Chapter 45
Allen
I hadn't slept in days.
I told my therapist it was insomnia. I told myself it was stress. But the truth was simpler and uglier-I couldn't sleep knowing she was slipping away from me. Corinne. My wife-my ex-wife-the mother of my children. The love of my life.
And now, she was kissing another man. Jasper fucking Ashford.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I pulled into the driveway of her Montecito house. My jaw ached from how hard I was clenching it. I was supposed to be better than this. Therapy, journaling, meditation-whatever the hell my counselor suggested, I tried it. But the anger? The jealousy? It didn't go anywhere. Not when I saw Corinne's smile in those goddamn TikToks. Not when my daughter asked if Uncle Jasper would come over for pancakes again.
He was not their uncle. He was my replacement.
I stepped out of the car. My heart raced as I approached the front door, and for the first time in a long time, I felt nervous. Not the kind of nerves I used to get before a trial or a debate. This was personal. This was about her.
The door opened before I knocked.
"Hey," Corinne said, her voice soft. She wore travel pants and a loose sweater, her suitcase already by the door. She looked tired, but still beautiful. Always beautiful.
"Hey," I replied. My voice cracked. I swallowed it down.
Kyle ran up to me with a grin. "Daddy!"
I knelt, catching him in my arms. "Hey, bud. You ready for our big two weeks?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "Can we go to the zoo again? Like last time?"
"Of course." I smiled.
Astrid toddled out behind him, her curls bouncing. "Dada!" she squealed.
My heart nearly stopped. I lifted her into my arms and kissed her forehead.
"They're packed," Corinne said. "Everything they need is in the green duffel. Snacks, books, medicines. Their iPads are charged."
"Thanks," I murmured.
For a moment, there was silence. Just us. The way it used to be.
I met her eyes. "You look good, Corinne."
She blinked. "Thanks. So do you."
"England, huh?" I tried to sound casual. Failed.
"It's a modeling gig. Luxe Beauty press tour. Brittany and I will be doing interviews, a few shows. There's a dinner for ambassadors."
"Is he going?"
She didn't answer.
I scoffed lightly. "Right. Of course he is."
"Allen, please don't start this."
"I'm not starting anything," I said, too quickly. "I'm just... trying to understand how you go from not wanting to see me ever again to... kissing Jasper Ashford on your porch."
"That's not fair."
"Nothing about this is fair." I took a breath. "I'm not trying to guilt you. I know I'm the reason we ended. I know what I did."
She looked at me then. Eyes wide, hurt, cautious. "Then why are you here, Allen?"
"Because I can't stop loving you."
Her breath hitched.
"I'm trying to change, Corinne. I go to therapy twice a week. I haven't touched a drink in four months. I know it doesn't erase what I did. I know I betrayed you in the worst possible way. But I miss you."
She shook her head. "Allen-"
"I miss waking up next to you. I miss hearing you laugh with Kyle while you're brushing his hair. I miss how Astrid falls asleep with her head on your chest. I miss all of it. And I hate that I ruined it."
Her lips trembled. But she said nothing.
Brittany appeared behind her, holding a coffee. "Car's ready," she said quietly.
Corinne nodded, grabbing her purse. She turned to the kids, kissing each of them with so much tenderness it broke me.
"Be good, okay?" she said to Kyle.
"Always."
"Look after Astrid."
"I promise."
She looked at me once more. "Thanks, Allen."
"Take care of yourself."
As she walked to the car, I stared at her. The woman I still loved. The woman who didn't look back.
Once the car pulled out, I buckled the kids in their seats and got back into the driver's side.
I wasn't going home.
I opened my phone and texted my pilot.
"Prep the jet. We leave for London in two hours."
My children giggled in the backseat, chattering about the zoo and snacks. But all I could think about was Corinne, Jasper, and a dinner in England.
He may have her heart for now.
But she was mine first.
And I wasn't going down without a fight.