Chapter 15
MORRIGAN
This was all so much to take in.
I stared at the black markings on his face, following them like thin threads sewn into his skin—a constant reminder of his father’s malevolent will.
I understood it, then… the mask. It was no different than how I spent every day hiding my own scars.
I finally made my way back to his eyes and saw them studying me, waiting for a reaction.
Alone… He’s been alone this whole time…
“What now?” I asked.
After a deep inhale, he dropped his hand from my face. “If it’s what you want, I will take you back to the bridge. I’ll make sure both you and Azrael cross safely, and you can leave all of this behind.”
My heart sped up, knowing freedom was only one word away. But it was the tether between us that seemed to slow down the excitement, and snuck in a seed of hesitancy. “Or?”
His fingers lightly grazed mine before he straightened his spine.
“You can stay. Even… if just for a little while,” he added quickly.
“Time works differently here. One day for them could be a week for us, a month. Give me some time. We can figure out why it is that we have this connection. And… in the meantime, I can help get your fire under control. Show you how to defend yourself, so that if you—when you go back,” he swallowed after stumbling over his words, “no one can ever hurt you again.”
Naturally, my first answer should have been to go back home. Lyra and Eowyn were probably worried sick about me. The guys… They probably didn’t even know where I had been taken to. Kaiden.
But then I thought of Azrael. What would happen to him once we returned? Would the guys truly subject an innocent child to an execution? Would they be willing to go against the law of the priests and priestesses just to protect him?
I felt a slight shudder when the answer that came to mind was “no.” If they were willing to do such a thing, they never would have allowed my mother to be slaughtered right before my eyes. And my mother was here. Right here.
What’s a few days, right? Perhaps I can stay and get just a little more time with her. Azrael will be safe. I can learn to use my fire.
“What if I choose to stay, but change my mind after?” I asked.
“The second you want to leave, Morrigan, I will show you the way out. I will not be another cage for you.”
Pressing my lips together, I considered it for a moment longer, then nodded. “I’ll stay,” I decided. “Just for a little while. Enough time to get these flames under control, and for us to figure out whatever,” I moved my fingers between the two of us, “this is.”
A ghost of a smile pulled at his lips. “Just a little while,” he agreed.
Rest first, he had told me.
He insisted that I allow my body at least a few days of recovery before even attempting to train with my fire. With whatever power inside of me, he assumed it would speed up my recovery time— that and the amount of blood I had taken from Cain before I escaped. But I didn’t have time for rest.
I was in a new world filled with monsters at every turn, and I no longer had only myself to look out for. If anything happened to Azrael, I would never be able to forgive myself. How could I possibly rest?
Azrael’s laughter made me blink back to reality as I realized that I had been staring at my mother sitting beside him.
She whispered something to him that pulled a sweet giggle from his lips, causing a smile to tease at my own.
I thanked the stars that I had her again.
I already didn’t know what I was doing, but her? She was a natural.
For the past few days, she made sure to wake with him, taking him to breakfast while I slept. Each meal, I could eat a little more. Each day, I walked a little stronger. But it would take a lot longer to regain the darker parts of what I had lost.
What he took from me.
All the food and rest in the world wouldn’t fill the hollowness that dug its way into my core.
The dreams filled with memories of how the iron bars of my cage felt pressed against my limbs as I tried to sleep.
Even though the scars on my shoulders had faded into almost invisible white lines… they itched almost daily.
They would never be truly gone.
The scars that both Cain and Aamon left were too deep.
My food soured a little in my stomach at the thought of both of them. I still had no way of knowing if my father was okay.
“Are you alright?” Tristan asked across from me.
I turned to see him searching my face, like he was looking for any visible cues into my mind. Not that he needed it. He could easily read it if he really wanted to.
He did promise me that he wouldn’t, I reminded myself.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“No, you’re not.”
I tilted my head, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Why? Because you’re eavesdropping?” It came out far harsher than he deserved with what he had done for me thus far.
But how could I be truly sure of anything?
It felt like lies were spilled at every turn of a corner, and my world was mere cracks away from completely crumbling at this point.
He let out a laugh that seemed to calm the tension rising on the back of my neck.
“No, Morrigan. Unlike some you have encountered in your life, I keep my word.” Swiping the glass of what appeared to be whiskey, he lifted it to his lips before saying, “I know because I have enough common sense to understand that you shouldn’t be fine.
