“I'm sorry for being such a bitch,” I mutter. “I shouldn't have snapped.”
“You’re not being a bitch. And you can snap all you want. I’m always going to be here for you.”
I lift my head and turn to face her. “I love you.”
She smiles. “I love you too.”
Then she stands, pulling me up with her. “Now, about Franco’s…” She grins, and I shake my head.
“Ivy, no,” I groan.
She waggles her eyebrows. “We’re going, Ash. Deal with it.”
Before I can protest again, she tugs me through the apartment toward my bedroom.
“Get changed. We’re leaving in ten,” she says, shoving me inside and shutting the door behind me.
I collapse face-first onto the bed, squeezing my eyes shut.
The last thing I want to do tonight is go out.
Between long workdays and sleepless nights, I’m completely drained.
But I know why Ivy’s doing this. I’d be doing the same if our roles were reversed.
That doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.
True to her word, ten minutes later, she’s banging on my bedroom door.
“Come on, Ash. Time to go.”
Letting out a deep sigh, I take one last glance in the mirror, smoothing down the fabric of my electric blue pencil dress.
My hair’s flat and my eyes are puffy. I can’t be bothered with makeup, so I just swipe on a bit of lip gloss.
It’ll have to do. I’m not planning on staying out long, and I’m definitely not out to impress anyone.
“You're annoying, you know that, right?” I say as I meet Ivy in the entryway, snatching my purse from the table.
“Yep! And you wouldn’t have me any other way,” she replies with a grin, looping her arm through mine and steering me toward the door.
“That’s debatable,” I mutter.
Ten minutes later, we’re at Franco’s, waiting to be seated. Seb and Taylor are running late, and Hunter wouldn’t settle, so Cade and Sophie had to cancel last minute. Honestly, I wish I’d done the same, but Ivy wouldn’t let me off the hook.
“How are you holding up?” Paisley asks from beside me.
I think about telling her the truth. About the ache that’s been sitting heavy in my chest for days. But it’s Taylor’s birthday, and after everything she’s been through, she deserves a good night. Nobody wants me dampening the mood.
I manage a smile. “I’m okay,” I lie.
She gives me a soft, knowing look. “Liar.”
I shrug, unable to deny it, and she pulls me into a hug.
“Grief is weird,” she whispers. “I know Ben doesn’t mean to hurt you. He loves you, Ash.”
I stay quiet. More than anything, I want to believe that, but I’m not sure anymore. How can I know how he feels when he won’t let me in?
The server shows us to our table, and I order a large glass of wine before staring blankly at the menu. I’m not hungry, despite not eating properly for days. It doesn’t matter what I order. I’m not going to be eating it anyway.
Conversation happens around me, but I’m not listening to what’s being said. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything at the moment.
Ivy leans in. “Ash, Laney’s here.” Her voice is tight, and I look at her in confusion.
“What?”
“Laney,” she says, pointing across the restaurant.
I follow her gaze, and my heart sinks when I spot Ben with a woman and a man beside him, who I’m guessing are his sister and brother.
“Ash!” Laney calls, waving enthusiastically.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath, forcing a small wave in response.
My gaze locks onto Ben, who’s standing behind Laney and staring right at me. He offers a tentative smile, and despite everything, I find myself smiling back. Every fiber of my being wants to run to him, but I know I can’t. Ivy slips her hand into mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
I stand, and Ivy stands with me. As Laney reaches me, I’m surprised when she throws her arms around my neck, and I hug her back tightly, but as I step away, my chest tightens. Ben has stayed where he was, although his gaze stays on me, piercing straight into my soul.
Shaking off the ache, I focus on Laney. “How are you holding up?” I ask softly.
She gives me a small, sad smile. “I’m okay, I think.” She shrugs. “Got to be, right? Hey, Ivy,” she adds, turning to her with a smile. Her eyes go around the table and she offers a shy wave to everyone, smiling when she sees Wyatt.
“Good to see you again, Laney,” Ivy replies warmly.
I meet Laney’s gaze. “If you ever need to talk, I’m always here. And just so you know, it’s okay not to be okay.”
Her expression falters. “Dad’s not okay,” she whispers, and her words cut straight through me.
“Ash isn’t okay either,” Ivy chimes in. “It took me forever to convince her to come out tonight.” I shoot her a pointed look, but she just raises her hands in surrender. “I’m only speaking the truth,” she says with a shrug.
Laney’s gaze softens. “He misses you, Ash.”