” With that, the smile died on his face, and he took a long sip.
Well, now I feel like an asshole. I let out a heavy sigh in defeat, and politely pushed my plate away, leaning back in my chair.
“I’m sorry. It’s like my brain is still in this defensive mode.
Every time I close my eyes…” I glanced nervously toward my mother and Azrael.
I could tell that she was listening but trying to distract Azrael from the conversation.
So, I lowered my voice a little to a whisper and leaned forward toward Tristan.
“I’ve been having nightmares. It’s always the same thing… That stupid fucking cage.”
A tension headache sprung out across my temples, and I lowered my head into my hands, massaging them with my fingers. But even with my eyes turned down, I could feel Tristan’s gaze on me.
“Have you told her about it?” he asked.
“Of course not. You saw the things that happened there.” Beneath the cover of my hands, I peeked over at my mother, who was smiling down at Azrael.
She tucked a strand of his black hair behind his ear, like she always did when my curls would hang unruly over my head.
“I haven’t seen her smile like that since before Maeryn threw me into that attic. I need that smile right now.”
When I turned back toward Tristan, he was nodding with understanding—not an inch of judgment on his face.
“I’ll have some lotus tea brought to your room before you go to sleep tonight.
It will help with your nightmares. But, Morrigan,” he pinned me with a more serious stare, “I hope you know that, even though things are a little different now between us, I’ve seen your nightmares.
I’m trying my hardest to respect your privacy, but if you ever need me—if you ever feel yourself slipping back into that darkness again, unable to pull yourself out, call my name.
I’ll be there. Every single time. Okay?”
My lips parted, and I couldn’t help but gape at him in either… amazement or bewilderment. Every time he spoke to me, it was as though he had known me his entire life. Why couldn’t I do the same? Why, even with the tether between us that naturally pulled me to him, did I feel so out of place?
I swallowed and nodded. “Thank you.”
Just as promised, a cup of tea sat on my nightstand when I returned to my room after dinner.
I finished it quickly and tried to lay on the bed, but my mind just felt restless. Did Kaiden figure it out yet? Did he find the tunnels?
Deep in my chest, I felt the heaviness of the guilt gnawing away at me. Choosing to stay here, even just for a little while… Was I betraying him somehow? Was I betraying Dez? Was this a selfish decision? I laid back against the bed, letting memories of Kaiden soothe my frenzied mind.
Twisting to the side, I felt the sheets slide from my hips, exposing my skin to the chilled, winter air.
My eyes were still closed, and I skimmed my hands across the bed, searching for him, until I found his chest and scooted closer. He’s always so warm in the morning… I sighed, nuzzling into him, when I felt his arm wrap around me.
“Stop wriggling so much before I have to tie you down,” he hissed teasingly, his voice still rough with sleep.
My core instantly heated at the thought, and I shimmied my body a little more in response. “I’m cold.”
“So, pull the sheet back up,” he hummed.
“I prefer your warmth.”
“I prefer both.” He laughed and reached down, pulling it back over me, encompassing us both with each other’s body heat.
A week had gone by since we decided to break down that wall between us, taking the biggest leap of faith possible.
I couldn’t seem to convince myself to sleep in my own bed anymore.
Knowing what it felt like having his lips on mine…
It was better than the wine… better than the blood.
Nothing else mattered when he kissed me.
But still, some part of it scared me—how easily he fell into his routine. How could either of us have gone from the hateful words that transpired between us to… this? What if it wasn’t real? What if this was his version of the long facade the others had also—
“How is it that I can feel your mind swirling like a whirlpool in there?” he mumbled.
I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment. “I just… What if you regret this? What if you wake up one day and decide that this was all a big mistake. What if you—”
“Hey,” he interrupted me, cupping my face and tilting it up so that I had to look at him. “I don’t just want you, Morrigan. I love you.”
I love you, too, I thought to myself. Even if I couldn’t say it quite yet.
I suddenly laughed, and his eyebrows pulled together in a tight crease. “I’m sorry. I just— Hearing you say that… It still doesn’t feel real.”
“Well, it is, little dove. I promise you.” His thumb grazed my cheek, tracing a line of heat to my bottom lip. “The gods could place the world at my feet, and I would still choose you—every time.”
Though I may not have had the heart to say it, my heart thrummed with the whisper, And I choose you, Kaiden.