I sigh, my heart squeezing in my chest. “I miss him too, but he asked for space. I’m giving it to him, even if it’s killing me.”
“Please don’t give up on him,” she whispers.
“I won’t,” I assure her, though deep down, I wonder if it even matters. I can’t force him to want to be with me, and as much as it hurts to admit, it feels like he’s already given up on us.
“Come and meet Aunt Kirsten and Uncle Milo,” Laney says, looping her arm through mine and tugging me across the restaurant.
A nervous knot tightens in my stomach, and I shake my head. “Oh, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your dad doesn’t want to see me.”
She waves off my concern. “Sure he does.”
I glance back at Ivy, my eyes wide with hesitation, but she just smirks and sits back down.
My gaze moves to Ben, who’s still watching me. As we come to a stop in front of him, he offers a soft smile.
“Hi, Ash,” he says quietly. “You look beautiful.”
“Hi, Ben. Thank you. You look good too.”
And he does. Dressed in black jeans and a crisp white shirt, the fabric hugs his broad chest and toned arms. It feels like forever since I’ve been wrapped in those strong arms, and the ache of missing him is almost unbearable.
A sudden throat-clearing from Laney snaps me out of my Ben-induced daze, and heat rushes to my cheeks. Forcing myself to look away, I turn to face her.
“Ashlyn, this is Aunt Kirsten and Uncle Milo. Kirsten, Milo, meet Ash."
“Nice to meet you, Ash,” Milo says with a smile.
“You, too,” I tell him, my eyes flicking from him to Ben.
Kirsten steps forward and pulls me into a hug. “It’s so good to meet you, Ashlyn,” she says. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You have?” I ask, hope flickering in my chest. Has Ben been talking about me?
“Of course,” she says. “Laney told me all about how you and your brother rescued her when she broke down, even though she was grounded.”
She throws a playful look at Laney, but the small spark of hope inside me fizzles out. It wasn’t Ben who’d been talking about me. It was Laney.
“Special occasion?” Laney asks, nodding toward the table where everyone’s gathered.
“Taylor’s birthday,” I say softly. It feels strange to be celebrating while Ben and Laney are still wrapped in grief.
“But you didn’t want to come?” she presses gently.
I give a faint smile. “Wasn’t really up for it, but Ivy wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
I glance toward Ben. He’s still looking at me, his face impossible to read.
“We’re just having dinner before Aunt Kirsten and Uncle Milo head out in the morning,” Laney adds.
I nod silently.
Just then, Seb and Taylor step through the door.
“Ben,” Seb says, reaching out to shake his hand. As Ben grips it, Seb pulls him into a brief one-armed hug. “I’m really sorry, man.”
Ben offers a faint, appreciative smile. “Thanks, Seb. This is my brother, Milo, and my sister, Kirsten.” He gestures between them. “Guys, this is Seb, Ash’s brother, and his girlfriend, Taylor.”
Milo and Kirsten both nod politely in greeting.
“Happy birthday, Taylor,” Laney says quietly, her voice soft.
Taylor’s face brightens. “Thanks, Laney.”
“Are you just arriving, or just leaving?” Seb asks.
“Arriving,” Ben says.
“Why don’t you join us?” Seb offers.
Ben’s gaze shifts to mine, and my heart pounds in response. As painful as it is to see him, not seeing him hurts even more. And even if my whole family’s here, spending the evening with him is better than not.
“Oh, I don’t think–” he begins, but Laney jumps in.
“We’d love to.”
“Perfect,” Seb says. “I’ll grab the server.”
The rest of the group moves toward the table, leaving Ben and me standing there, just the two of us.
The hum of the restaurant, the clinking of the glasses, and the chatter of people having fun all disappear as Ben stands in front of me, looking like he’s broken inside. There’s a tiredness behind his eyes that wasn’t there before, and it breaks my heart to see him like this.
“Hey,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say.
“Hey,” he echoes. He won’t quite meet my eye, but I catch the flicker of something in his expression. Something that looks like longing mixed with guilt and regret.
I wish I could wrap my arms around him and tell him I don’t need him to be anything more than exactly who he is right now. He doesn’t need to put on a front with me. I’m here for the good times and the bad. If only he’d let me in.
“I’m sorry I’m crashing your night,” he says softly.
I’m not sorry, but something in his expressions holds me back from telling him. My heart splinters a little. He’s still grieving, still torn between the past and now, but I also know what I see in his eyes when he finally looks at me again, and it’s the same thing I feel.
I miss you. I still love you.
And right now, that’s all I have to hold onto.